The Infamous Italian's Secret Baby
Page 14
‘It will never be goodbye between the two of us, Isabella,’ he stated calmly.
No, it never would be, Bella accepted heavily once Gabriel had finally gone. They would continue with this sham of a marriage for as long as it took. For as long as Toby needed them to do so.
For Toby…
Her small, happily contented son had absolutely no idea that his very existence had condemned his parents to a marriage that was completely devoid of love.
Except Bella’s love for Gabriel.
A love she would never—could never, reveal to him…
‘Where have you been?’
‘Where does it look as if I’ve been?’ Bella answered Gabriel sarcastically as she carried on taking the bags of shopping from the boot of her car. ‘I wasn’t expecting you back just yet,’ she added as Gabriel took some of those bags out of her hands.
She had seen the powerful black sports car parked outside the cottage as soon as she turned her own car down the lane, a heaviness settling in her chest as she easily recognised Gabriel sitting behind the wheel.
Despite her exhaustion Bella had lain awake in bed for hours the previous night, unable to stop thinking about Gabriel. About the wild ecstasy of their lovemaking. And then of his declaration that they shouldn’t have made love at all…!
Consequently it had been almost dawn before she had finally fallen asleep. Almost midday before she’d woke up again, feeling as if she hadn’t slept at all. Several hours, and half a dozen cups of black coffee later, before she’d summoned up the energy to dress and go out to shop for food.
Which was where she had obviously been when Gabriel had arrived at the cottage. Much earlier than she had expected—it was only a little after five o’clock—and looking much too rakishly handsome for Bella’s comfort in a black polo shirt and faded jeans.
‘Thanks,’ Bella accepted coolly as he carried half a dozen of the bags through to the kitchen for her. ‘Can I get you a coffee or anything?’ she said offhandedly, her face averted as she began to unpack the bags.
But—as usual!—she was still very much aware of Gabriel as he stood only a couple of feet away from her as she put the groceries away in the cupboards. Silently. Watchfully.
‘Better yet,’ she added brightly, ‘why don’t you make yourself useful and prepare the coffee while I finish putting these things away? Gabriel…?’ she said uncertainly when he didn’t answer her. In fact, Bella realised with a frown, he hadn’t said a word since asking where she had been…
Gabriel looked at her quizzically, easily noting the dark shadows beneath her eyes, and the hollows of her cheeks, the pallor of her face thrown into stark relief by the fact that her hair was drawn back and secured at her crown with a toothed clasp.
Dressed in a deep pink T-shirt that clung to the fullness of her breasts, and jeans that emphasised the slenderness of her hips and legs, and with her face completely bare of make-up, Bella looked ten years younger than the twenty-six years she had only yesterday evening assured him she actually was.
Gabriel’s mouth tightened as he thought of yesterday evening. ‘I will make the coffee. Then I wish for the two of us to talk.’
She stiffened. ‘Not about last night, I hope?’
He gave a stiff inclination of his head. ‘Amongst other things.’
Bella made a movement of denial. ‘There’s nothing left for us to say about last night—’
‘There is everything for us to say about last night!’ Gabriel contradicted her furiously before visibly controlling himself. ‘I will not let you put even more barriers between us, Bella. If you prefer, I will talk, and you need only listen…?’
Bella eyed him warily, having no idea what he could have to say that she would want to listen to. He had said far too much last night!
‘And if I don’t like what you have to say?’ she challenged.
‘Then I will have to respect that,’ he said curtly.
Bella continued to look at him wordlessly for several long seconds before giving an abrupt nod of her head. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Just make the coffee first, hmm?’
What should have been a relaxed domestic scene, with Bella putting the groceries away and Gabriel making the pot of coffee, was anything but! Bella was far too aware of Gabriel—on every level—to feel in the least relaxed.
How could she possibly relax when Gabriel was just too vibrantly male? Too ruggedly handsome. Too physically overpowering. Too—too everything!
