Up For Debate (Love and Desire Book 1)

by Devin Sawyer

  “You underestimate how I feel for you, Farah. Let me show you.” A wicked grin etches into his face.

  ~

  The fifteen-minute ride to the mall is spent by both of us staring out the windows, not even the radio turned on to filter the silence. I know we should address some things. When it becomes apparent that Lawson didn’t volunteer his driver services to bring anything up himself, I start contemplating the different things I should say. Now might be a good time for an authentic apology. I could also small talk about his campaign again, or even bring up Kayla.

  “Kayla seems really sweet,” I say. “Smart too.”

  “Huh?” Lawson queries, seemingly pulled from whatever thought he was having. “Oh yeah.”

  Well, I tried. I guess we can just leave it at that. Lawson’s distant gaze returns to the road and within a few more minutes, he’s pulling into the mall parking lot.

  “I just need to review some things with Jason today. Should take me a few hours but if you finish before I’m back then just give me a call. My number is the same.”

  “Yeah, mine too. Thanks for the ride, Lawson. I’ll see you in a bit.”

  My tension eases once I’m out of the car and I make my way toward Dillard’s to shop their sales. I should be able to find a decent enough formal gown in there.

  As I make my way to the back where the formal attire is, I pass by the shoes and glance over at them. I grab a pair on the first table that are tall and strappy and black. I love the way they look and decide to grab the pair in gold as well, unsure which color will look better with the gown I choose. They are a little pricey, but I feel like I can justify them since I can actually wear them out again for our dates in Portland, unlike the formal dress which I’ll never have another use for.

  Once I spot the sale rack, I browse through the dresses, and the employee who works in this department approaches me and introduces herself as Serena. She offers to start a dressing room, taking my shoes and the few dresses I’ve grabbed off the rack. She looks young and quite beautiful with dark silky hair and a waist that tells she isn’t old enough for her metabolism to have gone to shit yet. I remember those years. Nonetheless, she’s insanely attentive in helping me gather everything I need. We grab jewelry, clutches, and even a few dresses, and all the while she’s saying things like “You will look flawless in this,” or “I grabbed this backless dress to show off your great figure,” and I couldn’t tell the girl no even though I’m sure none of it is in my price range but I’ve enjoyed the ego boost nonetheless.

  The dressing room is swimming with items and with Serena’s help, we begin the task at hand to start trying the items on. She zips me in and out of each dress, handing me the best pair of shoes to try on with each dress and the jewelry and clutch to accompany it. I’ve never tried on this many dresses before. Mama sewed my only prom dress, and I didn’t mind because it was beautiful and fit me perfectly, but I certainly feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment and Serena is the only thing holding me together. This girl should go into wedding planning or something, the way she so effortlessly manages my stress and helps me to make decisions.

  At last, we finally narrow it down to three final dresses: a red sheer long sleeve dress with a high slit, a black one-shoulder fitted gown, and a nude-colored gown with golden beads adorning it. It’s heavy as fuck but I can’t deny how gorgeous it is and according to Serena looks “hella good with my olive complexion.”

  My phone dings and I search through the mess in the dressing room to find it hidden under various items.

  Just finished here. Can head back to the mall. Shit, how has it been two hours already?

  Sounds good. I’m almost done here. If you park outside Dillard’s I can come find you. I reply to Lawson’s text.

  “Shit. My ride is on their way,” I tell Serena. “Look, the beaded dress is just too expensive. It’s almost twice the price of the other two, plus all the accessories. Let’s just choose between the red and black dresses.”

  Serena’s nodding her head but then pipes in, “What if we cut costs elsewhere? With that dress you don’t need the jewelry, maybe just some earrings, a necklace will detract from it anyway, and I’ll go see if I can find a clutch that might be a bit more affordable as well.” Her face looks hopeful and I can tell she enjoys doing this part of her job.

  “Yeah, fine but you have five minutes to find it or I’m going to go with the black.”

  She speeds out of the room, on a mission. I decide to try the nude dress on one more time in case she does find some accessories that might justify what I would pay for the damn thing. I slide the thin beaded strap up my shoulder and walk out to the larger mirrored area, with the back draping open, needing assistance. I smooth out the gown, taking in my reflection and how it fits me when I hear Serena enter the room again.

  “Can you zip me again?” I ask but look up to find Lawson’s eyes staring at my bare back in the reflection of the mirror. His throat clears.

  “Sorry, I thought you were...” I trail off.

  His feet move closer toward me in the full mirrored area, and his stare holds mine until he reaches me and glances down to the unzipped dress. His fingers reach to me, one hand holding the dress taut, while the other searches for the small pull. His fingers lightly caress my lower back and time seems to be moving in slow motion. I can feel his hand glide up the length of my back as he zips me, and a shiver races up my spine. We’ve done this before, him dressing me. Always after sex, he’d dress me, pulling my top on or zipping my dress, and then he’d kiss me, softly just below my ear. The moment has us transfixed as if we are waiting for him to finish the process that feels foreign to us after all these years. As if by muscle memory, I am turned on, and I break our stare, to hide the blush creeping across my entire body.

