Exposed (Free Falling)

by Raven St. Pierre

  She gasped, pretending to be offended. Her expression eventually warmed with a smile and I reached across the console to grab her hand while we drove through the suburbs of D.C., headed for her favorite restaurant, Bianca’s.

  Pulling into the parking lot, I scanned for familiar cars, but from the looks of things everyone I’d invited followed directions. They parked a block over so Kira wouldn’t know anything was up – except for Dee and Karl. Neither of them knew my plan for the evening, but readily accepted when I invited them out.

  “I feel like having a big, fat, steak,” Kira announced. “Steak is more of a man’s entrée, but I don’t care. I could eat a whole cow right about now. I’m starving.”

  I lifted my arm for her to latch on, leading the way toward the entrance. “Whatever you want,” I replied, unable to keep from smiling down on her as she brushed a stray hair from her cheek when the wind blew it out of place.

  I held the door open and let Kira enter first before following her inside, searching for those I’d invited to witness the proposal. Karl waved us over to the left side of the restaurant, and the host ushered us to the rest of our party. Once we rounded the corner, I could see that Kira’s parents and a close friend of hers from work had already arrived as well. Walking over from the bar with mixed drinks in hand were my mother and another of Kira’s friends. Judging by the look on her face, my fiancée-to-be was starting to realize that something was up.

  Her eyes met mine and she found me already smiling at her.

  “What is this?” She asked softly as we stood beside the long table where our guests were seated. It didn’t make sense to prolong it – everyone had already arrived. So, with trembling hands and sweat beads forming at the nape of my neck just above the collar of my dress shirt, I reached inside the pocket of the suit I’d worn to work, and pulled out the velvet box that was about to change our entire lives. When I got down on one knee, Kira’s hands covered her mouth, and tears welled in the corners of her beautiful eyes.

  “Kira, will you do me the honor of being my wife?” I asked with a smile plastered on my face.

  She was shaking so bad that when she lowered her hand for me to slip the ring on it, I had to hold it steady.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes! I do!” she screeched in excitement.

  I burst out laughing. “I think you’re supposed to wait until we’re at the altar to say that part.”

  Kira stooped down to urge me to my feet. “Whatever! All I know is my answer is yes!”

  The instant I was standing, she almost knocked me over with a huge hug. Everyone clapped and congratulated us, everyone except for Deanna. I noted the forced smile on her face as she eased out of her seat and disappeared in the direction of the restrooms.

  I quickly forgot about her behavior and pulled Kira in closer to me.

  “I can’t wait to be your wife,” she whispered through a sob. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”

  *****

  I lie in bed watching my fiancé of about four hours as she disappeared in the bathroom off from our Master suite. She was naked and flawless from my point of view. When she returned after freshening up, she lay in my arms, basking in the afterglow of the first time we’d made love as an engaged couple.

  She squeezed my hand where it hung over her shoulder and smiled up at the ceiling.

  “What is it?” I asked, yawning.

  Kira shrugged. “I’m just so…excited! We have so much to plan, so much to do, so much to –“

  “Buy?” I interjected with a laugh.

  Kira smacked me on my side playfully. “That part is a given.”

  I shook my head with a smile and let my eyes drift closed, thinking this was the end of the conversation.

  “What colors do you wanna do?” She chirped.

  Naturally, I shrugged – that’s not exactly guy stuff. “Whatever you want.”

  “And we need to settle on a date. We’re gonna shoot for next year, right? Two years would be weird and I don’t –“

  “Next year’s fine,” I assured her.

  When I felt her eyes on me, I glanced down at her through my half-closed lids. “What is it, small person who’s keeping me up way past my bedtime?”

  She didn’t smile like I expected her to do. Her finger trailed along the side of my neck and my eyes opened completely.

  “What’re we gonna do about this?” She asked, tracing my tattoo. “I’ve been tight-lipped about it up until now, but…there’s no way in hell I’m walking down the aisle with you with some other girls’ name written on your neck. Can you cover it?” She asked.