But, having finally put all the shopping away, two mugs of hot coffee poured and Gabriel already seated at the kitchen table, there was nothing else Bella could do to delay sitting down and listening while Gabriel talked.
‘Well?’ she prompted sharply after several seconds, the silence between them so absolute that Bella could hear every tick of the clock hanging on the wall above the dresser.
Gabriel’s expression was pained. ‘I realise you are still angry with me, Bella, but I do not believe I have done anything to deserve your contempt.’
Not recently, Bella acknowledged self-derisively, having accepted during her deliberations last night that she was just as responsible for what had happened between them the previous evening as Gabriel was. That she had wanted him as much as he had appeared to want her.
She sighed heavily. ‘I’m not angry, Gabriel,’ she admitted ruefully. ‘At least, not with you.’
He gave her a searching glance. ‘You are angry with yourself because we made love last night?’
‘We had sex last night, Gabriel—’
‘We made love—’
‘You can call it what you like, but we both know what it really was!’ Her eyes glittered angrily.
Gabriel drew in another controlling breath. ‘I thought I was going to talk and you were going to listen?’
‘Not if you’re going to say things I don’t agree with!’ she snapped.
Gabriel didn’t know whether to shake Bella or kiss her! Although he very much doubted that Bella would welcome either action in her present mood.
‘I will endeavour not to do so,’ he teased.
‘You just can’t guarantee it,’Bella acknowledged dryly.
Gabriel shrugged. ‘It is not always possible to know what is or is not going to anger you.’
‘Well, as long as you steer clear of last night or anything that happened five years ago, you should be on pretty safe ground!’
Gabriel grimaced. ‘Ah.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You are going to tell me about five years ago…?’
‘It was my intention to do so, yes.’
‘But—you’ve never wanted to talk about it!’
‘The situation has changed—Bella…?’ he questioned as she stood up abruptly and moved to stand with her back to the room as she stared out of the kitchen window.
Bella’s neck was so delicately vulnerable, her back slender, her shoulders narrow—far too narrow, Gabriel acknowledged heavily, for her to have carried alone the burden of her pregnancy and then the bringing up of their son for the last four and a half years.
‘Please, Bella…?’ he asked again softly.
It felt as if Bella’s heart were actually being squeezed in her chest as she heard the gentleness in Gabriel’s tone.
When they were on the island she had asked Gabriel to tell her what really happened five years ago. At the time she had genuinely wanted to know the answer. But now—now when Bella already felt so vulnerable and exposed by her realised love for him, by the wildness of their lovemaking the previous evening—she really wasn’t sure she could bear to hear Gabriel talk about his feelings for another woman.
Especially if he were to tell her he still had those feelings for Janine Childe…!
Coward, a little voice inside her head taunted mockingly. Bella had always known that Gabriel hadn’t, didn’t, and never would love her, so what difference did it make if he was now willing to talk about five years ago?
It shouldn’t matter at all!
But it did…
Damn it, she didn’t want his pity!
She wanted his love. She had wanted that five years ago, and she wanted it even more now. But if she couldn’t have that then she certainly didn’t want his pity!
Her shoulders straightened and her chin raised in challenge. ‘Go ahead,’ she finally invited tightly.
Gabriel continued to look at her silently for several seconds, and then he gave a decisive inclination of his head. ‘First I need to tell you where I have been since we parted yesterday evening—’
‘You said we were going to talk about what happened five years ago!’ Bella cut in impatiently. Having built herself up, having placed a shield about her shaky emotions, Bella now needed to get this conversation over with before that barrier crumbled into dust!
Gabriel sighed at the interruption. ‘My actions since we parted yesterday are relevant to that past. Sit with me, Bella?’ Gabriel encouraged huskily as he saw that her face was paler than ever, those dark shadows beneath her eyes emphasised further by that pallor.
The fact that Bella actually did as he asked told Gabriel how much his presence, this conversation, had unsettled her. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Bella any more than he already had, and yet it seemed his mere presence had managed do that.
