by Colet Abedi
“And finish season two of Succession?” I add.
“Perfect.”
I’m smiling like a loon when we hang up. I can’t wait to see him and I just left the man. How is that even normal?
I pull into my brother’s building and give my car over to valet. It’s a member’s only club with apartments, as well as a private restaurant and bar. Hollywood royalty frequent this spot, so I’m surprised my brother chose this place to live, considering how little he cares for the industry.
I’m ushered up to his condo through a private elevator. When I walk inside, I’m taken aback by the view. It is really amazing. The place is sprawling, with a raw, industrial feel, but still manages to be super homey. I like it.
Colt has his back to me and is staring at the skyline. His mood feels broody. Yes, he’s my brother, but he’s very handsome. He’s tall like Ian, with my mom’s green eyes, and he has sandy-colored hair. He also takes incredible care of himself. Growing up, my girlfriends all embarrassed themselves to impress him when he was around. Wylder is actually my first friend he tried to charm, but she was already gaga for Jamie.
I hold out my arms and wait for my brother to acknowledge me. There’s no way he didn’t hear the elevator ding.
“Hell of a greeting,” I call out to him with as much sarcasm as possible.
Colt finally turns with an indecipherable look on his face. In one hand, I’m holding the bouquet of lilies I purchased for him at the flower shop on my way over.
“These are for you. Housewarming gift since everyone needs flowers to brighten their day.” I smile. “Please forgive a terrible sister.”
Colt takes the bouquet and pulls me in his arms, “You’re not a terrible sister.” He gives me a strong hug.
I’m taken aback by the rare show of emotion. “What’s that? This is your moment to hit me hard,” I tease.
“Don’t be annoying.” Colt places a brotherly kiss on the top of my head before heading into his open-spaced kitchen.
I follow him in a bit of confusion and wonder what’s up with him. “Your place is rad.” I compliment him and motion around his home.
“It was a last-minute find.” He shrugs as if it’s no big deal.
“It’s pretty great for a last-minute find. I’d kill for something like this.”
“You know Dad will buy you anything you want.”
“At a price,” I remind him. “And besides, where’s the fun in that?”
“Spoken like a true Harrington.”
“Maybe.” I shrug.
“Well, move in with me then. I have four bedrooms. Two suites. Change up your scene.”
“I’ll cramp your style with the ladies.” I wave off what I’m convinced is an empty offer. “And I’m renting a house with Wyld and Tony. Did you forget about that?”
“Don’t worry about my style,” Colt says as he pulls out a vase and fills it with water. “Change your view and try it down here for a while.”
I’m seriously taken aback.
“Wylder is living with her director, and Tony can find a place when the lease is up.”
“The lease isn’t up for another year.” I shake my head in confusion, then I’m instantly suspicious. A wave of fear washes over me. “Is everything okay? You’re not about to tell me you have some life-threatening disease, are you?”
He laughs, to my relief. “No. I’m just worried about you.”
“Why?” I’m back to being suspicious. “I look all right, don’t I? Have you ever seen me so happy?”
“I don’t see you, so I wouldn’t know.” You can’t miss the sarcasm in his voice.
“I’m dating someone.” I throw up my hands in defeat. “What do you think happens when you first date someone and are just head over heels?”
Colt gives me an icy glare. “Head over heels?”
“What’s wrong with that?” I ask.
Colt looks away and curses under his breath. Something is definitely up.
“Colt?”
“I need you to sit down,” he orders, his voice as serious as I’ve ever heard it.
And oh my God. I am instantly afraid.
“What is it?” I ask, but I do as he says and take a seat at the counter.
“Fucking Dad!”
Now I’m really on high alert. “Talk to me.”
“I have to start at the beginning.” His voice is somber. “So it all makes sense.”
I hold my breath and wait.
“Five years ago, we noticed a trend. Big and what would have been easy buy-outs were slipping out of our hands right when we were about to close. Deals we, especially Dad, had done a thousand times over. They were just slipping away. As time went on, they became progressively worse. The blows more aggressive. Insulting, even—especially for Dad. Like the corp behind the deal wanted it to really hurt him. It wasn’t just about winning the company. It was like it was about beating Dad.”
“Poor Dad,” I whisper, sorry my father has been going through so much stress.
“Depends what lens you see him through.” Colt’s voice is cold.
“What do you mean?”
Colt smiles bitterly. “I’ll explain. As you can imagine, the board began to lose faith in Dad as CEO and the situation became precarious. Dad tasked me with finding out whatever I could about this company that no one really seemed to know about and came out of thin air.” Colt looks at me. “I was tasked with finding out who was hell-bent on ensuring Jon Harrington’s demise.”
My stomach slowly sinks. “Dad’s demise?”
“Kerri, the board wants Dad gone.” Colt’s voice is firm. “They’ve asked him to step down because of the way the business has gone the past few years. It doesn’t look good for him. Not to mention the personal financial loss he’s suffered. He’s going to have to sell the Bel Air home.”
