The Wild Heart

by Menon, David

  ‘ Well then enough of the guilt trip’ said Angela. ‘ After all, I think the Almighty will be more interested in our other plans than the breaking of our marriage vows’.

  ‘ Angela, what we’re doing is saving our people from being bounced into a united Ireland. We’re doing it for the sake of our community. The Lord God will see our actions as being part of a just war’.

  God how she hated it when his voice hit the preacher button. She could never fathom how someone like Peter could wrap himself in guilt over adulterous sex but not even bat a Christian eyelid over the planning of murder. She couldn’t care less herself. These were questions that never entered her head. Her husband Richard accused her of having no conscience and of course he was right. She wanted power and the murder they planned was just a step towards it. Just like sleeping with Peter was.

  ‘ Yes, well, whatever’ she said, dismissively. ‘ Look, you said you had a security briefing this morning. Any sign of activity from our friends across the border?’

  ‘ Not even a flicker’ groaned Peter. ‘ The Republicans seemed to have packed up and gone home’.

  ‘ Well just wait until they deal with what we’re going to throw at them’ said Angela ‘ They’ll be straight back to their old ways then and we’ll be able to regain Ulster for the Unionist majority’.

  ‘ And what about your daughter? You said there have been developments there?’

  ‘ I’m dealing with them’ said Angela who still flinched when she thought of the way Natalie had held the knife at her throat. ‘ In my own way’.

  ‘ She’s your daughter, Angela’.

  ‘ Don’t you get all moralistic on me, Peter. You’ve no right to. Now get yourself dressed and we’ll go for dinner. I’m hungry’.

  The agent who was handling the rental of Mark’s parents’ house, his former home, said the new tenant needed some clarification on the working of the hot water system and the central heating. Not that he needed it in the middle of summer but he just wanted to know how best to use it. Mark was glad of the distraction. It would come as welcome relief to have something else, something ordinary and non life threatening, to focus on. Ian drove him to the house and went up to the door with him. When the door opened Mark was gobsmacked when he saw who the tenant was.

  ‘ Fuck’s sake!’ Mark exclaimed who hadn’t been expecting to see Lynne’s husband Russell there.

  Russell flushed with embarrassment. ‘ Mark, how are you?’

  Mark introduced Ian and Russell and the two men shook hands.

  ‘ What the hell’s going on, Russell? I never made the connection when I read Mr. Green on the tenancy agreement’.

  ‘ I think you’d better come in’.

  Ian saw that everything was okay and said he’d be waiting outside in the van.

  ‘ Doesn’t he trust you or something?’ Russell asked.

  ‘ Believe me, Russell, you really don’t want to go there’.

  Russell led Mark into the kitchen and switched on the kettle. He was dressed in a buttoned-down collar light green shirt and a pair of jeans. He was clean shaven like he always was and his dark brown hair was combed back like it always was. He was tall and handsome and Mark always wondered why Lynne was such a cow to him. She’d have to go a long way to find someone better.

  Russell inclined his head towards the kitchen table ‘ It seems strange asking you to sit down in what is your own house but please, take a seat’.

  ‘ Are you settling in okay?’ Mark asked as he sat down.

  ‘ Yeah, insofar as I’m not living here all the time’.

  ‘ It’s a lot of rent to be paying out if you’re not living here all the time, Russell’ said Mark.

  ‘ I’m not living here all the time just yet’.

  ‘ You’re leaving her, aren’t you? You’re leaving Lynne?’

  Russell turned round and leaned his bottom against the top edge of the drawer unit. He folded his arms. ‘ Yes. And you’re the first to know’.

  ‘ And are you going to be living here alone?’.

  ‘ No’.

  ‘ I see’.

  Mark really didn’t need this. On top of everything else his best friend’s husband was renting his house as part of a plan to leave her and shack up with someone else. He wasn’t making any moral judgement about it. He was just pissed off that out of all the fucking houses available to rent in Manchester, Russell had opted for his.

  ‘ How do you like your tea?’ asked Russell.

  ‘ Just a little milk, no sugar, thanks’.

  Russell made the tea and then joined Mark at the table.

