A Reason to Stay

by Melissa Ellen

  The dress was ivory and complimented Emily’s olive colored skin, dark hair and green eyes. It was an off the shoulder dress with long sleeves of lace that came up her arms, stopping with scallops that danced around front to back below her collar bone. The lace was translucent at her arms and above her bust, but continued down her body to the floor over a silk A-line dress. It was the most elegant dress I had ever seen. It had a vintage classic design that reminded me of something you would have seen Jackie Kennedy wearing.

  “Oh, Emily,” Mom gasped, slowly taking a few steps toward her to give her a hug and admire her some more.

  “I know. It’s perfect. I couldn’t try on another dress if I wanted to. This is the one.”

  We all nodded our agreement and cheered with excitement. Lizzie topped off our glasses of champagne, lifting hers for a toast, “Here’s to Emily finding the perfect dress. May it come off easier than it was to find, for Jackson’s sake!”

  “Lizzie Taylor!” Mom scolded, giving her the disapproving eye while trying to hold back her own laughter.

  “Cheers!” I chimed in as we toasted, downing the last of the champagne.

  We all left the shop giddy with excitement about the upcoming wedding and how beautiful Emily would look. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Jackson’s face when he saw my sister on their wedding day. As much as I was determined never to be in another relationship, I couldn’t help but feel sad that I would never know what it felt like for a man to look at me the way Jackson did Emily.

  The afternoon had slipped away and we needed food after drinking so much champagne. We decided to have a late lunch, skipping dinner altogether. Mom called Dad, asking him and Jackson to meet us at The Village Pub for burgers and drinks.

  The Village was one of our favorite spots in town. It had a casual vibe and a lively bar. Dad and Jackson showed up a few minutes after we sat at our table. Emily greeted Jackson with a passionate kiss as if he had just returned home from war. It was obvious she was feeling more than a little tipsy from the champagne. We ordered a round of beers to keep our buzz going and an order of the calamari to snack on until our burgers came out.

  “How did the wedding errands go?” Dad asked no one in particular.

  “Oh, David, wait until you see Emily in her dress,” Mom stated to Dad, getting teary eyed as she remembered the moment from earlier today.

  “All I can say is Jackson is one lucky man,” added Lizzie.

  “I’m well aware of that,” Jackson assured everyone while putting his arm around Emily, bringing her closer for a kiss on the top of her head. We caught the guys up on some of the more comical moments of trying on the dresses, making casual conversation until the burgers arrived. We ordered another round of beers, letting the easy, fun atmosphere take us into the evening hours.

  The church was packed for Sunday morning service with a lot of familiar faces that I hadn’t seen in a while. After the service, Lizzie and I split off from my family to say hi to some of our old high school classmates and catch up on the latest gossip. Many of them had stuck around after high school and a few were back home just visiting for the weekend.

  We were talking with Kelly, who used to run around with Lizzie and me, when I saw him. Chris. It had been years since I’d seen him. And he no longer looked like the carefree guy I remembered. He had a worn expression as he guided her out of the church, his hand on her back. She was carrying a cute little girl, who looked about three years old - the spitting image of her mom, although her eyes were unmistakably her dad’s.

  Lizzie, noticing my sudden disinterest in our conversation, followed my gaze. He turned, locking his eyes with mine as if he could feel my eyes on him. The feeling of anxiety started to overwhelm me, making me want to flee. Still, I couldn’t stop watching him. The look on his face went from surprise to almost what seemed like regret. Surely not? He had made his choice that night, throwing everything we had away.

  Kelly, always slow on the uptake, broke our silence, finally realizing what we were looking at. “Oh. Yeah. I guess you heard… shortly after graduation, Chris knocked Tonya up. He married her before the baby came. She tried to act like it was a honeymoon baby. We all know it wasn’t, though.” I broke my eye contact with him, turning to look at Kelly.

  “Yeah, I’d heard they married and had a baby. I just hadn’t seen them since,” I admitted.

  “Well, I guess you dodged a bullet there,” Lizzie added, trying to make light of the conversation.

  I smiled, pretending to agree. Part of me, though, felt like I might have missed out on the one chance I had at love and a family of my own. I knew it was silly. There was no way I could have stayed in a relationship with him, no matter how much he begged and pleaded for forgiveness. As I told him then and I still believed now, I could forgive…but I couldn’t forget. I would never feel confident in us or what we had.

  I was no longer in the mood for small talk. We told Kelly goodbye and to keep in touch before making our way to the car to head to Nana’s house. Turning onto the long drive way to her home, instantly gave me the comfort I needed after seeing Chris and his family.

  The smell of roasted chicken filled the air as we walked in. My aunts, uncles and cousins were already there along with my parents, Emily and Jackson. I greeted everyone before going into the kitchen to where I could already hear Nana telling my Mom she wasn’t doing something right.

  “What can I help with, Nana?” I interrupted.

  “Oh sweetie, you can help by first giving your Nana a hug. Then you can mash the potatoes.” I dutifully did both tasks and then helped with pulling the rolls off the baking sheet, placing them into serving baskets to set on the tables.

