HOT as F*CK

by Scott Hildreth

  I gazed back at him with needy eyes. I wanted more. “And just what is a great kiss?”

  “A great kiss is a sign.”

  “Of?”

  “What’s to come.” He grinned. “A great kiss is a sign of what’s to come.”

  “What’s to come?” I asked, eager for more of his wisdom.

  “That depends,” he said. “On whether or not you’re willing to open your heart.”

  I let his response sink in. After a few moments of thought, I stood and gathered the plates.

  As I rinsed the dishes, I decided he was right.

  The kiss was a sign.

  And, it was time to open my heart.

  Chapter Sixty-Seven

  Pee Bee

  The paint on the inside of the shop was half finished. The solid beige was much more inviting than the mixture of colors it had been there for the last ten years.

  I draped my arm over Tegan’s shoulder, and nodded toward the north wall. “Looks good, huh?”

  “Looks great.”

  The sound of Crip’s bike in the distance gave warning of his approach. “Look alive, Prospects. He’s coming around the corner.”

  The two prospects who were assigned to painting duty splattered the paint onto the walls frantically.

  Crip pulled into the shop and rolled to a stop beside Peyton’s Jeep. He took off his glasses, gazed at the wall, and then glared at me.

  What?

  He looked at the wall and shook his head.

  With his eyes still fixed on the wall, he let go of his helmet, and before it hit the floor, he kicked it with the toe of his boot.

  It slid twenty feet or so before rolling to stop.

  Oh shit.

  He folded his arms in front of his chest, inhaled a deep breath, and then looked at the north wall. “What color’s that?”

  I shrugged. “Beige.”

  “Not white?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. Beige.”

  He tilted his head back slightly. “Which one of you two fuck-bubbles picked out the paint?” he shouted.

  Scratch pointed at Duckett. “He picked it out.”

  “Both of you two dumb fucks come here,” Crip howled. “Move!”

  Duckett hopped off his ladder, and Scratch laid his roller to the side. They both scrambled to where we were standing and looked at Crip no differently than kids who had been called to the principal’s office.

  “You.” He pointed at Scratch’s chest. “Are on my shit-list for being a snitch. Never snitch out another man. You should have kept your fucking mouth shut.”

  He pointed at Duckett. “And you are on my shit-list for picking out the wrong fucking color. What color did I say?”

  Duckett lowered his head. “White.”

  Crip nodded toward the painted wall. “And that’s beige?”

  Duckett nodded.

  “Is beige white?”

  “No, Sir.”

  “It sure as fuck isn’t,” Crip hissed. “I said I wanted white, and I want white. We’re not having a fucking kegger, you dumb fuck. This isn’t a club barbeque, and it’s not some home fucking makeover television show. It’s a god damned anniversary party. White and fucking gold. White and motherfucking gold. Go get some new god damned paint and repaint this entire fucking shop.”

  They stood wide-eyed, and stared.

  “Go!” Crip shouted.

  The two men scattered like rats.

  “I thought it looked good,” I said.

  He gazed at the wall and shook his head. “Beige and gold would look like shit. No contrast. It’s got to be white.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Your parents have been married fifty fucking years, Peeb. I want this to be a special day for ‘em.”

  I pulled Tegan close. “It will be.”

  Crip looked at Peyton, and then at Tegan. “And you two are in charge of decorations. I’ve got a grand set aside in the safe for whatever you want, as long as it’s gold. Go to the Lobby Hobby or whatever it’s called in La Mesa, or wherever, and get a bunch of shit to spruce this place up.”

  Tegan looked at Peyton and grinned. “I’ve got some ideas, but maybe we’ll go somewhere else.”

  “I got ideas, too,” Peyton said.

  “Follow me,” Crip said.

  They followed him to the safe, and he gave them the money. Peyton walked to the Jeep, and Tegan came and gave me a kiss.

  “See you in a few,” she said.

  I kissed her again. “Okay.”

