Daniel chuckled. “I think I need you as my campaign manager. But I’m also thinking about us, Alex. I don’t want what we’ve started to end because of my ambition. You know I’m crazy about you. You’ve made me think of a future of a different sort. I don’t want to regret losing you the rest of my life.”
“But wouldn’t you regret not taking this chance, Daniel? And wouldn’t that regret be as profound as any other?”
He nodded in a contemplative manner. “I’m caught, honey, between here, with you, and there, where I see my star shining. I know I can do so much good...”
“You should accept the nomination, Daniel. Start gearing up for the election as soon as possible. Get out there. Let people know your name and what you stand for.”
“But...”
“If you’re about to mention us, remember, I won’t be here anyway. I’m going back to Chicago. I have a life there. We’ll see each other when we can. Don’t let this opportunity slip away because of the feelings you have for me tonight.”
“You talk as if those feelings aren’t real, as if they’ll vanish. And I don’t think that.”
“We don’t know what will happen.” I still haven’t told you the truth about Lizzie. I still don’t know if you’ll be able to forgive me or if you will want me as you say you do now. She laid her hand on his arm. “As my mother used to say, ‘If it’s meant to be, it will be.’”
“There is one other reason for me to seriously accept the offer now.”
“Oh?”
“I’m sure you’re aware of the political climate in this country these days. It’s a tough gig. Seems like mudslinging is all around us. Candidates have staff members whose job it is to dig up dirt on the other guys. Candidates for national office have to be pretty squeaky-clean.”
“I’m aware,” she said, smiling. “I live in Chicago, remember? It seems like every morning there’s another front-page scandal.”
“True. The point is I’ll have to be vetted. Every little detail from my past will be examined under a microscope. I don’t think I’ve done much to be ashamed of. Haven’t dated any married celebrities or embezzled any money, or even stolen a candy bar that I can remember. I don’t have any children wandering around Ohio wondering where Daddy is...”
Suddenly, Alex couldn’t breathe. To keep him from seeing her face, she stood and walked to an open window. She had to pull herself together. She had to think. How could she tell him about Lizzie now? This news could destroy his plans. But if he counted on a future with her, how could she not? And what if she kept silent and a political opponent found out about Daniel Chandler’s secret child? What would that do to his chances of winning in November?
But how would anyone find out? She’d covered her tracks so carefully for so many years. If she abandoned her plan to tell Daniel the truth and continued to keep the secret, no one would ever know. Except her.
Thank goodness he hadn’t picked up on her anxiety. “So you’re in?” he said, coming up behind her.
His hands wrapped around her upper arms, giving her support. She leaned against his chest. “I want whatever you want, Daniel.”
He kissed the top of her head. “We’ll make it work, Alex. You’ve given me the courage to believe that it’s possible for a man to have the future he wants, the woman he needs.”
“I’m glad,” she said, cupping her hand over her mouth as if stifling a yawn. She had to get home, shut herself in her room and think this through. She had to protect her daughter. She wanted to protect Daniel’s future. But the secret seemed to have taken on a life of its own. The consequences of her decision eighteen years ago were now like a spiderweb, growing daily, becoming more tangled. She wondered, if she could go back to that time in her life, would she do things differently?
“You’re tired,” he said. “Let me take you home. We have all day tomorrow to be together.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I am tired.” She turned in his arms when she was certain her expression would not reveal her inner turmoil. “And I’m so proud of you,” she added.
They discussed plans for the next day as Daniel drove her home. As soon as she was in her father’s house, Alex ran up the stairs and went straight to her mother’s room. She knew her father hadn’t gone to bed yet. He was watching a movie in the family room. She went in, left the door open a crack and sat next to her mother’s bed.
* * *
MAGGIE FOSTER’S EYES were closed. Her breathing was regular. Alex spoke softly into the monitor, which connected to a receiver in the family room downstairs. “Dad, it’s Alex. I’m with Mom right now, so I’m turning off the system, okay?”
“Sure, sweetheart. I’ll be up in about a half hour.”
She switched off the machine, picked up her mother’s hand and said, “It’s time to tell you everything, Mom. I feel like I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know which way to go. Maybe I should have told you then...”
Eighteen years earlier
“MOM, DADDY, I have something to tell you.”
Alex tried to draw breath into her lungs so her voice wouldn’t sound so weak, so terrified.
“Sure, sweetheart,” Maggie said, patting the sofa beside her. “Come sit down.”
Alex sat. “Are we alone? Are Jude and Carrie in the house?”
“Not right now. Jude is outside with an eyedropper and that batch of new kittens we found in the garage. Carrie is at a girlfriend’s.” Maggie looked worried. “What’s wrong? You look so serious.”
“I’ve probably never been so serious,” Alex said.
“Nothing we can’t fix,” Martin said. “Just tell us.”
She’d rehearsed her words so many times. She knew what she wanted to say, what she wouldn’t reveal. Yet now she didn’t know how to start. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
Her father smiled. Smiled! He probably thought that his firstborn daughter’s idea of a mistake was writing in a schoolbook or littering in a park.
