Mother Knows Best

by Barbara Bretton

  "Yes," she snapped, "it is hard, but that's not what this is about."

  He folded his arms across his chest and leveled her with his steady, dispassionate gaze. "The hell it isn't. It always comes down to that in the end."

  "Okay, you want to hear it, I'll tell you: I don't want to love you, then lose you but I'm willing to take the risk."

  "How compassionate," he drawled.

  Her hand itched for contact with the sharp angle of his cheekbone. "You're going too far, Gregory. This isn't a joke."

  "If you'll take note, I'm not laughing."

  She took a deep breath and tried again. "You can't leave Joey now, right before surgery. It isn't right."

  "Staying around isn't going to make a difference."

  "Are you so selfish that you can't understand that the boy loves you? That he needs you for moral support? The simple fact that you've made it has to make him feel better."

  "Is this some more of Mother's free pop psychology?"

  She raised her arm to slap him but he caught her wrist and held it fast.

  "I wouldn't," he warned.

  She didn't. He released her hand and she jammed it into the pocket of her trousers.

  "Smart move." He leaned against the kitchen counter. "An even smarter move would be admitting the real problem."

  "More pop psychology, Dr. Stewart?"

  He let her volley pass unanswered. "You don't get guarantees in life, Diana."

  "I never asked for any."

  "I'm leaving tomorrow."

  She noted the rock-hard set of his jaw and wondered if she'd ever really known him at all. He was as far removed from the kind-hearted man who'd helped change the girls' diapers as Diana was from her sister. "I think you should stay until Joey gets through surgery."

  "With or without you," he said, his voice low and terrifyingly controlled. "I'll be gone before the day is out."

  "Then you'll be going without me." Her voice was as controlled as his and she marveled at her capacity for deception.

  "Then I'll be going without you. If you can't deal with my situation the way it is, you might as well get out now."

  "I guess that's it, then," she said, wondering if the sound of her heart breaking could be heard in the quiet kitchen.

  "I guess it is."

  She thought of Joey Marino and the look in his big brown eyes when he was with Gregory. "For Joey," she urged, trying one last time. "If you leave tomorrow, you aren't being fair to him."

  The set of his jaw didn't soften. "If I stay, I'm not being fair to me."

  "So you're not perfect," she said with a shake of her head. "You're a bastard like everyone else."

  "I'm human just like everyone else. Maybe that's what you can't handle." He turned and headed toward the front door with Diana close behind.

  "Think about this, Dr. Stewart," she said as he opened the door wide. "Maybe it wasn't cancer that drove your fiancee away: maybe it was you."

  "And maybe you'd better think about this: all of your homegrown remedies can't change the fact that this situation is out of your control and now so am I."

  He turned and disappeared down the steps and moments later she watched as the taillights of the Corvette moved away down the curving driveway.

  "All's well that ends well," called Boris from the solarium.

  Not this time, Boris. Not this time at all.

  #

  It took Gregory most of the night to finish transferring his gear to the boat. By dawn he had cleared out the room at the back of his office and polished off the rest of the paperwork on his desk. A stack of checks were signed and ready to be deposited and all he had left to do was transfer part of his profits into his personal account when the bank opened and he'd be ready to go.

  He heard the sound of a car engine close by but he ignored it. Fool that he was, he'd spent the better part of the night listening for the rumble of Diana's rented station wagon, waiting for her to show up with her cat and her computer and her stacks of boxes, eager to apologize and ready to go. It hadn't happened.

  But then he'd never been much of a believer in fantasy.

  Although the trappings were different, Diana was no different than Hayley. Neither woman had been good at dealing with uncertainty; both had chosen the easy way out. He just hadn't expected it from Diana.