  Where my parent’s house could feel a bit cramped with the whole family, Nana’s had more than enough space. She lived in a classic colonial home in the middle of Litchfield. It was an estate home that had been in her family for a long time. It was thoughtfully set back on 3 acres of matured trees and perennial gardens. There was a beautiful pond with a fountain in the middle which could be viewed from the screened in back-porch. The pond was surrounded with rocks and wild flowers to give the illusion that it was a natural feature, but the lawn and gardens were so well-maintained it was anything but natural.

  As a little girl, I used to run around the gardens in the spring and summer time pretending to be a garden princess, making the flowers grow. I loved Nana’s house. It always made me feel safe.

  Sunday lunch at Nana’s was a tradition and something I always enjoyed. It was bittersweet when I realized that it was getting late in the afternoon, and we needed to get on the road. I hated saying goodbye to my family. Regardless, I felt the need for some quiet and calm.

  Lizzie and I walked to my car with my parents close behind. We gave one final hug and kiss before getting into the car. I rolled down my window for our traditional last minute conversation.

  “Make sure you call me, when you get to your apartment,” Mom pleaded.

  “I will, I promise.”

  “Drive safe. We love you,” Dad added.

  “Love you guys too. I’ll see you soon!”

  Lizzie and I waved our hands out the window as we drove off. I gave the car horn a couple taps as a final farewell when we reached the end of the drive before turning onto the main road.

  The drive home went by quick with Lizzie back to her normal chatty self. It seemed a weekend away was just what she needed. Maybe she was just tired and needing a break from the college nightlife. It never did come up again, so I was going to take that for what it was worth.

  It seemed our moods got reversed. Suddenly, I was feeling a bit depressed. Seeing Chris was having more effect on me than I wanted to let on. I tried telling myself that our relationship ending was for the best. Even still, I couldn’t get rid of that feeling I had when we first broke up. The loss, the rejection, the desperation for never ending love.

  We arrived at our apartment in record time. I went straight to my room when we walked in the front d
oor. Dropping my bag on the floor, I entered my bathroom to start a warm bubble bath, knowing a long soak and a good book was what I needed to get my mind off of things. While the bathtub was filling with water, I went to my phone, quickly sending a text to my mom that we had made it home safe and sound. I picked up a book I had been reading from my nightstand before walking back into my bathroom. As I was getting ready to strip down, Lizzie knocked on my door.

  “I’m going to order a pizza for dinner. Any special requests?”

  “No, I’m good with whatever you want.”

  “Pepperoni and mushrooms it is.” She started closing the door to leave and then stopped. “Are you okay? You were really quiet on the drive home.” She paused a moment to allow me to answer. When I didn’t, she went on, “I know it had to be hard seeing Chris.”

  She knew what the end of our relationship had done to me. She was the only one I had ever confided in about what had happened. I had told my family that it was a mutual decision to call it off before I headed to college. The long distance thing would be too hard. I knew he was staying in town and that my family would run into him often. I didn’t want it to be awkward or tense, and if I was being honest, I was too embarrassed to tell them the truth.

  “I’m fine…It was hard, but I’ll be fine. I just need a bubble bath and maybe a glass of wine to go with the pizza.” I gave a weak smile, trying to hide that it was really bothering me.

  “Done and done. I’ll have both waiting for you when you get out of the tub.”

  After forty-five minutes of soaking in the bathtub, my fingers and toes were pruning. I decided it had been enough time for the pizza to arrive. I dried off, put on some pajamas and made my way into our tiny apartment kitchen. Lizzie was just pulling out the paper plates for the pizza when I walked in. She already had a bottle of merlot opened and was sipping on a glass. I poured myself some wine before grabbing a couple slices of pizza.

  We sat in the living room while we ate and drank our wine, deciding to marathon watch episodes of our favorite sitcom on Netflix. Drained from the emotional turmoil, it wasn’t long before I passed out on the couch.

  CHAPTER 3

  Monday morning came fast, and I was feeling the stress of my approaching exam. I dressed quickly that morning before leaving for my favorite study spot to get in some last minute cramming – Brewed. The trendy coffee shop and gastro-pub was a hot spot among the college students and locals. The building was a brownfield project. It had previously been abandoned and now revitalized into one of the most popular meeting spots in town.

  I loved seeing old buildings brought back to life, so it instantly became my favorite spot to hang out and study. The rooms were cozily decorated, completed with fireplaces. It had a very hipster feel, but attracted all sorts of clientele. The people that frequented Brewed ranged from women stopping for brunch, men in suits having business meetings and college students studying or meeting friends for a beer.

  I picked a small table in the corner at the end of a long banquette. It was across from the bar that sat in the middle of the main room. With it being early morning, I figured it would be less distracting with the unlikeliness of people wanting to drink a beer. My server approached, and I ordered a vanilla latte with the chicken and waffles to eat.

