Begin Again (Home In You Book 2)

by Crystal Walton

  She threaded her fingers through his hair, her affirmation inviting him deeper. Her touch ignited a familiar surge of heat inside him that he’d tamped down for so long. When she inclined her neck for his lips to navigate every crevice, he didn’t hesitate.

  The ache for more intensified as her warm hands traveled down his collar to the top button on his shirt. “Let me make up for today.”

  She whispered it so softly, he almost missed it.

  His body tensed at her meaning, her words dousing the fire burning through his tendons. Was that what this was? What she still thought he wanted? Or worse, what she thought she owed him?

  Hard breaths met his when he broke away. The physical pain of stopping was nothing compared to the fist of guilt slamming into him from the look in her eyes—questions mixed with longing and trust. Red marks left from his scruffy jaw trailed from her mouth to her neck, like the bruise that punk had left on her arm.

  She studied him for an explanation. And when a haunted sadness bled into the confusion streaking her face, remorse shattered the last of his ribs sheltering his heart. He reached a hand to her cheek, yearning to protect her. Needing to make her understand.

  The front door creaked open. Cooper stopped along the edge of the tiles with a girl under his arm. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize you guys were here. We’ll, uh, head back out.” He pointed behind him.

  “No, it’s fine. We were just going to bed.” Drew sprang to his feet. Catching Coop’s telling expression, he cringed at how that came out. “Not together. I mean in separate beds. Rooms, actually.” Stop talking.

  Ti rose from the carpet with her arms hugged to her sides. “I was on my way out.”

  Cooper nodded without saying anything. Didn’t need to. As soon as Ti rounded the doorway into the kitchen, a swell of emotions propelled Drew after her. How many times could he mess this up?

  He caught the back door before it fully closed behind her. “Ti, hold on.”

  “I’m sorry.” She stopped on the patio but didn’t turn around. “The day got me all messed up. I wasn’t thinking straight. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I just wanted to show you how much I . . .” She shoved her bangs off her forehead. “I shouldn’t even be here. I need to go.”

  “Wait.” Drew circled in front of her. “You’re saying you don’t want anything to happen between us? Because I do.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Yeah. I do.” He took her hands. “Just not like this. That wasn’t how I wanted our first kiss to be. I mean, it was. The things you do to me . . .” Why did she always have to make him tongue-tied?

  His arms drifted to his sides. “What I’m trying to say is, that, in there—” He pointed to the house “—those were real desires, but that’s not the way I want to treat you. You’d just finished telling me a kiss is supposed be tender.” He glided a hand to her cheek over the marks his lack of restraint had left. “And I was anything but.”

  She dropped her gaze to her feet. “I’m not the kind of girl you treat with tenderness.”

  Did she honestly believe that? “Says who? Jamie? That guy’s a world-class creep.”

  “It’s not just Jamie.” Eyes closed, she turned her head. “Forget it.” She tried to skirt away, but he drew her back toward him.

  “Ti, talk to me. We’re supposed to be straight with each other, remember? Why would you say something like that?”

  “Because it’s what every drug dealer my parents forced me to be with said, all right?” Retracting her hand, she shrank away as if the unveiled truth erected an impassable space between them.

  Her words punched through his gut, stole any attempt at a response.

  The porch light reflected in her glassy eyes. “My parents were meth heads, Drew. They smoked every cent we had. When Mom got too sick to turn tricks, guess who they made stand in her place?”

  Fragments of her story fused together. The way she’d withdrawn any time he’d brought up her family. The hurt she’d shown when she thought he’d only wanted a good time out of her. The way she equated affection with physical touch.

  And he’d just made it worse.

  A fury like he’d never experienced boiled from the pit of his stomach until he didn’t trust the singed words that might come out.

  She faced the dark sky when he didn’t reply. “That’s who you just kissed in there. The pimped-out daughter of drug addicts.” A slow blink leveled a hardened gaze with his. “I already told you. You don’t want to be with me.”

