Exposed (Free Falling)

by Raven St. Pierre

  I looked her over, letting my eyes linger on her breasts. Perfect seemed like the best word to describe her, but that trace of guilt that was now haunting me made it impossible to stare as long as I really wanted to.

  I didn’t bring Jason back up. We ate, I carried the leftovers to the fridge, and then lingered beside Sam’s bed for a moment, contemplating. Did I want to stay? Hell yes. However, did I really want to deal with the emotional aftermath in the morning? Knowing I’d feel even worse for not just going back to my place?

  I ignored the answer that came and took my pants back off before climbing into her bed again. She lay there watching as I slipped the shirt she’d borrowed down her arms, tossing it to the floor where it belonged. Just like I remembered her doing whenever we’d shared a bed in the past, Sam inched herself backward until her backside was pressed firmly against my groin. Next she made my arm her pillow and then pulled the covers up. God…I missed this. Thinking of how many moments just like this one we’d missed over the past five years, I placed a kiss on her shoulder.

  To hell with tomorrow’s repercussions…I’d cross that bridge when I got there.

  The clock on Sam’s nightstand read ’12:06’ and I was starting to feel the effects of my long day catching up with me. The rush that had me feeling like I wouldn’t need sleep for weeks was beginning to level off. Having her warm body up against mine wasn’t helping either. My eyes had just drifted shut when she stroked her fingers down my arm to get my attention.

  “Sorry about your back,” she yawned. “Does it hurt?”

  I shrugged. Despite the dull sting, I’d nearly forgotten all about it. “I’m fine.”

  She backed into me a little more only to find that we were already as close as we could get. Satisfied, I felt her breaths deepen and she drifted off.

  Five minutes may have passed when I heard my phone buzzing on the nightstand where I’d set it after ordering the pizza. Sam continued to snore softly like I hoped she would when it vibrated to the edge and then fell to the floor. Without a doubt, it was Kira. Mostly I was sure of this because I’d forgotten to return the text and phone call that she placed when my conversation with Sam took an unexpected turn. My plan, after Sam requested a rain-check for dinner, was to head home, find something quick to eat, and then turn in early after checking in with Kira. Clearly, I had a change of heart, and returning her call somehow got pushed so far out of my mind that I forgot altogether.

  A single chirp alerted me that she ended up leaving a voicemail and that hint of remorse grew exponentially in a matter of seconds. To make matters worse, knowing her, she wouldn’t even jump to the right conclusion when I didn’t respond; she’d give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I’d simply fallen asleep right after work.

  Now I was wide awake, finally considering all the consequences Sam had tried to point out beforehand. Did I regret what we’d done? I can’t honestly say that I did – not in the traditional sense; however, I did feel terrible about betraying Kira, a woman who’d been something like a best friend to me for the past several years. These thoughts were enough to steal my chances of getting a good night’s sleep.

  I’m not a cheater. Never have been a single day in my life, which probably meant I’d suck at it. Even despite my father’s many shortcomings, being faithful was the one thing he’d gotten right. Not once had he and my mother had issues concerning infidelity. Up until now, that was the one attribute of his that I was actually proud to have inherited. But lying here, having done what I’d done, I had to accept the fact that my clean record was now tainted.

  On cue, Sam repositioned her head on my arm and I inhaled the scent of her hair, feeling like I could stay here with her like this forever if it was possible…regardless of what it’d cost me. She made me feel reckless, like I wouldn’t mind letting my life crumble at my feet and give it all up just for her. Look at me – already dodging Kira’s calls and spending the night here. But who could blame me? I lifted the sheet and stared shamelessly at Sam’s naked frame against mine, at her beautiful bronze skin, and acknowledged the fact that, if given the chance, I never would’ve let her go in the first place.

  Didn’t that count for something? Didn’t I get a pass for my indiscretion because, technically, she wasn’t just any girl? She was the one I’d planned to spend the rest of my life with once upon a time before that dream was snatched away. Didn’t the fact that I’d never really stopped loving her lessen my offense?