  “Well, aren’t you two just fucking cute?” Crip said, his voice thick with sarcasm.

  Tegan stepped behind him and rolled her eyes.

  Crip’s sixth sense kicked in. He didn’t even turn around. “Stop making fucking faces, and go get decorations, Crash.”

  She wiped the silly look from her face and got in the Jeep.

  “I have no idea why,” he said. “but I like that girl.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Hard to fucking hide it,” he said. “With you two always shoving your tongues down each other’s throats.”

  I shrugged. “If it works, it works.”

  “She’s not afraid to be herself, that’s for sure.”

  “I know,” I said. “She’s got spunk.”

  “I thought Peyton was an ornery little bitch, but Crash might have her beat.”

  “Wanna hear a story?” I asked.

  “Not particularly,” he said dryly. “But I’ve got a few spare minutes. What’s up?”

  I considered telling him, hesitated, and thought of changing the story I was going to tell to a different story. After going back and forth for a minute, I decided to tell him what I intended to.

  “On the first day? The day she showed up to watch pop? I about shit. She looked at me and her eyes went bug-eyed, and I looked at her and said where’s my fuckin’ money? She had no idea he was my pop, and I had no idea she was gonna be the nurse. So, anyway. She’s standing there tellin’ me how bad she needs the job, and I said get off my porch, bitch.”

  “Good way to a girl’s heart, right there.” He chuckled. “Hell, Peeb, even I know not to do that.”

  “Wait, it gets better.”

  “I’m listening,” he said.

  “So, the instant the word bitch comes out of my mouth, and I hear this screech. Sounds like an eagle’s coming in for a landing. I look up, thinking some wild animal is in the yard, and then it hits me. Like a fuckin’ lightning bolt.”

  “What was it?”

  “Her foot. Caught me in the shin. Doubled me over, but that ain’t all.”

  His eyes went wide and he grinned. “She kicked you?”

  I nodded. “And then, she squealed again, and kicked me in the knee. And then, another loud yelp, and, the other knee. And then--”

  “You let that little shit kick you three times? Idda picked her up and tossed her in the yard.”

  “Didn’t see even one of ‘em coming. That’s the funny part. She’s quick. Been practicing karate since she was six. She’s a tough little fucker. Anyway, there’s more. So, I’m all bent over and out of breath, and feel like I been in a car wreck--”

  “She get your bad knee?”

  “She sure did. Hard. But, anyway, I’m about to try and stand up straight, and she knees me in the nuts.”

  He winced. “Oh god damn. Seriously?”

  “Yep. And, that was it. I was done.”

  “That little shit kicked your big ass?”

  “She sure did.”

  He let out a laugh. “That’s funnier than shit.”

  “Wait. I ain’t done yet.”

  “There’s more?”

  “Just a little,” I said. “Anyway, I tell her she can have the job, ‘cause as far as I’m concerned, she’s earned my respect. At the time, I know I ain’t got to like her, but she’s earned my respect. So, I tell her there’s one condition. She can’t tell my pop.”

  “Yeah, Bradley would have your ass if he knew that.”


  “Well, we go in the house, and Pop says what the fuck did you do, hire Super Girl? And I said what? And he said I saw her kick your ass. And she turns to him, looks him in the eye, and says I ain’t got an idea of what you’re talking about.”

  “I’ll be damned.” He gazed down at the floor. “She is a tight-lipped little fucker, isn’t she?”

  It wasn’t much, but I knew he’d like that about her. It was the entire reason I wanted to tell him the story.

  Proudly, I nodded. “Yep.”

  “I knew there was a reason I liked her.” He looked up. “Now I know why.”

  “’Cause you can trust her?”

  “Nope. Because other than me, she’s the only one I know who can kick your ass, Peeb.” He slapped me on the shoulder. “And that makes her special in my eyes.”

  Well, she’s special in mine, too.

  But for different reasons.

