Desire and Deception

by Nicole Jordan

  A strong arm slipped about her waist. Feeling Jason's lips brush her hair, Lauren gratefully rested her head on his shoulder.

  "Regrets?" he queried softly.

  "No, not really," she replied, not wanting to tell him the true cause of her sadness. "But they are my family. Lila, my mother. Veronique, my sister. Matthew, my father. I shall miss them."

  "You haven't seen the last of them. Lila means to visit us next year when Charles is a bit older. I expect she can persuade Veronique to come, too, and if not, then we can return here. There are some advantages to owning a fleet of ships, you know." When Lauren didn't reply, Jason tilted her chin up. "I should like to be your family now, my sweetheart. Not that I'm interested in being your mother or sister. Or even father . . ."

  Looking deeply into his eyes, Lauren couldn't help but be warmed by the tender light she saw glowing there. She nodded solemnly, reaching up to touch his cheek. "I've never forgotten what you said to me that night I first met you. 'Partners, lovers, friends.'"

  "I would be all that and more to you," Jason replied huskily. "But come now, Cat-eyes. Let's endeavor to be happy. Said another way: Smile for me or I'll toss you overboard for the fishes."

  It didn't take much effort on Lauren's part to dismiss her sad thoughts. Not when Jason was looking at her in that particular way. The gleam in his eyes made her pulse quicken.

  Looping her arms about his neck, Lauren gave him a brilliant smile. "No, you won't throw me overboard," she disagreed sweetly. "You would never let me become breakfast for a few fishes if it meant missing your own feeding."

  "Perhaps not. But I must devise some sort of punishment for you."

  "Why? What have I done?"

  "Nothing except put me through one of the worst moments of my life."

  She arched a delicate brow. "I don't believe it. You knew perfectly well I would change my mind."

  "No such thing!" Jason declared fervently. "I was trembling the entire time. All I could do was hope you loved me enough to come with me."

  "But you could have prevented me from leaving here in the first place," Lauren pointed out.

  Jason shook his head. "No, my love, it had to be your decision. I had already made my choice, you had to make yours. That was a lesson I learned with our marriage, I realized that I'd been trying to control you, the same way my father tried to control me— Lord, you don't mean to cry again, do you?"

  Lauren brushed at the tears that had filled her eyes. "No," she said with a shaky laugh.

  Jason bent to place a lingering kiss on her lips. He might have gone on for some time, except that a disturbance behind him recalled him to his surroundings. With regret, he lifted his head.

  Lauren followed his gaze upward to where the mainsail was being hoisted up its mast. When the canvas spread and caught the wind, she could feel the schooner leap forward.

  As a fresh breeze caressed her face, she turned to look out over the majestic Mississippi. Gulls swooped in low circles about the bow of the ship, their raucous cries blending in strange harmony with the snapping sails. When Jason's arms tightened about her waist, Lauren leaned back against his chest, closing her eyes and tilting her face up to the sun. There was nowhere else on earth she would rather be. For the moment she was perfectly content.

  After a time, she asked idly, "How long before we reach England?"

  "Three weeks, I expect. More if we run into bad weather."

  "I suppose you remembered to bring Ulysses?"

  "Much to Kyle's chagrin, yes."

  Lauren could hear the amusement in his voice. Twisting her head, she peered up at her tall husband. "You thought of everything, didn't you? But what would you have done if I hadn't come back? How long would you have waited?"

  Jason kissed the tip of her nose. "I'm not certain. Maybe forever. Then again, I might have said to hell with it after another few minutes and come after you. I don't really believe I could have left you behind."

  She laughed suddenly, then seeing Jason's quizzical glance, explained. "I was remembering my disappointment when you didn't try to make me stay. I think I almost hoped you would kidnap me."

  Jason grinned. "If you'd like, my love, I'll hold you prisoner in our cabin—without any clothes on, of course—to make up for disappointing you."