He rubbed his eyes wearily. ‘I will leave any time you ask me to do so, Bella.’
She gave a humourless smile. ‘Is that a promise?’
‘If you wish it, yes,’ Gabriel assured her wryly.
Her eyed widened at his compliance. ‘Are you sure you haven’t received a blow to the head while you’ve been away?’
‘Very funny, Bella,’ he drawled.
‘One tries,’ she teased lightly.
Gabriel wasn’t fooled for a moment by Bella’s attempt at levity, knew by the wariness in her eyes and the tension beside her mouth that it was only a faÇade.
As his own calm was only a faÇade.
A nerve pulsed beside the livid scar on Gabriel’s cheek. ‘Bella, when we were on the island you asked me what really happened five years ago, when three Formula One cars crashed and two other men were killed as a consequence. Do you still want to know the answer to that question?’
‘Yes, of course!’
‘And you will believe me if I tell you the truth?’
‘Of course I’ll believe you, Gabriel.’ She looked irritated that he should doubt it.
He smiled briefly. ‘As was stated at the time, the findings of the official enquiry were that it was a complete accident, but I knew—I have always known—that it was Paulo Descari, and not I, who was responsible for our three cars colliding.’
‘But—’ Bella gasped. ‘It was deliberate?’
Gabriel’s jaw clenched. ‘I believe so, yes.’
Bella stared at him, her expression once again blank. Why on earth would Paulo Descari have done such a thing? Unless…
‘Because Janine Childe had decided she had made a mistake? That she returned your love, after all?’ Bella realised heavily. ‘Had she told Paulo Descari she was ending their relationship in order to come back to you?’
Gabriel’s expression was grim as he stood up abruptly. ‘Neither of those things was possible, I am afraid, Bella,’ he rasped. ‘The first for the simple reason that there was no love on my side for Janine Childe to return. The second because it was I who had ended our brief relationship, and not the other way around as Janine so publicly claimed only hours after the accident. But I do believe Janine may have taunted Paulo with our relationship,’ he continued. ‘He tried to provoke an argument with me that morning, was so blind with jealousy that he would not believe me when I told him I had no feelings for Janine.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I was not physically responsible for the accident, Bella, but I have nevertheless always felt a certain guilt, not only because of my complete indifference to Janine, but because I survived and two other men did not.’
‘But that’s—You have no reason to feel guilty, Gabriel.’ Bella gasped. ‘You could so easily have died, too!’
‘And instead I am here. With you,’ Gabriel murmured huskily.
How long would it take for Bella to realise, to question, after the things he had just told her, the night the two of them had spent together five years ago?
Gabriel watched as the blankness left Bella’s face to be replaced with a frown, that frown disappearing, too, seconds later as she looked across at him questioningly.
Gabriel drew in a controlling breath. ‘I was unconscious for several days after the accident, and so was unable at the time to deny or confirm Janine’s claim that I had caused the accident because I was still in love with her.’ His top lip turned back contemptuously. ‘By the time I was well enough to deny her accusations I simply did not care to do so,’ he added flatly.
‘Why didn’t you?’ Bella demanded incredulously. ‘Surely you must have realised that Janine Childe’s claims gave people reason to continue to have doubts despite the findings of the official enquiry?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘Did you have reason to continue to doubt them, too, Bella?’
She shook her head vehemently. ‘Not over your innocence, no.’
Gabriel had thought, had hoped this would be easier than it was. But it wasn’t. Baring his soul in this way, with no idea of the outcome, was excruciating.
‘I don’t understand why you didn’t speak out, Gabriel,’ Bella said. ‘From what you’ve said, you were supposed to be the one who died that day!’
He turned away. ‘Jason was dead. As was Paulo. When people die, Bella, all that is left is the memories people who loved them have of them. What good did it do anyone, but especially Paulo and Jason’s families, for me to claim that one man had possibly been deliberately responsible for the death of the other?’