  Chapter Sixty-Eight

  Tegan

  If success was measured in smiles, the party was a huge success. Brad’s uncles, aunts, and cousins were in attendance, as were people from their church, the neighborhood, and a few of his and Deann’s classmates from school.

  And, although it wasn’t an MC function, the men, throughout the course of the evening, all stopped in, one by one, and paid their respects.

  My heart had never felt such warmth.

  Everyone, at some point, was smiling.

  Peyton and I had the place decorated with glittery gold from top to bottom. A huge “50” and “Happy Golden Anniversary” hung over the center of the shop.

  The best part was that after winning a fifteen-minute-long argument with Crip, we used paint rollers to roll glue onto the south wall – in the shape of letters – and then tossed $100 worth of gold confetti against it. The five-foot tall hand-made letters glistened from the strobe lighting we’d placed on the floor below.

  “Bradley and Deann 4-Ever”

  After seeing it, Crip was disappointed he didn’t come up with the glue idea.

  “This is something,” Brad said. “Seeing all of these people.”

  Seeing him in a tuxedo was the highlight of the evening. I admired him for a moment, and then looked around the shop. “It sure is.”

  “You two did one hell of a job,” he said. “And you look beautiful.”

  Hearing him say it made me feel special. He could tell me a thousand times, and I’d never get sick of hearing it.

  “Third time tonight you’ve told me that,” I said “Thank you.”

  “I might tell you again. I love that little black dress. It does wonders for your already great ass.”

  I blushed a little. “Thank you, again.”

  “Look at this shit.” He motioned toward the center of the shop. “They’re dancing. Kind of.”

  I looked toward the makeshift dance floor. As Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On played over the speakers of the sound system, Deann held onto the arms of Bradley’s wheelchair, and they danced.

  She pushed him back and forth as he faced her, and then, she gripped one arm of the chair, and twisted it in a circle as she popped her hips to the beat of the music.

  “You mother’s a good dancer.”

  “Pop is, too,” he said. “It’s sad he can’t right now.”

  Dressed in his tuxedo, he was grinning from ear to ear. “I think he is. In his mind. Look at him.”

  Brad grinned. “He’s having a blast. I’m telling you, though. I was worried last week. That heart attack? I was afraid he wasn’t going to make it.”

  “I knew he would,” I said.

  “Oh, really?”

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  He shot me a look. “How?”

  “I think love is that strong.”

  He hugged me, and then gave me a kiss. “I think you might be right.”

  I watched them smiling at each other, and thought of how many years they’d been together. How many times they’d played Scrabble. Kissed. Held hands. Shared a meal. Shed a tear. Said, I love you, and, after all of those years, and all of those experiences, good and undoubtedly bad, they were still just as happy as they were when they met.

  “I am right,” I said.

  The song ended, and Bradley started looking around the crowd. His eyes met mine, and he motioned for me to come to him.

  “I’ll be back,” I said. “I’m being summoned.”

  I stepped in front of his wheelchair. “Need you to do two things for me, kid. Maybe three.”

  “Okay.”

  He curled the tip of his finger toward his cast. “Come here.”

  I braced myself on the arms of the chair, and leaned over him. “Yes?”

  “First one is this. I need you to tell Brad what the fourth most meaningful moment in a man’s life is.”

  “Fourth?” I wrinkled my nose and let out a laugh. “What are the first three?”

  “He knows ‘em. And, that’s why I’m telling you number four. Now he’ll have to tell you the first three. Number four most memorable moment in a man’s life is when your son and his soon to be wife plan a shindig like this. Thank you.”

  I stepped back and cocked my hip playfully. “Soon to be wife? You’re taking a few liberties with that statement, are you not?”

  He did his best to shrug. “I got a feeling about you two. Just tell him what I said.”

  “Okay. You said I needed to do three things. What are the other two?”

  “Number two is this. Dance with me.”

  I curtsied. “I’d love to.”

  As the song started, I leaned over him.

  “Don’t argue with me,” I said.

