by Colbie Kay
It’s all jealousy.
I know it is.
It’s jealousy that he’s had her, he’s kissed her, fucked her, held and comforted her. He’s done everything I can only wish I could do with her. He’s back, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he’s going to try and make a move on Cayden, but will she give in? Why shouldn’t she? Everyone has warned me that I either need to give in or give up, however, I haven’t listened. There’s a chance now that I won’t have a choice. Maybe she’s making it for me at this very moment. Fuck! I don’t want to think about this shit anymore.
I throw my luggage on the bed and begin to put away my clothes, hanging some in the empty closet and shoving the rest into the drawers of the dark wooden dresser. Lying down on the bed afterward, I realize how tired I am. Between our team winning the championship and then rushing home, I’m exhausted. My body sinks into the most comfortable mattress I’ve ever laid on and my head burrows into the pillows. My lids begin to close; and in no time at all, I’m in a set of horrifying nightmares. One right after the other, each a reminder for me.
A loud boom of thunder along with sounds of rain pelting the roof wake me from a deep sleep. I squint my eyes as they drift around the dark room, wondering how long I’ve been asleep. A bright flash of lightning shines through the window, casting a glow in the room for just a second as I pick up my phone from the nightstand. Shit! That was close to the house.
An instant gut-feeling of worry travels through me. Is Cayden back? What the hell is she doing? Where did Brody take her? Is he keeping her safe in this storm? I would keep her safe. Shaking my head, I try to clear my mind of those thoughts. I glance at the time on my phone. I’ve only been sleeping for a little over an hour, which means the storm is causing the darkness. My eyes are dry and hurting from sleeping in these damn contacts because I never sleep in them, and can tell it’s time for me to take them out.
Walking toward the door, I flip the light on and go over to the dresser to get my contact case, solution, and glasses. No one has ever seen me in my glasses, but I have terrible vision. It’s so bad, I can’t see five feet in front of me.
I take my stuff into the Jack and Jill bathroom that separates my bedroom from Cayden's. After washing my hands, I push back my sandy blond hair, which has grown since the beginning of the year. It's now long enough that strands fall into my eyes. I tip my head back, and with one hand, I hold my eye open while the other moves in closer to pull out the contact. Before I can peel it out, the other door flings open, hitting my elbow, and my finger jabs me in the eye. "Ah, fuck!" I howl in pain and cover my now stinging eye with my hand. I guess that answers my questions–where she is and if she’s safe–but fuck my eye hurts.
"Oh, shit! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were in here," Cayden stammers and quickly tries to shut the door behind her.
"Wait!" I grab the door, stopping her from leaving. With my good eye, I study her starting with her face and working my way down. "Why weren’t you here?"
She puts her hands on her hips and glares in irritation. "Does it really matter if I was or wasn't here when you showed up?"
"It mattered to me." I uncover my eye, but it doesn't want to stay open and tears are leaking out. Shit, it hurts!
She huffs and throws her arms in the air. "Why does it matter, Zac?"
"Because we're friends." I shrug. "I wanted to see you and to celebrate with everyone."
"Friends?" She scoffs, chuckling without humor. "I'm not your friend, Zac. We're two people that got thrown together by association. We were roommates for a few months. That’s it."
My head jerks back as if she’s slapped me. "You don't think we’re friends? Good to fucking know, Cayden. So what, douchebag Brody's your friend?" God damn jealousy rearing its ugly head.
"I've known Brody my entire life, Zac. I know everything there is to know about him. Unlike you," She hisses.
My steely glare focuses on her. "Then maybe you should go spend more fucking time with your friend."
"Maybe I will!" Her voice rises as she slams the door shut, leaving me alone in the bathroom with my hurt eye along with my bruised ego. Thirty seconds later, the door flies back open. “Just so you know, this wouldn’t even be an issue if you would pull your head out of your ass and realize what’s right fucking in front of you.” With those parting words, she slams the door one more time.