  ‘ I think you know that Lynne and I have been having problems for a while’ Russell began. ‘ She’s difficult to live with, Mark. All the tenderness that was there when we first got together has gone. She never comes anywhere near me if you know what I mean and when I try to get close to her she doesn’t want to know and there’s only so many times you can be rejected by your own wife’.

  ‘ It leaves the gap wide open’.

  ‘ She couldn’t keep her hands off me when we first got together’.

  ‘ Until she got pregnant?’

  ‘ Yeah. Then it was the end of our relationship and the start of our marriage. I love Amelia, Mark. I’d go to the ends of the earth for her, Christ, she’s my daughter’.

  ‘ But you resent her coming along when she did?’

  ‘ I’d only been seeing Lynne a few weeks when she told me she was pregnant and the short answer to your question is yes if I’m honest. I resent when she came along, not that she came along. I wish I’d known her mother better before two became three. Having said all that, Lynne doesn’t let me have a relationship with Amelia so I can’t actually say that I know my own daughter. And I resent that more than anything’.

  ‘ How do you mean she doesn’t let you?’

  ‘ I’m not allowed to take her anywhere off my own back. Everything has to be decided by Lynne and it’s got to the point where Amelia doesn’t even come to me when I get home from work. As soon as I pick her up she asks for her Mum and reaches her little arms towards Lynne. Who can blame her? I’m just this man who lives in the house. I’m not needed by my wife other than to pay bills’.

  ‘ It’s as bad as that?’

  ‘ You don’t know the half of it. The last straw came when my father died. Lynne wouldn’t let Amelia come to the funeral which I understood but Lynne wouldn’t come either’.

  ‘ Why not?’

  ‘ Because she said she had to take Amelia to her dancing class and her routine mustn’t be interrupted’.

  Mark rolled his eyes up to the heavens. ‘ You are joking?’

  ‘ The one day I needed my wife to be there for me and she was taking our daughter to her dancing class instead of paying her respects to her father-in-law. Would it have mattered if Amelia had missed one? Of course it bloody wouldn’t but that’s what she’s like, Mark. Anything to do with my family doesn’t get any of her attention. Amelia is my mother’s only grandchild so far and yet even though she lives on the doorstep she never sees her. Lynne won’t let me take her round there on my own and she never asks my mother to the house. It’s a different matter with her parents of course. Even though they have their own place they may as well have moved in with us. But she can boss them around, you see. She can’t do that with my mother. Mark, I know all this puts you in a difficult position and I could well understand if you want me to move out so you can find some other tenant’.

  ‘ Russell, I’m in a difficult position for a lot of reasons and, believe me, this is the least of them’.

  ‘ You’ve got your own worries?’.

  ‘ You might say that, yeah’.

  ‘ But I thought you were really happy with this Ian?’

  ‘ Oh I’m happy with him alright but … well let’s just say there are some issues we need to work through before we can sit in the sunshine. So tell me about who’s going to be living here with you?’

  Russell cleared his thro
at nervously. ‘ Her name is Linda. She works in the same office as me. Nothing happened for weeks after we realised that there was something between us but then we were both sent away on one of those corporate bonding courses. One thing led to another one night in the hotel and we couldn’t stop ourselves. It’s complicated though’.

  Mark shrugged. ‘ Isn’t everything’.

  ‘ Well with Linda it is because she’s a victim of domestic violence. Last month he threw her through the front door’.

  ‘ Shit’.

  ‘ She needs me, Mark, and I need her. We’ve fallen in love and we have to be together but she has to tread carefully for obvious reasons’.

  ‘ Does he know about you?’

  ‘ Christ, no!’

  ‘ Yeah, stupid question really considering he beats her up. Look Russell, Lynne and I aren’t as close as we used to be. She doesn’t approve of Ian and … ‘

  ‘ … don’t tell me, because he’s a blue collar guy?’

  ‘ Ten out of ten’.