  Behind the courageous, tough-skinned New Yorker stood a broken girl bound by a past he’d sacrifice anything to rescue her from. Compassion for her overrode his anger at her parents. Made sense she’d turn to guys who used her. She didn’t see her value beyond what they’d limited it to.

  Without hesitation, he brought her close, cradled her head to his chest, and kissed her temple with the tenderness she deserved. “You’re wrong.”

  The unanswered whisper hung between them, but he wasn’t giving up. “Ti—”

  The back door opened. In sweaty pajamas, Maddie stumbled down the steps.

  Drew and Ti exchanged an uncertain glance and hurried over. “Sweetie, you all right?” Her forehead burned the back of his hand. “Maddie?”

  Helpless eyes peered up at him. And with one labored breath, she collapsed in his arms.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Undone

  A flurry of ER staff joined the paramedics ushering Maddie through the receiving bay doors.

  Drew clenched the edge of the gurney as speckled tiles streamed under his feet in a blur of scuff marks. The fast pace kept his legs from completely giving way. His heart was another story.

  Flashes from the first time he’d taken her to the ER stormed in with each overhead light they passed under. Images of tubes tethered to his little girl’s body constricted the grip of helplessness he’d vowed would never own him again.

  Swallowing his fear, he covered Maddie’s hand with his free one. “It’s okay, baby.”

  Worried eyes looked up at him through a film of tears running into her oxygen mask. And suddenly he was back in the sound with Dad, broken by waves he was powerless to stop.

  Orders and stats rang across the gurney as the team rolled her down the hall. He caught the words jaundice and biopsy right as a wiry-haired triage nurse stopped Drew with an outstretched arm. “I’m sorry, but we have to take her straight for X-rays. You’ll need to wait till we come get you.”

  The heck he did. He shoved past her.

  “Daddy?”

  “I’m right here, Sea Monkey. Everything’s going to be all right.”

  Another nurse blocked the double doors while Maddie faded out of reach. The small-framed woman set a consoling hand to his forearm. “Mr. Anderson, we can’t take care of her unless you let us do our job.” She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “We’ll find you as soon as we can. You have my word.”

  Glimpses of Maddie’s gurney fanned in and out of sight behind the doors. Drew expelled a ragged breath, grappling for willpower to keep from plowing past the barrier between them.

  A gentle touch pressed into his back. Quiet yet supportive, Ti stood by his side.

  Another slow breath merged into a resigned nod. As hard as it was to wait on the sidelines, he had to let the hospital staff stand in where he couldn’t. Right now, Maddie needed them more than him.

  The nurse offered a supportive smile before turning to take up her post. And while the doors oscillated over the threshold, Drew weaved his fingers through Ti’s and held on with all he had.

  Ti pinched off a piece of Styrofoam from her empty hospital coffee cup and dropped it inside. Sitting in a waiting room’s uncomfortable chair for three hours was torturous enough for anyone. Especially for a father like Drew.

  Thankfully, he’d gotten to go back with Maddie shortly after her X-rays. But he hadn’t sat down once since they made him wait while they took Maddie into surgery for a liver biopsy. Still pacing the tiles, Drew rolled and
unrolled his sleeves for the thirteenth time since Cooper, Livy, and Grandma Jo arrived. They’d flocked together in a picture of family support that made Ti’s heart ache and swell at the same time.

  She hooked an arm around her legs and brought her knees to her chest. Livy was right. Maddie had the best family she could ask for. Ti needed to stop interfering with that.

  But how was she supposed to let go of her feelings for Drew? His fierce need to love and protect reflected a gentleness she’d never know from a man. Same as his touch.

  She lifted the back of her fingers to her mouth, reliving the sensations of his lips against hers. She’d been kissed with passion, yeah, but it was always empty. Drew held her with emotion, like he needed her—all of her—not just a fleeting brush with pleasure.

  She couldn’t bear to see his face when he realized that’s all she was. He didn’t believe it now, but he hadn’t had time to process what she’d told him. How it would impact Maddie, the future he wanted. And when the rest of the family found out . . .

