by HELEN HARDT
I poured everything inside me into the kiss, wanting desperately to escape all my troubles. Jonah Steel was alone. Alone like I was. Struggling with responsibilities he felt he had neglected.
But no kiss, not even one this amazing, could make up for those neglected responsibilities. I was a therapist. I knew better than to be seduced into a physical break from reality. I forced my mouth from his, whimpering at the loss.
I stumbled backward, nearly losing my footing, but he caught me. I looked into his dark gaze. Fire burned within those eyes. Fire that I wanted to stoke with more kisses, more…everything.
“I’m so sorry.” I touched my lips, so tender from his kiss. “I… I don’t know what came over me. That was completely unprofessional. Please believe me. I’ve never done anything like—”
His lips came down on mine again, and all the sense I’d just had a moment before fled out the window. Again I opened for him, and again I took his tongue into my mouth. My nipples tightened against my bra, threatening to poke through the cotton fabric. Again his hardness nudged my belly. If only this could be. If only I could take what he was offering and escape—escape the responsibility for Gina’s death and everything else that had gone wrong in my life. But again, reality prevailed. I knew better, better than anyone, that I couldn’t run away from my problems.
Still, my body was ready. I throbbed between my legs, my nerves on edge. My senses were heightened, and I inhaled. He smelled of leather and musk, a little like the outdoors. He ravaged my mouth, taking and giving. And I gave back. I poured everything into that kiss, even though I knew it was wrong.
When I had to pause for another breath, he dragged me to him, whispering, “My God. Melanie, my God.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said again. “So very sorry.”
He pulled back slightly again, and I met those blazing dark eyes.
“Why are you sorry? I’m sure not.”
I took advantage of my position and pushed him hard, so his back hit the wall by the door to my office. I gasped. The office door was still open. Where was Randi? I looked out the door toward the reception area.
“No one’s out there,” Jonah said. “That’s why I knocked on your door.”
Randi had a dental appointment this afternoon. I’d forgotten. “Right. She left early.”
Jonah smiled at me. God, he was gorgeous.
“I, for one, am glad she’s not here.” He came toward me.
I held up my hand. “No.”
“Why? Aren’t you enjoying it?”
I’d never enjoyed a kiss more. That wasn’t the point. “It’s unprofessional. I’m your therapist.”
He smiled again, and my heart nearly melted right onto the floor.
“We can take care of that. I can find another therapist.”
He was temptation personified. Such a beautiful man, so strong, so virile. I could have him. His erection was apparent beneath his jeans, and perspiration was slick on his skin.
But I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t.
“After this, you probably need to find another therapist regardless. This was completely unprofessional behavior on my part, and I hope…” My lips trembled. “My only excuse is that I was looking at papers when you came in, some papers from a former patient. I was overly emotional, and I—”
He walked forward and covered my lips with his finger. “Shh. You don’t need to explain anything. You’re an amazing kisser, Melanie.”
I warmed from my scalp to my toes. I looked down. My blouse was mussed, and my nipples were protruding right through my bra and the silky green fabric. I quickly crossed my arms over my chest. “Please, this is not something I normally do. I’ve never kissed a patient before.”
“Do I look like I’m complaining?”
“Professionalism is very important to me, Mr. Steel.”
“Now we’re back to Mr. Steel?”
“Uh…Jonah.” His name left my lips as a soft caress. Jonah. What a beautiful name—a rugged, masculine name for a rugged, masculine man. “Please, I need you to accept my apology.”
“Fine, if it makes you feel better. I accept your apology. And I’d love to accept another kiss.”
God, so would I. But that wasn’t going to happen. I fussed with my blouse a bit, willing my nipples to soften. I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. Why did you come back?”
He stalked toward me, a feral look in his dark eyes. “My cell phone seems to be missing. Otherwise I would’ve called you before I barged back in.”
I nodded. “Go ahead and have a look.”
He headed toward the chair where he’d been sitting, and sure enough, a few seconds later, he held up his phone.
I shook all over. More than anything, I wanted him to kiss me again.
His eyes were so full of fire. So full of want and need. The air between us was thick with lust. Or was it my imagination?
All I knew for sure was that if he didn’t leave my office this instant, I would launch myself at him again. I dug my feet into the carpeting, forcing them to stay where they were. Turned out it was futile, because he came toward me.
“Melanie,” he said.
My name from his lips sounded beautiful. A verbal caress. Still, I forced my feet not to move.
“No.” I held up my hand. “Stop right there. Don’t come any closer to me.”
Still, he stalked forward. “Why? Why do you want to deny whatever this is between us?”
“I… You’re a patient. You’re not available to me. And even if I wanted you to be available to me, I’m not in any state to begin anything with anyone.”
“I told you before. I’ll find another therapist.”
“Jonah, you’re not hearing me. I’m a mess. And I’m not looking for a quickie on my desk.”
“Who said anything about a quickie?”
“I… Just the way you’re looking at me.” Visions of him swooshing the disorganized papers from my desk and thrusting into me atop it littered my mind. My nipples puckered, and again I throbbed between my legs.
