by Kit Tunstall
He laughed. “I hope you’re this eager to continue after your muscles start to ache. I’m going to take it easy on you today though.”
Twenty minutes later, I was huffing and puffing, trapped under his body as I struggled to free myself. “This is your idea of easy?” I glared up at him as I tried to push against his chest, but couldn’t get my arms to move from where he’d lock them against my body.
He looked unrepentant as he smiled. “This is just the basics, baby. Wait ‘til you get to the hard stuff.”
I started to make a smartass remark, but then I realized I was already getting the hard stuff. His cock was thick and erect against my thigh as he shifted his position slightly, and my eyes widened. He was as turned on as I was. Probably more so even, because he hadn’t been distracted by the need to try to remain on his guard while learning new and complicated tasks. I wasn’t a threat to him, so he’d been able to relax, probably getting a lot out of touching me, even in an appropriate, nonsexual way.
I surrendered to the impulse and rubbed my pussy against his thigh, arching against him. I moaned as I did so, and his eyes widened with dawning comprehension. His gaze on me, I slid my tank top higher up my stomach, past my breasts, and folded it neatly under my armpits. I arched my back in silent offering, anticipating the moment when he would lower his head to touch his tongue to one of my needy, aching buds.
Instead, he started to pull back. I frowned in confusion as I gripped the front of his shirt, desperate to keep him with me. “Where are you going?”
“You have to work on your stamina before I can teach you offensive techniques, so we’ll go through more ways to break free of holds tomorrow.” His tone was distant and completely businesslike.
I refused to let go of my hold on his shirt, which forced him to stop moving away from me. Otherwise, he would have had to pry my fingers off his garment. “You don’t want me?”
His eyes darkened with hunger, and it was obvious he did want me. “I don’t fuck with another man’s girl, especially if the guy’s like a brother to me. We all know what you did with Shane in the showers. You weren’t exactly quiet, Lyss.”
I flushed, embarrassed despite my newfound streak of sensuality. “I’m sorry if we disturbed you,” I said stiffly.
He rolled his eyes. “The only thing disturbing about it was imagining your body all wet from the shower, skin glistening, and wishing we were all the ones fucking you instead of our friend. But I’m still not going to poach on his territory.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes at his chauvinistic phrasing. “First, it’s not his territory. Shane doesn’t own me, and I don’t own him. None of you own me. Secondly, you have his permission to poach. Not that you need it, because all you need is my permission, but he and I’ve had a talk, and he understands and is willing to try a sharing arrangement.”
He scoffed. “How accommodating of him. Surprisingly so. I’m not built that way. If I take you, you belong with me. That’s obviously not what you want, so this isn’t happening.”
Disappointment filled me, and I had the ridiculous urge to cry at his rejection, though I understood his point-of-view. Until a few days ago, I would’ve shared it and would have been horrified at the idea of one woman having a sexual partnership with four men. I felt a little shaky as I got to my feet, convincing myself it was simply an aftereffect of the workout he’d put me through and not any weak emotions trying to overtake me. I straightened my shoulders and nodded at him. “If that’s how you feel, I’m certainly not going to pressure you to change your mind.”
“Thank you. See you tomorrow.”
I nodded as I turned and walked away, keeping my back straight until I was out of his line-of-sight. After that, I ducked into the first office I found unlocked and leaned against the door, sliding down onto the floor as I stared into the darkened room. I honestly hadn’t expected any of them to reject my offer.
What incredible hubris. Did I think my pussy was made of gold, just like my new gun? Just because we were in the Apocalypse, and they hadn’t been laid for a while, didn’t mean they were automatically going to change their outlook on everything and be okay with a polyamorous relationship. I understood why Han had rejected me, and it was well within his right to do so, but is still hurt. I wanted him as much as I wanted Shane and Jamar.
