The Hopeless Romantic's Handbook

by Gemma Townley

  Kate wandered back into the hospital in a daze. That had been … unexpected. Ridiculous, even. Joe, in love with her? She frowned, and sat down on one of the hard, plastic chairs in the reception area.

  She wasn’t in love with him, that was the point. She’d thought she was, but she wasn’t.

  She was in love with Tom. And he didn’t love her. Perhaps the three of them should appear in a Greek tragedy or something.

  “So is it serious?”

  Two nurses were sitting at a table beside her, huddled over their drinks. She frowned, thinking she recognized one of them.

  “Totally. I mean, this is it. I’m sure of it.”

  Oh, God. It was Tom’s nurse. Lucy. The one from the supermarket.

  Kate looked away, desperate not to be spotted and yet equally desperate to quell her curiosity and take a good look at her. So that was the kind of person Tom fancied, was it? She was short, curvaceous, with a twinkle in her eye. “A good laugh” was no doubt how she was described by her friends.

  “No way! So has he met your mum yet?”

  “Don’t be soft. But look, check this out.”

  She held out her hand to reveal a platinum ring on which was nestled a small diamond. Kate found herself unable to take her eyes from it. An engagement ring? But she’d thought…

  She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe. Tom found having a girlfriend too much commitment, and now he was getting married? Images filled her mind of Tom choosing the ring, of him putting it on Lucy’s finger. Her stomach started to constrict.

  “No! Wow, it’s beautiful. Big, too. Must have cost him a few quid.”

  “Money doesn’t come into it when someone loves you,” Lucy said knowingly, with a big smile on her face.

  “Wow.”

  Standing up, Kate walked unsteadily back outside. It was fine, she told herself. She’d known this would happen eventually. She needed to be pragmatic, forget her silly romantic fantasies, and accept that this was the real world.

  Taking a few deep breaths, Kate thought for a moment, then took out her phone.

  “Joe?” she said hesitantly. “Listen, I’ve been thinking. Maybe dinner isn’t such a bad idea after all.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Joe?” Penny was staring at him. “Joe, Sarah here just asked you a question, love. Can you maybe put your phone away now?”

  She had a thin smile fixed to her face, and Joe looked disdainfully into her eyes, watery blue yet cold as steel.

  “You know,” he said, “actually, I’m going to have to go, I’m afraid. Something’s come up.”

  Penny’s eyes narrowed. “Joe, we’re in the middle of an interview, love.” She smiled apologetically at the journalist and photographer. “Sorry about this,” she added, standing up. “Could you maybe give us a minute?”

  She walked over to Joe and took his arm, all the time smiling sweetly. “We’ll just step out into the corridor, shall we, love?” she asked. Obediently Joe followed her.

  “What the fuck is going on?” she hissed as soon as they were out of earshot of the people from Tittle Tattle. “You are embarrassing me in there. You’re all over the place.”

  Joe shrugged. “I’m pissed off, that’s what’s going on. I’ve had enough, and I’m getting out.” He walked over to the coat stand and picked up his jacket.

  “But you can’t,” Penny raged. “You can’t just bloody go. What’ll I tell the journalist? We’re meant to be bloody engaged.”

  “Tell her I got a better offer,” Joe suggested.

  Penny grabbed his arm. “If you walk out of this flat, I’ll tell them what a small dick you’ve got. I’ll tell everyone what a loser you really are.”

  “On page seventy-three. I’m scared,” Joe said, rolling his eyes.

  Penny stared at him, then she smiled tightly. “Tell you what. We’ll do this interview, then we’ll talk, okay? Just stay until they’ve left, that’s all.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Joe said, walking toward the door. “I’ve got a date. With a woman who’s actually attractive. And sweet. Qualities you know so little about.”

  “I’ll burn your things,” Penny said bitterly.

  “Don’t worry,” Joe said as he made his way to the door. “I intend to buy new ones.”

  And shooting her a little smile, he left her apartment, slamming the door behind him.

  “Is everything okay?” Sarah asked, coming out into the corridor.

  Penny grimaced. “It’s … a family thing. He’s sorry he had to go. But I can take the interview from here.” She shot a dark look at the closed door. “He’ll be back. Don’t you worry about that.”

