Searching

by Kelli Kimble

  “But, it is. I’m packing it in and going back to the colony. I can’t keep you out here for nothing. You have lives to lead, too.”

  “I’m not interested in going back to the colony,” said Leif. “Fiona made it clear that we aren’t wanted there. If she hasn’t poisoned the others against us, then Maestro has. We won’t have a life to live there. Not anymore.”

  “We can’t survive out here without supplies,” I said. “We don’t know how.”

  “Fiona lived out here. She was born out here. Everyone pre-winter lived out here. Isn’t that just another type of proof that the pre-winter existed? If we can live out here on our own?” asked Leif.

  “That’s stretching it,” I said. “We already know people can live out here if Fiona did. We just don’t know how. We’d need permanent shelter, and we don’t have any idea how to build that. We need a source of food. We don’t even know how to eat food. Nutrient bags aren’t going to grow on trees.”

  “You make it sound hopeless,” said Tennie.

  “It is. We can’t just stay out here indefinitely. I never meant to isolate us from the colony—to stay out here. I just wanted proof, and there isn’t any.”

  “We need a plan,” said Leif. “If we return home, we have to be prepared to live on Fiona’s terms. I know I’m not ready to do that. But, Silver’s right, too. We need shelter and food. We need Fiona to help us with that.”

  “So, we’re agreed? We’ll go back to the colony?” I asked.

  “We’ll go back,” said Tennie, “and we’ll see what we find.”

  We packed up camp, and all our supplies, and headed back to the colony. Every step away from the campsite felt like a barb in my heart. How could the town hall have disappeared? It had to be there—or, at least, some part of it.

  When we got back to the mountain, Opal was standing watch outside the door. “I was starting to think you guys died,” she said. “Fiona thought you’d have run out of supplies a week ago.”

  “We stretched the food some,” I said. “How is it? Inside?”

  Opal shrugged. “Fiona is beside herself one minute and livid the next. She doesn’t know how she feels. Frankly, the rest of us are tired of dealing with it. I wish you would go away for good or get over it. It isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

  The three of us stood, looking at her.

  “I’m not supposed to let you inside,” she finally said. “I’ll go in and get Fiona if you’re ready to apologize. But, you can’t come in. Not yet.”

  “Fine,” I said. “Go get her.”

  She turned to go down the hall, then paused and said over her shoulder, “Think about what I said.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” huffed Tennie when the door clanged shut.

  “She’s telling us to leave,” said Leif.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “It’s like you said earlier; they’re poisoned. The rest are tired of Fiona’s preoccupation with us. They just want to be rid of us, so she’ll move on.”

  We stood in silence, except for Bo. He could sense our tension and occasionally whined as he leaned against Tennie.

  Eventually, the door swung open and Fiona rushed out. “I thought you were never coming back,” she said. She pulled me into her arms and squeezed, kissing me on the head and cheeks. Then, she released me and did the same to Tennie.

  When she reached for Leif, he stepped back. “We need to talk,” he said.

  Fiona frowned. “You can’t put that aside for a moment? Not even to say hello? I was so worried about you.”

  “You knew where we were,” said Leif. “You could’ve come at any time to see how we were doing, or what we needed. You stayed here.”

  She dropped her arms to her sides. “Yes, I did stay here. Just as you stayed out there.”

  “You kicked us out!” squeaked Tennie. Bo let out a little yelp.

  It called Fiona’s attention to him, and she took a step back. “You better have control of that dog,” she said. “I don’t trust it.”

  “Don’t change the subject,” said Tennie. “You told us to leave and not come back, and now you’re yelling at us for not coming back.”

  “I told you to come back when you could apologize,” said Fiona. “I didn’t say that you should never come back. All I want is the respect I deserve.”

  I stepped between Tennie and Fiona. “Look, Fiona. This was all my idea. I wanted to find the town hall, I asked them to come, and they agreed to do it because they care. They understood that I needed to do this. I’m sorry that you don’t understand. I’m sorry that it gives you some kind of pain to see us out in the world. I’m sorry that it led to an argument, when unpleasant things were said. I take responsibility for it all, and I am sorry.”