I was attracted to Wesley too, and I’d have to explore that relationship if he was interested, but it still hurt to know Han wasn’t. He wanted to fuck me, but he also wanted to own me in a sense. I wasn’t all right with that at all. As amazing as I was certain sex would be with him, the complications would be too hot to handle.
Chapter Three
They returned to making runs the next day, but this time I was left at the base alone. Jamar admonished me to keep up target practice, and Han made an offhand remark about how I should run through some stretches so I’d be limber for our session later, but those were the only instructions provided.
After I did a hundred rounds with Miranda, who had more of a kick than the Desert Eagle, but also more precision, leading me to hit my intended target ten times, I wandered aimlessly around the base for a bit, familiarizing myself with some of the layout. Eventually, I found myself in the kitchen and decided to try to put together a decent dinner before their return.
By the time they made it back, I’d prepared a feast. It was a meager feast by pre-apocalypse standards, but it was a pretty good haul in our new reality. I’d found a large canned ham, a can of pineapples, and a few spices. It was an interesting combination, and certainly not the honey-clove glaze my mom always used on the real hams she made at Easter and Christmas, but it tasted better than something out of an MRE pack, even though I was using canned ham—which was only a step up from Spam.
I’d found two boxes of dehydrated au gratin potatoes along with a large can of carrots, and I’d tried my hand at biscuits, but that had proved a disaster currently hiding in the bin in the kitchen. When they trooped into the galley, they looked tired and hungry, but all four were there with no obvious injuries. “Did you make it back safely?” It was a dumb question, since they were all standing in front of me, but none of them were impolite enough to point that out.
“Yeah, we’re fine. We had a lot of debris removal today. We found good caches of things, but some of the stores looked like they’d been hit by an earthquake.” said Jamar.
I frowned. “In Wyoming?” I’m sure we’d had earthquakes before, but I didn’t remember ever feeling one, or even hearing about one on the news.
“I think it was someone just playing around with dynamite,” said Wesley. “Likely some dumb kid not thinking through the consequences and not realizing how stupid it was to block a grocery store with food inside while playing with their destructive new toy.”
“I hope they got it out of their system.” The idea of a dynamite fiend running around sent a chill down my spine. I was sure we were safe in the base, but we wouldn’t be when we were out on runs.
With a wink that distracted me, Jamar inhaled deeply. “Smells really good, Lyss. Thank you for cooking.”
I grinned at him as I sat down at the table, joining them after they’d shed their gear and all dropped into a spot. “I’m not sure I’d call it cooking so much as rehydrating, and this is about as good as it gets with my culinary skills, but I wanted to do something to help.”
His eyes gleamed, and he seemed to be sending me a message that was saying something entirely different. “I’m sure you’ll find all kinds of ways to help.”
My stomach rumbled with hunger, hiding the spasm of nerves that hit me right before. Not nerves exactly, but rather nervous excitement. I wondered if he would approach me again tonight. If so, it would be the first time I’d had sex with two men in the same day. I almost giggled at the thought, but stifled the reaction because it was so juvenile. I wasn’t doing this just for titillation or experimentation. They weren’t items to cross off my sexual bucket list.
I genuinely wanted the men around m
e, and I didn’t want to treat our relationships like a game, or have them thinking this was only about getting off, and I didn’t care about them otherwise. That was part of the reason I’d made the gesture of dinner—that and they were the ones risking their lives to bring back supplies, at least until they deemed me trained enough to accompany them. I knew that could be a long time from now, especially if things were awkward with Han during hand-to-hand combat training. I kind of wished now I hadn’t made my interest known. At least I also knew how he felt and where he stood. It was better that way, even if it was a gigantic source of disappointment.
We ate dinner in companionable company, sharing lighthearted conversation and a bit of teasing here and there. It was remarkably like the holiday meals I remembered, and for that moment, it was as though the old world was back again, and none of the horror had happened in the intervening months. The feeling didn’t last, but I clung to it all through dinner and dessert, which was a simple dump cake made with powdered eggs. The eggs I’d taken from the store had unfortunately been rotten, but I’d made do.