  A soft melody of soulful prayers billowed toward her from Grandma Jo’s corner chair. Ti cut a glance away from the motherly expression fixed on her as though tuned into Ti’s thoughts.

  A little longer. Be brave just a little longer.

  Livy slid a cramped leg out from under the other and stretched up from the stiff chair. “I’m gonna get some more coffee. Anybody need a refill?”

  As if answering for her, frigid air from the ceiling vent slithered down Ti’s skin. “Give me a double.” She’d take any intervention she could get right now.

  “You got it. Coop?”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  Before they made it past the counter, the double doors leading to the bays opened.

  Drew flew to the doctor’s side. “How is she?”

  He swiped off his blue surgical cap and lowered a chart. “She’s stable.”

  Drew’s muscles looked like they could’ve turned into putty with relief.

  Visible exhaustion pulled at the doctor’s tall stance. “We’re still waiting on the results of the biopsy. But according to her symptoms and bloodwork, it appears Maddie’s developed autoimmune hepatitis. Instead of her immune system attacking viruses and bacteria, it’s targeting her liver.”

  “What? How? I don’t understand.” The frantic frustration splintering Drew’s voice crushed Ti’s heart.

  “It’s hard to say with these types of diseases. We pulled her medical records. Could be the result of genes interacting. Could be overexposure from one of the drugs she’s taking that might’ve caused too much toxicity in her liver.”

  A mess-up from the doctor’s office? This couldn’t be good. Ti sent Cooper a silent plea to intervene before Drew could react.

  He clapped Drew on the back, made a confident stride forward, and extended a hand. “Thanks for all your work here tonight, doc. Is it all right if we see Maddie now?”

  “We’re treating her with medications to lower her immune-system activity and monitoring her vitals. Given her age, we’ll keep her overnight for observation, but we moved her to a recovery room in Pediatrics. You’re free to go up.” He motioned to the elevator with his chart.

  The double doors swung back and forth behind the doctor, but Drew didn’t move. Body still frozen, he stared ahead as if peering across the ocean.

  Not for the first time since she’d known him, Ti wished she had the answers he searched for.

  Grandma Jo patted Drew’s shoulders and jutted her chin at the elevator. “I know a little girl who’s past ready to see her daddy.”

  Ti backed up a few feet, wanting to give Drew the space he needed, but he closed her hand in his and led her forward without a hint of hesitation.

  Inside, a blurry mural of the close-knit family shimmered across the elevator’s silver walls. Ti’s reflection blended with the others as though she’d painted herself into a dream. She wiped a rogue tear and met another intuitive gaze from Grandma Jo.

  Ti flinched at the elevator’s ding. Twisting the fringes on her shirt into a spiral, she kept her head down and waited for everyone else to exit first.

  “We’ll go in shifts, sugar.” Grandma Jo prodded Ti toward Drew and nodded them both down the hall. “Maddie will want to see you first.”

  Drew dipped his head in a bow of thanks.

  Ti clutched her arms while shuffling forward. Her skin flushed under the florescent bulbs, zeroing in on her like an imposter. Cooper should be coming to see his niece. Or Grandma Jo to see her surrogate grandbaby. Even Livy had more right than Ti.

  A sinking feeling bottomed out in her stomach. What if she’d played a role in running down Maddie’s immune system? Had she kept Maddie up late too many nights preparing for Drew’s party? Ti kicked herself. She should’ve been more responsible. Should’ve been—

  Drew stopped in front of the hospital room. The vulnerability on his face turned her inside out and kept her in place. While whispering something she couldn’t hear, he lowered his head as she’d seen him do numerous times in front of Maddie’s bedroom door at home.

  Ti pressed an encouraging kiss to the top of his bicep before thinking twice. “I’ll wait right here.”

  Drew exhaled slowly, lifted his head, and walked over to Maddie’s bed.

  Beeping machines joined the IV bag’s steady flow, releasing hope one drip at a time.

  Maddie’s groggy eyes fluttered open at the sound of his footsteps.