How long had it been for me? I hadn’t had any kind of relationship in over five years, and other than a few one-night stands, which I wasn’t particularly proud of, I hadn’t had any sex either.
A quickie with Jonah Steel wasn’t the worst idea.
But not now. He was a patient. His brother was a patient. It was just all too wrong.
As he closed the distance between us, I crossed my arms over my chest again, wishing I formed a more imposing presence.
“You just stop right there. Don’t come any nearer to me. I swear to God, I will scream.”
Chapter Five
Jonah
I stalked toward her. “Who’s going to hear you? You said yourself the secretary is gone for the day.”
“There are people in the offices adjacent to mine,” she said, chewing on her lip.
I closed the distance between us with one more stride, grabbing her hand. I placed it on the bulge beneath my jeans. “You feel that? Feel how much I want you?”
Her hands trembled against mine.
“Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me you’re not wet for me right now, and I’ll never bother you again.”
She shivered against me, and her nipples poked out from the green silk of her blouse. I reached toward her and fingered one.
She groaned, closing her eyes.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a woman, Melanie. A long, long time. I want you. Tell me you want me too.”
She shook her head, still biting her lower lip. Her skin turned that rosy pink I had seen during our session.
I lowered my voice, moving to her ear. “Just tell me. Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll go.”
She pushed me backward. “I can’t. Don’t you understand?”
“From where I’m standing, Melanie, we’re both consenting adults. You told me your age. So what’s so wrong about it?”
“I… I can’t do this anymore.” She grabbed her handbag from the corne
r of her desk. “Please, let yourself out.”
Within seconds, she was gone.
I met my buddy Bryce Simpson at Murphy’s Bar in Snow Creek later that evening.
“Who’s watching the kid tonight?” I asked, referring to his ten-month-old son, Henry.
“My mom and dad. They’re crazy about the little guy.”
“Are you still staying at the house with them?” Bryce’s father was the mayor of Snow Creek.
“Yeah, for now. I’m looking to find a place of my own. I think Henry and I might stay here for a while.”
“Really? That would be great. I was just telling—” Whoops, I had been about to say that I had told a therapist that I had very few friends. So didn’t want to go there. “I was just thinking that it would be nice to have you around.”
“I hear Talon has a girl.”
I took a sip of my CapRock martini and nodded. “Yeah, she’s very nice. Young though. Only twenty-five. Marj’s age.”
“Wow, that is young.”
“She doesn’t seem young though. She’s the city attorney.”
“Yeah, I heard. That’s crazy what happened with Larry Wade.”
I nodded. “News travels fast.”
Bryce’s eyes went glassy. “I’m sure sorry about what happened to Talon. I had no idea.”
I still didn’t know how to respond to things like this. I wanted to squirm and pretend I hadn’t heard Bryce. I could only imagine how uncomfortable it was for Talon. “No one did. It was very hush-hush.”
“Why? Why didn’t your parents try to find out what had happened?”
“That’s what we’re all trying to figure out. They had their reasons for keeping quiet, I guess. But at least one of those motherfuckers will come to justice.”
“Pretty scary,” he said. “It could have been either one of us.”
True that. It had haunted me since it happened twenty-five years ago. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “Yeah, it should have happened to me.”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
I cleared my throat. Bryce was my oldest friend. If I couldn’t be honest with him, I couldn’t be honest with anyone. “The day Talon was taken, he went out to the Walkers’ ranch to look for clues. He asked me to go with him, but I refused. If I had gone…”
“If you’d gone, they’d have taken both of you.”
I shook my head. “Ryan was with him, and he got away. He got away because Talon protected him. He protected his little brother, like I should’ve protected mine.”
“You can’t hold on to something that happened so long ago, man.”
If only it were that simple, but I didn’t think for a minute Bryce would understand. Then again, maybe he would. Luke Walker, the boy who had been kidnapped before Talon, was Bryce’s cousin. Talon had told Ryan and me what had happened to Luke Walker. Two of the kidnappers had chopped him up into pieces while they forced my brother to watch. I chilled to the bone. I couldn’t be the one who told Bryce that horror story. Still, he might understand my feelings about failing to protect Talon.
“Do you ever feel guilty about what happened to Luke? He wasn’t your brother, but he was your cousin.”
“I missed him, even though we weren’t overly close. We didn’t have a lot in common.” He shrugged. “But guilt? Not really. Maybe I should have. It was horrible that he disappeared and was never found. I was bummed when he disappeared, but nobody knew he was taken. We all thought he’d run away at first and that he’d eventually show up.”
“But then Talon disappeared.”
“But remember, none of us knew about Talon. It happened during the summer, and by the time school started up again, Talon was back. Then your parents covered it up, so no one knew.”
He was right, but then something shot into my mind. “You know, I never thought of this before, but after Talon, no one else was taken. At least not from around here.”
Bryce nodded. “You’re right.”
Larry Wade had been caught, but the other two hadn’t. Those two could have kept abducting kids. “My parents knew Larry Wade was one of Talon’s kidnappers, and they let him get away with it. I sure as hell don’t know why. Larry claims he helped Talon escape, and maybe he did, but I still don’t get why my parents let him go.”