  Fiona’s eyes softened, but her stiff posture did not. I was close to getting her to break.

  “Please,” I said. “Just let us come home. We’re tired and broken, and we just want to come home.”

  She let one small sob escape, then she nodded and pulled me into her arms again. “I didn’t mean what I said. I was just afraid.” She paused for a moment, and her body shook, as she struggled to reign in her emotions. “I want you all to come home. All three of you.”

  “You mean four,” said Tennie, indicating Bo.

  She stood back from me and swiped a hand across her cheek. “No. A dog can’t come inside. It belongs out here, in nature. You can’t confine it that way. It’d never be happy.”

  “He won’t be happy if he’s separated from us,” Tennie said. “He never leaves my side.”

  “I’m sorry, Tennie. It will make a mess inside, and we don’t know if anybody would be allergic to it.”

  Tennie looked at me. “I won’t leave him out here. I have to stay out here with him.”

  Fiona’s eyes widened. “You’re that serious? You would just stay out here?”

  “I’ve been staying outside with him for nearly two months now,” she said. “What does it matter if I’m inside the colony or out?”

  “I want you to be safe,” said Fiona.

  “Bo will keep me safe.”

  “And I’ll stay out here with her,” said Leif. “We can take turns coming inside, maybe.”

  Fiona turned to me. “You’ll come inside, won’t you, Silver?”

  I glanced at Leif. He’d moved to Tennie’s side and was holding her hand. An awareness that I was out of place crept up my back. My neck and cheeks felt hot. They didn’t want me out there with them. They wanted to be together, alone. “Of course,” I said, trying to ignore the looks from Tennie and Leif.

  “Good. I’m glad I can talk sense into one of you,” she said.

  She pulled me forward, towards the door, but I resisted. “They have plenty of sense,” I said. “You don’t need to put them down because they won’t do what you want. They’re doing what they’re doing because they’re trying to respect your decision.”

  She paused and looked over my shoulder at them. “I’ll be out in a bit with some fresh food and water. If you want to stay out here with the dog, then that is okay with me,” she said. Her voice wasn’t entirely genuine, but it was a start.

  “Thank you, Fiona. We appreciate your hospitality,” said Leif.

  She didn’t answer. She nodded and directed me towards the door, her hand at my back. It clicked shut behind us, but she didn’t lock it. I was glad for that, at least.

  We walked together down the hall. “Just so you know,” I said, “I won’t tolerate any words against them. They worked hard to help me, and they don’t deserve the treatment they’ve been receiving.”

  “All right,” she said.

  I went for lunch and endured the various responses from my siblings. Some were friendly; some were curious. But, most of them ignored me or shot me dirty looks when they thought Fiona wasn’t looking. I couldn’t wait to escape them and head back to my room. It alarmed me how much I bristled at interacting with people who should have seemed familiar to me, and I just wanted to get back to my resear
ch.

  But, first, a shower.

  When I was dressed in clean clothing, with clean skin, for the first time in weeks, I slid between the sheets on my bed and got out my tablet. I needn’t have bothered. The comfort of clean bedding on a padded surface had me asleep after only a few minutes.

  ◆◆◆

  I woke some time later with a start. The tablet clattered to the floor and turned on. Its light illuminated the dark room as I got up to get it.

  “Why are you inside, when it was your idea to go out there?” someone said.

  I jumped and snapped on the light. It was Maestro. “What are you doing?” I snapped. “You startled me.”

  “I was just checking up on you, brother. I wanted to see for myself how you are.”

  “I’m fine, thanks,” I said. I picked up the tablet and inspected it for damage.

  “It’s fine, stupid. You could throw that thing over the mountain, and it wouldn’t break,” he said.

  I didn’t respond. “Okay, you see that I’m fine. You can go now.”

