by Colbie Kay
“Not without me you’re not!” He chuckles. If he only knew. “Open this door, damn it.”
“Wait just a cotton pickin’ second!” I yell, racing over to my bedroom door before he gets any bright ideas. I’m almost there when the door flies open, slamming into my boob. “Ouch!”
Zac saunters into my room and glances around. “What the hell happened in here?”
“Nothing, you jackass. I told you to wait.” I lay on the floor with my hand rubbing my boob, which is probably gonna have a bruise.
Zac finally looks down at me. “Fuck, Cayden.” He reaches his hand out to help me up, and I slap it away.
“I’m good by the way. Thanks for asking.” I roll to my side to push myself up and off of the floor. “What do you want, Zac?”
“First, are you okay? Second, did a tornado come through here?” He asks.
“Everything is fine, just...” Think, Cayden, think. “Trying on different things.” Damn, I hope that throws him off track. He has some balls coming in here after acting like a child the day before.
“Yeah, keep trying to convince yourself of that and maybe I’ll believe you.” Zac has a gorgeous fucking smirk with luscious lips that I want to suck on and nibble. Shit! Dirty thoughts…dirty, dirty thoughts. I stare at his mouth, watching him slowly move his tongue across the bottom lip. “Cayden!”
I shake my head. “What?”
“Why didn’t you come home last night?” Zac’s growls.
“What’s it matter to you? It’s hard to stay around someone that doesn’t want you,” I spat.
Zac rubs his hands down his face. “We need to go. We’re supposed to take care of Raine tonight.” He’s changing the subject like he always does.
Um…okay? We only have to go as far as the living room. “I know, but we’re only goin’ downstairs, Zac. Don’t get your panties in a wad. Or is it so bad that you need a fresh pair? I can offer you some of mine.” I chuckle, brushing against Zac’s shoulder as I leave my room.
“Son of a bitch! I’ll just take them all, that way you have none,” He hollers at me.
“Good! Then I can buy new ones!” I snap, but can’t help except to think that I’d get new ones to model for him later…well, maybe. Fucking hell, I need to get me some.
I descend the stairs to the living room with Zac following behind me. Stepping off of the stairs into the living room, I find Dex and Callie standing there with Raine. “Hey, guys. Date night, huh?” I walk over and take Raine from Callie. “Don’t worry. Little Raine is in good hands with Aunt Cayden.” I tickle Raine’s belly with my fingers, and she, in return, gives me the largest smile.
“And her Uncle Zac.” I hear from behind me.
“Yeah, we’ll be out for a while. Thanks for taking care of Raine. She’s had her dinner. Shouldn’t be long before she’s out for the night,” Callie says.
After Callie and Dex leave for their date night, which really means sexy time, I settle onto the couch with Raine. Zac turns on the TV and finds Puppy Dog Pals playing. This little girl loves the pugs on the show. Zac sits on the couch beside us and our evening alone begins.
We order pizza for dinner. Make it simple, I say. It doesn’t take long before little Raine crawls from my lap over to Zac. She snuggles into his arms and starts to giggle at the faces he’s making. I’ll admit, I’m not watching the TV, I’m watching Zac.
“Are you enjoying the view?” Why yes, yes, I am. He must have sensed my staring because he never looked up when he asked.
The lights are off and the TV is the only thing illuminating the room…him. I can see the outline of his strong jawline and some of his tattoos are on display. His hair has grown out–something he did during the baseball season due to some kind of superstition–and it hits just above his shoulders; I want to run my fingers through the tresses to see if it’s as soft as it appears. No matter how many people told him to cut it, he refused. I hope he keeps it long. It’s a great length to grab onto while—
“Cayden, quit bitin’ your lip.”
I shake the thoughts from my head and find Zac staring at me. Well, fuck me. Without realizing it, I’d disappeared into my own little world and now my body is zinging with need.
“What the hell, Zac? I was only doing some thinking,” I say as an excuse, sounding as innocent as possible.
“Yeah, thinking about me. What about the moaning sounds you were making?” He quirks an eyebrow, and I want to wipe that conceited smirk off of his face.