  “About?”

  “I’m going to pick you up. Just don’t flop around.”

  “But--”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “But nothing. I’ve been handling your old wrinkly penis and wiping your ass for over a month. You can let me do this. We’re going to dance. Just follow my lead.”

  I slipped the sling off of his left arm, and then slid my forearms under his armpits.

  I lifted him from the wheelchair. “Lean against me. I’ll hold you up. There’ll be no weight on your feet.”

  He did as I asked.

  “What’s this song?”

  “Jackson 5’s I’ll Be There,” he said.

  “I like it.”

  “I’ve always liked it,” he said. “Think that’s why Brad put it on this list.”

  Slowly and cautiously, we swayed back and forth to the music. I did the best I could, while making sure I kept his weight off the floor.

  In no time, my arms began to ache, as did my legs, and as much as I felt that each second might be my last, I somehow managed to make it to the end of the song.

  I stumbled to his chair, lowered him into it, and stood up.

  The crowd began to clap. Before long, everyone was clapping. And then, they began cheering.

  I leaned over and put his sling back on.

  “Take a bow, kid.”

  I performed another curtsy.

  “Kid, you made my night.”

  I nodded, still out of breath from our dance. “And you made…mine.”

  “The third thing…”

  I looked at him. “Yes.”

  “Make me a promise.”

  “Okay.”

  “Keep him safe,” he said.

  “Okaaaaay.”

  “I mean it. I saw what you did on the porch. Keep him out of trouble. I love that boy. I really do. Promise me you’ll keep him safe.”

  I stood there, fully knowing the promise would only be good for the amount of time that Brad allowed me to be a part of his life, and no longer.

  “It’s a tough one to make,” I said. “It depends a lot on him.”

  “Depends on you not giving up, too.”

  “Agreed. But I’m like you, Bradley. I’m stubborn.”

  “Well,” he said. “You don’t have to make it now. But when you’re ready, let me know. It’d mean a lot to me if you could keep an eye on h
im. I trust you, and I don’t trust many.”

  “I’ll think about it, and I’ll let you know,” I said.

  “Not until you’re ready.”

  “Go spend some quality time with the man you love,” he said. “I’m going to spend some with the woman I love.”

  I grinned and then turned around.

  Brad was standing in the same place. I walked up to him, gave him a kiss, and reached for his hand.

  “According to Bradley, the number four most memorable moment in a man’s life is when his son and his soon to be wife plan a shindig like this. I’m supposed to tell you that.”

  He nodded. “Soon to be wife, huh?”

  “That’s what he said.” I liked the thought of it, but I shrugged, so he wouldn’t think I was crazy.

  “What are the first three most memorable moments?” I asked.

  He took a long breath, let out a sigh and then reached for my other hand.

  He locked eyes with me. “Number one is when a man kisses the woman who will later be his wife for the first time. Number two is, when those two people get married. Number three is when those two people have a child. And number four, I guess, is when that child plans something like this.”

  I smiled a genuine smile. I didn’t want to, it just happened. “I love your dad.”

  “So do I.” he said.

  “Words of wisdom from Bradley’s vault,” I said. “I look forward to them.”

  “I’ve been hearing him spout wisdom for a lifetime,” he said. “But it’s just been about a month since I started listening to him.”

  I thought about what he said for a moment, and then I grinned.

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “So am I,” he said.

  Then he kissed me.

  Chapter Sixty-Nine

  Pee Bee

  I laid in Tegan’s bed staring at the ceiling. Beside me, she lay sleeping, worn out from the night’s festivities.

  We’d been seeing each other for a month, and as insignificant as some might see that as being, I looked at it as a lifetime achievement.

  Because for me, it was.

  For whatever reason, I couldn’t sleep. Something was just off. I dismissed it as excitement, and then as my having recognized just how much I loved Tegan.

  I couldn’t tell her, at least not yet. I felt foolish for feeling the way I felt, but as my father said, when you know, you just know.