  33

  “Wow, you look amazing.” Joe’s eyes were shining as he met Kate at the door and led her to the bar. “You want a drink?”

  Kate nodded. “Um, gin and tonic. Thanks,” she said. A few weeks ago, this would have felt normal, she thought. Exciting, even, to be having dinner with Joe in a glamorous restaurant. She’d have spent hours wondering what to wear instead of pulling the first thing out of her wardrobe and slapping on some lipstick.

  Now it felt almost like a letdown. As if Joe was her consolation prize.

  Still, that kind of thinking would get her nowhere. That kind of thinking had got her all tied in knots over Tom. She was more sensible now—a “bird in the hand” kind of girl instead of a “grass is always greener” one.

  “So, how are things?” she asked, hopping onto a bar stool as the maître d’ took her coat.

  “All the better for seeing you,” Joe said, flashing a smile at her. “I’m so glad you changed your mind. So glad you were prepared to give me a second chance.”

  Kate blushed. “Well,” she said, smiling. “I thought that everyone deserves a second chance….”

  “I’m glad to hear it. You’re a special girl, Kate. Really special.”

  He was looking right into her eyes, and she remembered feeling amazed when he used to do that, as if she was the only girl in the room.

  “So how’s Penny?” she asked lightly.

  Joe rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, and I don’t care. Man, that woman is a nightmare. I mean, a real nightmare, and believe me, I’ve known a few. I cannot tell you how pleased I was to get away from her.”

  “Oh, I think I understand,” Kate said.

  Joe grinned. “And I couldn’t stay with her a minute longer when I realized how deep my feelings were for you,” he said, taking her hand. “My Kate. My sweet, lovely Kate.”

  Kate shifted, uncomfortable. “Not yours, Joe,” she reminded him. “We’re just having dinner.”

  “Right,” Joe said. “For now, that is …”

  The maître d’ appeared at their side and asked if they were ready to eat. Kate nodded, and Joe held out his arm as she got off the bar stool.

  “Please, follow me,” the maître d’ said, and let them through the restaurant to a corner table. “Enjoy.”

  “You like Daphne’s?” Joe asked, picking up the menu.

  “Never been here before, actually, but it seems lovely.”

  “It was recommended to me by a journalist,” Joe said. “I didn’t want to take you to just any old place.”

  “Right,” Kate said, smiling again, as she looked at the menu. “Well, the food looks great.”

  “Not as great as you!”

  Kate raised her eyebrows. She was beginning to feel a bit embarrassed by all these compliments.

  “Seriously,” Joe continued. “You look amazing.”

  “No, I don’t,” Kate said, then changed the subject. “So, what are you going to order?”

  Joe shrugged. “Why don’t you choose?” he asked, grinning broadly.

  Kate frowned. “Joe, look, I don’t want to give you the wrong idea about this. We’re having dinner. I’m willing to hear you out. But we’re not a couple yet. Things may not even get that far, okay? Because you’re making me a bit uncomfortable here with …”

  Her voice trailed off
as her eyes fixed on someone at the other end of the restaurant, a blond girl who had just arrived and was sitting down with a man with curly red hair. It was Lucy, she realized, and the man definitely wasn’t Tom. So what was his fiancée playing at?

  “God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Joe said quickly. “You’re right. I’m coming on too strong. I’m just excited, that’s all. Okay? Are we okay?”

  Kate nodded, slightly mollified, and continued to stare at Lucy and the unknown man.

  “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Kate,” Joe went on, reaching over and taking her hand. “And together I really think we could be a great team. You with your new show, me with some great role. We could be cover stars, Kate, me and you. We could go as far as we wanted.”

  Kate focused back on Joe, and rolled her eyes. “No thank you,” she said. “I mean, frankly I can’t think of anything worse than being on the cover of a magazine. I did that interview for the hospice, but never again. All those people looking at me! It’s bad enough seeing myself on television without having to see my face in magazines, too.”

  “You don’t mean that,” Joe said, shaking his head. “It just takes a bit of getting used to, is all. Kate, you’re a someone now. You can’t let that go.”