I feel as if my world dropped out from beneath me. I don’t even know how to process what he’s saying. And the tone in my brother’s voice. I hate how ominous he sounds. Like I know something is coming for me.
“Does Mom know?” I ask.
“She has an idea that we’ve lost a lot. I don’t think she has any clue to how much.”
“What else?” I ask.
Colt crosses his arms and looks out at the view. “I started my investigation. All done in the utmost secrecy because I knew they would know we were looking for them. So we had one active investigation going on that the main players knew about, and a secret one that only Dad, Hal, and me knew about. But as of this moment, you know as well.”
Hal is my father’s head of security at his company. He’s been with the family forever. I always thought that my father trusted him even more than his own blood.
“I’ll spare you the endless groundwork. The investigation finally led us to a name.” Colt looks back at me.
A feeling of doom consumes me. “Who?”
“When I tell you, you’ll be the only person other than me who knows his name. I haven’t even told Dad yet. Nor Hal. There are ramifications that cross many moral lines.”
“Who?” My voice is barely a whisper because I think I know.
I know.
Colt’s eyes lock with mine. “Ian Sutherland.”
He says my lover’s name emotionlessly, even though I’m well aware Colt already knows who Ian is to me.
“Why?” I ask quietly.
“It’s not pretty.”
My stomach sinks even more. “Colt—” and the sick feeling I have envelopes me like a virus.
“Colt—” I warn.
“He had a sister—”
“Tanya,” Colt and I say her name at the same time.
“Tanya and Dad…” He can’t even hold my gaze but he continues to tell me what is absolutely the worst thing in the world for him to say.
I feel my stomach fall through the floor. My body is so hot with emotion, I don’t know how to calm it down. I close my eyes in horror. “I’m going to be sick.”
“You have to hear it,” Col
t persists. “His sister—”
“I know the story,” I barely manage to whisper. “I just didn’t know the man was our father.”
We look away from each other at the same time.
“It’s not his first time.” I’m taken aback by how cold Colt’s voice is. “Dad’s been down this road many, many times. This is just the worst of them.”
“Colt?” My voice trembles.
“I caught Dad with Valerie.”
His fiancée.
Now I know I’m going to be sick. My poor brother. This is a betrayal I don’t know if I could ever forgive. I don’t even know how to forgive our father for what he did to my brother. How has Colt carried this secret for so long? I stare at my brother’s tortured face and I know—he never wanted me to know the truth. Or my mom. He was protecting us, protecting an image we thought was real. I feel his pain more than he knows.
It’s clear that Colt is disgusted by my father—maybe even hates him—and I can’t blame him. I’m trying to process all the emotions rolling through my mind as well. This man he’s talking about, I don’t even know who he is. Is this really my dad? What is going on? My world just turned upside down.
“I think Sutherland’s been stalking you.” Colt’s voice is somber, and I have to close my eyes against what he’s saying. “He wants to hurt Dad. And he would use anything, any means or ways, to do it. And do you know why I know this?”
Tears come and I can only manage to shake my head.
“I know this because he loved his sister, and in his own fucked up way, he believes he’s avenging her death.” My brother sounds like a man in pain. “And I understand it. Fuck, maybe I’d do the same if it had been you—”
The dam breaks and I can’t stop the tears if I tried.
“I’m so sorry.” Colt sounds devastated for me. “This is a lot for you to take in, and I know what this betrayal feels like.”
I can only nod.
“I’m going to protect you against this bastard.”
I look at him. “The damage is done.”
Colt walks over and pulls me in his strong embrace. I let the sobs rack my body as I cry over my broken heart, Colt’s pain, and my father—the man I thought he was and the man he actually is.
“Kerri…” Colt’s voice is almost unsure now.
“Yes?”
“Do you have something to tell me?”
“What do you mean?” I pull away from his embrace and look at him in confusion.
“I know everything.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That club you go to,” he says, to my mortification.
But then I guess my brother knowing about my sexual fantasies is the least of my worries. The man I love doesn’t love me back. I’ve been a game to him.
The pain is real.
“What is that all about?” he asks. “Is there something you want to share with me?”
“Are you asking me where what you deem a fucked-up fantasy came from?” There’s an edge to my voice that my brother has never heard.
“I want to know why my baby sister has been visiting a place like this since she was eighteen.”
“What does it matter?”
“It matters because I need to know if I missed something.” He sounds so sad and frustrated. “Did someone hurt you? Goddammit, Kerri, I’m your older brother and I love you and I just don’t understand—”
“Nothing I tell you will make anything better, Colt.” And I mean it.
We lock eyes.
“I don’t care—”
I lash out. “What do you want to know? That Daddy’s best business partner raped me in our own home? Is that what you want to hear?”
Colt’s face is ash white.
I feel bad that I told him about my assault like that, in that manner—it isn’t his fault and he’s hurting just like me for so many reasons that I didn’t even know about. He’s just being a protective older brother, I understand that, but he pushed me…now, just after he hit me with all of this shit.
“Jesus.” Colt looks as bad as I feel. His eyes are bright with tears.
Seeing his pity makes me crazy. “Don’t you dare cry for me!”