Shit! Shit! Shit! There’s a knock at the front door. “Saved by the bell,” as they say. Zac stands from the couch and hands me little Raine, giving her a touch on her nose which makes her giggle again. Apparently, he has some kind of effect on all girls.
Zac answers the door and when he shuts it, he is carrying the pizza.
“Oh my, that smells amazing.” My mouth is watering.
“Yeah, it does. I’m goin’ to put it in the kitchen. I’ll be back in a sec.” Zac leaves us sitting there, and Raine starts to squirm in my arms as she tries to get more comfortable. She is fighting her sleep; her eyes are puffy and her mouth opens wide as she yawns.
“Hey, baby girl, just close those little eyes. Aunt Cayden is right here. How ‘bout a little song.” That gets me a grin. I kiss her cheek and scoot to the edge of the couch to stand. Once I’m upright and in the middle of the living room, I make sure I have Raine right where she needs to be with her head on my shoulder. Swaying, I start to rub her back. First, I start to hum a lullaby, but eventually, I move on to some country music. Raine is slowly relaxing against my shoulder and her breathing is beginning to even out, letting me know she is settling down. My humming turns to whispered lyrics and more swaying, waiting for Raine to fall asleep.
Leaning against the doorframe, I cross my arms over my chest and watch Cayden move side to side, dancing with Raine in her arms while trying to put her to sleep. I begin to get lost in the tune she's humming. I recognize the song, but when the words begin to flow from her lips, I'm drawn to her melodic voice, and the song has me falling. Falling into a darkness with Maddie and the future we were supposed to have.
My feet begin to move. I step closer and closer until my hands rest on Cayden’s hips and I'm moving side to side with her. My lids close and my forehead lightly touches hers.
Let's hold hands on the porch swing, under the moon.
While the wind through the willows plays us a tune.
We can lie on a blanket, out back in the yard,
And wish for our future on a faraway star.
You'll feel the passion as time after time,
I press your sweet lips to mine.
Then we'll dance to the radio, right up 'til dawn,
'Til you drift off to dream in my arms.
We quietly sing in unison until the very last word falls from our lips. And then I lean in, barely touching her lips, but enough to feel the soft wet tenderness.
"Zac," She whispers, but it's wrong. It's not the voice I'm supposed to be hearing.
My eyes slowly open. It's the wrong face. It's not Maddie’s angelic face. "Cayden?" I fall back, tripping over my own feet, trying to get away. It's not fast enough. "Fuck, I'm sorry!"
"Zac, wait!" She whisper-yells after me, but I'm already running for the door. Running away, just like I always do. I run. I run into the woods until I’m breathless and panting for oxygen to fill my lungs. Why did she sing that song? Out of all the songs in the world, why that one? My worlds are colliding, and everything around me is spinning. I’m fucking losing it!
I stand out here pacing in the dark, trying to make sense of what happened back at the house. How could I forget where I was? Who I was with? How could I let myself lose control like that? I begin thinking about the past, the present, and a future that I no longer deserve. The sun set a while ago, and I've been using the flashlight on my phone to see my surroundings, but it's time I head back before my phone dies, and I'm screwed on seeing the path that will lead me back to the house.
<
br /> All I can hope for now is that Cayden's in bed so I can avoid the questions I know she will want to ask. I don't have the strength in me to answer or dredge up the past–even if it’s beginning to surface. I’ve tried to keep it buried so deep inside of me that not even my two best friends know anything. Cayden was right, she doesn't know shit about me–no one does– and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm the only one out of our group that isn't originally from Georgia. I may have told them I was, but I'm not. It's just another secret, another lie, that I’ve put to bed with all the others.
I walk up the steps of the house and through the front door. All is quiet. So far so good. I’m avoiding her, avoiding the issue, but it’s what I do and what I know best.
I'm successful at getting to my bedroom door. After quietly shutting it, I begin my nightly routine before lying in bed and falling into the realm of dreams with Maddie as the star of the show.