  Kira sure as hell wouldn’t think so…

  A sigh left my lungs, and despite how bad I felt, I held Sam tighter, acknowledging the fact that I couldn’t help the way I felt about her, no matter what label it meant I now deserved to be branded with. Cheater? I guess I’d be that if the outcome was having more nights like tonight.

  Fantasizing about how our future may have shaped up, I drifted off, deciding not to taint the beauty of what we’d just shared with negative thoughts.

  *****

  “OH MY GOD!!!”

  My head was ringing from the yelling before I identified the source. My eyes zeroed in on a blurry figure standing in Sam’s doorway, but it took me a second to recognize who the unexpected visitor was. Red-faced and highly embarrassed, Angel stood there clutching Sam’s cell phone, the battery, and a piece of the broken case that she’d gathered from the floor on her way in to investigate.

  Sam sat straight up in bed, pulling the sheet over her bare breasts when she realized we’d been caught. Frantic and too frazzled to think clearly, she leapt out of bed, stealing all the covers and nearly crashing to the floor when her feet got tangled in the comforter. Shocked by the fact that she accidentally left me sitting there completely exposed, I grabbed the closest thing I could to cover myself – a pillow.

  Angel hid her face and ran from the bedroom, still yelling, “OH MY GOD!!!”

  Sam made it over to the door and slammed it shut before holding her hands to her face. Me? I was already near hysterics. She looked at me, her face red as a fire hydrant due to sheer embarrassment. When I didn’t stop laughing, she picked up a thin book from her nightstand and hurled it at me.

  “Shut up! She’s gonna hear you!” Sam whispered, trying not to smile as she crawled across the bed and attempted to put her hand over my mouth.

  “You really think me laughing is the bad part?” I asked. “The only thing that could’ve possibly made this any worse would’ve been if I had morning wood.”

  Sam shoved my arm again as I got the last of my laugh out. She scooted to the edge of the bed, running her fingers through her hair before preparing to venture out into the living room where Angel sat waiting. Cloaked in nothing but her sheet, Sam managed to fake like she still had a little dignity left.

  Angel started explaining and apologizing the second Sam stepped out. “You weren’t answering, and Lamar told me about you and Jason, and I thought you might not be picking up because you were upset, and…I just…OH MY GOD!!!”

  It took everything in me not to lose it again as I listened to their conversation.

  “It’s fine…really…,” Sam assured her. “I’m gonna go get dressed and we can head out and I’ll…I’ll explain everything,” she added, already taking steps toward the bedroom before even finishing her sentence. She quickly closed the door behind her. Standing against it, her eyes were fixed on the ceiling.

  “Come on…you have to admit it’s at least a little funny,” I said, readying myself just in case she threw something else at me.

  She rolled her eyes and pushed off from the door.

  “I can’t believe that just happened,” she said to herself, gathering her things to shower. Before she could run off, I grabbed her and made her kiss me.

  “Stop!” she said, grinning from ear to ear. “She’s gonna know we’re in here messing around!”

  Was she serious? “Sam…I’m pretty sure she knows we weren’t in here playing Monopoly before she showed up,” I replied, burying my lips in the side of her neck.

  Sh
e giggled and pushed against my chest playfully. “Quit! I have to get dressed.” Her mouth protested, but the trace of fight that she attempted to put up dwindled away and I smiled at the feel of her arms encircling my neck when she finally surrendered.

  Kissing her one last time, I let go. “Fine…call me when you get back then,” I said, giving her the space she pretended to want.

  “You’re not staying?” she asked. “I shouldn’t be out that long; I’m just gonna walk and get a new phone case. That should be enough time to explain all this to Angel,” she said, hinting at a smile, but her statement came across with subtle undertones of a plea.

  “I’ll be back; promise. There’re just a few things I need to straighten up at my place, and I should shower too,” I replied.

