Catapult

by Paral, VladimIr

  The three women (how many of them did we actually freely choose?) were returning from collecting the wash, more excited by what was going on in the yard than they’d been on that excursion to the Giant Mountains, and almost surprised that we were still home—surprise on both sides would have been appropriate—and without delay two of them recommenced that bubbling, hissing, baking, and boiling, that costly sixteen-hour chemistry on conveyor belts out of which there emerges for us, most of the time, a warmed-over sausage or cold toast and watery tea.

  “Why do you always wear those old socks when you’ve never worn the red ones?”

  “Why do you have to wear those black suede shoes in this heat?”

  “Why don’t you ever wear your suede jacket?”

  The old socks and the suede shoes are things on their way to wearing out, thus LEAVE, but save the red socks, thus TAKE, and the suede jacket is a component of the Suitcase, worked out a hundred times in the finest detail and packed as perfectly as the luggage of a cosmonaut.

  “Daddy gwab me—” Lenicka says for the first time today and in ninety seconds “Want down—” and right back to Grandma’s skirts, counting Lenka’s question, what is confectioner’s yeast, together with the appropriate answer, plus bringing potatoes up from the cellar, we were needed today for only six minutes in all, of that really needed for only a hundred seconds. To the sound of triple snores Jacek selected a suitable knife from among six candidates in the now silent kitchen, the one selected was thoroughly put to the test by cutting into the sideboard: the knife TAKE, the sideboard LEAVE.

  From Cottex he could now make it comfortably without haste, after 2:00, to the self-service store to buy a quarter-loaf of bread, a bottle of milk, and a chunk of Swiss cheese, the bus to Telnice leaves at 2:28 and stops around the corner, “Good day, Mrs. Klusakova!” “How are you, Mr. Svitacek!” and at three we’re already at home in the retreat. Jacek put the provisions away on the shelf and from his empty satchel into the waiting dark oaken wardrobe only one hanger for his cosmonaut’s suede jacket, take off his wristwatch and lock it up in the wardrobe.

  With the orange blanket slowly to the grassy strip at the edge of the forest, from the sparkling green clouds of the treetops the dark flashes of treetrunks down to the high grass, lying there seeing only a half-circle of grass against an ocean of sky. And then hour after hour by the window, until the grass turns gray and then black, from the ridges the night breeze of eternity and freedom, when did we last have time for the stars, I’m coming to see you, I’m here, your new neighbor, hello, Cassiopeia, how are you, Big Dipper—

  III — eleven

  A large yellow envelope, METERED MAIL, a good half pound, another book no doubt, Jacek tore open the paper and from the large yellow envelope a stream of dozens of variously colored smaller ones splattered onto his desk, on all of them written, in different hands and in different places, the same thing:

  Key word: “Live!” 63064-v

  Fifty of them perhaps and another fifty remained inside, in terror Jacek crammed the flood into his desk drawer, banged it shut, and locked it, horror—

  From the desk to the window and to the curtain from the plant stand, at least one, Jacek unlocked the drawer and in the concealing frame of his chest and both his arms he tore open a small blue envelope:

  Dear Sir!

  I read your advertisement in the newspaper Prace, and because I have the same interests as you, I took the liberty of writing you.

  I am 17 and I work as a salesgirl in a food store. Should you be interested in making my acquaintance, write to this address:

  Milena Klimtova

  Rorysova 28b

  Litvinov.

  Seventeen, aren’t you ashamed, and Jacek again banged the drawer shut, then opened it again and greedily read on:

  Dear Friend,

  because I too seek an acquaintance and a new life, I am taking the liberty of introducing myself to you.

  My name is Kvetoslava Mozna. I am a teacher in grades 6 to 9. I have dark chestnut hair. I am 5 ft. 5 with a good figure and nice features. I will soon be 27. I have varied interests, a serious character, and a sensitive temperament.

  Address: Kvet. Mozna

  Teacher, Secondary Public

  School, Pikhartova St.

