Pew! Pew! - Bite My Shiny Metal Pew!

by M. D. Cooper

  Alissa directed the shuttle to an open field adjacent to a small settlement nestled in the foothills of a jagged mountain range. The town consisted of five wooden lodges and a handful of huts.

  “Wow, it’s like stepping back in time,” Jack commented, taking it in.

  “That’s precisely the point.”

  Once on the ground, Alissa powered down the engines and they unstrapped their flight harnesses.

  “Time to see your new home,” Alissa told Merica, removing the blindfold.

  The other woman shouted objections into her gag when she glimpsed the planet through the open doorway.

  “You wanted to start a new life. That’s exactly what we’re giving you.” Alissa grinned. “They were so thrilled to hear someone of your talents was looking to relocate.”

  Jack helped Merica from her seat and directed her through the hatch in the rear of the shuttle.

  As they exited the craft, and elderly man and two women were approaching. They were followed by a herd of three dozen young children.

  Alissa removed Merica’s gag. “Welcome,” she told her.

  “Where is this backwater hell hole?” Merica demanded. “Take me to the nearest station immediately and I won’t report you.”

  “Oh, nonsense!” Alissa laughed. “But you can make such a positive difference here.”

  “Hello!” one of the woman in the welcoming party called out. “We’re so excited our new art teacher has arrived.”

  Merica’s face paled. “Oh, stars, no!”

  A group of children ran ahead toward Merica. Their fingers were covered in orange and blue paint.

  “Are you our teacher?” a little boy asked.

  “No, I am most certainly not!” Merica objected.

  Alissa nudged the other woman with her elbow. “She’s funny, isn’t she? She can’t wait to spend all day painting with you!”

  “Yeah!” the children cheered in unison.

  “We made you a picture,” the little boy continued. He held out a piece of paper depicting a crude figure of a woman, and orange blob, and a single strip of blue across the top of the sheet. “This is you, and this is the sky, and this is a flower.”

  Merica’s eyes widened with horror. “Kill me now.”

  Alissa clapped her on the back. “We knew you’d love it here!”

  The old main in the welcome party beamed, revealing purple teeth. “I hope you like beets, because we have them with every meal!”

  Jack and Alissa backed away as Merica’s face turned an unnatural shade of red.

  “Have fun now!” Alissa called out, and they made their retreat.

  “She won’t hurt them, will she?” Jack whispered to her.

  “Nah, nothing to gain from it. I hope some time off the grid does her good.”

  They returned to the shuttle and locked the door, just in case Merica made a run for it.

  “What if she reports us after she gets off here?” Jack asked once they were seated.

  Alissa shrugged while she secured her flight harness. “She doesn’t really know who we are, aside from some first names. And since she only ever communicated with Trent and saw his ship, it’s doubtful she could trace anything back to us.”

  “Hmm, I guess that’s true.” Jack paused. “And what about Trent himself?”

  “I guess we’ll figure that our when we get back.”

  They ascended through the heavy cloud cover, and the sky slowly changed from blue to black. The Little Princess II and Thrasher were in geosynchronous orbit with an umbilical connecting the two vessels. Alissa headed for their own ship and docked in the hangar.

  The rest of the crew and Trent were waiting for them.

  “How’d she take it?” Triss asked on behalf of the group.

  “Oh, positively thrilled.” Alissa grinned.

  “I guess this is where we part ways,” Trent said, standing at the threshold of the umbilical.

  Alissa nodded. “You have your jewels, we have our art. That was the agreement.”

  “Best of luck to you, then. I hope our paths never cross again,” Trent said.

  Triss crossed her arms. “The feeling is mutual.”

  He departed without further commentary, and they disconnected the umbilical. Once everyone was back on the living deck, finally allowed themselves a moment to celebrate in the living room.

  “That was a hell of an op!” Finn exclaimed.

  “I can’t wait to unload this art.” Triss smiled. “I’ll reach out to that fence contact of yours, Finn.”

  Jack began mentally spending his share of the bounty, thinking about how he could order a pair of purple shoes to alternate with his gold light-up loafers. Perhaps he could even splurge and get the electric blue.

  “Oh… that’s not good,” Triss said.

  Alissa sighed. “What now.”

  “Um, that fence just told me the black market art scene has taken a downturn after a critic commented on Merica’s vlog about Vincent’s nude portrait, sparking a realization that, and I quote, ‘most of it was meaningless shit and artists should go back to painting more mountain landscapes or something’.”

  “I told you so,” Jack muttered under his breath.

  “Even the painting of Vincent that everyone wanted to burn?” Alissa asked.

  “Unfortunately, ironic art purchases are now among the worst offenders.” Triss sighed and leaned against the wall.

  Finn took a slow breath. “So, let me get this straight… we now have half a dozen worthless pieces of canvass, and we just let twelve million worth of jewels walk off our ship.”

  Triss nodded. “That sounds about right.”

  “Well, that royally sucks.” He stormed off in the direction of his cabin.

  The others wandered toward the living room.

  “It was a good idea, Triss.” Jack nestled into his typical place on the couch.

  Alissa plopped down next to him. “At least it gave us something to do. We’ll have other opportunities.”