“Hey, if you’re out and you see chickens anywhere, can you get me some? And a coop to keep them in?” Raising chickens had been my 4-H project, so I knew how to do it. I’d never kept them much past the pullet stage, but I knew the basic needs of a chicken, and I was confident I could handle taking care of a small flock.
Han frowned. “You want to bring chickens into an underground base?”
I shrugged. “I guess they could stay in the warehouse upstairs, and then they can free-range in the lot out there.”
“I’m afraid that wouldn’t work,” said Shane. “It’s like advertising people live here if we do that, and I’m not comfortable with the idea of you going up alone without an escort. Since there’re only four of us besides you, we might not always be available when you need to take care of your birds. I’ll bring you a book or two to see if you can figure out an alternative way to raise them down here. I’m sure we could rig up a light, and a shelter wouldn’t be a problem. We can set up a room somewhere in the base, if we can figure out how to give the hens what they need.”
“Don’t forget a rooster. Can’t have more chickens without a cock.” I blushed as I said the word, even though I’d seen two of the four cocks at the table and had briefly come temptingly close to seeing Han’s as well. I cleared my throat and tried to move past the moment as they all snickered at me. “I’d appreciate those books for certain. Do you have them here?”
He nodded. “We raided a library and picked up a bunch of books on self-sufficiency. We’ve also been checking out bookstores as time allows. I’m sure I’ve run across the topic in some of the books I’ve been reading, so I’ll bring you those, and you can study the subject. Come up with a plan.”
It felt a bit like busywork, but I was happy to have anything to keep me occupied, though I was certain my schedule was filling up quickly. With weapons class and learning hand-to-hand combat, along with keeping my lovers satisfied, I was probably going to be so busy I’d wish for a few days of doing nothing soon enough, but after the boredom of holing up in the subbasement for months, I was happy to have things to keep me busy again.
I was happy to have anything, for that matter, and especially the men seated around me. Even if I never became lovers with any of them besides Shane and Jamar, I still cared about them, and I could feel our friendships cementing the more time we spent together. Trust took time, but time was a practically unlimited commodity at the moment.
My heart stuttered as I realized that wasn’t entirely true. Maddox had run out of time in a heartbeat, so we couldn’t afford to get complacent. We had a good thing here, and it could be a great thing, but it could also be snatched away from us if we weren’t diligent in protecting it.
Reality sucked.
PART FOUR: HOT AND HEAVY
Chapter One
I’d been expecting it, so it wasn’t exactly a shock when Wesley approached me the next morning instead of Han. “Are you ready to work out?”
I suppressed my searing disappointment and nodded, following behind him. I wondered if he would be my new workout partner/personal trainer/torturer, but I didn’t ask. What did it matter? If Han couldn’t move past yesterday, and things were still awkward, maybe it was better this way.
I managed five laps around the track before I felt like I was dying. I slowed to a powerwalk, and unlike Han, who would have kept pushing me, Wesley just called words of encouragement.
He was the shortest and least muscular of the four, but he was still impressive. He had the kind of lean, ropy muscles I associated with underwear models, though he was too short to be a model. He was only about seven inches taller than my own five-one.
He was also more laidback than Han had been, and when I broke away from the track, gasping, after powerwalking an extra two laps, he just waved at me and let me go collapse against the wall. I watched as he ran, appreciating his lithe form, but it was a visual appeal, rather than a visceral reaction. He didn’t move me the way Shane, Jamar, and Han did. I felt bad about that.
After allowing a brief reprieve, he took me to the weight room, putting me through the paces. My arms and legs felt like Jell-O by the time he moved me to the weight bench with its racked barbell. I wasn’t sure about using it with my arms so fatigued, but Wesley helped me hold the bar. I followed his instructions, exhaling as I pushed upward, but my arms started to tremble. His hands were there over mine in seconds, offering support as he took the barbell away and put it on the rack again.
