The Dollmaker's Daughters

by Dilly Court

  ‘Shut up, you fool,’ Granny Mole muttered from the corner of the room. ‘You never had no sense, Rosetta.’

  ‘Please, Gran,’ Ruby said, sending her an appealing look. ‘That kind of talk isn’t going to help.’

  Rosetta gazed anxiously at her mother’s white face, so like one of the waxen doll heads that Poppa used to make. ‘Tell me the truth, Ruby.’

  ‘Mum’s had a bit of a do with her heart. The doctor says she’s been working too hard.’

  ‘And I wonder whose fault that is?’ Granny said, glaring at Rosetta. ‘If you’d stayed with your man instead of running off like a common trollop, this wouldn’t have happened.’

  Sinking down onto her knees at the bedside, Rosetta buried her face in her hands and sobbed. ‘It is my fault. Please don’t die, Mum.’

  ‘She’s got to be kept quiet,’ Ruby whispered, stroking Rosetta’s hair. ‘Bear up, Rose. You got to be brave.’

  ‘Crocodile tears,’ Granny Mole said, getting stiffly to her feet. ‘I’m going downstairs to make a pot of tea. You sort yourself out, young Rose. You got a lot of making up to do.’

  ‘I’m a bad person,’ Rosetta sobbed. ‘I’ve committed every mortal sin there is and I’ll go to hell for sure.’

  ‘Stop it,’ Ruby said, in a low voice. ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself; it’s Mum we got to think about now and you weeping all over her won’t help.’

  Sarah made a faint noise and her eyelids fluttered open and then closed again.

  ‘Mum, can you hear me?’ Ruby said, leaning close to her. ‘We’re here, me and Rose, we’re both here.’

  ‘And I’m sorry I’ve been such a disappointment to you,’ Rosetta said, sniffing and wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. ‘Dear God, I’ll do anything you want if you’ll just make our mum better. I’ll give up the theatre and I’ll even go home to Billy and work in the shop if that’s what you want. I’m really, really sorry I’ve been so bad.’

  ‘Oh, Rose, you’re such a big kid,’ Ruby said, with a watery smile. ‘Do you really think you can make everything better by just saying sorry?’

  Rosetta shook her head. ‘I can’t be like you, Ruby. You’re so prim and proper and goody-goody and everything I do seems to turn out wrong. But if Mum gets better, I swear I’ll try to be more like you and make her proud of me.’

  ‘You make me sound such a prig. I’m not what you think. I’m not good at all.’

  Startled, Rosetta stared at Ruby. ‘How can you say that? What have you ever done that weren’t right and proper?’

  ‘I thought I was in love with Adam even though he was engaged to Pamela.’

  ‘I know you did, but you can’t help your feelings any more than I can help mine. I know that Billy is a far better man than Jonas will ever be but – well, you know how it is.’

  ‘Yes, Jonas,’ Ruby said, lowering her gaze. ‘I can’t get him out of my mind either, Rose.’

  ‘But you hate Jonas.’

  ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know.’ Ruby raised her head, her face contorted in pain. ‘He raped me and I hated him, but even then it stirred something in me that was like nothing else I’d ever known.’

  ‘Ruby, he never did! You’re making it up.’

  ‘It’s true. And another time when I was tipsy and he carried me to my room, I wanted him to make love to me but he didn’t. He left me there, wanting him and humiliated. I used to dream about Jonas when I was in South Africa, even though I knew we’d done wrong and it made me a wicked woman. I hate everything he stands for, and yet he’s in my blood, Rose, like a fever.’

  Staring at Ruby, Rosetta felt as though she were seeing a different person from the sister she knew and had always loved, even when they had fought each other. She had never dreamed that Ruby could be anything other than strong and sensible; had never imagined that she could be swept away by such a tide of emotion. Reaching across the bed, she laid her hand on Ruby’s. ‘He loves you, Ruby. He told me so but I thought you hated him.’

  Ruby shook her head. ‘I do. I mean I did. I don’t know how I feel, but it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is getting our mum better.’

  ‘Ruby, Rose.’

  ‘Mum!’ Rosetta and Ruby spoke together.

  Sarah managed a weak smile. ‘I’d like a cup of tea.’

  ‘You must rest,’ Ruby said, clasping Sarah’s hand to her cheek. ‘The doctor says …’

  ‘A cup of tea won’t kill me, ducks.’