I won’t have my brother feel sorry for me.
Colt moves toward me faster than I can escape and pulls me back into his arms, and it’s suddenly everything I need—my brother’s unconditional love and strength. We cry together. Over all of it.
It’s a while before either of us can compose ourselves, but when we do, I am eerily calm.
Like a, ‘this is your life moment’, everything suddenly makes sense to me. Why Ian knew so much about me—he was watching me all those years. Learning everything he could. I wonder why he waited so long to come for me? Maybe he felt some remorse…but then, I won’t allow myself to give him the benefit of the doubt now. I think about the passion between us. I can’t believe he was acting…I just can’t believe it. Was everything a giant lie?
It’s all so twisted.
And Tanya…God. To think my father was the catalyst that sent her over to the brink of despair. It’s too unbearable to dwell on.
“It’s a lot to take in,” Colt says. I know he’s watching me.
“When are you going to tell Dad you know about Tanya?” I ask. “When will you make the connection?”
My parents don’t even know I’m dating anyone. I’ve never said Ian’s name to them.
“I don’t know yet,” Colt admits. “Dad is broken. I’ve never seen him like this. If he hears this end of it, it might push him, and I don’t know what he’ll do.”
“I can’t imagine Dad showing emotion like that,” I admit.
Colt locks eyes with me. “Imagine it.”
“Does he deserve your empathy?” I can’t help but ask.
“No, but he is our father. And I’m a Harrington—as are you.”
“He isn’t the man I believed him to be,” I whisper, feeling so sick.
“They never are.”
Colt walks over to the bar and grabs a crystal decanter that I know is filled with his favorite whiskey. He pours us both glasses. I take mine down fast. He does the same and refills us.
“Want to go to the family room and order pizza and fucking drink our sorrows away?” he asks as he hands me back my glass.
“Sounds about right,” I say even though I’m not hungry in the least—but the liquor will work just fine.
I take the whiskey down fast, wanting to pretend the day never happened. Wanting to pretend this isn’t my reality.
“You’re sleeping here tonight,” Colt orders as we head down the road of alcohol toward the point of no return.
“Sure.”
I look at my phone. Ian will be so upset…God, it doesn’t matter anymore what he says or thinks, does it? The tears come again. The best thing I can do is shut it off and keep it far away from me.
****
I wake up sprawled out on my brother’s couch at two in the morning. My brother is asleep on the couch opposite me, the TV still on a marathon of Star Wars movies. I guzzle down water, and then reality hits me hard. And I remember everything.
Nausea practically overwhelms me.
I can’t believe this is my life.
I find my phone and turn it on, cringing when I see the number of texts and voicemails from Ian. I can barely bring myself to read or listen to any of them. I don’t know if I can handle hearing his voice right now.
One thing is for certain—I’ve never felt so heartbroken. Or lost. Ian just killed the fairytale in me—that one you dream could one day be yours. He killed it.
He’s shattered me.
I don’t read anything he’s sent me and only send the only text I can.
ME: Ian…I know everything.
I put down my phone and wait.
A few minutes later, it vibrates with a text. My stomach twists and heart accelerates. I pick it up and stare at the message.
IAN: So do I.
My stomach drops.<
br />
And then he sends me a picture of my pregnancy test—the one I took in the guest bathroom…except now it’s not blank.
It reads positive.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ian
I think I’m losing my mind.
It’s been almost two weeks and I’ve heard nothing from Kerri but that one text. The woman who has infiltrated every part of my soul and my life. The woman who is pregnant with my child.
My child.
I still can’t believe it.
I shocked myself with my reaction. I was actually relieved, fucking relieved, that I’d have a reason to force her into getting married. And as quickly as possible. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Because I wanted her to be my wife. I want her to be my wife.
I want her to have my name.
She isn’t a Harrington. She’s a Sutherland. And that child is part of our future.
But she’s gone off the grid. Her phone is off. She could be anywhere. And I’m sure as fuck trying to find her. I have a team of men searching, but she knows how to hide and she has the money to do it right.
I have to talk to her. She needs to listen to me. I need to tell her that it wasn’t all a lie. She wasn’t a lie. She was real. The most real I’ve ever had or would ever want. I knew it from the moment we set eyes on one another. And now…
I’m going fucking mad without her. I can’t eat. I can’t fucking sleep or think.
She’s mine. And fuck it, I’m hers. Gladly.
I just want Kerri.
In this time we’ve spent apart, all I’ve done is feel her absence. Like a big fucking void that nothing can fill. She’s home. And now she’s hiding from me.
I don’t blame her, but I’m going crazy not hearing from her. Not seeing her. Not knowing where she is.
I knew something was up when she didn’t call that day she visited her brother, when her phone went straight to voicemail. I don’t know why I went in that guest bathroom, but I did, and I saw the test. The first thing I thought was she might have gone into hiding because she’s terrified of children. But then I knew she wouldn’t ignore me so long. She knows I worry. And the next logical thought was that her brother had discovered the truth. The longer she stayed silent, the more sure I became.