  Carlsbad

  Best wishes, Kv. Mozna

  Dear Sir,

  I am taking the liberty of replying to your ad.

  I am 31 divorced the innocent party medium-thin figure all sorts of interests.

  I have a daughter five years old pretty and clever.

  I live in Ceska Trebova where I have a furnished apartment in my own house and besides that my own car.

  I am answering your ad because I want to find a good father for my child and a good husband for myself whose strong and not to tall—Im 4 ft. 8 ½.

  I am answering your ad for a friend, whom I am very fond of and who doesn’t know anything about it.

  She is 27, an office worker, a pretty and intelligent girl She has a little boy by him She has a late model car. She does badly, because she avoids all action ever since that bad thing happened to her. That’s why I’d like to help her. If her good points suit you

  I have a mild, sensitive nature. I am 5 ft. 5, I have light brown hair, blue eyes and a sincere heart Surely you are full of ideals and you believe that at least some of them will find fulfillment. I believe that too and if it isn’t too much trouble for you, please write to me at this address

  I don’t know what your further requirements might be. My hobbies are culture and nature. I’ve been in a number of countries on agency tours, and I take pictures sometimes

  If you haven’t found your partner yet, write to this address

  you too are divorced, I believe, as a matter of fact, that a divorced man has a better basis for understanding and friendship and then marriage and also that he can steer clear of unpleasant experiences from the former marriage you won’t be sorry and you won’t be disappointed When the hand of Fate has cheated us so

  Dear Sir! I am a civil servant, 28, and I am looking for a man who doesn’t acquire anything too easily or without effort and who is familiar with losses and difficulties. Eliska Rejckova, Cheb, Obrancu miru 1182.

  I haven’t the least idea how to answer an ad and so I haven’t any idea how to go about this, but I am very interested. I am an architect (4 yrs. professional school), twenty-three years old, a slender blonde they call me Dada.

  By chance I was attracted to your ad today of course I really would like to meet you I have an active interest in literature and culture a charming little boy culture and nature 25 years old I have a daughter who doesn’t know anything 5 ft. 8 for the purpose of negotiating conditions with a daughter for each one to pour strength into the other Dear Unknown still the highest form of love the slogan we share is LIVE! single lively 5 ft. 5 slender figure When a dear one dies culture and nature 29 years old be everything for one’s husband 26 yrs. 5 ft. 6 29 yrs. 5 ft. 3 5 ft. 5 so he would love me dark chestnut 22 yrs. fine figure 24 yrs. 5 ft. 5 We live in a forest ranger’s lodge 26 yrs. really pretty 5 ft. 6 nature blonde 23 yrs. true love 26 yrs. 5 ft. 4 slender figure 33 years 22 yrs. 21 27 27 23

  “I’ll be late today,” Jacek telephoned Lenka, “No, I’m not going to the retreat, a mountain of work’s piled up here all of a sudden…”

  A total of 114 female readers of Prace, from 17 to 38 years of age, were willing to begin, practically right away, a new life with a 33-year-old divorced engineer. After throwing out the ballast, there remained 22 potentially interesting cases, 10 as a reserve, and the rest to be disposed of along with all the envelopes.

  On a metal shovel Jacek fed letter after letter into the fire, and he carried off the black heaps of ash to flush away, with strong coffee and a cigarette he sat down to his old Urania, prepared 22 requests for further specifications, as detailed as possible please, and dropped 22 letters into the mailbox.

  Within a week a second large yellow envelope with 19
additional offers, one of them for the interesting and two more for the reserve—and 22 replies, 16 of them within two days’ time, i.e., immediately:

  When from a distance I saw your blue envelope, I have a mailbox with holes in it and no letters ever come for me

  terribly happy, of course don’t make anything of it, but I’m awfully happy that you answered. Maybe you can understand how a person feels when he’s terribly happy, and that’s me today. I really mean it honest.

  please forgive my answering so late. But it wasn’t my fault. The letter came to my home and from the typed envelope Mother thought

  I am an entirely normal girl, maybe a little above average. Of course, that’s just my say-so. Many people at school say I’m pretty

  I really don’t know where to begin. You ask me to tell you everything that can be told in a letter, so I will try as hard as I can to

  well, as for my head (I mean the hair), that’s worse. I wear it red. So much for the head.