  ‘ That doesn’t surprise me one little bit’ said Russell. ‘ Since we moved she’s really settled into the Cheshire set thing. She’s just not interested in anybody who doesn’t have enough money to have to employ an accountant’. He shook his head. ‘ How did I wind up here, Mark? How did I get involved with Lynne in the first place? I never wanted to move out to Alderley Edge. I was quite happy where we were but she wanted Amelia to grow up amongst what she calls the right kind of people. I’ve never been like that. But trying to tell Lynne that Amelia is my daughter too and I want just as much of a say in how she’s brought up is like trying to get Alex Ferguson to say complimentary things about City’.

  Mark laughed. ‘ You haven’t lost your sense of humour then’.

  ‘ You’ve got to laugh’ said Russell. ‘ What’s the choice otherwise?’

  ‘ Look Russell, you don’t have to move out of here. If you think you can be happy with Linda then I’m glad to be able to help out’.

  ‘ You mean that?’

  ‘ Yeah, I mean that. And good luck to you’.

  ‘ Thanks. That means a lot’.

  ‘ She decided you were the going to be the father of her child as soon as she started seeing you’.

  Russell paused. He’d long suspected as much. ‘ And I’ve fulfilled my purpose now’.

  ‘ Sorry, mate’ said Mark.

  ‘ You knew all along?’

  ‘ Yeah’ said Mark. ‘ I wanted to tell you but … ‘

  ‘ … I know and I don’t blame you, Mark, really I don’t’.

  ‘ Thanks’ said Mark.

  ‘ But you know what gets me about all this? I’ve always tried to be the modern man, you know. I’ve always tried to look at things as being equal and all that. But these days there are women out there who are so bloody dishonest and manipulative. If all a woman wants is to be a Mum then why can’t she be up front about it? Why does she have to destroy a man’s life in the process of getting what she wants? Do I sound bitter? Well yeah, I am bitter and I think I’ve got every right to be’

  Richard Patterson came home and found his wife Angela sitting in the lounge with a gin and tonic. He had a few things to say to her and for once she was going to listen.

  ‘ Where are the boys?’ he asked.

  ‘ Staying overnight with your parents, remember?’

  ‘ Ah yes. Mum and Dad will love having them there’.

  ‘ They’ll come back brats like they always do after your parents have spoilt them’.

  ‘ Don’t be like that, Angela’.

  ‘ Don’t be like what?’

  Richard looked at his wife. He wanted answers from her. Something had changed inside him and he was no longer prepared to accept her nonsense.

  ‘ Shall I fix my own drink, then?’ he asked. Angela shrugged her shoulders. ‘ I’ll take that as a yes’. He made his way over to the drinks table and set about fixing himself a scotch and soda. ‘ Good trip to London?’

  ‘ Yes, thank you’.

  ‘ How was your friend? What was her name again? Janice? How long has she lived over there?’

  ‘ Oh I don’t know … since we finished school’.

  ‘ You’ve never mentioned her before’.

  ‘ Maybe you weren’t listening’.

  ‘ I don’t think she exists’.

  ‘ I beg your pardon?

  ‘ This Janice? I don’t think she exists’.

  ‘ Are you calling me a liar?’

  ‘ Yes I am’.

  ‘ How dare you!’

  ‘ Oh I dare, Angela’ said Richard. He took a letter out of his pocket that had been sent to him and threw it at her. ‘ Read that’.

  ‘ What’s this?’ Angela asked. She could see who it was from. Natalie’s familiar flowery handwriting was all over it.

  ‘ Read it’ said Richard. ‘ Read it and if you don’t have an explanation once you have read it then God help you’.

  ‘ Now just a … ‘

  ‘ … just bloody well read the letter, Angela! Don’t mess me about anymore’.

  Natalie had written to Richard to tell him she was going away and wouldn’t ever be coming back. She told him what had happened with Shaun and about the terrible row she’d had with her mother during which she’d told her that he wasn’t her father. She said it had broken her heart because she’d always loved him so much even though he hadn’t believed her when she’d told him what her Uncle had been doing to her.

  ‘ I’ve been thinking since I got that’ said Richard ‘ The dates never did match up and deep down I think I always knew Natalie wasn’t mine. But I loved her like she was and despite your best efforts to destroy her she’s taken charge of her life’.

  Angela snorted. ‘ She’s no more taken charge of her life than you’ve taken charge of yours’.