  Sighing with relief, Rosetta leapt to her feet. ‘I’ll fetch you a cup of tea, Mum, just as you like it.’

  ‘No, I’ll go,’ Ruby said. ‘You stay with Mum.’

  As the door closed on Ruby, Rosetta raised herself to perch on the edge of the bed. ‘Are you really feeling better?’

  Sarah’s bloodless lips sketched a smile. ‘I’ll be all right. You mustn’t worry.’

  Taking her mother’s hand, Rosetta shuddered at the cold, clammy feel of the clawed fingers and she chafed them gently in a desperate effort to pass on some of her own vital warmth. ‘You got to rest. That’s what the doctor says and I’ll make sure you do. I’ve been a selfish cow leaving you to slave away in the bakery.’

  ‘Billy’s a good man, Rose, and he loves you.’

  ‘He must hate me now.’

  Sarah squeezed her hand. ‘Give him another chance, ducks.’

  Blinking back tears, Rosetta kissed her mother’s hand. ‘You promise me not to die and I’ll promise to try and sort things out with Billy.’

  ‘You got a baby to think of too,’ Sarah said, closing her eyes. ‘She’s a proper peach, just like you was.’

  Terrified for a moment that Sarah had slipped away, Rosetta clutched the frail hand to her cheek and wept with relief when she felt a thready pulse of life. She looked up as the door opened, expecting to see Ruby, but it was Granny Mole who came in, carrying a cup of tea.

  ‘She’s asleep,’ Rosetta said, seeing Granny’s startled expression.

  ‘Thank God. I thought she was a goner.’ Granny staggered to the chair and sat down, slopping tea from the cup as she placed it on the chest of drawers. ‘It’s all right, Rose, you get on downstairs. I’ll sit with her for a bit.’

  Impulsively, Rosetta got to her feet and went over to hug her gran, giving her a kiss on her walnut-wrinkled cheek. ‘You’re an old fraud, Granny.’

  ‘Course I am, ducks. I wouldn’t have survived so long if I’d been a mimsy-pimsy thing what burst into tears at the first sign of trouble. Get yourself downstairs and sort it out with that man of yours. I ain’t too feeble to give you a thick ear, young Rose.’

  The presence of two large men made the living room seem even smaller than usual. Ruby sat by the fireplace, her hands folded in her lap, her head turned away from Jonas. Billy looked up as Rosetta came down the stairs and his lips smiled but the expression in his eyes was guarded. With her emotions already heightened to screaming pitch, Rosetta felt a further wave of guilt as she met Billy’s gaze. When they had first met she had thought him handsome and dashing, a likeable scallywag and a bit of a laugh. With a sudden flash of insight, Rosetta realised for the first time that she had been responsible for the changes in Billy. Staring into his good-natured, puzzled face, she knew that she had hurt him badly. He had stood by her in her time of trouble, had given his name to another man’s child and had tried his hardest to provide for them all. In return, she had rejected his love, turned her nose up at his efforts to earn an honest living and she had gone chasing off after a silly dream. Glancing at Jonas, who stood by the door looking out of place in his expensive clothes, his towering presence dwarfing the room and making everything in it look shabby and tawdry, Rosetta knew for certain that she did not love him; had never loved him. She turned back to Billy with a nervous half-smile. ‘I’d like to see Martha, if that’s all right with you.’

  ‘What about …’ Billy glanced up the staircase.

  Ruby jumped to her feet. ‘I’ll stay with Mum. You take Rosetta home to see the baby
.’

  ‘Billy?’ Rosetta laid her hand on his arm. ‘I can see my child, can’t I?’

  ‘It was you who walked out,’ Billy said warily. ‘I never said you couldn’t see Martha.’

  ‘I’ll drive you home,’ Jonas said. ‘I’ll come back here, Ruby, to make sure everything is all right.’

  ‘I can manage.’ Ruby shot him a sideways glance, her cheeks flushing pink. ‘I mean, thank you, Jonas, but I really can manage.’

  Watching Ruby and Jonas treating each other like polite strangers, Rosetta willed Jonas to stand his ground and argue, but he simply shrugged his shoulders and went out into the street.

  ‘We’ll be back later, Ruby,’ Billy said, with an encouraging smile.

  Rosetta hesitated, torn between wanting to see Martha and fear that Mum might take a turn for the worse. ‘Perhaps I ought to stay.’

