The Better to Eat You With: The Red Journals

by Cara Villar

  I cleared my throat. “He was killed by wolves,” I finished.

  Felix was silent for the longest time. The feel of him at my back was a hot, distant presence, like the sun. But I was chilled to the bone. How could I even contemplate letting someone get that close to me again, let them mean so much, only to have them ripped away? What kind of life would I have if I had to live with that fear? I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t.

  “I’m not going anywhere, pet.” Felix’s lips skimmed softly over my neck, and I shivered despite myself. His fingers, warm from feeding, unpeeled my death-grip on my files.

  “Can you promise?” I breathed as he pulled my iPad free. Moments later, his hands were back on my hips, gripping as he pressed into me, burying his face in my shoulder.

  “Yes.”

  “You can’t promise such a thing.”

  “You obviously haven’t recognized how stubborn I am,” he told me, his east-London accent seeming smug. “Looks like I’ll have to show you.”

  He spun me to face him, and all thoughts left my mind. The cold in my bones shuddered under the heat of his intent look. His eyes were a swirling, spiraling whirl of lime, moss and emerald green, a faint shimmer of gold at the very outer edge of his irises.

  I sucked in a sharp breath, inhaling anise and ice, sparkling yellow tinting my own vision in response. A man should not smell so goddamned enticing. His collection of scents had me guessing every moment, combining to make a varying aroma whenever he was near. The curiosity to find out what he smelled like each instant was addictive. With each breath in, the smell of him eased back the icy center of my soul like a heated blanket over cold feet. I shivered anew, skin prickling and rising, as if reaching for more of him.

  “Are you about to take advantage of my emotional state?” I gasped. Say yes say yes say yes say yes…

  “Yes.”

  Thank you, sweet baby Jesus!

  His knees pushed mine apart as my hands slid up his chest, pushing his shirt off his shoulders. Were those my hands?

  He suddenly dipped and grabbed the back of my thighs, hauling me up in one swift motion to wrap my legs around his hips. Were those my legs?

  He pressed me into the door, and his hard length settled against my heat. My breath caught, and then escaped in a soft moan as he ground into me, little sparks of delight flashing through me like little blips of heaven. My fingers tunneled into his cool, damp hair, gripping tight as my gums started to ache. My canines descended.

  Felix’s intense gaze held mine rapt, halting all painful, guilty, secret memories from flitting through me, keeping me grounded in the now, in the feel of him, hard, thick and rubbing against me. His hand crept up my spine, wrapped around the length of my hair, and pulled until I was arching back, my throat exposed.

  I wasn’t afraid, though I should have been. No, I was excited. Unhindered, unimaginably, unexpectedly excited. His tongue left a trail of white-hot fire from my collarbone to my chin, sending shivers of pleasure and lust cleaving straight down to my core and pooling hot and heavy with need. My hips rolled hungrily against him.

  As he released my hair and I lowered my head to meet his eyes once more, my whole body was screaming to be kissed, to be taken, to be ravaged until my memories were nothing but vague shadows in the back of my mind. Gold splayed in his eyes, his nostrils flaring to take in the erotic scent of our excitement. Such a unique scent; all citrus and chocolate and spices. He pressed forward, leaning in, his intent clear, his lips barely an inch from mine. I hungered for a taste of him.

  Boom, boom, boom!

  We both froze, the door reverberating against my spine. Our rasping breaths filled the sudden silence as we waited. I throbbed between my legs. My skin tingled everywhere. I felt ravenous for more of Felix, and yet, as we waited, my ardor cooled, and the golden glow left my vision. Felix blinked, and golden lightning fizzled out of his green gaze.

  “Maybe they’ll go if—” His hushed whisper never finished.

  Boom! “I’m not going away.”

  Des. Great. Her growly man-voice practically blistered me through the wood. What did this female have against my back?

  I sighed as Felix released me with an arched brow. I sank down to the carpet, reluctant to release him. I scowled at the door. “What do you want? We’re working,” I snarled back through the panel.

  There was a grumbled, “Doesn’t smell like you’re working.” Which made my lips twitch and my cheeks warm, and then, “Vince wants you to meet him for dinner.” Her tone was practically grudging. I pursed my lips as Felix continued to stare down at me.