The bed dips down beside me. Her hand reaches out, fingering strands of my hair. "What happened to you?" A feminine voice questions, her tone soft.
"Hmm," I mumble. Tender lips press against mine. "Maddie," I groan and my cock hardens.
"What the fuck, Zac?"
My eyes fly open, and I scramble up the bed, away from the body hovering over me. "Cayden? What the fuck are you doing in here?"
"I came to talk to you about what happened earlier. You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you, but then you were pulling me closer and we kissed. Then you called out some girl's name. Who's Maddie, Zac? Have you had a girlfriend all this time?" In a way, she is spot on, but fuck, why did she have to sneak in here?
"Don't mention her again." My tone is ice cold, holding an edge of warning. "You need to get out of here and leave me the hell alone."
"Jesus, Zac! Fine." She stands up from the edge of my bed. "I'll leave you alone. You know, maybe if you would open up to somebody," she waves her hand over me, "you wouldn't be so tormented. That playful act you show everyone isn't fooling me. I know there's a lot more to you than that, and I'll find out what it is." She spins on her heels and storms out of my room.
Christ! That woman never gives up, but persistence is one of her sexiest qualities and one of the things I love most about her.
Running my hands down my face, I know I need to apologize to Cayden. I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that, but fuck she caught me when my guard was down. Releasing a deep breath of air, I get up from the bed and walk through the Jack and Jill bathroom. I knock on the door to her room and wait for her to answer.
When she does, I slowly push the door open even more to brush past her. “Cayden, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that shit to you.”
She sits up in her bed, her arms crossed over her chest. Her ample tits are lifted higher than normal, almost popping out of her tank top. My eyes aren’t the only part of me that is bulging.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I point to her then rub the back of my neck with my hand. “Umm…your tits.” I clear my throat. “They’re big.” Shit! Why would I say that?
“Gee, thanks.” She rolls her eyes. “Like you haven’t seen tits before.”
“I haven’t seen yours.” Christ! I need to get the hell out of here before I insert my foot into my mouth any further.
Her brow arches. “Do you want to see mine?” She begins pushing her tank top up the smooth skin of her stomach.
“Fuck, Cayden, why do you do this to me? I just came in here to apologize.” I spin around and rush back to my room.
When the door shuts behind me, I hear her laugh as she yells, “I accept your apology.”
Three more reasons I love Cayden Fisher: she’s not scared of anything, she’s confident, and she makes me fucking crazy.
I go back into my room and lie in bed, trying not to think of the million other reasons that I could mention until I fall back to sleep.
Today we’re cleaning the house, and we’re starting in the kitchen. Callie is working on the fridge clean out, Cydney is taking care of the floors, and my hands are in the soapy water dealing with the dishes. As I’m washing, I begin to space out, thinking about Zac, trying to figure out how to approach him. The man is intoxicating.
I stand outside Zac’s room with my hand hovering over the doorknob. I want to go in, but I’m positive he’s sleeping. “Screw it,” I whisper to myself. Grabbing the doorknob, my hand turns it as quietly as possible, trying to make sure I don’t disturb him.
Once I have the door open slightly, I shimmy myself through the small space. Shew. I’m in. My heart is racing. I close the door slowly in an attempt to remain as silent as possible. My legs are wobbly as I step over to the bed. When I gaze down, he appears peaceful, his chiseled chest rising and falling with his light breathing.
I wonder if he sleeps naked. Oh my! That’s a delicious thought.
Do his tattoos extend down the rest of his body? I’ve only seen the ones on his torso showing the skulls with chains, and the one with wings and a skull in the shape of a butterfly on his right side. The small one on his left side is made up of letters that form a cross, but I can’t quite make out the words. In addition, he also has more skulls on his arms and the word “relentless” written from collarbone to collarbone across his chest. Holy hell! I would love to explore his body more.
“Cayden! Earth to Cayden!” I hear my name being called, “Cayden!”
What the hell? Can’t a woman get any privacy?
“Cayden!” My sister Cydney is bellowing my name.
“What? I’m busy!” I shout back.