  I graduated from college in Brno, a copy of my diploma may not be necessary. It would be nice if by chance you were a chemist too, but of course be assured

  I’m a blonde, not so pretty, perhaps rather striking, from time to time people turn around and stare at me, but I hope it’s not because I look like a freak. Modern dancing can really arouse me

  I’m happy when lilacs are in bloom, especially white ones, and I’m terribly fond of jasmine. You know, at the back of our garden

  I spend my free days at home, we have a large house. For me it’s bridge, which under all circumstances

  I love the sun, we could go sunbathing together

  especially in German and I can’t resist--suddenly you seem so close to me—

  I like the wind, the rain, Armenian cognac, I don’t like rice, noodles, or long intermissions

  for five years now in the chemistry of fats and I tell you it’s an extremely interesting field. I don’t know what you do, but the chemistry of fats

  and so I began to study Italian. It would be wonderful if you could go to Florence with me in September. All formalities including liras would be taken care of by my brother, who has an important position

  I too was disillusioned, but believe me, life is wonderful. Sometimes strange, but always wonderful. Imagine that all talent, experience, longing and dreams are possible, that it is truly possible to live. I will be waiting.

  Jacek wrote 19 answers, this time with a carbon for the files. “This is Jacek again. No, Mija, not for sleeping, rather the opposite—to keep me from sleeping… Five containers or so. Oh yes, and what you said that time, that I was getting gray, that fungus on my skin, well— You said that you could give me a prescription for a dye… Yes? Well then, make it red!”

  Naked, Jacek stood in front of the bathroom mirror and rubbed a solution of Tinct. Castellani onto his skin, you only needed a little and even that would stain his clothing, but then these pajamas are LEAVE, the healed and attractive skin TAKE, and people would look when we go sunbathing together—straight from the bottle he poured the red ink onto his body and rubbed it into his skin, Lenicka ran away in terror at the sight of her Daddy bleeding horribly, Grandma crossed herself, and Jacek laughed softly as he lay down in bed beside a dumbfounded Lenka, not even an executioner could have produced such an effect.

  III — twelve

  He left his new iridescent raincoat unbuttoned so that the suede of his jacket could be seen and the narrow strip of his black leather tie could stand out against the dazzling white of his nylon shirt, Jacek clicked his tongue in the mirror, walked slowly down the stairs to Platform Two at Usti Main Station, and at 6:20 sharp set out on express train R 12 to Prague.

  Sitting by the window and facing forward, Jacek glanced at the headlines and then tossed the paper into the net above his head, the chocolate-colored Elbe sparkled out of the milky vapor hanging above the green fur of the opposite bank, in Lovosice at 6:41 according to the timetable, by Vranany an hour of refreshing second sleep, in Vranany Jacek woke up gently, now quite himself, a Carmen cigarette and from his black traveling satchel an azure blue spiral notebook.

  The first two engagements were in Prague, sheets I and II.

  I. Engineer Jarka Vesela (27), chief analyst at Foodcorp

  Grad. of Chem. Dept., Brno

  Passion: chem. of fats

  Erot: uncryst.

  Other: tennis before work, camping

  Charact: enthusiastic about chem. of fats

  8:02 on arrival of R 12 CAUTION: II at

  8:30 at the Palace Hotel, 2nd fl.

  II. Engineer Anna Bromova (37), dep. dir. VUGMT

  Grad. of the College of Eng. of the VST, Prague

  Likes wind, rain, Armenian cognac (remember when ordering!), dislikes rice, noodles, and

  long intermissions.

  Erot: ironic. Divor.