  “Care to explain, pet?” he asked.

  I cleared my throat. “He was in my room last night.”

  “Is that so?” Felix purred, instantly predator-still.

  “He wants to know about the freak in his territory,” I grumbled, staring at Felix’s bare chest, fingers lightly passing over the swirling ink on his ribs. If he hadn’t shivered at my touch, I’d have thought him a statue just then. “I told him if he buggered off and let me rest I’d answer his questions.”

  I looked up at him then, and he arched his brow at me as if to say ‘You made a deal with a wolf, pet? Tut, tut.’

  Suddenly, Felix swung around and marched for his bed, shoving his jeans down and giving me a spectacular view of his backside. I spun away and nearly head-butted the door, my breath catching in my throat and my ears burning all over again.

  “What are you doing?” I squeaked.

  He was behind me in an instant. “Dressing for dinner.”

  I peeked over my shoulder to see him buttoning the shirt I’d nearly ripped off him. He had on a pair of pale grey slacks, shiny black loafers and was tucking in his white shirt. I could have drooled, if his words hadn’t just registered.

  “You can’t come to dinner,” I squeaked again. “I can’t deal with you both together.” Oh crap, mini-panic. “I’ll end up killing one of you!” I never knew my voice could maintain so high an octave. “You can’t come.”

  “Oh, yes I can, pet. I’m not missing Vince’s first lesson in house training.” His smile was all teeth as he reached past me before I could say anything. He shuffled us out the door, past a startled Des. “Dinner sounds smashing. I’m starved.” Felix beamed.

  Seeing the look of determination on his feral face, Des scowled and stalked off. I couldn’t keep the grin from curving my lips.

  14

  I followed Des down the corridor, but only as far as my room. With a murmured, “Hold up,” I shoved my key card in the slot and ducked into my room, pulling the clip out of my hair and my shirt off over my head.

  “What are you doing?” Felix asked, moving into the room.

  Des remained at the doorway as I quickly ran a brush through my hair and hastily tied it back in a high ponytail.

  “Changing,” I replied simply. Werewolves may be part human, but they are still animals, and most things on four legs, I’d learned, had a thing about touching. They played with hair, stroked skin, fingered clothing, usually without being asked. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, as the only two animal people in my world who had such skin privileges were Jade and her brother Fletch. And maybe Felix…if he were so inclined.

  Shiver—blush—mental note to have a cold shower later.

  If I went into a room with Vincent with my hair down and my skin on show, he might take it as an invitation to…play. Well, even if it wasn’t an invitation, I get the impression that it would be all no-holds-barred when it was just me and him. I don’t think he’d hold back. That civilized demeanor shrouded in rock bands, big boots and a faint southern drawl would disappear the instant I became prey.

  I braided my hair, twisted it into a bun and pinned it in place, then grabbed my duffel and turned, heaving it onto the bed.

  Des hissed in a shocked breath, and I froze.

  Turning my head slowly, I looked at her. Her eyes were on my shoulder, her face a little pale. I realized then that she hadn’t seen it properly
when my scars were facing away from her and my arms had been raised to fix my hair. Now, though, with my hair clear of my neck, everything was on display. Even Felix had gone preternaturally still. My stomach dropped down to my shoes and my ears and cheeks burned. I yanked out a cream-colored sweater with thin red lines and a hood, and tugged it on; making sure it covered my scars.

  Immortals didn’t scar, but I am a true freak of nature.

  I’d forgotten how hideous it was, it took me a moment before I could look at either of the near strangers in my room. To think, only a few minutes before, Felix had made me feel like the most beautiful thing in his world. Then I’d taken my shirt off and brought the world crashing down around our ears. Some reality check, eh? Thank God Des had come along. I couldn’t have handled that if we’d been in bed.

  Taking a deep, silent breath, I blinked furiously and steeled myself. I snatched up my phone, slipped it into my back pocket, exhaled, turned away from the bed and strode for the door, gaze fixed on the hall.