She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. She has it all wrong. So. Fucking. Wrong.
Blowing out a deep breath of air, I look at myself in the mirror for a moment and remind myself that I can’t have her. This is me and Cayden…I want her friendship, but don’t want her to be with anyone else. She wants to be more than friends, and because we aren’t, she fights with me at every turn. I don’t know any two people that have a more fucked up relationship than us. Even Cydney and Mav weren’t this complicated, and I have no one else to blame except myself.
I begin to remove my contacts. It takes a few painful tries, but I finally get my contact out and do the same with the other. I put my thick black frame glasses on and slam my side of the door shut. Going back to lay on the bed, I sulk in my own pathetic misery until I fall back to sleep.
I throw the small inflatable basketball in the air for what feels like the millionth time while lying here in bed thinking about Cayden Fisher. Seeing her tonight for the first time since last summer, confirms I followed my heart when I came back home to Georgia.
She looked gorgeous in the light-yellow summer dress with those boots she had on, and her auburn hair flowed down past her shoulders in waves. She’s just as pretty as I remembered, and I dreamed about her a lot while I was away in California.
California. I sigh heavily at the thought of throwing my scholarship away, but that place wasn’t for me. My roots are here in the quiet town of Senoia where I grew up living the country life. I’m a backwoods, dirt roads, bonfire kind of boy, not a guy who likes the hustle and bustle of a big city. I’m back now to settle down for good, help my dad with the ranch, and claim the girl I’ve always wanted. I thought it would be easy, but something was holding Cayden back tonight.
Cayden and I have always been friends, and at times more than that, but I never achieved boyfriend status with her. I know it’s because of the pact her and her sisters made due to their asshole father. However, according to her, her sisters have fallen in love, so maybe I can finally have a chance to prove I’m the man for her. I won’t stop no matter what until I have the girl I love.
A light tapping on my bedroom window pulls me out of my own head. Getting up from the bed, I walk over and look to see who’s throwing the pebbles to get my attention, only to find Cayden waving at me. My lips tilt up at the sight of her and it brings back memories of high school. I don’t bother putting a shirt on before racing down the stairs to the front door. Opening it, I lean against the frame with my arms crossed while waiting for her.
She comes around the corner with a grin on her face. “How many times have I done that?” She is so fucking adorable standing there soaked from the rain. Even with strands of hair stuck to her face and mascara running down her cheeks, she’s still the only woman I see.
I smirk, chuckling. “Too many to count. What’re you doin’ here?” I was pissed when I dropped her off, but I can never stay mad at Cayden.
She looks down at the ground before lifting her shining hazel eyes up to meet my blues. “Are your parents sleeping?” I nod. “Can we go up to your room?”
Standing straight, I open the door wider for her to cross the threshold. She knows exactly where to go, so I follow her up to my room and shut the door behind us. She sits on the edge of my bed as I open one of my dresser drawers. Gazing over at her for a moment, I ask, “What’s up? Why you lookin’ nervous?”
Her brow furrows. “How do you know I’m nervous?”
Letting out a small laugh, I respond, “Because I know you. Every time you bite down on that plump bottom lip of yours, fidget with your fingers, or won’t m
ake eye contact with someone, it’s your tall tell sign of being nervous. Right now, you’re doing all three, so it’s gotta be serious.”
“I lied to you,” She mumbles, her nervous habits continuing.
Joining her on the bed, I set a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt on her lap. “About what?”
“I did meet someone at college.”
I blow out a deep breath. “Go into the bathroom and change before you get sick wearing wet clothes, then we can talk.” She nods without saying another word and stands without even peeking in my direction. I feel as if my world is falling apart as I watch her walk out of my room. She met someone. That’s why she held herself back from me.
My stare remains on the open door, and a few minutes later, she returns with her wet clothes in one hand and a towel to dry her hair in the other. A boulder hits me in my chest at the sight of her in my clothes. She’s so fucking beautiful.