“Toward the end of my time at Birch Shore, I met a guy. He was the son of one of the guests. They were from California. They stayed at the resort for a week, so I got to know him pretty well.”
“Okay,” Maggie said.
“I really liked him,” Alex continued. “His last night we were alone in his room...” Her voice had dropped so that her parents had to lean in to hear her. She wanted to cut out her tongue rather than disappoint them.
Martin cleared his throat. “Alexis, are you saying that you and this...boy...” The words seemed as difficult for him as they were for Alex. “Had sex?”
She nodded. “It was only one time.” She looked at her mother. “But as you always told us, Mom, it only takes once.”
Maggie held her daughter’s hand. “Oh, honey. Are you pregnant?”
Another nod brought an onslaught of tears. Martin stared down at his hands. Maggie began to cry. She gathered Alex into her arms.
“What is this young man’s name?” Martin asked. “We’ll call his parents right away.”
“No,” Alex said. “I don’t want him to know. I want to deal with this myself.”
Martin released a long sigh. “Besides the fact that he left you in a terrible situation, Alexis, he does have a right to know.”
Alex sat back and straightened her spine. She was certain of what she wanted to say now. “I don’t want him in my baby’s life,” she said.
“You want to have the child?” Maggie asked.
“Yes, absolutely. But this boy, he doesn’t love me. What we did was wrong. It shouldn’t have happened. I don’t want a relationship with him based on the baby. I’d rather raise the child by myself.”
The veins in Martin’s temples throbbed. “But he’s responsible! He has to bear some of the burden.”
“We were both equally guilty,” Alex said. “But Da
ddy, I have a plan.”
“It’s all right, honey,” Maggie said. “We’ll raise the child, the three of us. It will be okay.”
“No, Mom, it’s not okay. I need to make this right.” She paused, remembering Teddy’s kind words. “I spoke to Teddy about this.”
“Teddy! You told Teddy before coming to us?” Her father was clearly hurt, angry.
“He listens, Daddy. He understands me.” She fortified herself with another long breath. “And now he has offered to marry me.”
Martin stood. “Oh, he has, has he? How generous of him!”
Maggie held up her hand. “Martin, sit down. Hear her out.”
“I said that all wrong, Daddy,” Alex said. “Teddy wants to marry me, and I want to marry him. He’ll raise the baby with me. He will take care of us.”
Martin returned to his chair but didn’t speak.
“Honey, have you thought this through?” Maggie said. “You know we love and respect Teddy, but he is quite a bit older than you.”
“That’s my point exactly,” Martin said. “I can’t allow this. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I have deep feelings for him, Daddy. I really, truly do. I want to marry Teddy. I’m going to marry him.”
“Are you sure, honey?” Maggie asked. “Because there are other options. Have you thought about growing older with a man who is almost thirty years ahead of you? You don’t have to sacrifice a full life with someone your own age because of this one mistake. For a marriage to work, there has to be sharing, honest communication, and pardon me for being so blunt, but passion.”
“I can have all that with Teddy,” Alex said. “My mind is made up.”
* * *
LETTING GO OF those memories, Alex took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She knew she’d feel better once she admitted the truth to someone, even if that person couldn’t advise her. But right now the facts were almost as painful to reveal as those from eighteen years ago.
“I told you before, Mom, I’ve run into Lizzie’s father since I’ve been home,” she began. “Seeing him has made me remember how I felt about him back then. I would never have done what I did if I hadn’t cared for him. And you know, too, that I loved Teddy. He was so good to me and Lizzie. Every day I spent with Teddy was secure and comfortable. And content.”
Alex wiped tears from under her eyes as she recalled the desperate few days between finding out she was pregnant and marrying Teddy. He’d been so sweet and forthcoming. He said he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life making her happy. And he’d kept that promise.
So, only one short month after leaving Birch Shore, Alex married Teddy in the living room of Dancing Falls. It was a simple ceremony with only family present, and Alex’s parents supported the decision. After all, Teddy and Martin had been friends since medical school, and Maggie had come to love him almost as a brother.
“If anything, Mom,” Alex said, “Teddy treated me too well, better than I deserved. He gave me security and joy. Maybe not the passion you once told me about, but I didn’t think I missed it.” Alex cleared her throat. “I’ve often wondered if our arrangement was fair to Teddy. Oh, he never complained. Never once, but I can admit to you now that I never believed I deserved such a selfless, loving man in my life.” Her next words came out on a sob. “I will miss him always, Mom, and I will always be grateful.
“But now, Mama, I am in such a mess. I think I’m in love with Lizzie’s father. He, too, is a good man, a respected man, and seeing him again has made me come alive. I’ve been able to put my grief behind me for a few blessed weeks. But he doesn’t know he has a daughter, and I am so afraid of the consequences if I tell him.
“Will I lose Lizzie when she discovers her life has been a convenient lie her mother concocted so she could face the future? Lizzie is a strong, independent young woman. You would be so proud of her, but her independence could be the undoing of our relationship. If I don’t lose Lizzie for good, I know that at least I will lose her respect.”