“Yeah, we see that. The plate you’re holding has never been cleaner.” Cydney states.
Wait. Plate? What plate? I look down and I am basically molesting a plate. Jiminy Christmas! What have I been doing? Fucking daydreams about Zac. “Fine, sorry. I was making sure it was properly cleaned.” I attempt to cover my tracks the best I can, but my sisters aren’t buying it one bit.
“Right. And you were biting your lip for fun. Oh, Cayden, we’re not fools. We know you were thinking about one of them. Either way, that’s one clean ass plate,” Callie says, snickering and making the okay sign with her hand.
Ah fuck. Did I say all that out loud too?
I hang my head. “Okay, bitches, let’s finish up in here. Please.” Jeez, I really need to get my shit under control. Time to change the subject. “Hey, what do y’all think of this whole Momma moving thing?”
“I think it’s great. Momma found her happy place. I say let her live and have fun.” Cydney places more dishes into the cabinet.
“Yeah, she deserves this. She raised us, we went off to college, and in the process, she found something she was missing,” Callie throws in her two cents.
“Yeah. I’m happy for her too. She deserves all the happiness she desires.” Momma does have more pep in her step lately, and she is always smiling. Professor Bryant has made her shine more since they’ve been together.
Just when we were finally finishing the dishes, the guys walk in. “Hey, baby.” Dex greets Callie, giving her a kiss; followed by Maverick giving the same treatment to Cydney. And then there’s Zac and I…we’re staring at each other, nothing else. Ugh! This is annoying; however, we share a great moment between us, rolling our eyes at the way the others act. I silently giggle. “Zac.”
“Cayden.” That exchange earns us some confused looks from the others.
“I need some fresh air. I’ll be back in a bit.” I exit the kitchen and make my way to the front porch. I’m sitting on the porch swing, minding my own business, when Momma walks up the porch steps.
“Cayden, baby girl, whatcha’ doin’ out here?” She comes and takes a seat next to me.
I glance at her, and it’s obvious how happy she is. I can’t take that away from her. “Nothin’ really. Just takin’ a break.” I’m almost certain Momma’s not gonna believe that for a second.
“Cayden, now look here…” I meet her eyes, and she has her mom face on. “You’ve bee
n moody since you came home from school. I know that you have a lot on your mind and a choice to make…”
“Momma—”
She holds up her finger to quiet me. “Let me finish, missy.” I shut my mouth quickly. “If there is anything that I know about you girls is that y’all let your heads get in the way of your hearts. For goodness sake, Cayden, you need to put on your big girl panties and make the right choice for you, not anyone else.”
“Well, damn, Momma. Tell me how you really feel.” I grin and lean over to give her a hug.
“Honey, you’ll figure it out.” She pulls away and heads into the house. I turn to scan the field out in front of the house, letting my thoughts wander. Momma’s right. I need to make the choice that is best suited for me, not for anyone else.
Today’s the day that we’re saying goodbye to Momma. She is moving to Athens, and we’re all ecstatic for her. Plus, we’ll be near her again as soon as we go back to school in the fall.
Dex, Maverick, and Zac are all working on loading the U-Haul, while we ladies are inside finishing up last-minute packing of things that Momma wants to take with her. Momma and Professor Bryant ran into town to get a few things before they leave for Athens.
The three of us finish the packing, tape the boxes, and get them staged for loading. Zac walks in wiping the sweat from his face with his T-shirt, showing off his abs and the large tattoo that runs from his hip and up his rib cage. “These ready to go?” He points to the boxes that are in front of me.
“Yeah, I just need to label them.” I take out the sharpie and label it with the word “knickknacks.”
“Great.” Zac lifts them as if they weigh nothing.
I watch him stroll out the door, and I fully enjoy the view of his flexing muscles. Cydney and Callie walk up beside me and bump my shoulders. Wrapping my arms around their necks, I squeeze them to me.
“Hey, boys,” I hear Momma outside.
“Hey, Momma,” The boys shout in unison.
“You’re ready to go,” I hear Zac say.