  Ruby shook her head. ‘Go, Rose. It’s what Mum would want, you know that.’

  Kissing Ruby on the cheek, Rosetta lowered her voice so that Billy couldn’t hear. ‘And you should sort things out with Jonas. He was only trying to help.’

  ‘You sort your own life out,’ she said. ‘Leave mine to me.’

  The shop and the flat above it looked even more shabby and dilapidated than Rosetta remembered. In sharp contrast to the luxury of Jonas’s home, the cheap linoleum and second-hand furniture only added to the general air of neglect and poverty. The faint smell of charred wood lingered on and, although it was warm outside, the living room felt cold and unwelcoming.

  Elsie cried out with surprise and pleasure on seeing Rosetta, bursting into tears and rushing across the room to give her a hug. Martha, now nearly nine months old, was sitting on a rag rug in the middle of the living-room floor playing with some wooden bricks. She looked up at Rosetta with big, curious brown eyes but without a flicker of recognition. With a lump in her throat, Rosetta bent down to pick up her daughter.

  ‘Martha, it’s me, your mummy.’

  Martha tugged at a lock of Rosetta’s hair and then, spotting her gold earrings, made a grab for one, howling with rage when Billy came to the rescue and prised her fingers open. He took her in his arms and Martha buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing with outrage.

  ‘She doesn’t even know me,’ Rosetta said, close to tears.

  ‘What do you expect, love?’ Billy said gently. ‘You left when she was just a few weeks old.’

  ‘But I am her mother. I thought she would just know it.’

  ‘We’ve made a mess of things between us, haven’t we, Rose?’ Billy said, handing Martha back to Elsie.

  Elsie cleared her throat nervously. ‘Shall I take Martha to the kitchen for her tea? Or do you want to give it her, Missis?’

  ‘You take her, Elsie. I’ll come and say goodbye before I go.’

  Elsie’s bottom lip quivered. ‘Ain’t you staying?’

  ‘Just go and feed her.’

  With a reproachful glance, Elsie carried Martha out of the room, stomping her feet as if to underline her disapproval.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Billy said, eyeing Rosetta warily. ‘I don’t suppose you’d want to come home?’

  Avoiding his gaze, Rosetta stared down at her hands clasped in front of her. ‘Do you want me back, Billy?’

  ‘Not unless you mean to stay.’

  That was not the answer Rosetta wanted to hear. She wanted to believe that he still loved her, but it seemed as though a shutter had blanked his eyes. He was staring at her, unsmiling. She had thought it would be easy, but it was not, and her confidence wavered. ‘I … well, I don’t know.’

  ‘That’s not good enough for me. Of course I want you, Rose. I love you, and I think I always will, but I’m not going to put up with you flitting in and out just because you feel like it. I only want you back if you mean to make a go of it. I can’t give you a life of luxury like Jonas, so if it’s him you’d rather choose, then you got to be honest with me.’

  Hurt by the ultimatum, Rosetta stared at him, scowling. ‘I’ve had other offers. I been working in Jonas’s club, entertaining the punters. I got a theatre manager offering me third billing at the Hackney Empire.’

  ‘If that’s what you really want, I can’t stop you, and I ain’t going to try. You fair tore me heart out when you left, Rose. And it wouldn’t do no good for little Martha to get fond of you and then you light off again when you get itchy feet.’

  ‘Well, then, maybe I’d better just go before I upset you any more.’

  Billy nodded, his expression guarded and his voice harsh. ‘I’ll see you home.’

  ‘No need. I can take care of myself, thank you.’ Rosetta stormed out of the living room, ran down the narrow staircase and let herself out of the shop. She heard Elsie call out to her but she took no notice. It was all Billy’s fault, she thought, slamming the shop door behind her. He hadn’t put up a fight, so he couldn’t really love her. She had met him halfway but Billy was stubborn and unbending. She turned her back on the baker’s shop and strode off in the direction of Tobacco Court.

  Arriving home, breathless and angry as a wasp trapped in a jam jar, Rosetta entered the house to find the doctor in the living room talking to Ruby. Anger was wiped away by fear and Rosetta could hardly breathe the words. ‘Has she been took worse?’

  The doctor turned to her with a reassuring smile. ‘No, I just came to give her a dose of laudanum to help her sleep. I’ll come again tomorrow morning, but if you’re worried in the meantime just send for me.’