  Tilting her head, Lauren appeared to give his suggestion serious consideration. "I think I would like that," she said thoughtfully, and smiled when Jason bent to nuzzle her ear.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Except for one or two instances, Lauren considered the ocean crossing magical. Jason intended the voyage to be their wedding trip since they had missed one earlier, and he was determined, Lauren quickly discovered, to make her time on board the Siren both delightful and memorable.

  It was certainly that. The days were long and marvelously lazy. And the nights—the nights were indescribable.

  She never lacked for entertainment when she wished it. During the day, she played cards or chess, took turns with Jason reading aloud, or simply watched the fascinating activities of the crew at work. Jason had granted her full freedom of the ship so long as she got in no one's way, and Lauren took full advantage of it, spending hours asking questions of an aging seaman who patiently explained the intricate details of keeping a ship trim and fit. And each night when she and Jason dined with Kyle and the ship's officers, Lauren was regaled with fantastic stories of the men's experiences at sea—tales which alternatingly had her staring wide-eyed or joining in the uproarious laughter.

  One sailor, a young Englishman named Rory, was blessed with a superb voice, and in the evenings he would bring out his Spanish guitar to entertain the crew with folk songs or lead them in roisterous chanteys. Upon hearing the music her second night on board, Lauren had begged Jason to let her watch. When she went above with him, she discovered a dozen men sprawled on the forecastle, singing in loud, booming voices. Jason found a place in the shadows just outside the congenial circle the men had formed, and settled himself on the deck, drawing Lauren down beside him. She relaxed against him, enjoying the performance and the feel of Jason's strong arms holding her.

  She had thought her presence went unnoticed, but a short while later, Kyle called to her and suggested she sing for them. Startled and even a little embarrassed, Lauren demurred, but then saw that the circle had politely opened up and that all the men were looking at her expectantly. She gave Jason a questioning glance, and when he grinned and lifted her to her feet, she could no longer refuse.

  She sang a love song then, and she sang it directly to Jason. The verses were poignant and bittersweet, but it was Lauren's tone, more than her words, that expressed the depth and breadth of her feeling for him. None of the men who heard her failed to understand that she belonged, heart and soul, to Jason Stuart. Neither was there one who didn't feel a twinge of envy for the tall, tawny-haired man who possessed her love. And there was an eloquent glow in Jason's blue eyes that showed he was well aware of his good fortune.

  The men listened with total absorption, and when the last fascinatingly husky notes died away, they gave a great burst of applause. Lauren was astonished by her reception. Having been introduced to the crew, she knew most of their names, yet they had kept such a respectful distance, always meticulously addressing her as m'lady, that she had felt like an intruder in their world. Warmed by their acceptance of her, she smiled shyly, then laughed along with the others when Kyle gave her a resounding kiss on the cheek and Jason gruffly threatened to feed him to the sharks.

  After that first occasion, the group never broke up without demanding and receiving at least one song from the "missus," as they called her from then on. Later, because Kyle took the first risk, some of the men even got up enough nerve to ask Lauren to dance under the eagle-eyed regard of her husband.

  There was only one of the sailors whom she had difficulty liking—a small-boned, dark-haired man who always seemed to be watching her. His name was Ned Sikes, and while he never precisely bothered her, his constant
scrutiny distressed Lauren enough to make her mention it to Jason. She never knew what Jason said to Sikes, but the disturbing looks ceased after that and she was grateful.

  The rest of the Siren s crew members were cordially welcoming, though. Indeed, they tried to outdo each other in an effort to please Jason's lady and make her voyage enjoyable. In her entire life, Lauren had never been so pampered. When the ship put in at St. Thomas long enough to bring on fresh food and water, Jason took her to a hidden cove for a picnic. Lauren had never before swum in an ocean, nor had she ever seen such a breathtakingly lovely vista. She was amazed by the sparkling white sand and the aquamarine waves, while the water was so clear she could see the coral reefs far below the surface, as well as flashes of brilliantly colored fish. Afterward, Jason made love to her beneath the shade of a giant palm tree.

  When she boarded the Siren once more, glowing with contentment, Tim Sutter worshipfully presented her with a floppy, wide-brimmed straw bonnet. It was to protect her complexion from the sun, he mumbled shyly. Lauren wore it often during the remainder of the journey across the Atlantic, even though Jason teasingly called her his gypsy.