  Des flinched away when I passed her, and my lip trembled slightly, making me so goddamned angry my blood pounded in my ears. You’d think, after so long, the reactions of my disfiguration would have made me immune, but all it’s done is make me more and more conscious of how I don’t look like all the other attractive young women out there. Des might look more masculine than I, but I bet she doesn’t have men cringing away from her when she takes her shirt off.

  Gripping my key card, I paused in the hallway and looked back at Des at my doorway, her large, hazel eyes fixed on my shoulder as if she could see my scars right through my sweater. Felix came out of my room, shut my door, and paused to look between Des and me.

  “Lead the way, lieutenant,” I said, and she jerked again, despite the softness of my voice. Her eyes came up to mine and I saw the brief flare of shock and pity in her gaze. I turned away. I didn’t want her pity, or anyone else’s. Nothing could be done, and making me feel like a bloody freak wouldn’t help. “When you’re ready,” I said stiffly, when all she did was look at me.

  “Of course,” she said, clearing her throat. She strode past me with a murmured, “Follow me,” and headed straight for the elevators.

  I watched her walk, seeing in her steady, soundless stride a subtle grace that made me think she probably was a very good soldier. She was probably still miffed I had hurt her and Mark, seemingly unprovoked, and no one had reprimanded me. Although, now that she’d seen my scars, maybe that flash of pity I saw would make her back off.

  Only wolves left wounds like mine, and mine was more savage than most.

  Felix’s hand alighted on the small of my back and I flinched. My eyes flickered up to his, and seeing they were dark with concern, I wanted his pity even less so than Des’s. I gave him a smile, though I could feel it was wobbly.

  “I’m in the mood for a fackin’ ‘uge slab of steak,” I said, overly jolly. “How about you?”

  Felix’s mouth quirked at the corners as he slowly shook his head, urging me down to the elevators behind Des. “Blimey, pet,” he murmured at my language. “What company do you keep?”

  Vincent’s room was one floor up from ours. Felix leaned casually against the wall beside the door, watching me as Des knocked and waited. He looked deliciously sinful in his smart slacks and soft silk shirt, a far cry from the ruggedly gorgeous he usually looked in his jeans, tees and biker jacket. Yet, he still managed to ooze that predatory I-could-kill-you-before-you-knew-I’d-moved, which was, of course, totally inherent with his and-you’ll-like-it persona.

  I wonder if he spanks…

  I jerked at the thought and fixed my gaze on the door numbers. I tilted my head. Vincent’s room was right above mine. I had a balcony. Vincent probably had one too. My lips pursed. So that’s how he got into my room. I glanced over at Felix, his brow arched and a hint-of-dimple showed. Was he impressed? I bloody wasn’t. Bloody Alpha’s wandering around, nosing in on my shit. Jeez. Why doesn’t he just cock his leg on me then we can all go home!

  The door swung open, and Vincent’s smile froze on his face the instant he saw Felix, who beamed. Vincent’s eyes swung to Des, who looked defiant.

  “What is the Vampire doing here?” he snarled softly. He was wearing faded jeans and a white shirt that was undone at the collar with the sleeves rolled up. His tanned skin was covered in tattoos that showed faintly through his shirt on both arms

  My fingers itched to touch as my eyes zeroed in on the swirling designs and odd little details. A nudge in my side and my gaze shot up to Vince’s face. I instantly noticed his hair was ruffled and sexy. Damn, this wolf is hawt!

  Des shrugged. “He said he was hungry.”

  “Indeed I am, mate.” Felix straightened and breezed into the room before either Des or Vincent thought to stop him. “We’re in the mood for steak. You?”

  Des followed the Vampire in, and Vincent scowled at me. “Not part of the deal, darlin’,” He growled low enough for me to shiver.

  A shiver? Seriously? Where is my zoned-out kick-ass self that tossed him across the room? Obviously, he wasn’t being threatening enough, or some part of me knew—the damn wolf part, I’m sure—that he was an Alpha and refused to slam dunk his ass for the second time.

  Bristling, I stepped over the threshold. His room was exactly the same as mine, only it smelled like a beach and the faint musk associated with werewolves.

  Interesting…

  “Neither was she.” My gaze flicked to Des as Vincent pushed the door shut, and then wrapped his arm about my neck, cupping the back of my head in the crook of his elbow. My lips thinned as I pressed my hands against his chest, trying not to soften under the enticing scent of sunshine, sea salt and dominating Alpha wolf. Jeepers, his potency was intoxicating.