“Have you asked Larry?”
“I haven’t gone to see him. Only Jade has. I’m not sure Talon could hold it together. Hell, I’m not sure I could either.”
“Did Larry tell Jade anything?”
“No. Larry won’t say a word about the other two. He’s scared to death of them. We don’t know who the hell they are, and he won’t roll over on them.”
“That is a pickle.”
“A pickle?” I laughed, despite the somber subject.
“Just a phrase my mom uses,” Bryce said. “I’m sure you’ve heard me use it before.”
I shook my head. “I’m certain I’d remember that. But seriously, I don’t know. Maybe I should go talk to the SOB. I can force myself to hold it together. God knows I’ve done it before. Nothing to lose, except a couple hours of my life.”
“I’ll go with you, if you want. I’d like to pick his brain about Luke. My cousin could be alive somewhere for all I know.”
Poor Bryce. I’d have to tell him the truth about Luke at some point. But not right now. I loved the idea of him going with me, though. Facing Larry alone was more than I could stomach. “Would you really go along? I’d be grateful for the company, and I can’t ask one of my brothers to go with me, especially not Talon. They have to go in their own time. But I should talk to Talon first. It’s really his call whether I go. This is his story, not mine.”
“That’s true to a point. But we don’t need his permission to talk to Larry. Why shouldn’t we try to figure out what happened? We can help Talon all the better the more we know, and I’d like to find out more about what happened to Luke.”
“It’s a plan, then,” I said. “We’ll go see Larry. Does tomorrow work for you?”
“I set up a bunch of appointments to look at houses tomorrow. How about sometime next week?”
“Sounds good. God knows I have work to do around the ranch.”
Something occurred to me then, something I hadn’t yet asked Bryce about. “Tell me about Henry’s mother. What happened between you two?”
Bryce chuckled. “She was really hot, and I was drunk and in Las Vegas. That’s about the sum of it. Not one of my finer moments.”
“So how long were you two together?”
“About a year. She got pregnant the first night we were together. My own damned fault. I was shit-faced and forgot the condom. She gave me the ‘Oh, honey, it’s okay. I’m on the pill,’ line. What a crock.”
“She’s not the first one to use that line.”
“Yes, I should’ve known better. I’m not an idiot.”
“No, you’re not. But look at that cute little boy you got out of it. Is she in the picture at all now?”
“Not really, and it’s just as well. She has no business having a kid. I requested custody, and she didn’t fight me on it. It was a quickie divorce, just like it had been a quickie marriage.”
“At least it was a relationship. It’s more than I’ve had.”
“It was no relationship, Joe. It was a one-night stand with consequences.”
“What was her name?”
“Francine. Francine Stokes. She’s a topless dancer.”
I smirked. “Are you going to tell Henry about her one day?”
“Of course I will. He has a right to know who his mother is.”
I nodded. “I never thought about having kids, at least not until I saw you with Henry when you came back to town.”
“Neither did I,” Bryce said. “But I have one now. And you know what? I’m not sure how I ever got along without the little guy. Kids change things, Joe. I can’t say how much I look forward to his little smile. And my parents are having a blast. I’m no spring rooster. I wasn�
��t sure I’d ever have a kid, but I’m sure glad I do.”
My parents hadn’t lived to see any grandchildren, but I felt certain there would be some. Jade and Talon would probably have a child at some point. Would I? I’d have liked to think I would.
Melanie Carmichael’s face popped into my head. She had gotten to me the first time I saw her, and now, after that kiss… I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. There wouldn’t be any need to deal with it, because she had called it off. She didn’t want to have a relationship with me, so I had no other choice. If I wanted to see her, I had to make another appointment for therapy.
Whether she would take my appointment was up in the air.
Chapter Six
Melanie
Gina’s parents had never contacted me.
I sat in my bedroom in my loft in downtown Grand Junction, reading over Gina’s file. Yes, it was self-torture, but after I had inadvertently come across her letter earlier, I couldn’t help myself. This was far from the first time I had pored through the file, wondering where I had gone wrong. I’d taken copious notes after each session, just like I did with all my patients. I never took notes during the session. I liked to concentrate on the patient. But I was very detailed in my notes once the session was over.
At no time during the six months I treated her had she given me any reason to indicate that she was suicidal. What had I missed? Had I not asked the right questions? Had I not read between the lines as I should have? And how could I have not realized she had feelings of love for me? How had I missed that?
Developing feelings for one’s therapist was very normal. I’d had it happen before in my career. It had been with a man, and I had nipped it in the bud right away and sent him to another therapist—just like I was going to do with Jonah Steel. Was it because Gina was a woman that I hadn’t seen it coming? And did the fact that she’d fallen in love with me have anything to do with how she presented herself? Perhaps she’d wanted to look good for me, and she put on an act so I wouldn’t realize she was suicidal.
I sighed. Gina had been through hell. But so had Talon Steel, and he wasn’t suicidal. So had most of my patients, and very few were suicidal. But Gina had been, and I hadn’t seen it.