  And there’s also the small task of creating some sort of buffer so Kira doesn’t get suspicious…..

  Sam eventually nodded and lingered while I gathered my clothes and dressed, finally heading out to get in the shower after first inviting me to stay the night at her place again. On her way out there was a look on her face that let me know that if Angel hadn’t shown up, this bedroom would’ve probably been our only scenery for the day.

  Angel quickly looked away when I stepped out into the living room to get my shoes and keys. She pretended to be engrossed, reading the label on the back of a canister of peanuts she found to snack on in Sam’s cabinet. Apparently the offbeat wakeup-call left her unsure of what to say to me.

  “Morning,” I said, half-laughing as I slipped my shoes on.

  Barely lifting her head, Angel smiled a little and gave a small wave. “Morning.”

  “It’s uh…it’s good seeing you again. Been a while,” I added.

  She nodded. “Yeah…it has. Things going okay? You gonna be in town awhile?”

  It dawned on me that Sam hadn’t told her the news. “Actually, I moved here a few weeks ago. So…yeah, I’ll be around.”

  Her eyebrow hitched upward. “Really? I hadn’t heard.”

  I nodded despite the fact that she wouldn’t lift her head to meet my gaze. Before things got any weirder, I decided to make an exit, but first I grabbed a hundred dollar bill from my wallet and shoved it in Sam’s purse on the table beside the door.

  “Let her know this is for whatever she needs to fix her phone, would you please?”

  Angel looked up to see where I’d put the money and then lowered her head again. “Yeah, sure,” was all she’d say back.

  I shook my head and unlocked the door. “Well…I’ll see you around, I guess.”

  She only looked up to give another polite smile and wave. “Okay. Take care.”

  On the other side of the door, I laughed again, thinking to myself that getting caught this time might’ve even topped Sam’s mom walking in on us when we were kids. At least that time there wasn’t any full-frontal nudity involved…

  *****

  Sam

  I tapped my fingers on the counter at the phone store, waiting in silence while the salesman searched for another glittery pink case like the one that’d been destroyed the night before. Angel hadn’t said much to me and I hadn’t said much to her either. However, when the guy went to check the backroom, she turned toward me and leaned her elbow on the glass showcase beside us.

  “Okay…let’s just put it all out there. What the hell’s going on?”

  I shot her a look and smiled so hard that it hurt. “Straight to the point, huh?”

  She shrugged. “No sense in beating around the bush.”

  I shook my head and let out a sigh.

  She nudged me. “For real, though. You have some explaining to do, ma’am. Clearly you’ve been keeping secrets and I don’t like it.”

  I smiled again and lowered my head. “What is there to tell?”

  Angel shot me a look that I could feel without even glancing her way. “Sammy…don’t play games with me. I’m sitting up all night worrying about you, wondering why you’re not picking up the phone, then I walk in to find your stuff in pieces on the floor, cushions hanging all off the couch, and you don’t think there’s anything to tell?”

  I laughed a little when she let out an irritated ‘Hmph…’

  “I mean…I don’t know what to say! We’ve just been hanging out since he moved here.”

  “That looked like more than hanging out,” she said, raising her eyebrows accusatorily.

  Laughing, I looked away when I felt my cheeks get hot. “Can we please not talk about that?”

  “Oh, hell no! We’re talkin’ about it! I’m traumatized!”

  I put my finger over my lips to hush her when the salesman came back to the front of the store.

  “Here you are, Miss,” he said with a smile, handing me my phone from across the display counter. I looked at the price on the cash register and then opened my purse. When I unzipped the inner pocket, a folded hundred dollar bill that I hadn’t put there was right at the top. I held it up and stared at it curiously.

  “Oh,” Angel said, remembering something. “AJ said for you to use that to replace whatever you needed for your phone.”

  He was never short on thoughtful gestures. I passed it to the salesman and waited for change. When the transaction was complete, I thanked the man, and then exited the store.

  Angel continued to stare at me while we walked in silence.