  Only one incident threatened to destroy her happiness. It occurred the afternoon Jason brought an abrupt halt to one of her sailing lessons.

  Before that, Jason had encouraged Lauren's interest in the ship's operation. He had approved when she learned to tie a score of different knots and to repair a ripped canvas. He hadn't objected when she spent time in the galley with the ship's cook showing him how to prepare a bouillabaisse and a delectable sauce for fish. Jason himself taught her how to take the wheel and keep the ship on course, and he hadn't protested when Kyle started giving Lauren instruction on how to use a sextant and the stars to navigate. But when Jason discovered her trying to scale the rigging, he exploded with fury.

  After ordering her down from the ropes in a tone that brooked no defiance, he took Lauren's arm in a relentless grip and escorted her below deck. In the privacy of their cabin, Jason gave vent to his rage, and for two full minutes lashed out at Lauren, roaring about the danger and the risk of being hurt, not letting her say a word in her defense.

  Baffled by his anger, Lauren eyed him warily. Jason's flashing blue eyes and his clenched fists reminded her of the first night he had taken her on board the Siren. He had been implacable then, as well.

  "But I was being very careful, Jason," Lauren reasoned when she was finally allowed to speak.

  His blazing glare made her want to flinch. "I don't give a damn how much care you use! You aren't to attempt such a foolish stunt ever again. Do you hear me?"

  "Yes, but I don't know why I mustn't."

  "I've told you why, and I don't intend to repeat myself! Your understanding isn't that deficient."

  Lauren grew very still; Jason's commanding tone had struck a highly sensitive nerve. "My understanding isn't deficient in the least," she said stiffly. "You are ordering me to obey you. Not requesting, or even telling, but ordering. Very well, I should like to know if you are speaking as my husband or as my guardian."

  "Don't play games with me, Lauren—"

  "Because if you are being the protective husband, I will remind you, very sweetly, that for years I climbed trees that were far more difficult than those ropes. But if you are presuming to act as my guardian, I will tell you to go to the devil! And not come back!" Seething now, Lauren turned on her heel and marched to the door.

  Before she could throw it open, though, Jason's angry words assailed her. "I'm speaking neither as your husband nor your guardian, but as the father of the child you endanger with your recklessness."

  Shocked, Lauren whirled to stare at him. "How did you know?" she breathed.

  Jason's expression was as grim as she had ever seen it. "It wasn't difficult to guess. Your nausea, for one. You haven't eaten for several mornings in a row, yet you weren't bothered by the rough seas we encountered a few nights ago, so it couldn't simply be seasickness." A muscle in his jaw tightened. "When did you plan to tell me about the child? Or perhaps I should ask, did you ever intend to tell me?"

  "I . . . yes, of course I did," Lauren stammered. "I wasn't even sure myself until after we set sail."

  "But you suspected," Jason stated flatly. When Lauren opened her mouth, he barked in warning, "Don't dare lie to me, sweetheart! I'm that close to turning you over my knee and applying my hand to your backside."

  Lauren's chin came up at his threat, but her reply was cut off by Jason's oath as he savagely ran a hand through his hair. "Christ! I thought we had some honesty in our relationship. You planned to let me sail away without my knowing, didn't your

  Furious now herself, Lauren clenched her fists. "Yes!" she retorted. "I thought that if you knew about the baby, you would force me to go with you."

  "Damn it, Lauren! You still don't trust me, do you?"

  "Don't swear at me! I wasn't at all sure that I was increasing then. It was only a feeling."

  "Your reluctance to tell me makes me wonder if there are other secrets you're hiding from me!"

  At his accusation, Lauren sucked in her breath, the original cause of their argument forgotten. "Such as?" she asked guardedly.

  Jason's fierce blue gaze bored into her, but he made no answer. When the silence lengthened, Lauren decided he couldn't have meant anything by his mention of secrets. Seeking a cease-fire, she offered an explanation. "I was afraid to tell you, if you want the truth."