  Jack looked at her. “Hey, you didn’t mean what you said earlier, did you? About me being worthless?”

  “I don’t think I used that phrasing,” Alissa replied.

  “But that’s what you meant.”

  She looked him in the eye. “No, I didn’t. You’re a goof, but you’re our goof. I knew she wouldn’t shoot you if she didn’t think it would get her any leverage, so I had to break you down in her eyes.”

  “If you say so.” Jack looked down.

  Alissa reached over and tousled his hair. “You’re one of us now, for better or worse.”

  “Thanks, Alissa.” He smiled.

  Finn barged back into the living room and collapsed on the couch adjacent to Jack’s. “I take it this means we’re not getting a new ship.”

  “The Little Princess II is just fine.” Alissa patted the wall behind her. “If we treat her right, she’ll serve us well.”

  “But what about all the layout issues?” Triss questioned.

  “We’ll get used it to. Considering the size of the original Little Princess, this is still huge,” Alissa pointed out.

  “Fine, we’ll make it work for now,” Finn agreed. “But the bigger issue: however will we pass the time?”

  Jack leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “You know, despite things going very badly, Merica did illustrate a need in the market.”

  “What’s that?” Alissa prompted.

  “Covert transportation of people.”

  “Uh… That sounds a little shady,” Triss interjected.

  Finn clapped his hands together with delight. “But oh so adventurous!”

  Alissa massaged her eyes. “What do you have in mind?”

  THE END

  — — —

  Want to read more by Amy DuBoff?

  Cadicle: An Epic Space Opera Series

  The lost colony of Earth has no idea that the galaxy-spanning Taran Empire is in the throes of a hidden interdimensional war...

  A character-dr
iven space opera with adventure, intrigue, romance, and telekinesis for fans of Dune, Lenseman, and Ender’s Game.

  Cris Sietinen, heir to the most influential High Dynasty in the Taran Empire, was born with prohibited telekinetic abilities. Determined to be true to himself, sixteen-year-old Cris leaves his privileged life on Tararia with hopes of joining the TSS, the only organization to offer sanctioned telekinesis training. However, the governing Priesthood has its own plans for Cris. He has a role to play in a secret interdimensional war, and his son is fated to be the prophesied Cadicle—the person to finally end it. With adventure, coming-of-age, romance, and intrigue, the Cadicle series is a unique epic spanning sixty years across three generations. Torn by duty and morality, their decisions will change the course of the Taran civilization.

  Read the complete seven-book series now:

  Get Volume 1 now for only $0.99: http://smarturl.it/cadicle1pp3

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  About the Author

  Amy DuBoff has always loved science fiction in all its forms, including books, movies, shows, and games. If it involves outer space, even better! As a full-time author based in Oregon, Amy primarily writes character-driven science fiction and science-fantasy with broad scope and cool tech. When she’s not writing, she enjoys travel, wine tasting, binge-watching TV series, and playing epic strategy board games.

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  Invasion of the Kaviis

  By C.C. Ekeke

  When a young soldier’s first military assignment looks like a career-killing dud, he is determined to turn that minus into an unorthodox opportunity for action, glory…and belly rubs.

  Since childhood, Henar has trained to be a part of the Kavii Benevolency’s grand military. On the day of his graduation from military academy, the young soldier’s dream of being in the frontline of planetary conquest and rising up the Benevolency’s military ranks was about to come true. But when Henar is deployed to the backwater world known as Earth, his expectations of adventure and glory are all but destroyed. Still, the young soldier is hell-bent on making the best of his first military conquest. When Henar actually arrives on Earth, what he finds there opens his eyes to a new and unorthodox chance at glory...and unlimited belly rubs.

  Chapter 1

  Henar never felt more proud. Dressed in a freshly pressed light grey military outfit made him feel taller. Stronger. Happier. Cooler. Even the fiery orange dawn spilling down from the twin suns orbiting the planet Kav felt brighter.

  In fact, Henar felt any superlative ending with –er and –ier.

  Only two days had passed since his graduation from Ka’Hoberk Military Academy, and Henar felt like he’d been a soldier of the Kaviian Benevolency Armed Forces for over two years.

  “This one is a soldier!” he repeated to himself, wrinkling his nostrils in disbelief. He’d repeated that fourteen times now, and the title never lost its appeal.

  The auburn-furred Kavii male, only twenty cycles in age, marched proudly across the quadrangle-shaped commons of the military base, awash with green grass and other Kavii soldiers milling about before the day started. Lofty buildings, off-white in color and shaped like half ovals, loomed everywhere. These buildings and this military base on Retakka 4 had been Henar’s home for the last five years.

  Like all young Kavii, Henar had attended a military academy since adolescence, then trained and learned for five planetary cycles, all so he could be on the frontlines when the Benevolency spread their way of life to another fortunate planet.

  That was the dream of Henar and all young Kavii: serve the Kaviian Benevolency in any way possible.

  And with an empire that spread across hundreds of worlds, Henar knew opportunities for him and his friends would be boundless.

  He smiled, his long and webbed hind feet almost bouncing as he quickened his pace.