  Kate shuddered. “I bloody well can. I don’t want to be a someone; I want to be me. Just Kate Hetherington. You must feel the same, after that horrible experience with Penny. I mean, talk about someone desperate for publicity. It’s so sad.”

  Joe smiled nervously. “You wouldn’t want to do an interview, then? About us finding love again?”

  Kate stared at him. “Of course not. And anyway, we haven’t found love again, have we? I mean, I wouldn’t call dinner ‘finding love,’ would you?”

  Joe looked at her uncertainly, then laughed. “Hey, I’m kidding. I’m kidding! God, you Brits are so serious all the time.” He picked up the menu and began to look at it.

  Kate saw Lucy stand up and pick up her bag. She was going to the loo. This would be her chance.

  “Would you … excuse me a moment?” she said, scraping her chair back.

  Joe nodded, and she got up and followed Lucy up the staircase in the middle of the restaurant, through a door on the left, and into the ladies’.

  “Lucy!” she said, just as Lucy went into one of the cubicles. She came out, a look of surprise on her face, then smiled.

  “Oh, hello! You’re Tom’s friend, aren’t you. Well, fancy seeing you here.”

  “Yes, fancy,” Kate said. “You … here on a date?”

  Lucy grinned. “Yeah. You?”

  Kate frowned. “Oh. Yes. Well, kind of. It’s just…”

  Lucy was looking at her curiously.

  “I just wondered if Tom knew you were here. I mean, if he’d mind or not?”

  “Tom?” Lucy’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t see why he would.”

  “Right,” Kate said uncertainly. “Well, that’s alright, then. I just thought that, you know, when you’re marrying someone, you don’t usually go out with someone else.”

  Lucy stared at her, then a look of understanding crossed her face. “You mean the other week?” she asked. “Yeah, that was a bit cheeky. But it was the only way to get Connor to ask me to marry him. I thought if I made him jealous, he’d realize he couldn’t live without me, and Tom was nice enough to oblige. Let me crash at his until Connor’s jealousy got the better of him. He’s lovely, Tom, isn’t he? Such a nice bloke. So how did you know me and Connor are getting married?”

  Kate stared at Lucy. She could feel herself getting very hot all of a sudden. “Connor? Connor is your fiancé?”

  Lucy grinned. “Yeah. He’s downstairs.”

  “Not Tom, then.”

  “Tom?” Lucy’s eyes widened. “I don’t think so. I thought he liked you, anyway. Couldn’t even talk after we bumped into you like that. Just kept pacing around his flat muttering to himself.”

  “He was … pacing?”

  “Yeah. And muttering. He does that at the hospital, too, sometimes, when he’s stressed out.”

  “Well. Okay, then. Thank you,” Kate said, her mind racing. “Have a good dinner.”

  She turned and walked out of the ladies’, almost tripping down the stairs as she returned to Joe.

  “Waiter came over while you were gone. I ordered you chicken— hope that’s okay,” Joe said as she sat down.

  “Chicken?” she said, distracted. “Yes. Fine.”

  Tom’s not engaged, she kept thinking. Tom was pacing, after we bumped into each other. Pacing and muttering.

  “You alright?” Joe asked. “You look kind of hot.”

  “Hot?” Kate asked, flustered. “Um, right. Yes, I am a bit. It’s quite warm in here, isn’t it?”

  “You wanna get some air?” Joe asked. “We can pop outside if you want. …”

  Kate nodded gratefully. She felt as if the walls were going to close in on her at any minute. Leaving his jacket on the chair, Joe escorted her out through the bar to the front of the restaurant. She caught Lucy’s eye as she walked by and gave her a weak smile.

  But stumbling out of the restaurant into the welcome cool night air, she was met by the glare of flashlights as a group of men started to take pictures.

  “Joe,” one of them called out. “Are you and Kate an item again now?”

  “Kate, over here, love. Give us a smile now.”

  “Is it true you’re back together?” another shouted.

  Gazing around her, wide-eyed, Kate looked at Joe in incomprehension.

  “Ignore them,” he said, grinning and putting his arm around her. “These guys have taken to following me around, I’m afraid.”