I looked up at him. “Thanks. I just couldn’t hold it.”
“I probably pushed you too hard too soon. I’m sorry. We just want you in top shape so you can join us on runs.”
I nodded, understanding. It was important for me to become a full member of the team as quickly as possible. I understood the necessity, but I couldn’t imagine I was ever going to enjoy this. Workouts were something to endure, not anticipate.
As I lay there gathering my strength and allowing my muscles to stop spasming, he leaned over me and pulled up my tank top, revealing the smooth skin of my stomach. I stiffened at the touch, finding it more obtrusive than enticing. Staring at him as his fingers brushed over my abdomen, I struggled to feel a spark. He was attractive, but I just wasn’t attracted to him the way I was to the others.
That made me felt guilty, so I endured his touch, actively willing myself to respond. When he moved around the weight bench and carefully pulled me forward, getting me to stand, I went along with it. I was desperately trying to summon a dormant attraction, to appreciate the feel of another person after being alone for so long. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working.
My lack of reaction confirmed for me my attraction to Han, Jamar, and Shane hadn’t been the product of a simple need for human contact that had propelled my actions for the past few days. The others drew me to them, and not because they were almost the last men on earth, or at least in my world.
I’d been pretty sure of that, but now when confronted with the opportunity to have sex with the handsome man in front of me, to feel his arms around me as his body pressed into mine, I couldn’t summon any enthusiasm. I knew it had to be because of the lack of attraction. If I’d felt this way with Shane, Han, or Jamar, I wouldn’t have ended up sleeping with any of them. Not that I had with Han, but I would if he ever changed his mind.
I felt guilty, so I tried really hard to get into the kiss when Wesley lowered his head, putting a hand under my chin to hold me in place as his mouth lowered, lips touching mine. It was a sweet and gentle kiss, but it left me cold.
When he opened his mouth, his tongue exited and tried to enter mine. I allowed it entry, and even tried to summon a response, but it was like having a limp fish in my mouth. I didn’t think there was anything wrong his technique, but I wasn’t feeling the same urgent need I did when I was with my other lovers.
When he broke the kiss, I took advantage of the moment and stepped back. He frowned, his confusion o
bvious, and I tried to keep my voice kind, but firm, when I spoke. “I’m sorry, but there’s no spark between us. You’re a sexy man, but I’m not feeling the connection.”
He frowned. “What connection? It’s just sex.”
I shrugged. “It is just sex, but I need to feel something more than tepid interest to be able to sleep with you.”
For a moment, he appeared to be pouting. “You’re already fucking everyone else, so why not me?”
I flinched, but straightened my shoulders. “My sex life is private, but I’ll tell you just once that I’m not sleeping with anyone besides Shane and Jamar. I wish I felt the necessary heat between us, but it’s missing. I think we’ll make better friends than lovers.”
He looked like he wanted to argue for a moment, and then he sighed. “Fine, I guess I can live with that.”
I smiled at him, trying to ease the awkwardness and hoping we were past his annoyance at my refusal. Workout sessions were quickly becoming my least favorite part of the day. Not just because I didn’t enjoy running and lifting weights, but because it seemed to be the place to have deep conversations, and to turn away or be turned away from a passionate embrace.
Chapter Two
In complete contrast, gun practice with Miranda was rapidly becoming my favorite part of preparing for my new life as a soldier. Jamar always focused on the task at hand, his goal to improve my shooting ability, but he was quick to dole out rewards and compliments. Our shooting sessions always ended in one or both of us getting off. Usually both, and almost always at least twice.
Shane hadn’t displayed any of the jealousy he’d shown on the day of our talk, and I was content with our arrangement. Occasionally, I’d find myself thinking longingly of Han, wishing he would join my circle of lovers, but I tried to respect his viewpoint. I didn’t go out of my way to flirt, and when we interacted, it was friendly, but there was definitely a hint of unease below the surface. Things were still awkward with him.