  As great as graduation day had been for Henar and his friends, he knew today would be better. Assignment day.

  Henar already knew he would be part of an invasion squadron. His test and performance scores had guaranteed that.

  But to which planetary system? Henar prayed for one with planets that would be a challenge to the Benevolency. Where else could he show off his newly learnt martial prowess? “This one will be the best soldier the Benevolency has ever seen. No matter the planet!”

  “Dreaming of conquest and glory again, Soldier?”

  Henar jolted in surprise and whipped around. Behind him were three other Kavii, also dressed in light grey military uniforms like him. To uniformed species, he and his friends were identical in appearance. Thick and dark auburn coat covering their skin. Powerful hind legs with webbed feet. Paw-like front legs with opposable thumbs. Muzzle-shaped mouths and noses. Small, round eyes on either side of their heads, shiny and dark.

  But after a closer glance, Osefa’s coat was obviously shaggier than everyone else’s. And Leakki’s eyes were more a shade of midnight blue than straight black. And Nele liked to sway her haunches from side to side whenever she got excited and scurried over. A smile spread across Henar’s face at the sight of his closest friends. “This one is dreaming of how best to serve the Benevolency, Soldier.”

  Nele snorted. “You’re just excited to finally conquer some planets, Soldier.”

  Osefa threw his head back and guffawed, which sounded like a cawing noise. “That is correct, Soldier.”

  Henar wrinkled his nose at their mockery. “Go jump in a black hole...Soldier!”

  That caused the whole group to burst out laughing. “This one will never, ever tire of our shiny new titles,” Henar managed between chuckles. “Soldiers!”

  “Now we get to travel the wide galaxy,” Leakki agreed eagerly as the group began walking across the commons, “conquering in the name of the Kavii.”

  That was what Henar hoped for. He and his friends traversing the stars in the name of their great government. “Hopefully we all get assigned to the same battalion,” he added, thoughts alight with possibilities. “We will stomp down those who would resist the Benevolency.”

  Nele turned to him with a disbelieving look. “Eeesh.” The very thought made the female Kavii shiver from head to long, webbed toes. “Why any race would ever be so foolish to resist is beyond me.”

  “There have been historic exceptions,” Osefa replied dryly. “More than a few.”

  “And those ones never lasted long,” Henar added.

  The group all shook their furry heads round and round in agreement. “Not at all.” The Kavii Benevolency was kind to those species that followed the rules and integrated seamlessly into their régime. But those who dared to defy the Benevolency’s kindness were met with fire and fury of terrifying magnitudes. Henar almost felt sorry for those who did. Almost.

  “This one doubts there will be any glory for you and your lot,” a condescending purr sounded from behind Henar.

  And the jovial mood frosted over. Henar felt his features curling in disgust as he slowly turned to face his nemesis. Standing before him was a golden-furred Kavii more massive and muscular than normal. Atiga, a Kavii from the Black Mountains in northern Kav, where Kavii always grew like giants. A disdainful sneer was etched into his muzzle as if he was constantly sniffing someone’s flatulence. Flanking him as usual were his loyal minions, Kamai and Akko, both equally mountain-sized and cruel.

  Atiga and Henar had been enemies from day one in the Academy. Since then, a competitive rivalry between two ambitious students had festered into bitter hatred for five years. Henar was hoping to put that behind him and never see Atiga’s punchable muzzle ever again. He almost clapped back. With Atiga, a response to his insults had become a reflex. But a glance at Leakki subt
ly shaking his head stopped him. With great difficulty, Henar sighed and turned away without a word. His three friends followed suit.

  Atiga wasn’t done. “That one thinks the glorious military will place someone as soft as Henar and his sucklings in active combat?” he threw back. That drew a roaring caw caw laughter from his beefy minions.

  Henar stopped and whirled around. “Says the one who barely graduated!” His eyes narrowed. “Being the progeny of a commandant must be fortifying.” Akko and Kamai stopped laughing. Atiga as well, his golden fur standing on edge in fury. “This one graduated without anyone’s help, you piece of flotsam!”

  That made Henar and his friends snicker. “Keep telling yourself that,” he teased. “These ones all know your father called in favors, thanks to his progeny being as intelligent as an asteroid.”

  Atiga’s dark red eyes nearly popped out of his head. “YOU—”

  He lunged at Henar, who braced himself for the attack.

  Akko and Kamai held Atiga back, just barely. The massive Kavii’s retort quickly devolved into a string of curses. Filthy curses. This drew stares from many passersby.

  “Let that one go,” Henar dared, never flinching. Atiga may be larger, but his fighting skills were substandard. Just like everything else about him. Always relying on strength instead of skill, which was why Henar never lost to him in a fight.

  A paw on Henar’s shoulder drew him out of the battle haze—Osefa, who looked worried by all the attention this confrontation was drawing. “That one isn’t worth the trouble. We should go. Mission assignments.”

  Henar took one look back at Atiga, still swearing up a thunderstorm as his friends dragged him away. The picture of class that one wasn’t. Why get dragged down by a blowhard whose father could save him from any consequences? Henar had no backup of the sort.

  Shrugging Osefa off, he turned and walked toward the half-ovular building nearest to them.