  I cringed at the thought of having some tacky blob of a tattoo plastered on the side of my neck just to cover Sam’s name. “I could, but I’ll just look into getting it removed.” That seemed like a better option.

  Kira nodded, but her stare still persisted.

  “What else?” I inquired groggily.

  “Do you ever think about her? Sam?” Kira asked. There wasn’t an ounce of accusation or judgment in her tone, just pure curiosity. “You guys were pretty hot and heavy for a while.”

  Now I was wide awake. Before answering, I shrugged. “She crosses my mind every now and again. I may wonder what she’s doing in her life, but…that’s about the extent of it. We were kids.” There was a lull in conversation while I did briefly think of Sam, but only because Kira mentioned her. “Does that bother you?”

  She thought for a few seconds. “No, not really. If I thought there were still feelings there, maybe it would, but I know you’re in this 100%.” She smiled a little before craning her neck so that she could kiss my chin. “How do you feel about seeing her next weekend, though? That has to make you feel a little awkward, right?”

  I gave Kira’s question some honest thought. “Awkward is the wrong word. I definitely didn’t anticipate being face to face with her again, which I realize was naïve considering the fact that we both somehow ended up staying tight with Terrell, Maisha, and Dee when we broke up. I should’ve realized that a birthday celebration, wedding, the birth of a child, would somehow bring us back into one another’s presence one day. But it shouldn’t be awkward. She’s with someone.” I kissed Kira’s hand. “I’m with you. Things just worked out,” I added.

  Kira was thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll bet she regrets leaving.”

  I sighed and laughed a little.

  “Seriously!” Kira added with a smile, wanting me to hear her out. “You never told me why she left – which gets under my skin by the way – but whatever the reason, I’m sure that when things settled down, she realized that she’d done the wrong thing.”

  Kira’s statement brought to mind the countless times she’d asked what was so bad that Sam felt like she couldn’t be with me anymore. Maybe it was because it didn’t matter at this point why Sam ran, or maybe even out of respect for Sam’s privacy on some level, I avoided Kira’s persistence each time. Clearly, I wasn’t as slick about it as I thought.

  “Even if she did have second thoughts, I gave her several chances to reach out. Even if she wasn’t comfortable making the first move, that’s not an excuse; I was always going out of my way to make her feel comfortable to come out of hiding.”

  Kira was silent and I found myself replaying my statement in my head, wondering if I’d accidently said something wrong and offended her.

  “Well…whatever the case may be…I’ll bet she’s having a hard time with this whole wedding thing,” Kira concluded.

  I turned over on my side and stared at the wall while Kira situated herself behind me. When she draped her hand over my side, I grabbed it and laced my fingers with hers.

  “Goodnight, soon-to-be husband of mine,” she crooned, kissing the back of my shoulder when she did.

  “Goodnight, Sam…I mean Kira,” I said with a smile already set on my lips. The stinging slap on the bare skin of my back made me laugh harder.

  Kira turned over with a huff, shaking the bed violently when she did.
“Too soon, jerk. Too soon.”

  The sound of her laughter echoing out into the darkness of our room as she sought after my hand beneath the covers left me shaking my head. I loved this woman, and soon…we’d be headed down the aisle and she’d take on my last name. Everything was falling into line. It couldn’t get more perfect than this.

  *****

  I touched my finger to my Bluetooth, bringing Terrell’s voice to my ear as he carried on a side conversation with Maisha while waiting for me to pick up.

  “What’s up man?” I answered.

  “Oh, hey. What’s good?”

  I checked my rearview mirror and smiled a little to myself, thinking of the great night I’d had and the news I needed to share with him. “Everything’s good; I gave Kira the ring last night.”

  Silence.

  “Hello?” I called out.

  “I’m here. I’m here,” Terrell replied distractedly.

  A lingering breath left my lungs. “What?” I asked flatly.

  He hesitated to respond. “…I sorta already knew. That’s why I’m calling.”