  “What’s your problem?” I asked, grinning.

  “I’m waiting for you to finish telling me what’s up!” she yelled. “I mean…talk about a blast from the past! And he’s living here?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, he’s been here for a few weeks now.”

  “Like…because of you?” she asked hesitantly.

  I laughed. “Girl, no. For work. This…us…that just kind of happened on its own.”

  She put her hand on her hip suspiciously. “Is that why you and Jason broke up?”

  I shook my head and questioned whether or not I should even tell her what really happened between him and me. I’d already considered how this news could affect her and Lamar too. She’d definitely have questions as far as why he’d kept his brothers’ secret even from her. It seemed reckless to throw a wrench in their relationship after they’d just moved in together. So instead of running Jason’s name into the mud, I simply stated that things just weren’t working out. To my surprise, that was a good enough answer for her.

  “So…,” she started. “Y’all back together? You and AJ, I mean.”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head at how quickly she went in for the kill. “No, we’re not back together, and don’t say anything to Lamar either,” I insisted.

  She looked at me like I was crazy. “Duh, of course I won’t.”

  “Thanks.”

  Angel nodded as we continued on down the sidewalk. “You know it’s just a matter of time before you guys are a couple again, right? I mean…it’s you and AJ.”

  The sound of her being so sure that AJ and I would end up together brought a smile to my face; however, in my head, I visualized Kira standing between him and me, wearing that large rock I’d seen on her finger – the one factor that made it impossible for me to share in Angel’s resolve.

  Apparently, Angel was watching my expression and had already picked up on the fact that things weren’t as simple as she thought they were. “Are you gonna spill it, or what? I ain’t got all day,” she joked.

  Despite her lighthearted tone, I still had reservations about telling her that, technically, AJ was supposed to be marrying another woman in the near future.

  Angel’s persistent stare bore into me like a laser. “Is he with someone?” she asked, when I didn’t readily offer an explanation.

  Again, I didn’t respond, but that in and of itself was all the answer Angel needed.

  “Sammy!” she grinned. “You homewrecker!”

  I hit her shoulder lightly and then folded my arms over my chest. “It’s not like that.”

  “Has this been going on since he moved here?”

  I sh
ook my head. “No. We only got back in contact Wednesday night. And last night…that was the first time we…you know.”

  “Wait, he’s not married, is he?” she asked, sounding serious for a moment.

  “No…not married,” I replied.

  Almost, though…I left that part out.

  Having cleared that up, she smiled again, wanting all the dirty details. “Tell me everything!”

  I made a face at her and laughed. “Absolutely not. A lady never tells.”

  She rolled her eyes playfully. “Girl, bye. Was it good? It was, wasn’t it…even better than back in the day?” she rambled.

  I didn’t say anything right away, but when I did, I blushed first. “Maybe.”

  “Ohhh snap!”

  I cracked up and shook my head at her.

  “What was it like? Did it feel like you were doing it to a stranger?”

  I made a face at the creepy tone she took and then looked straight ahead again. “It was like being with AJ,” I reasoned. “It was a little different, but he’s not into any weird stuff or anything like that, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  She bit down on her lip. “I bet it was hot, though. Was it hot?”

  “Ok, we’re done here,” I concluded, knowing that her well of questions was an endless one. She’d be at this all day if I’d let her.

  We made it back to my building and traipsed up the stairs to my floor. From the top of the steps, Angel and I both spotted a large bouquet of roses sitting in a vase outside my door. I approached them slowly, feeling confused. Stooping down to grab the card, I wondered how AJ had enough time to do this while Angel and I took the short walk to the phone store.

  “What’s it say?” she asked, holding the crystal vase in her hands and sniffing the arrangement.

  “Give me a second!” I said smiling. Pulling the small card free, I opened it and realized that I’d assumed wrong…very wrong.

  “I know these roses don’t make up for the things that I said last night, but I just thought you should know that I’ve decided to file…Don’t give up on us. -J”