  To hell with her, he thought, gulping some coffee from a 7-11 cup. What did he need with Diana and her Pollyanna view of life that turned dark at the first brush with reality? It was his life they were talking about, his decision. If he wanted to sail to the Caribbean, he'd sail to the Caribbean. Joey would be fine. It was a setback, that was all, and a minor setback at that. Three months from now when he sailed back up the wintry coast to East Hampton, the kid would be back at school, hanging out with his friends. Joey wouldn't even remember Gregory had ever been gone. Kids were resilient as hell and all of Diana's talk about hurting the boy was just so much psychobabble to mask the heart of the matter.

  That night on the boat when he told her, she had made love to him with a ferocity, an abandon he'd never imagined possible. In the darkened room he had stripped his soul bare and revealed his vulnerability and she hadn't flinched. Not even when he told her his chances of fathering a child were remote did her resolve weaken. Her hazel eyes softened with compassion but not pity. She spoke to him with a touch of fear but without revulsion. In the heart of the night she had proved him to be more of a man than he had ever dreamed he could be. Diana was a woman of passion and loyalty, a woman able to commit herself to a lifetime with one man.

  Unfortunately, Gregory wasn't that one man, after all.

  She couldn't handle his situation and she'd opted out. He chuckled hollowly. How many times had he wished he could do the same thing? Why was it okay for a woman to walk and a federal offense for a man to admit he just couldn't cut it?

  Men were expected to cherish their woman through PMS and menopause, through sagging breasts and broken dreams. Men were expected to love their women for who they were, not for what they might have been.

  If a man truly loved a woman, he was expected to look beyond minor setbacks like sterility and spin happy tales about successful adoptions; but when the tables were turned, how many women with ticking biological clocks would be able to do the same?

  Not many. And obviously not Diana Travis.

  It was human nature to look for an escape hatch and she'd found hers. He glanced down at the globe on his desk and his gaze roamed the expanse of blue water called the Caribbean. With a little luck, his escape hatch would be there waiting for him.

  And with a lot of luck, it would be enough.

  #

  Diana was at the realtor's doorstep by nine the next morning. Ignatius, howling, was ensconced once again in his cat carrier and she had fed and watered Boris and bade him a teary farewell as she left Gull Cottage -- and a thousand memories -- behind.

  "A young man and his son are on their way out," said Mrs. Geller's replacement cheerfully. "I know they'll care for Boris as wonderfully as you did."

  Handing over the key to Gull Cottage hurt as if she'd been handing over her heart.

  Which, in a way, was exactly what she had done. In one month she had handed over her heart to a man she'd once thought perfect, only to discover he wasn't perfect at all.

  "That'll teach you," she said aloud as she started up the station wagon and cast a glance at Ignatius in his cat carrier. Maybe mother knew best when it came to coffee rings and house-itosis, but she sure came in a distant last on affairs of the heart.

  She'd get back on schedule, the way she was supposed to be. She'd drop Ignatius off with Paula and Art then find herself a hotel room somewhere and finish off her manuscript. She'd exercise more and eat less and do her best to pretend her heart wasn't breaking and when Labor Day rolled around she'd go out there and search for a man who really was perfect -- not perfectly beautiful.

  She couldn't resist one last drive along Main Street and to her surprise she found herse
lf coming up on the East End Animal Hospital. Mary Ann's car was parked in front and there was no sign of the Corvette anywhere. Diana signaled left then turned into the lot. The least she could do was say goodbye to the woman.

  "You're making a mistake," said Mary Ann the moment she saw Diana. "There's still time to make it to the marina before he leaves."

  Diana stiffened. "I thought you'd be the first one to understand."

  "I do understand. That's why I'm telling you to get your butt out there as fast as you can and hold on."

  "He's abandoning Joey."

  "He has a right, Diana. We don't have any hold over him."

  "Well, neither do I. He can sail to hell and back for all I care."

  "You're making a mistake."

  "I don't think I am. He's a selfish bastard."

  "Yes," Mary Ann agreed, "but he's also one of the best friends I've ever had. You don't give that up without a fight."

  "He's no friend of mine," Diana snapped.

  Mary Ann forced a grin. "I wish I could say the same thing."

  "You can have him."

  "Don't I wish."