  “Hey, Sea Monkey. What’s this I hear about you winning all the nurses’ hearts?” He eased onto the edge of her mattress. “I’m not sure they’re gonna let me take you home.”

  “Dad.”

  “Well, I don’t blame them for wanting to keep you.” He rustled her bangs. “Who can resist falling for the world’s cutest marine biologist?”

  Ti leaned against the doorjamb, once again overtaken by their precious father-daughter relationship. Questions compressed around the pang she hadn’t been able to shake since the party. How could his ex not be here? Did she even know about Maddie’s autoimmune disease? Would it make a difference if she did?

  Maybe it wasn’t too late to help them. She backed off the frame.

  “Ti, you’re here.” Maddie’s tired voice strained against Ti’s heartstrings.

  “Of course I am, love.” Ti tucked away her own issues and circled to the opposite side of the mattress. Right now, Maddie needed strength, whether Ti felt it or not.

  “You’re one brave chica. I have to admit, hospitals make me a little nervous.”

  Maddie looked from Drew to Ti. “Really?”

  “Yep. I had to have surgery when I was your age.”

  “Were you scared?”

  Ti leaned in as if telling a secret. “I made the nurses bring me five extra pillows so I could build a fort around my bed to hide in.”

  Maddie’s sweet laugh rasped through a cough. “Did it work?”

  “For a little while. But you know what really helped? A song my best friend and I wrote together. You want to learn it?”

  Maddie inched up on her elbows, face aglow with intrigue.

  It might not be enough, but it was all Ti had to give. “All right, I’ll sing first and you repeat, ’kay?”

  “Okay.”

  Ti stole a minute to hum the chords as if Cass where there, playing her guitar. “When the lights turn dark and the shadows deep, close your eyes and drift to sleep. To the place of dreams that sweep us away, together we run. Best friends, always.”

  She helped Maddie the second time through and then let her sing it on her own. From across the mattress, an expression holding more affection than Ti’d ever experienced from anyone streamed from Drew’s eyes. Sitting there with them like a family—the one she’d always wanted—was too much. Too hard. Thick tears stung behind her eyes.

  She glanced away from Drew and rounded the bed, needing deflection. Fast. “Your dad can teach you the Gilmore Girls theme song next.” She fake-whispered to Maddie over his head, “It’s h
is favorite.”

  Before he could retaliate, Ti ducked out of the room. At least in the hall, she could breathe. Almost. Until the soft cadence of their good-night prayers drifted through the doorway and around Ti’s heart. She leaned against the cool wall and craned her head back. Tears blurred the ceiling, lines too far crossed to see beginning or end.

  Three breaths later, Drew closed the door behind him and dragged a palm down his face. Instead of a confident dad, a broken man stood before her. Drained. Weary.

  Had she made things harder for him? “I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds in there. As brave as she is, I thought she might be afraid. I just wanted to help.”

  Green eyes cascaded over her with a warmth no touch could match. Still without words, he closed her in his arms, buried his head between her neck and shoulder, and held on as if the floor had turned into the ocean, and she was the only thing that could anchor him. Hot tears soaked into her neck and hair.

  The hospital corridor’s noisy bustle dissolved behind the sound of a father’s heart interceding for his daughter. Her throat closed. After all the years she’d invested in blocking out memories of her dad, she’d never realized she’d been numbing a yearning she didn’t know existed.

  Until right now.

  All the feelings that being in Ocracoke had stirred came to light and chafed against the hollow space inside her. Tears streamed. Aches surged. She clung to Drew a little tighter, holding on to the very thing it was time to let go of.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Resistance

  Drew toweled his hair, wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror, and grabbed his razor. Looking at his reflection, he ran the back of his hand along his unshaven jawline. His five o’clock shadow had turned into a five-day beard. Maybe he’d leave it. With any luck, it’d detract from the stress lines curving around his eyes.

  He leaned on both hands and rotated his neck. Maddie was home, recovering like the trooper she was. Everyone was getting back to their normal routines. He’d finally gotten in touch with Lenny in time to meet Mr. Parsons’s deadline tomorrow. Things should be fine.