“He’s best friends with Callie and Cyd’s boyfriends. He was their roommate and plays on the baseball team with them.”
“He was their roommate?” I question hoping the answer is he lives alone now, but with her fidgeting fingers and biting her lip, I’m not sure I’m going to like the answer she has for me.
Dropping the towel and her wet clothes in the corner, Cayden joins me on the bed. “Callie moved in with Dex, and then some shit happened to Cydney, and Mav made her move in with him. There was no other place for Zac to go, so he moved in with me.”
Christ, this keeps getting worse! Running a hand down my face, I grimace and question, “Is he your boyfriend?”
She shakes her head. “No.” Relief fills me and restores my hope that this is not a lost cause. If he was her boyfriend, I’d give up…maybe. She continues, “He’s the only guy to ever tell me ‘no.’” She laughs lightly. “I chased after him for a while, but he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want me.”
“He’s a fuckin’ idiot.” She has feelings for this guy, but if he doesn’t want her, I will make her realize he isn’t worth her time.
She ignores my comment and adds, “He’s staying at Momma’s this summer with all of us, and we just got into a fight. I couldn’t be there a second longer, so I came here. I don’t understand him—”
Leaning in, I slam my lips against hers to stop her from saying anything else. This time, she doesn’t try to stop me; instead, her hand lifts into my dark brown hair and she grips the short strands tightly. She kisses me back, sliding her tongue along mine. I try to possess her with my need– my craving for her–and deepen the kiss. I press in closer, making her lie back onto my comforter as I cover her body with my own, using my thigh to spread hers apart.
Cayden pushes against my chest. “Wait. I can’t.”
I gaze down at her with an arched brow. “Why not?”
She sighs heavily. “It doesn’t feel right. It feels…wrong.”
“How is it wrong, Cayd? He’s not your boyfriend. He doesn’t want you, but I do.” I smirk and grind my pelvis into hers. “I’m sure you can feel how much I want you.”
She doesn’t return the smile. In fact, her brows are pulled down in a frown and her lips are in a tight thin line. “I know.” She pushes harder on my chest until I’m lying beside her instead of on top of her. “But still it feels wrong. Can’t I just lay here for a while?”
Throwing an arm over my eyes, I try to think of anything else besides the things I’d like to do to her right now. I need this erection to disappear quickly. “As long as you want. I’m not gonna pressure you into anything you don’t want.” I turn my gaze to her. “But I’m not gonna give up without a fight. If he doesn’t want you, Cayd, stop chasing him and give me a chance.”
Her expression becomes perplexed. “We’ve always been just friends, Brody.”
“Maybe you, but not me. I’m in love with you, Cayden, and have been for years.”
She covers her face with her hands. “Oh, God. My sisters were right!” Uncovering her face, she stares at me with wide, shocked eyes. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
I shrug my shoulder. “It was never the right time.”
She sits up quickly, her jaw hanging open. “And now is?”
Grinning smugly, I say, “It’s better late than never.” I grab her arm and pull her back down.
She lays her head on my bare chest. “I can’t believe I never knew, Brody. I don’t know what to say.”
“You didn’t know because I didn’t let you know. Most people could see it, but I hid my feelings from you because I knew what I was to you. Just your friend. But shit’s different now, Cayd, and I’m done hiding my feelings. I know what I want and I’m ready to fight for you.”
She starts to sit up, but I bring her back to my chest. “Maybe I should go, Brody.”
“No, you don’t have to say anything. Just stay for a while.”
Both of us are quiet after that. Even if she can’t say she loves me back or that I’m the one she wants right now, I can’t help except to feel happy at this moment. I have her here with me, her head on my chest, and a future I hope for playing through my mind–her with me every night for the rest of our lives.
Cayden soon falls asleep in my arms, and I don’t bother to wake her, but one last thought filters through my mind before I too fall asleep: I need to get this Zac guy out of the picture.