  Despite herself, Diana laughed. "Making jokes this early in the morning must be a good sign."

  The red-haired woman shrugged her slender shoulders. "It is. Joey's second test results were much better than expected. I have my fingers crossed."

  "Will Joey still be having surgery?"

  "Friday," said Mary Ann. "That just might do the trick."

  There, in the middle of her unhappiness, a miracle was taking shape and her joy over Joey stood out in sharp contrast to the pain she felt over losing Gregory. How wonderful to know miracles were still possible. "I'll call you Friday night," said Diana. "I want a full report."

  "Why don't you stay at my house?" Mary Ann offered. "I'd like the company."

  Diana was deeply touched but she shook her head. "I don't think so." Memories of Gregory would be too hard to bear on familiar territory. "I'm heading back to New Jersey."

  "And they say I'm crazy..." She walked Diana back out to the station wagon. "Can't get you to change your mind about driving to the marina?"

  Diana let the question slide. "Is the birthday party still on for the fourteenth?"

  "Sure," said Mary Ann. "You'd come?"

  "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

  Tears brimmed in Mary Ann's blue eyes as she gave Diana a fierce hug. "Joey's gonna be thrilled."

  "No more than I," said Diana. "I wouldn't miss that birthday party for anything on earth."

  Not even for the chance to be with the man she loved. Life was too precious, too uncertain a thing to take lightly and she intended to celebrate Joey's life with the people who loved him most. And if Gregory couldn't find it within his soul to rejoice at this one small victory, then she felt sorrier for him than he would ever know. You're a selfish SOB, Stewart, she thought as she headed for the highway and left East Hampton behind.

  She must have been a fool to fall in love with a man like that.

  #

  As it turned out, Gregory was right about one thing: there was nothing in Diana's bag of homegrown remedies that could heal a broken heart. She hid herself away in a hotel in Somerset, near Paula's home, and managed to finish her book by the beginning of the second week in August.

  Suddenly she was left with time to think and she didn't like the direction those thoughts were taking her.

  She was a creature of habit, The General's daughter, a woman who had gone through her life believing people and events could be scheduled and compartmentalized like items on a grocery store shelf only to discover that her heart was the one thing she could not control.

  "It doesn't matter," she said to Paula over lunch on August 13th. The two women were sitting out on Paula's patio while Kath and Jenny played in a sandbox next to them. "He's probably halfway to Barbados by now, up to his eyeballs in tropical maidens."

  "You sound jealous."

  "Hah!" Diana speared a leaf of romaine lettuce with her fork. "We're finished. He's ancient history." Paula's earthy rejoinder stopped Diana cold.

  "I can't believe you said that!" Paula had always been annoyingly pure of speech.

  "I'll say a lot more than that if you don't come clean."

  Diana dropped her fork to the china plate with a clatter. "What do you want from me, Paulie? Do you want me to fall weeping at your feet?"

  "I'd settle for some frank talk."

  "He's gone and I'm still here. That's about all there is to say."

  "You really are just like Dad: arrogant, argumentative and too damned pigheaded for your own good. If you weren't so heartbroken, I'd almost say it served you right."

  "Would you mind speaking English?"

  "Gregory," Paula said, leaning forward in her rattan chair. "You shouldn't have let him go."

  "Mind your own business, Paula."

  "I have been," her sister shot back, "and see where it's gotten you? You're heartbroken."

  "I'll live."

  "Sure you will -- you'll live the life of a miserable old maid." Paula grinned. "Not that you don't deserve it, mind you, but you'd probably end up living with me and I don't think I could stand it."

  "Very funny." Diana redirected her attention to her Cobb Salad. "Only a fool would sail to the Caribbean during hurricane season."

  "Only a fool would let him go."

  Diana addressed her salad with renewed enthusiasm.

  "You were like this as a kid," Paula observed. "Whenever things didn't go your own way, you picked up your Barbie doll and went home. Well, this time you're not going to get away with it."