  “I’d like to make it clear that I told him to mind his business, AJ,” Maisha said, leaning into Terrell’s phone briefly to make sure I heard her.

  Confusion crossed my face. “What? How?” Seeing as how Kira is very anti-Facebook and Instagram, I knew social media wasn’t to blame. And he and Maisha aren’t tight with Dee and Karl like that, so…

  “Sam,” he replied, answering my question. That single word – her name – made the breath hitch in my throat.

  “H-how would she – “

  Just then I remembered Dee’s abrupt disappearing act right after slipping Kira’s ring on her finger. I sighed in frustration. “What could she possibly have to say about anything that goes on in my personal life?” I exited I-66 once I reached Fairfax and hit the brake gently when I realized that I was now speeding.

  Conversations about Sam were the one sensitive spot in me and Terrell’s relationship, hence the reason we typically steered clear. “I called her last night to check on her, and…she just mentioned it casually.”

  “Casually.”

  “Yeah, you know…not like all upset or nothing, just asked me if I’d heard,” he added. “Look, man…I just wanna make sure things go smoothly for all parties involved next weekend.” He paused. “Maybe you should call her JUST to clear the air between y’all before then.”

  I was already shaking my head halfway through Terrell’s sentence. “No way. I spent the better part of my college life chasing her and I’m done. I can assure you that the air between us is clear and there won’t be any problems. But calling her?” I shook my head again. “Out of the question.”

  Terrell was quiet.

  Knowing I’d regret it later, I asked. “What now?”

  He took a breath and from the way his background noise was now void of the television show he and Maisha were watching, I knew he’d changed rooms. “Listen…I know you have your own thoughts and feelings about Sam leaving back in the day, but…it wasn’t like you thought it was, man. She was messed up. I mean real messed up…for a long time.” He added the last part under his breath and I wondered if he meant to say it in his head. “Still kinda is.”

  I waved my parking pass at the attendant and waited for the bar at the entrance of the structure to be raised while I thought. My mind was made up and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would not be accepting Sam’s number to call her, but Terrell’s words still lingered in my head.

  “Look, it was just a suggestion,” he finally spoke. “As long as y’all don’t go all Jerry Springer at the wedding, I’m cool. Whatever you decide isn’t my business.”

  I didn’t respond, still deep in thought.

  “I gotta take off, though. Hit you up later,” he concluded.

  I ended the call and sat in my parking space for a moment before heading inside to start my workday. A million thoughts crossed my mind – Why would Dee run her mouth to Sam considering the fact that me and Kira’s relationship didn’t concern her at all? Why had Sam even bothered mentioning it to Terrell? Shaking my head, I climbed out of the car and headed in.

  Half the day had passed and I couldn’t name one productive thing I’d done. I was sitting through the second meeting of the morning when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  “Oh, yeah…congrats,” was all Terrell’s text said. It wasn’t lost on me that he held out hope for Sam and me longer than I did. He liked Kira enough, but, in his mind, Sam and I were supposed to have patched things up.

  While my father carried on about “quarterly goals” and “indicated dividends”, I zoned out, thinking back to how Kira and I came to be. The only reason I even discovered the first email she sent me was because I was checking it constantly, hoping to hear from Sam. Kira hadn’t even made it to Virginia yet, but she reached out anyway. Her excuse? She didn’t know anyone else there, and refused to spend her summer vacation hanging out with her sister, Reina.

  A week or so after the email came through, there was another requesting my address so she could stop by. Thinking nothing of it, I sent it, and an hour later she was standing in the hallway outside my apartment door. It was completely innocent, although I’d already picked up on the fact that she had feelings for me. However, at that time, I couldn’t see past Sam enough to even explore the idea of being with anyone else. In fact, that’s basically how it was for an entire two years. For all that time, Kira was nothing but a good friend, a friend who slowly but surely helped me realize that I was a whole person even without Sam.