Bella could see the logic behind Gabriel’s words—she just couldn’t make any sense of it!
‘That was…very self-sacrificing, of you,’ she murmured gently.
‘More so than even I realised,’ he acknowledged harshly.
She looked up sharply as a realisation hit her. ‘You really didn’t make love to me that night because you were upset at losing Janine Childe to another man, did you?’
His smile was rueful. ‘No, I did not.’
‘Then—that morning you—’ She moistened dry lips. ‘You said you would call me. Did you really mean it?’
‘Yes.’
‘You did?’ The beat of Bella’s heart sounded very loud in her ears as her thoughts—her hopes, rose wildly.
‘I did,’ Gabriel confirmed heavily. ‘Our night together had been—surprising.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’ Gabriel took a deep breath. ‘Unfortunately that altercation with Paulo meant I did not have chance to ring you before the practice session, and obviously I was unable to do so afterwards. Then, once I recovered and there had been no word from you, I believed you did not want to know.’
Bella’s hands were clenched so tightly that she could feel her nails piercing the skin of her palms. Gabriel hadn’t been in love with Janine Childe, not then and certainly not now. Gabriel had meant it that morning five years ago when he had said he would call her.
Tears blurred Bella’s vision, Gabriel just a hazy outline as he stood so still and silent across the kitchen. ‘I thought—I didn’t believe I would ever see you again after that night.’
‘A belief that became fact,’ Gabriel rasped.
‘But not because you wanted it that way!’ Bella protested achingly.
‘No.’
‘Gabriel, I—I don’t know what to say!’ She stood up restlessly. ‘I was sitting at home that night when the announcement of the crash came on the evening news. Saw the two bodies lying on the ground. You bein
g carried away on a stretcher before they placed you in the ambulance and rushed you off to hospital. It was the worst moment of my life.’ She gave a disbelieving shake of her head. ‘Or, at least, I thought it was, until Janine Childe appeared on the television immediately afterwards claiming that you were still in love with her.’
‘It never occurred to me—I never realised that her lies would have convinced anyone, but I suppose I knew the real Janine, and you didn’t.” Gabriel frowned.
‘It was the one about your being in love with her that I thought to be true,’ Bella admitted. ‘I didn’t know you well, Gabriel, but I certainly never believed you capable of deliberately harming another man.’
‘Bella, what would you have done that day if you had not believed I was in love with Janine?’
‘I would have come to you, of course!’ she exclaimed. ‘I wouldn’t have cared who had tried to stop me. I would have made them let me see you!’
‘Why?’
Bella raised wary eyes to his. ‘Why…?’
‘Why, Bella?’ Gabriel repeated gruffly.
Because she had fallen in love with him that night, that was why! Because she was still in love with him!
Gabriel’s eyes narrowed as he saw the uncertainty flicker across Bella’s face. The wariness. The desire not to be hurt again.
Gabriel felt that same desire, both five years ago and again now.
He drew in a deep breath, accepting that one of them had to break the deadlock between them. ‘Perhaps if I were to tell you why it was that I had no interest in what people believed happened that day…?’
Bella blinked, her throat moving convulsively as she swallowed hard before speaking. ‘Why didn’t you, Gabriel?’
His mouth twisted. ‘For the same reason that nothing mattered to me when I regained consciousness two days after the accident.’ He shrugged. ‘Because you were not there, Bella,’ he admitted bluntly. ‘You were not there. Had never been there. And no matter how much I wished for it during those three months I spent in hospital, you still did not come.’
Bella looked totally stunned now. ‘I don’t understand…’
‘No, I do not suppose that you do,’he accepted ruefully as he was the one to take the two steps that separated them before raising one of his hands to curve it about the coolness of her cheek. ‘My beautiful Bella. My brave beautiful Bella.’ He smiled emotionally. ‘After all this time, all you have suffered, you deserve to know the truth.’