  Her attempt at conciliation was ignored; if anything, Jason's mouth hardened even more. "The truth would be nice," he replied with biting sarcasm.

  Stung by his caustic tone, Lauren drew herself up to her full, regal height. "Perhaps you would care to know who fathered my child, then," she returned icily.

  She hadn't meant to say anything so ridiculous, but the taunting words were out before she could bite them back. And the resultant fire that flashed in Jason's eyes frightened her so much that she took a quick step backward. For a moment, the air between them literally crackled with tension while Jason glowered at her menacingly. Lauren could see the effort he was making to control his temper, but she watched him worriedly, waiting.

  When he made no move to beat her as he had threatened, she sat down weakly on the bunk, her gaze dropping to her hands. "I wasn't planning to keep it a secret," she said lamely. "I was waiting for a special occasion to tell you."

  "What special occasion?"

  "I don't know! Just sometime special. It isn't every day that I have a baby."

  "Lila said you were crying about it."

  Lauren threw Jason an accusing glance. "Lila! I should have known. I suppose you asked her to spy on me and report my actions to you. Well, Lila was wrong! I was crying because I missed you and couldn't face the idea of you leaving me."

  There was a long silence before Jason finally spoke. "You want the child, then?"

  Hearing the doubt in his tone, Lauren met his gaze squarely. "That question," she said evenly, "is as absurd as the notion that someone else might be the father."

  Jason let out his breath slowly. After a moment, he moved to stand before Lauren and reached out to caress her cheek. "I beg your pardon, then, for shouting at you," he said quietly.

  Lauren was relieved to see that the gleam in his eyes was no longer anger, yet she wasn't at all sure that she wanted to accept his apology. She raised an eyebrow pointedly. "Is that all you mean to say?"

  A smile tugged at the corner of Jason's mouth. "You want me to grovel, do you? Very well, Cat-eyes." He surprised Lauren by dropping to one knee. "Now, I'm kneeling at your feet, begging your forgiveness. But in my own defense, I'll remind you that it isn't every day a man becomes a prospective father. I suppose I haven't gotten the hang of how to act yet." Tilting his head to one side, he smiled at her with such disarming sincerity that Lauren found it hard to resist his compelling charm.

  Seeing that she was wavering, Jason wrapped an arm about her waist and drew her against him. "I will now ask you very sweetly to plea
se not climb the rigging anymore. Or any trees, or anything thing else which might endanger your health and safety,"

  "That is much better, Jason," Lauren observed primly as she tried to repress a smile.

  "I married a tyrant, I can see. But you didn't answer me. Will you give me your word? See, I'm not ordering you."

  His wide-eyed look was so much like a guilty little boy pleading for reprieve from punishment that Lauren had to laugh. "Yes, you have my word. I would have given it to you before if you hadn't been so beastly. But since you apologized so nicely, I'll admit that you were right. It was very foolish of me. I just didn't consider the consequences." Then remembering the cause of their argument, Lauren searched Jason's face, her green-gold eyes growing somewhat anxious. "You haven't told me yet if you're pleased about having a child."

  "Could you doubt it?" Jason whispered huskily, before his lips found hers.

  He kissed Lauren deeply, lovingly, chasing away her doubts, and when he at last broke off, it was only to gently push her backward till she was lying on the bed. He nestled his cheek against her hair, while his hand splayed possessively over her abdomen, caressing it lightly. Lauren shut her eyes, savoring the tender moment.

  After a while, Jason returned to their discussion. "I never asked Lila to spy on you," he said seriously. "She mentioned that you might be in a delicate condition, but even if she hadn't, I would have come to the same conclusion. You haven't pleaded your woman's time since our marriage, and your breasts are fuller now."

  "Only the least bit. I'm surprised you noticed."

  Jason raised his head to grin at her. "You forget I've made it a point to become intimately familiar with your body." His grin faded a bit as he studied her face. "There's a special glow about you, as well. It's made you even more beautiful. I think motherhood will agree with you."

  Lauren smiled back at him. "That's easy for you to say. You don't have to miss breakfast."