  “I only ordered for two,” Vince said, eyes fixed on Felix. The Vampire turned elegantly on his heel.

  “I’m sure Red won’t mind sharing with me.” He grinned softly as he dropped elegantly into a chair at the table set for two.

  What do ya know? –.

  I pushed a little harder against Vince’s chest. “I’m not staying if she is.”

  Vince leaned down, putting us nose to nose and then some, making me arch back to keep his lips from brushing mine as he spoke. “If he stays, I won’t behave.”

  My mind scrambled for definition of what he meant, and as I snagged on the thought of him touching me, feeding me and wrestling me into submission with Felix watching, my eyes widened. He wouldn’t… would he?

  His baby blues sparkled in amusement, and he gave a barely imperceptible nod of affirmation, as if hearing my thoughts.

  “Felix!” I snapped my head to him. “Out!”

  The sexy Vampire’s smile dropped. “What?”

  “The wolf and I had a deal.”

  “Your point?” he snapped, coming to his feet and striding for me—fierce, gorgeous and breath-taking. Vince leaned back and moved away, smug written all over his swagger.

  “My point is,” I said, teeth gritted, “he’s living up to his end, so I will live up to mine.” I crossed my arms and kicked out a hip, staring at Felix while shock, rage, indignation, and then jaw-clenching acceptance whipped across his handsome features.

  “Fine,” he said, and then turned to Vince. “If she screams, I’ll rip you apart.”

  “She might be enjoying herself.” Vince smirked, and my hands clenched.

  I scowled.

  Felix’s face went cold.

  “Like I said, if she screams….” He spun for the door, letting his words trail off in meaning.

  Basically, if Vince hurt me and I screamed, Felix would rip him apart. If Vince pleasured me—gulp—and I screamed, Felix would rip him apart. Wow… I suddenly feel so much safer. I glanced at Vince as he sprawled in the chair opposite the one Felix had sat in. It wasn’t quite as elegant, but it was powerfully provocative to see him lounging so negligently, knees spread wide and inviting.

  I’m only half-wolf. I will not drool!

>   “Des?” Vincent murmured, gesturing to the door, his eyes never leaving mine.

  Clearly unsettled, Des fidgeted on the spot for a moment, and then followed Felix out, her brows arched down in fury. I beamed at her.

  With a flourish, I swung the door shut, and turned to face the Alpha wolf who wanted to dominate me. Even as that thought skipped like a stone over the calm waters of my psyche, the full weight of his hunter’s focus fell on me. Vincent’s whole demeanor shifted into predatory and dominant, and my hands twitched against my thighs. My smile faltered.

  I do not want to touch him. I do not want to touch him. I do not want to touch him…

  “You said you’d behave,” I pouted, gripping my sweaty palms into fists around the seams of my slacks.

  Vince tilted his head in that very un-human way of his. “No, I didn’t.” His sensuous lips curved into a very rapacious grin, all teeth. “I merely confirmed that I definitely wouldn’t while the Vampire was here.”

  Damn… out-smarted by a dog. How low I have fallen.

  “And now you are undecided?” I asked, not moving, my ego taking a thorough mental bashing.

  He merely shrugged in reply and gestured to the empty chair. “Take a seat, darlin’.”

  I eyed the comfy looking tub chair with its padded circular back and thick cushion, the upholstery a fresh off-white with shiny silk flowers sweeping over it in the same color. Tilting up my chin, I moved slowly to the chair, and sat down, casually crossing my legs at the knee.

  “So, what’s for dinner?” I asked, when he only stared at me in silence.

  “Steak,” he replied, lips curving to show pearly white and slightly large canines.

  My eyes narrowed. “Why steak?” Surely he hadn’t heard me tell Felix I wanted steak… right?

  “It was either that or meatballs,” he replied, and I nodded. “But I thought I’d save those for later.”

  His tone was suggestive, just like his smile, and I felt myself flush from breastbone to hairline when my gaze inadvertently dropped to the V of his spread legs. He chuckled, and I covered my face with a hand.