  One day it was like a light bulb went off inside my head and I finally saw Kira – like for the first time. It was three summers ago, at the end of my junior year of college. I sprained my ankle pretty bad playing basketball with Karl and I was bummed about having to spend a good part of my summer on crutches. Kira called one day and said that she had a surprise if I could, and I quote, “hobble my crippled-self to the door to answer it”. She showed up with a box full of corny DVDs, boxed mac n’ cheese for days, and an assortment of Icy Hot products. She ignored the beautiful weather outside for three weeks straight so I wouldn’t feel so bad about being stuck indoors, only returning home to sleep at night. That was when she made the shift to the forefront of my mind, and Sam finally took a backseat.

  “Any input, Anthony?” My father asked, snatching me from my inner thoughts.

  Caught off guard, I sat up straight and cleared my throat. “Uh…no. I think you pretty much covered it all,” I replied, clueless as to a word he’d spoken in the last ten minutes. Judging by the look on his face, he knew I wasn’t paying attention.

  “Well, if there aren’t any other issues that need to be brought to the table, we’ll conclude until next week.”

  I was the first one out of my seat, headed for the door so that I could retreat to my office in peace.

  “Anthony?” My father called out from behind.

  With a heavy sigh, I turned and took a few steps in his direction, shoving my hands in my pockets when I stood before him. “Yes?”

  My father met my stare with kindness in his eyes, but I ignored it – just like I’d ignored every other attempt he’d made to show me that he’s not the same man he was years ago – apparently losing the majority share of his company to Kira’s father was a humbling experience for him. My icy stare didn’t change.

  “Congratulations, Son,” he said with an air of pride behind the words as he acknowledged that he knew of my engagement. “I would’ve loved to have been there.”

  His lack of an invitation was completely intentional. As far as I was concerned, our rift was irreparable, so why pretend like we’re ever going to have the father/son relationship that he seemed to be after lately – for the past three or four years to be exact. The fact that he decided to change his demeanor toward me once word got to him that Sam and I were no longer together was another reason I refused to fall for the act. He’d already let me know that his love and app
roval for me was conditional.

  “Thanks,” I replied with a quick, tight smile, and then turned to attempt an exit once more.

  “Son?”

  I sighed, but didn’t answer.

  “Your mother and I would like to gift you and Kira a honeymoon – anywhere you’d like to go.”

  I nodded. “Thank you for the offer, but…I’ve got it covered.”

  His expression fell slack when I rejected him, but he didn’t try to stop me when I crossed the threshold, headed straight for my office. I sat in my chair, gazing out the window at nothing in particular. My father was such a non-factor that I didn’t even waste any energy revisiting our conversation after I was out of his presence. Terrell’s suggestion, on the other hand – the one about calling Sam, came back to mind. When memories of her crept into my private thoughts, I didn’t actively fight them at first. They were only brief flashes – one of her waking up beside me with the sun bathing her face as she smiled, another of her singing and dancing in the passenger seat of my car while I watched, and the last memory I had of her…her tear-streaked face as she passed through the doorway of my dorm room with her heart set on leaving me behind. The last one sobered me and I cleared my throat, deciding to call and see how Kira’s day was going so far.

  “Hey, babe,” she answered, sounding muffled.

  I smiled at the sound of her voice, picturing her typing away at her laptop, glasses pushed up her nose, hair pinned on top of her head, pen pursed between her lips.

  “Hey. Sounds like you’re busy,” I said, leaning back in my seat, tossing the miniature basketball into the air that I kept in my desk drawer.

  “Eh…a little. Trying to finish this article before lunch. How’s your day going so far, though?”

  I thought back to my conversation with Terrell, and then the awkward one with my father a few minutes prior. “Fine, I guess.”

  “Uh-oh. We’ll save a fortune on couch time in some snooty therapist’s office if you just tell me what the problem is,” she replied. I could hear her smiling through the phone.

  I smiled too. Deciding not to tell her the part about Terrell, I cleared my throat before speaking. “My father…he stopped me to say congratulations after our meeting.”