  Other: Russ., Eng., Ger. Terribly erudite

  Charact: high intellect, high style!

  8:30 Palace, 2nd fl. CAUTION: train leaves

  Main Sta. at 9:11 R 30

  R 12 drew into Prague Central one minute after 8:01, nervous Jacek got out last and was the last to leave the platform, at the exit gate a rather short powerfully built blonde with a white box (the obligatory identification sign for all of them) held timidly under her arm, Jarka Vesela—the fats chemist—erot. uncryst.—doesn’t like rice, noodles—no, that’s II, this is I, Jarka Vesela—the fats chemist—what else, quick—8:30 at the Palace—

  “It looks like you’re waiting for me—”

  “Yes, that is… Hello, I’m Jarka Vesela…”

  Calmed by the nervous way she played with the white box, Jacek offered her his arm, they threw the box into a trashcan and smiled at one another.

  “You see, and I thought it was done by heat—” Jacek said at the soiled table in the station cafeteria.

  “Oh, no, that would burn it! I tried countercurrent extraction, but the middle layer contained enough biological crap to puke, seriously I felt like throwing up, even though I don’t mind chewing frozen spinal cord and I love a bite of raw pork gall bladder now and then.”

  “So you went to school in Brno too…,” said Jacek, pushing away the untouched bouillon with inconspicuous speed, and quickly gulping down air.

  “Yes, and I have pleasant memories of the slaughterhouse there. Once they brought in three animals dead of hoof-and-mouth disease, and my colleague Kousal and I first cut out the guts—”

  “It’s a terrible shame I’ve got to run,” said Jacek, sweating and unable to down even a spoonful of the bilberry compote, “but I really have to…”

  “I’m awfully glad I got to know you. Next time I’ll take you to the lab, now I’m busy with bones from the salvage collection, and if there weren’t so many flies on them—”

  “I’m on my way to Poland for four months, after that I’ll definitely write you!”

  “Just wait, I’ll make a fats chemist out of you yet!”

  “…except for the fact that I’m a little old for you,” said Engineer Anna Bromova (37, dep. dir. of VU) in the 2nd fl. café of the Palace Hotel, playing with a white pack of Kent Micronite Filters (a crown per cigarette, remember when ordering!), “but I’ve already scored my first point.”

  “I can assure you…,” Jacek said over a bottle of mineral water, and it wasn’t easy.

  “You could have turned around in the door and disappeared. You’re reassuring, I like that…”

  “…and you like the wind and the rain and—I’m awfully fond of taking walks in the rain.”

  “Rudolf, two Armenian cognacs. If you’ll permit me—”

  “I was just about to say the same thing.”

  “Only five minutes left. I’ve been thinking it over, but I haven’t thought of any job for you in Prague.”

  “But I wouldn’t think of bothering…”

  “Not a thing. No prospect even.”

  “Please don’t think it depends on…”

  “In any case you couldn�
�t live with me. I can’t do anything for you. Shall we go? Rudolf, I’ll pay for the gentleman as well.”

  “Waiter, we’re going! —Two more double Armenian cognacs and I’ll pay for everything on one check, for the lady’s Kents as well!”

  “Those I brought with me from home…”

  “That doesn’t matter, you can divvy up with Rudolf. I’m glad to pay for your taxi in the bargain, and for the postage on your letters. The stationery looked very official, in any case.”

  “So did yours— That’ll do, Jacek. If you’re pretending, you’re doing a marvelous job of it— No, you have two more minutes, don’t be ridiculous… that was only to filter out…. Do you really think you could bear having me beside you—with your eyes open?”

  “Yes, but first I’d have to stuff a towel in your mouth.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t turn around in the doorway and disappear…,” she whispered to Jacek when he got out of her black official limousine at the Main Station, ugly but very interesting, tanned and skinny, her eyes sparkled and her slender fingers were warm. Jacek kissed them and left Prague on express R 30 precisely according to the timetable.