  ‘Thank you, doctor,’ Ruby said, showing him to the door. ‘I really appreciate you coming again like this.’

  ‘Don’t thank me, my dear; it was Mr Crowe who suggested it. And you have no need to worry about the bill, he’s taking care of that too.’ Putting on his battered old top hat, the doctor went out into the gathering dusk.

  ‘Well!’ Ruby said, closing the door behind him. ‘What a cheek! Going over my head like that – he’s got a nerve.’

  ‘Hold on, Ruby. Seems to me he was just trying to help. After all, I suppose he thinks he’s the head of the family now that Poppa and Joe have gone.’

  ‘He can think what he likes. I won’t have him telling me what to do.’

  ‘Can we afford to pay the doctor’s bills?’

  ‘No.’

  In spite of everything Rosetta couldn’t help grinning. ‘You haven’t got the hump with him because he’s helping us out, have you?’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘I know you too well, Ruby. You’re in love with him but you don’t want to admit it because he don’t match up to your knight in shining armour, Doctor bloody Fairfax.’

  A dull flush spread from Ruby’s throat to her cheeks. ‘And you’re too pig-headed to admit that you made a mistake thinking you were in love with Jonas. You liked Billy well enough before Jonas came on the scene but you had to throw it all away to follow your stupid dream.’

  ‘And what about you? Going all the way to South Africa and nearly dying of the fever just to be with your stuck-up doctor.’

  Ruby opened her mouth to answer back but Granny Mole’s head appeared round the bend in the stairs and she hissed at them like a cat cornered by a bulldog. ‘Shut up, you two, or do I have to come down and bang your blooming heads together? Your poor ma is trying to sleep and you’re carrying on like a couple of fish fags.’

  Silenced, Ruby and Rosetta stared at each other and Granny Mole stumped back up the stairs. Rosetta’s bottom lip trembled and Ruby held out her arms.

  ‘I’m sorry, Rose.’

  ‘I’m sorry too.’

  Hugging each other with tears flowing freely, they pulled apart sniffling and laughing through their tears.

  ‘We mustn’t fight,’ Rosetta said, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.

  ‘What happened to us, Rose? We used to be such good friends.’

  ‘And still are. It’s them bloody men that have got us going.’

  ‘To hell with them both,
I say,’ Ruby said, picking up the teapot from the hob and filling two mugs.

  They clinked their mugs together and drank a toast in stewed tea.

  Having decided to take it in turns to sit by their mother’s bedside, Rosetta took the first watch. As she sat by the bed listening to Sarah’s gentle breathing, terrified that each fluttering sigh might be her last, Rosetta thought hard about her life and she was not proud of herself. In the dark small hours, she saw herself as unloving and selfish; she had hurt those who loved her and now even Billy had grown tired of her. If only she could claw back time and change the past, she thought, fisting her hands and digging her nails into her palms. She had committed so many mortal sins that Father Brennan would need a couple of days to hear her confession and even then he might be hard put to give her absolution. Falling onto her knees at the side of the bed, Rosetta prayed as she had not prayed for years. Please, God, make Mum better and I promise to be good. I’ve made a terrible hash of things and I’ll do whatever I can to put things right, if you’ll just give me another chance.’ Closing her eyes, Rosetta fell asleep.

  She awakened with a start when Ruby shook her by the shoulder. Cold and cramped, Rosetta struggled to her feet.

  ‘Go to bed,’ Ruby whispered. ‘Get some proper rest. I’ll call you if I need you.’

  Flinging her arms around Ruby, Rosetta gave her a silent hug. With one last glance at her mother, who appeared to be sleeping peacefully, she went to the room she had shared for most of her life with Ruby and Granny Mole. Even Granny’s stertorous breathing was welcome after the deathly silence in Mum’s room. Rosetta crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head.

  The doctor was more hopeful when he came to visit next morning but he stressed the fact that Sarah must have peace, quiet and rest. He promised to come back later and told Ruby firmly to go to bed and get some sleep.

  Having made tea and toast for Granny Mole’s breakfast and having persuaded Sarah to eat a little bread and milk, Rosetta was sitting down with a cup of tea when Jonas arrived at the front door carrying a hamper of food. He brought it into the house and laid it on the table.

  ‘Is Ruby about?’ Jonas took off his top hat, set it down on the table and began peeling off his leather gloves.