  “No. I can’t. Because I wanted to hear about your little science-fiction expedition. The one where you proved fairytales are true.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I said.

  “You know what I mean. Your dig. Your quest to prove that the pre-winter history is real.”

  “What about it?”

  “How did it go? I’m dying to see the proof.” He looked around the room in an exaggerated motion. “Where is it?”

  I tried not to let my shoulders sag. “We didn’t find what we were looking for,” I said.

  “I’m sorry—what? You failed to prove that your stories aren’t make-believe?”

  “This particular dig did not support my theory,” I said.

  “Mm-hm. So. Now, you accept that the history isn’t real.”

  “No,” I said. “I didn’t say that. Not at all. Proving that something as elusive as history is true isn’t simple. This was just my first try.”

  “You mean, your second.”

  “Whatever. I’m not done. I still believe I can prove it.”

  Maestro smiled. “I look forward to hearing your next plan.”

  The door shut behind him. I rushed to it, pushed against it, and locked it as soon as I thought he wouldn’t hear the click. I straightened. My hands were shaking, and my knees felt weak. What was wrong with me? It wasn’t the first time I’d heard such criticisms from him, and it most likely wouldn’t be the last, either. That didn’t make it any easier.

  I inspected my tablet again. It didn’t seem harmed by the fall, but I turned it on and looked at a few things, just to be sure. I checked the map of the mountain, then projected the three-dimensional image. I sat down on the bed and twirled the map around, looking at the various rooms and floors.

  That’s when I noticed it.

  The room I was in was clearly the third on the left in this hallway. But, the dot indicating me wasn’t in that room. It was four rooms away, on the other side of the hall.

  I went out to the hallway and walked to that room. I watched as my dot literally moved through a wall, rather than down a hallway.

  The map was wrong. Something about it was out of alignment. It wasn’t just that the elevation of the town hall was different now. It was actually directing us to the wrong location.

  I went back to my room and put on my boots. I had to show it to Tennie and Leif.

  Then, I stopped. Would they be angry that we’d spent nearly two months digging in the wrong location? Did they want me out there with them at all? Did they want to be alone?

  My mind whirled, and I sat back down on my bed. Before we were made, it was taboo to be with your own sibling. I knew there was a genetic reason, that it was called “inbreeding”, and it caused certain birth defects to proliferate. But, would that be the case now? There wasn’t anyone else for us to develop relationships with but our siblings. It would literally be the default behavior because it was the only possible behavior unless we all remained celibate.

  I gave myself a mental slap. Why was this topic even important? It wasn’t any of my business if the two of them wanted to have that sort of relationship, and I didn’t even know that was actually what they wanted. I’d only assumed because of the way Leif had held Tennie’s hand and volunteered to stay outside with her. I could have just as easily volunteered the same way. Tennie shouldn’t have been alone outside, even with Bo. It just made sense for it to be either Leif or I that stayed with her.

  Grabbing my tablet, I resolved to let them have their relationship, then headed outside.

  They were sitting outside the tent when I went out. Leif jumped up and hugged me, clapping me on the back, as if he hadn’t seen me just before lunch.

  “Silver! We’re so glad to see you,” said Tennie.

  I smiled and sat down at the fire, and they both joined me. The sun wasn’t down yet, but it was starting to cool off.

  “What are you doing out here again so soon?” asked Leif.

  “I discovered something today,” I said. “I hope it doesn’t upset you. But, it explains why we didn’t find the town hall in the dig.”

  “What is it?” asked Tennie.

  I displayed the three-dimensional map and pointed to the location of my room—though my dot wasn’t in it anymore. “This is my room,” I said. “I was in there earlier, and I happened to turn on the map. It showed my dot. But, when I looked closer, I saw that my dot wasn’t where it should have been on the map. My room is the third on the left in this hall, right?”

  They each nodded.

  “I was over here. On the right of the hall, four rooms away.” I pointed to the spot where my dot had appeared. “There’s something wrong with the map. Like it isn’t calibrated right anymore.”