My eyes pop open and I blink a few times. Grabbing my phone to check the time, I see that it’s ten in the morning. I remember storming out of the house last night and heading over here to talk to Brody. I also recall that after a scorching kiss, Brody confessed that he was in love with me. Everything could have led to some much-needed satisfaction, but I stopped him…I had to.
I stretch my arms above my head and glance at the spot beside me. There he is, the boy from my childhood. All we did was talk and kiss, but it’s left me feeling confused and tortured inside. I don’t know which way to go.
Brody starts to stir, stretching his body before running his hands down his face. “Hey,” He greets, giving me a genuine smile.
“Hey, Brody, I’m gonna head out. Thanks for the talk last night. I need to get going.” I stand from the bed and run my fingers through my hair, pulling it back into a ponytail before heading over to the corner to grab my clothes.
“Hey, why don’t you stay for some breakfast, or at least some coffee?” He gets up and makes his way toward his door.
“Coffee? Since when do you drink coffee?” I raise my eyebrow in confusion.
“Since college. The damn place made me turn into a coffee drinker with all the late-night study sessions and shit.” His tone gives new meaning cranky pants in the morning.
“You know, I’m good. I’m just gonna go. I’ll talk to you later,” I say. I hear Brody blow out a breath, and I know he's frustrated with me, but I need to figure all this out.
“Alright, I’ll walk you out.” Brody escorts me to the door. I turn around and lock eyes with him when we reach it. He places his hand on my face, moving his thumb along my cheek. "I'm not goin' to give up that easily, Cayden. I will fight for you." Fucking great! I lean in, place a light kiss to his cheek, and pull away to make my way out to the Jeep.
When I arrive at the house, I take a deep breath and climb out of the car. I enter, knowing damn well that I might run into Zac, but I don’t care. I’m frustrated and at my limit; therefore, if he doesn’t like being around me, it’s on him, not me.
I’m pretty tired after the last couple of days, but smelling the freshly brewed coffee as soon as I step inside, I make a detour for the kitchen. I figure I should probably have a little caffeine before heading up to take a much-needed shower. The house is quiet and peaceful. No one seems to be home, which is weird because this house has become a revolving door of people…and there's coffee.
Filling my mug, I begin reflecting on the last day of my life. Damn what a fuckin' roller coaster ride. I can’t believe my sisters were right about Brody. His confession definitely threw me for a loop. I guess I’m
going to have to see how all of this plays out.
Mmmm. The hot coffee tastes so good and hits the spot all the way to the last drop. I place the empty cup in the sink, before finally making my way up to my room. Not wanting to think anymore, I walk into the bathroom and take my shower.
After I’m done with my shower, I get dress and decide to hang out in my room for a little while. I pick up my Kindle and sit on the bed to play some mind-numbing games. It’s not long before it’s no longer a distraction.
Why am I so shocked that Brody loves me? Probably because I didn’t want to believe that he would ever develop feelings for me, that we could always remain what we were. Or maybe because the man I want, Zac, keeps me at a distance. It’s very frustrating being pulled in so many directions emotionally. Damn Brody! Damn Zac! Brody is pulling me closer, sharing his feelings. Zac is pushing me further away, making my head spin. On top of all of this, I’m sexually frustrated, and damn, I may just bust out the vibrator to pleasure myself. I can at least take care of that myself. Tossing my Kindle on my bed, I get up to search for satisfaction.
Men! I walk to my dresser, open the drawer, and throw around my panties and bras that are in the drawer, digging for the one thing I desperately need. Finally, when the drawer is empty, I find what I’m looking for: my trusty friend. “I guess I’ll settle for you right now.” I twirl the vibrator in my hand like a baton and am interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Cayden!”
What the actual fuck? It’s Zac!
I juggle Mr. Satisfying in my hands. “Zac, wait a minute! I’m coming.” I snicker, throwing it back in the drawer, and slamming the thing shut.