  “Alright, I found these,” Serena says, stumbling back into the room, displaying the new items she rounded up. “Oh hi!” Her voice so jubilant. “Doesn’t she look gorgeous? Sexy and classy. You’re going to be one lucky man tomorrow night.”

  I begin an uncomfortable cough, and I don’t know why. I’m trying whatever I can to hide that last remark and yet I don’t have the gall to correct her, seeing as how she just found me in an intimate moment with a man that is not the love of my life. She thinks he’s Reece. Which is understandable.

  “Do you want some water?” she queries.

  “She’s fine, just some allergies,” Lawson supplies, never caught off guard, but I do notice the way he avoids looking at me as he says it.

  “Well, I found these items, and it’s only one-hundred dollars more than the black dress with the original accessories so I really think…”

  “Yeah, sounds great. If you want to take it to the front, I can meet you up there once I get changed,” I tell Serena without even looking at the things she’s brought back.

  A smile fills her whole face and I appreciate her passion. She flies out of the dressing room waiting area and while I can tell that Lawson wants to say something. I see in his posture the second he changes his mind and files out behind her. Good. I didn’t need to know whatever he was going to say. I go back into the small changing room and struggle to unzip myself, contorting myself into different shapes and angles to try and get myself out without any assistance, but I don’t dare go out to find any. I’ll pop a shoulder out of the socket before I let that happen again.

  Once fully dressed, I meet Serena at the counter and she’s waiting with my items already bagged. I pull out my debit card and offer it to her when she informs me it’s already been taken care of and gleams back a swoony smile at me. If only she knew this was not my boyfriend, and that was not a romantic gesture. A peace offering maybe.

  I take the bags and wander out toward the exit where I find Lawson’s car parked waiting for me. I place the bags in the back seat and they fill his small car.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I tell him in a soft voice.

  “You know, a thank you would suffice,” he tells me with a sm
art-aleck tone.

  I offer a grin back. “Thank you.” A deep sigh falls from me. “It was unnecessary.”

  “It wasn’t. You and Reece don’t live the gala life anymore, it was the least I could do since he dragged you back here.”

  A pregnant pause fills the car as he emerges back onto the highway, taking us back to his parents’ home.

  “It’s not as terrible as I predicted it to be,” I admit. “Your parents are… different, kinder. I can see they just wanted the best for you.”

  Lawson clears his throat loudly, and it takes me a bit off guard.

  “I’m glad it’s easier for you. When I saw you that first night, I was in shock, Reece had mentioned bringing you but as a family, we had all said that maybe reintroducing everyone during the election was bad timing. But, you know Reece. He’s always done whatever he wanted.”

  I nod my head, feeling a bit uncomfortable at his admission.

  “I’m glad you came. I’m glad Reece brought you. It was time, it just took me a while to adjust. I was still angry with you, but I’m ready to let that pass. I missed Reece and I haven’t gotten to see as much of him as I would like the past few years, and when we do, we dance around the topic of dating, no one wanting to ask about you, and no one wanting to ask about me. If you’re happy and he’s happy then that’s all that matters. As for Mom and Dad, well, they’re good people, they just didn’t want your agenda for politics to become my agenda for politics.”

  I can see that. It would have eventually. At some point, if I had stayed with Lawson, he might have cared about me enough that he’d have wanted to champion all my passion projects too and those don’t align with his platform. It’s unfortunate, but it’s also okay.

  “They still don’t like that I’m Turkish,” I say, waiting for his confirmation.

  “They would prefer someone that is fully American, born here, likely Caucasian, or maybe at least from a country that we aren’t always struggling to maintain good relations with. It mixes their business with pleasure, but they also know you’re very beautiful, independent, and smarter than almost any other woman Reece or I ever bothered to bring around. They like that about you, and I think it even makes them proud of us a little.”

  “I guess that’s fair. It is easier with Reece, in that aspect. We never talk about politics unless I want to, and it doesn’t seem to divide us.”

  Lawson nods but doesn’t veer his gaze from the road. He picks up his phone and plugs it into the charger in his car. After a moment, The Fray’s, “All at Once,” comes beating through the speakers and I can’t help but tap my foot along with it. I can see the smile forming on Lawson’s lips, even though he attempts to hide it, and one begins to form on my own, mirroring his. Both of us in a battle not to connect with the other, but he should know better than to play at my weaknesses.

  “Still a fan, huh?”

  “Still pretending not to be?”

  “I don’t have to pretend.” He’s snarky today.

  “Then why, pray tell, do you have it on your phone?”

  “Chicks like it,” he says it nonchalantly and we both laugh, knowing it’s a joke at me, but it’s the first time I really consider what his dating life is or has been like. I’ve totally removed myself from the political agenda here in South Carolina and even though I’ve been around Kayla twice now, it hasn’t really registered. Their relationship comes off very new, as if they are strangers still and nothing about it feels relationship-y.

  “So Kayla is a psychologist? Wow!” I say impressed, hoping he will open up a bit. My curiosity now getting the best of me.

  “Yeah, uh, she’s smart. She works a lot.”

  “Yeah, so do you. Maybe it’s a match made in heaven. Your parents have got to love her.”