  “But…” Kate shielded her eyes from the blinding lights. “But how did they know you were here? That I was here?”

  A woman rushed up to Joe. “Hi!” she said. “So listen, my editor is very excited by your interview offer. How are you two fixed tomorrow?”

  Kate stared at her. “What interview offer?”

  The woman smiled. “Sorry. I’m Lucinda Stewart from Fab! Joe’s agent called me about doing an interview with the two of you this afternoon. And can I just say, you make a great-looking couple. Our readers are going to love you. …”

  Kate smiled tightly at her and then glared at Joe.

  He smiled sheepishly. “Agents,” he said. “What do you do with guys like that? I tell him I’m going out to dinner with you, and he does this. I’m sorry.”

  Lucinda frowned. “But he said that you had asked him to …” she began. Joe put his hand up to stop her.

  “Thanks,” he said, “but Kate is feeling a bit unwell. Can you give her some space here, please?”

  He put his arm around Kate protectively, but she shrugged it off. “The only person I need space from is you,” she snapped. “Just get the hell away from me, Joe.” Then she turned to Lucinda. “And for the record, I am not his girlfriend. I wouldn’t be his girlfriend if we were the last two people on earth. And yes, you can quote me on that.”

  She looked around desperately. “Please, I need a cab,” she said to a random photographer. “Have you seen one?”

  The Daphne’s doorman suddenly appeared beside her. “Please, allow me,” he said, hailing her into a passing taxi. “And our apologies—unfortunately we can’t stop these people from hanging outside.”

  Kate arched her eyebrows. “You want to watch out for the people hanging out inside, too,” she said with a sigh, then closed the door.

  “Shepherd’s Bush,” she said. “And step on it.”

  The taxi sped throught the London streets, as Kate tried to figure out what she was going to say. But when she finally got to Tom’s flat, when she jumped out excitedly and pressed his doorbell, no one answered. Tom wasn’t in. Kate stood for five minutes at the front door, pressing his buzzer and calling up at his window, but even she had to accept eventually that he wasn’t home.

  She sighed. If she’d been thinking, she’d have kept the cab waiting, bu
t of course she’d let it go. Quickly she dug out her mobile and dialed a number.

  “Sal? How’s your car these days?” she asked urgently. “I think I might need a lift.”

  The moment Kate got to Sal’s house, the front door opened. “What happened?” Sal demanded. “What did Tom say?” Kate stared at her. “Tom didn’t say anything,” she said. “It was Lucy. You see, I thought he and Lucy were engaged. So I went out with Joe. And then I found out… that he wasn’t, I mean. And Joe had called all these photographers. …” She spat the last word out with revulsion. “And he’s not at home,” she concluded. “So we have to go to the hospital.”

  Sal frowned. “Who’s not at home? And who’s at the hospital?” Kate looked at her in exasperation. “Tom,” she said. “Come on, keep up.”

  “Right,” Sal said. “Sorry. And you haven’t seen Tom at all today?” “No!” Kate said. “Why would I have?”

  “Well, it’s just that I saw him at fourish, and he was about to declare his undying love for you,” Sal said matter-of-factly “We were debating his choice of flowers.”

  “What?” Kate was dumbfounded. “But… why didn’t you tell me?” Sal sighed. “Hmm. Yes, why didn’t I ring you up and say, ‘Oh Kate, just to completely ruin the most romantic moment of your life, I thought I’d clue you in that Tom is on his way to tell you he’s in love with you’. God, what was I thinking?”

  Kate blanched. “Joe came to see me at about four thirty. Maybe Tom saw him and thought…”

  “Thought correctly, if you ended up going out to dinner with Joe. Tell me how that happened. I didn’t think you liked him anymore.”

  “I don’t,” Kate said despondently. “I thought I was being pragmatic. …”

  “Pragmatic? Kate, listen, I’m sorry to say it but you don’t really do pragmatic very well.”

  Kate frowned. “I do too.”

  Sal shook her head. “Nope, sorry.”

  Suddenly there was a ring at the door and they both stared at the other.

  “Quick,” Kate shouted. “It could be him. It could be Tom. …”

  She raced to the door and swung it open, then frowned in confusion.