  ‘ You’re a miserable excuse for a mother’ said Richard ‘ You knew that what Natalie was saying about your precious brother was true but you let her endure it for all those years same as you knew Shaun Campbell was handy with his fists as far as Natalie was concerned but you didn’t give a damn‘

  ‘ It’s not true what she said about Brian, he … ‘

  ‘ … he had convictions as long as your flaming arm for trying to solicit young girls in playgrounds and only got off that charge of assault against that young Ballymena girl because of your family’s connections’.

  ‘ Well you should’ve been more of a man and stood up to me!’

  Richard had been prepared for that but it didn’t lessen its impact. ‘ I shall regret not listening to Natalie for the rest of my life. We drove her into an abusive relationship with Shaun Campbell. If we’d have got her sorted out after your Brian had laid his filthy hands on her she’d have thought more of herself than to go with him’.

  ‘ What do you expect me to say, Richard? Agree with you? It’ll be a cold day in hell’.

  ‘ Can I take it the boys are mine?’

  Angela looked up at him defiantly. ‘ I won’t even dignify that with a reply’.

  ‘ It’s Peter Irvine isn’t it’

  ‘ What is? What the hell are you talking about?’

  ‘ He’s the one you went to see in London’.

  ‘ That’s absurd’

  Richard crossed the space between them and slapped her face hard. She jumped out of her seat and made for the door but Richard kicked it shut before she got there. He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her back into her seat.

  ‘ I haven’t finished with you yet!’

  ‘ You’ll regret laying a hand on me, Richard. You wait and see’.

  ‘ Oh, threats now is it? Are you going to get Derek Campbell to wait behind a corner with a baseball bat?’

  ‘ You really are pathetic’.

  ‘ Oh no, Angela. I’m not the one who’s pathetic. I’m not the one who slept with a terrorist twenty years ago, a man who turned out to be gay’. He laughed. ‘ And then he pretended to be dead all this time. He must’ve been desperate to
get away from you, Angela. What a kick in the guts that must’ve been’.

  ‘ I loved him! I loved him but he betrayed me!’

  ‘ Yea’ said Richard ‘ Of course he did’. He opened the door and walked out of the room.

  Angela followed him. ‘ Where are you going?’ she demanded.

  ‘ I’m packing my bags’ said Richard as he went up the stairs. ‘ I’m leaving you, Angela’.

  ‘ Oh no you’re not! Nobody walks out on me and gets away with it’.

  ‘ Watch me’.

  ‘ I’ll take your job away from you’.

  ‘ I’ll get another one’ said Richard, looking down on her from the top. ‘ Either here or somewhere else. I’m not going to say I’m gay or dead. But I am getting away from you’.

  Angela ran up the stairs after him.

  ‘ I don’t care what happens to me’ said Richard as he threw some things into an overnight bag. ‘ My concern is for Natalie. You must’ve hated her father so much’

  ‘ I do hate him! He sold his own comrades down the river and left me’.

  ‘ And you’ve taken it out on poor Natalie ever since’.

  ‘ Don’t play the pop psychologist on me, Richard. It doesn’t bloody well suit you’.

  ‘ I brought up another man’s child because I loved you, Angela’.

  ‘ Oh don’t make me puke’ she sneered. ‘ You married me for my family’s money, Richard. I’ve never been under any illusions about that’.

  ‘ Really? I’m surprised your family has got any money left what with the funding of terrorism and the paying off of all those girls your brother violated. You disgust me, Angela, sticking up for a sick bastard like him’.

  ‘ Well if I’m sick then you’re bloody ungrateful! My family has made you who you are. If it wasn’t for our money you’d have been nothing’.

  ‘ Do you know what disgusts me as well, Angela?’ Richard went on, ignoring her snide comment. ‘ Old money like you doesn’t want things to move on in Northern Ireland. That’s why you don’t like the way things are going. You think that if we have a normal society where bombs don’t go off every five minutes and people just get on with the business of living, a growing middle class would start to take away your superiority and your right to Lord it all over everybody. You need terrorism to prop up what you think is your place and that disgusts me more than anything’.