  “Kayla only met them in passing this week. I’m sure they would have liked her fine, but we ended things last night,” he says it sternly and without any emotion, like it was a business transaction and that bothers me. He can be so cut and dry when he’s trying not to reveal anything.

  “What? Why? She was amazing.” My voice comes out more emotional than I intended, and it frustrates me.

  “As I said, she works a lot. It was nice having her around this week, but she doesn’t want to stop working and I didn’t even see her much with my schedule. I’ll be traveling all around the state and nearby states while I campaign, and if I’m elected, I’ll have even more responsibilities. Her schedule and mine, don’t mesh and this is so new, beginning just before I threw my hat into the race, that it just seems easier to call it quits for now.”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it,” I tell him.

  “You think so?” he challenges but does it by cocking an eyebrow and lifting the side of his smile just enough to look cocky.

  “I think you’ve always hated the idea of a housewife and now all of a sudden you’re affected by a successful career woman? No, you’re scared.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of love,” I counter. A pregnant pause passes between us.

  “Yeah, well, I wonder what could’ve made me feel like that,” he says, but it doesn’t sound ugly or hateful. It sounds sad and I feel for him in that moment and I hope that all these years, Lawson wasn’t lonely. I never pictured him that way. I pictured him with other women the way he always had been before me. Although that might be lonely too.

  By the time we make it back to the house, Reece and his mom have already returned. It makes me a little annoyed that I could’ve avoided the awkward afternoon.

  I rush up the stairs to my room after kissing Reece and prepare to dress for the evening.

  ~

  It takes me two hours to get dressed. Hair, makeup, the whole shebang, but when I finally walk down the stairs, it’s like the scene from She’s All That when Laney emerges from nerdy girl to smoking hot babe. I wasn’t exactly a nerdy girl to start with, but nonetheless, my transformation feels big to me. Reece’s jaw about comes unhinged when he sees me, and I hope I never lose that feeling. The ability to awe him makes me feel something inside that is so rare. He trails kisses from my ear down to my shoulder and spins me into an embrace. It would be perfect if only his parents and Lawson weren’t also standing there watching the entire scene. However, when I look over into his mother’s eyes, whose dress also looks very nice on her, I can see a look that tells me she knows. Like she understands what Reece and I have is something once in a lifetime, and I feel a little more confident that her kindness of late, isn’t phony or fake. I think she sees that this is love.

  The gala is hosted in one of Charleston’s largest hotels and the ballroom is beautiful. It actually does feel like an adult prom, with stuffier, politically focused attendees.

  We listen to a few speeches, we have dinner, I make small talk with a few other ladies in attendance, but I mostly stick to the family table, chatting with Emily and occasionally even butting into a discussion between Lawson, Jason, and another man who appears to be well versed in Lawson’s campaign. I listen and mentally critique Lawson’s platforms. I compare them to what he always said he would push for in the past and I notice how some of his standpoints have changed. He’s entitled to that. His campaign is a little brash, cut and dry. It lacks emotion in my eyes, focusing solely on budget and legislature that benefits the upper class. Maybe being out of college, he’s lost touch with the world and exposed to greater problems.

  I dance with Reece a few times and notice how terrible I am. I’ve never done ballroom dancing and I’m not as graceful as when I normally take a dance floor. Reece leads me well though and assures me from the outside looking in that no one notices. We do this a few times throughout the night and slowly find our rhythm.

  Lawson gives a speech, we all clap, entranced and I’m a little surprised when he joins me over by the bar. Reece is talking with another man across the room and I felt like this was a safe place to stand while I waited for him, but apparently, I’m wrong.

  “You don’t like my policies,” Lawso
n states.

  “That’s not true.”

  “In your words from this afternoon, bullshit.”

  “Fine. They aren’t what I would choose but I think if anyone can pull them off, it’s you. Plus, I’m not the one running so it doesn’t really matter what I think.”

  “It does. I’m sure there are other voters out there that I’d like to have on my side who feel the same as you. So tell me, what do I change?”

  “Well, you need to care about your people. You need to pick at least one philanthropic purpose for the city and fulfill it. The people don’t want to vote for someone who doesn’t have a heart.”

  “Ouch. That’s brutal.”

  “I didn’t mean it to be. But these people don’t know you intimately. You have to show them through your policies that you give a shit. Even if it’s supporting endangered whales’ rights to underwater basket-weave. Care about someone or something, and make it happen. Budgets are boring to the average person.”

  He nods his head. “I appreciate that. I actually think it’s good advice. I guess that’s what I used to keep you around for.” We both find ourselves laughing comfortably at this. “Come on, dance with me.”

  “Now?” I ask.

  “No, next week. Yes, now. Reece won’t mind, plus if I dance with any other woman in this room, it will be misconstrued, and the local tabloids will have me fathering her unborn child by tomorrow’s news.” He grabs for my hand and leads me to the dance floor by my hand and my fingers seem to tingle where he touches them.

  He spins me when we reach the edge of the checkered floor and pulls me into him, holding our hands out to the side. He waltzes with me and I’m once again impressed with how good the Calhoun family’s ballroom dancing skills are. Those classes were money well spent.