  “So, how far off is that?” asked Leif. “We might have been digging pretty close at the outer perimeter of your site.”

  “I’d say it’s something like 30 feet off,” I said. “It’s enough that we could have totally missed the town hall.”

  “But, shouldn’t we have hit something else? There were other buildings in that photo of the town. We should have come across something.”

  “Not necessarily,” said Leif. “The town hall was interesting as a potential landmark because it was made of brick and stone. Other buildings nearby might have been less permanent. They may not have survived being buried, or whatever else happened over that length of time.”

  Tennie took the map and rotated it, inspecting our current position. “Why would you think we’d be mad about that?” she asked.

  I looked at the ground and bit my lip. “I was worried that you’d realize we spent two months digging in the wrong spot, and that it was my fault we did that.”

  She sighed and glanced at Leif.

  “Silver. We signed on for this,” said Leif. “We knew there was a risk that we wouldn’t find anything at all. We knew there were all kinds of risks, and we did it anyway. So, stop worrying about it. We want to help you with this. We volunteered.”

  “So, where does this lead us?” asked Tennie. “Are we going back to try again?”

  “You guys would do that?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” said Leif. “We’re not missing any big adventure here.” He jerked his head toward the mountain. “Quite the contrary, actually.”

  “I think what I need to do is some more studying. I shouldn’t have fallen prey to such a simple mistake. I’ve got to take some time to think it through again.”

  “Okay. We’re not going anywhere,” said Tennie.

  I studied her, searching for some sign that she was in love. But, there was nothing. She was the same old Tennie, and Leif was the same old Leif. I decided to test the theory. “I took a nap this afternoon in my bed. It was Heaven. You guys shouldn’t miss that. We can take turns staying out here with Bo. If you want.”

  “A shower would be really nice,” said Tennie. “Thanks, Silver. I’d appreciate that.”

  “Yeah, than
ks,” Leif added. “Maybe tomorrow, you could take Tennie’s place out here. That would be great.”

  “Good. I’m glad to help,” I said. Relief washed over me. “I mean, we should work together. We’re a team. Oh,” I added. “If you’re going to be going inside, I should warn you. Maestro is in rare form. He came into my room while I was sleeping and pounced on me for information when I woke up.”

  “Information?” prompted Leif.

  “Yeah. He wanted to know what we found. Basically, he wanted to make sure I felt like a dope.”

  “What a jerk,” said Tennie. “He’ll see, when we prove it. He’ll be the dope, then.”

  “All that digging got us in good shape,” said Leif. “I think we could teach him a pretty good lesson.” He flexed his bicep.

  I laughed. “I don’t want to beat him up. He’s our brother.”

  “That doesn’t mean we have to like him,” said Tennie. “He isn’t very likable when he’s being friendly. So, right now, we’re getting the downright ugly part of his treatment.”

  I laughed again. “All right. I’m heading inside. You two have everything you need?”

  “Yep,” said Leif. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I went inside, feeling secure again. I wasn’t interfering in their relationship. Leif was just being supportive. That was it.

  But, in the morning, I had doubts again. Doubts about the dig. We’d already been to the town twice with no result. I went through my daily chores, trying to keep the doubt at bay. But, it kept finding me and dragging me down.

  Late in the afternoon, I went outside to take Tennie’s spot for the night. She hugged me and practically pushed me down to get inside. She did smell pretty bad, so I couldn’t blame her for wanting a shower.

  Leif and I settled down by the fire with Bo. It wasn’t long before Leif noticed my worry. “Are you going to tell me about it?” he asked.

  “Tell you about what?” I said. It was embarrassing how often I needed propping up lately.

  “I can see there’s something bothering you. Are you nervous to be out here? Did Maestro harass you again?”

  I clenched my fists.

  “Come on, man,” Leif prodded. “You’re my best friend. If you can’t tell me, who can you tell?”