Alex gripped her mother’s hand as if it was a lifeline. “And Daniel, Mama, what of him? That’s his name, by the way, Daniel Chandler. He’s the son of the man who owns the hardware store in Greenfield. Maybe you remember me speaking of him that summer at Birch Shore. Now he’s a senator with a bright future. He’s done many good things for our state, and he’s likely to continue his good works in the nation’s capital. For this reason alone, I’m glad I made the decision I did all those years ago. I’m glad Daniel had the chance to get a top-notch education and to become the man he wanted to be.
“He deserves to know about Lizzie. I realize that. But what will happen to his plans if word leaks out that he has a daughter? Will the news be presented as some sort of sleazy backstory? Will Lizzie be labeled the illegitimate child of our state senator? And what of her? Lizzie could be hounded by the press for comments. Will she become a media headliner for all the wrong reasons? How would such scrutiny affect her life at college? Her future? I’ve spent my life trying to protect Lizzie, and the truth could destroy her now.”
Alex raised her mother’s hand to her face and cupped Maggie’s palm against her cheek. “Oh, Mom, what should I do? How will this ever come out right and fair to everyone? Should I continue the lie and give up Daniel? Because I would have to. I couldn’t be a part of his life if I carried the lie with me. And now that I’ve seen him again, I don’t know if I can go on living the lie myself.
“I wish you could speak, Mom. I need you so badly. I need a sign that you’re still in there somewhere.” Her voice hitched. She forced the next words out. “Should I tell Daniel that he’s Lizzie’s father?”
A rustling at the door made Alex drop her mother’s hand. She spun around to face her sister, who stood with one hand on the jamb.
“What did you just say?” Jude asked. “Daniel is Lizzie’s father?”
* * *
ALEX GASPED. “JUDE! What are you doing here?” She knew it was a stupid question the moment the words left her mouth.
“I live here, remember?” Jude said. “Or very nearly.”
Still, it was uncommon for her to come to the main house this late at night. It was close to eleven o’clock. She wouldn’t leave her son at the apartment by himself. “Where’s Wesley?” Alex asked.
“He’s on a sleepover. I wasn’t tired, and I sometimes use my quiet time to come and see Mom.” She entered the room and pulled another chair close to the bed. “So, sister, you want to explain yourself?”
“I don’t know what you heard. I was just talking randomly like I often do with Mom.” Lame, Alex. Very lame.
“You picked a random name from out of thin air to identify Lizzie’s father? And you just happened to pick Daniel Chandler?” She wiggled her fingers and said, “Give it up, Alex.”
“You shouldn’t have been listening at the door.”
“Yeah, and if you didn’t want anyone to know your business, you shouldn’t have said what you did out loud. Now that we’ve established both of those parameters, let’s have the truth.”
Alex grabbed her sister’s arm. “You can’t tell anyone, Jude. Promise me. Besides me, and now you, Mom is the only other person on earth who knows the truth, and I just told her.”
Jude tried to pull her arm free. “Relax, okay? And let go of me.”
Alex did. Jude settled back in her chair and raised one booted foot to the opposite knee. She left a smudge of barn dirt on her jeans. “Wow. What goes around comes around, eh? You and Daniel had this thing at Birch Shore all those years ago. And you’re having a thing with him now. And you two have a lot more in common than any of us thought.”
“Don’t make light of this,” Alex scolded. “The whole situation is breaking my heart. I never meant to lie to Daniel, and keeping this secret so long has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Jude leaned over the bed and spoke to Maggie. “Evening, Mom. If you can hear, you must be lapping up my sister’s confession. Imagine.” She turned her attention back to Alex. “So why did you keep it a secret? Daniel is a stand-up guy. He would have married you. Unless you never loved him... Unless you really loved Teddy...”
“Of course I loved Daniel, or at least I believed I did. I never would have had sex with him that night if I weren’t in love.”
“So it only happened one time?”
“Yes!”
Jude smiled. “Oh, that must have been a shock for Miss Pure-of-Heart, the one who never screwed up.”
“Until I screwed up royally.”
“So who knew the truth about you being pregnant? Mom and Dad? Teddy?”
“Yes. They knew that I was pregnant, but I never told anyone who the father was. Dad pressured me to give the father the chance to do the right thing.”
“Can’t argue with Dad’s reasoning. So...why didn’t you?”
Alex sighed and began recounting the list of reasons that had made so much sense to her at the time. Daniel’s future was dependent upon his scholarships to Ohio State. His parents couldn’t afford to support him and a family. Daniel would have forfeited his dreams. She didn’t know if he truly loved her. Jude nodded as she told the whole story.
“And the last reason? I didn’t tell Daniel because I lied to him that night. I told him I was on the pill.”
Jude’s jaw dropped. “You lied?” Something awfully like a chuckle burst from her lips. “My Allie-belle lied about being on the pill?”
Alex shrugged. She knew she’d earned her squeaky-clean reputation honestly. When she’d finally told a lie, at age seventeen, it was a big one. “I guess I was caught up in the moment,” she said.
“So, my devious sister, you are human after all.”
“Don’t kid about this, Jude. You’re not so pure yourself.”
A Boy to Remember Page 14