  "Of course I won't," said Diana evenly. "At the moment I don't have a home to go to."

  Paula looked as if she'd like to leap across the table and strangle her younger sister but somehow restrained herself. "What is it you want, Diana? I thought you finally understood that you can't have everything -- none of us can."

  "You have everything," Diana said, gesturing toward the house and swimming pool and landscaped property. "A husband. Two kids. A home in the suburbs -- "

  "You're right," said Paula with a sheepish smile. "I do have everything, but if you think I didn't have to compromise in order to get the happiness I have, then you're a bigger fool than I thought."

  "You don't understand," Diana said, burying her face in her hands. "He isn't the man I thought he was."

  "No man could be what you thought Gregory was. You were looking for a saint; what you found was a human being."

  "Don't go getting philosophical on me," Diana warned through her sniffles. "That's my territory." She told her sister about Joey and Gregory's refusal to stand by the boy. "How could I be so wrong about someone? He's selfish and -- "

  "Scared."

  Diana looked up at her sister. "What?"

  "He's scared, Di. Don't tell me you didn't realize that."

  "He's not afraid of anything, Paulie. The man believes he's invulnerable."

  "You'd better turn in your notepad, Mother, because you missed the mark this time. He's not running away from Joey; he's running for his life."

  "You don't know Gregory. You can't possibly understand."

  "I know you're too much in love to see clearly. I know you're hurt and tired and afraid you're going to regret what you gave up if you commit yourself to him."

  "You're wrong, Paulie." Diana's voice cracked with emotion. "I'm not."

  "Think about it," her sister ordered gently. "You can lie to me, but don't lie to yourself." She gestured toward her curly-haired daughters playing in the sunshine. "That's a big sacrifice, kiddo. Do you think you can do it?"

  Diana's heart ached with love for the two little girls who had become such an important part of her life and she wondered if her maternal instinct was destined to be channeled into being the world's best aunt. "Before I met Gregory, I would have said no, but now -- " She hesitated, uncertain how to put such complex feelings into words. For two weeks she had wrestled with the question and each
time she had come up with the same answer. She loved him. She could no longer imagine life without him.

  "Yes," she said at last. And it wouldn't be a sacrifice. Not really. If only she had realized that before she left East Hampton, things might have been different. In her heart she had always known a man would be at the center of her happiness, that a solid marriage would be the foundation upon which everything else was built.

  "Don't go banking on miracles," Paula warned. "You'll only get hurt that way."

  "The only miracle is that we found each other in the first place."

  "You may never get pregnant, Di."

  "I know. I'm willing to take the chance." She laughed hollowly. "Not that the man in question is around anymore to volunteer."

  "Did you talk about adoption?"

  "We didn't have time." Her voice was husky as unshed tears battled for release. "We didn't have time for very much at all. I was a coward, Paulie. I couldn't face the uncertainty." Or the blunt truth until now. She'd created the perfect man in her mind and cast Gregory Stewart in that role. When the perfect man turned out to be a mortal, she no longer knew what to do with her dream. Gregory hadn't been the only one to turn and run; Diana saw that now. She had run as fast as she could away from reality only to find that no fantasy of the perfect man could possibly compete with the reality of Gregory Stewart. The man she loved. In sickness and in health. With children or without. Forever and beyond.

  "And -- ?" Paula prompted.

  "And what difference does it make? He's gone and I'm here and none of it really matters after all."

  Paula fixed Diana with one of her best big sister looks. "If you can handle his situation the way it is, then track him down. If you can't -- " Paula shrugged eloquently. "Well, if you can't, then you'll be ready to start looking on Labor Day, right on schedule." Paula's smile was rueful. "Only you can have a whirlwind romance and a broken heart and not lose a day in the bargain."

  Only me, thought Diana as she bent down to hug her nieces. Her tears fell onto their soft blonde curls and sparkled in the sunshine. Even if she wanted to run to Gregory, she couldn't because he was out there in the middle of the ocean alone and out of reach, just the way he'd wanted to be.