  I drank my latte, reviewing my notes from class until I was distracted by a deep voice I recognized. Mike was standing at the bar, picking up a to-go order with enough food and coffee for two. I assumed it was for him and Stephen.

  “Mike,” I called out to him.

  He turned with a jolt, seeming a little unnerved by my unexpected presence. “Hey, Ava,” he walked over to me for a hug after snapping out of his initial shock. “How was your weekend at home?”

  “It was good. It was nice spending time with my family. I didn’t realize how much I was missing home. How about you? How was your weekend and the party at Deanna’s?”

  “The weekend was boring without you,” he teased. “As far as Deanna’s…I’ll let Stephen catch you up on that night’s crazy events.”

  “I’m not sure I want to know.”

  “I’m not sure you do either.” His brow furrowed with a concerned expression.

  “That bad…huh? Well, I guess I’ll hear all about it tonight. Will you be meeting us for darts and drinks?”

  “No. I have to work.” I gave him a questioning look. We both knew Christopher’s was closed on Mondays. He went on to further explain, “Christopher has the cooks working tonight to go over the catering menu for next weekend in the Hamptons. There are a lot of new items. He wants us to practice plating to make sure the event goes smooth.”

  “Ah…I see. Well, if he doesn’t keep you all night, you should meet up with us.”

  “Will do. I better go before the food gets cold. Good luck on your test,” he waved as he walked off.

  I studied for a bit longer while I finished eating. I glanced at the clock on my phone, realizing I had lost track of time and was going to be late for my exam. I threw plenty of cash on the table to cover my bill and tip, hastily gathering my notes, trying to jam them into my bag as I walked out.

  Not looking where I was going, I bumped into something that felt like a solid wall, causing me to spill my books and notes all over the ground. Embarrassed by my clumsiness, I didn’t even bother looking up to see who saw me or what I smacked into. I quickly dropped to a squatting position, trying to gather all my notes that had scattered across the floor.

  Reaching for the closest piece of paper to me, I uncovered a cell phone that didn’t belong to me. Looking up confused, my eyes ran into a pair of expensive looking black oxfords draped in faded denim jeans. I waited a second for some clarity to surface. When it didn’t, I tilted my head back to allow my line of sight to raise.

  The long, lean, masculine body that my eyes continued to follow, began to make my pulse beat faster. It wasn’t until I reached his face that I lost my balance, knocking me from my squatting position to flat on my ass.

  As he stared back with his beautiful blue eyes, intense magnetism exuded, scorching any hope of me coming out of this unscathed. He bent down into an elegant crouch, offering his hand for some stability, “Are you all right?” His voice rolled across my body, energizing and numbing it all at once.

  My elbows throbbed from the contact with the cement floor. Yet, I barely registered the pain. I was too entranced by the man before me. His dark brown hair framed the most breathtaking face I had seen. His sharp jaw covered with just the right amount of stubble looked as if it had been sculpted by Donatello himself. He was ruggedly gorgeous.

  He had a refined but casual look with his oxfords, faded denim jeans, and an expensive looking gray sweater that hung just right, showing off his muscular chest. His eyes narrowed slightly with concern, otherwise his features remained impassive.

  “I’m…I’m fine,” I stuttered, then gaining some composure, helped myself up, declining his hand. “I guess this belongs to you,” I handed him the phone as I stood over him.

  I thought looming over him would help me reign in the emotions coursing through me. It didn’t. He gathered up the remaining few papers and books, handing them to me while taking his phone. The brush of our hands in the exchange sent electricity tingling through my body. I flinched, quickly drawing my hand back.

  “Thank you… and sorry… for bumping into you,” I stammered out while shoving my books in my bag, side-stepping my way around him.

  “I’m not… Sorry that is,” he grinned a mischievous grin that dripped with more sex appeal than I could handle.

  I was irritated with myself for feeling so dazzled by him. Unable to respond, I gave him an awkward smile and shot out the door.

  Reaching my car, I jumped in, swiftly shutting the door, locking it for safety. Safety from what? I wasn’t sure. Him. Myself. What I was feeling. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm my anxious breathing. I needed to get control of the unfamiliar things my body was feeling. I had a test. I had to put whatever
just happened out of my mind. I started the car, refusing to look back, and headed to class.

  Thankfully, when the exam started I was able to focus on the material and finish it in record time. I felt good about it and was sure I passed. I texted Stephen as I walked across campus to see if he wanted to grab something to eat tonight before heading to the pub for darts. He responded with a quick yes, saying he would pick me up.

  When I walked into our apartment, Lizzie was already home from her Monday classes, sitting on the couch, watching a talk show with a bowl of popcorn in her lap.

  “That smells awesome.” I dropped my bag by the door before plopping down on the couch next to her. I stole a handful of popcorn, shoveling it in my mouth. “I can’t believe you watch this,” I teased her while laughing at the ridiculous couple fighting on the television.

  She grinned, laughing with me. “It’s entertaining and I like to see that other people’s lives are more fucked than mine.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “I’m headed out in a little bit for dinner, and then we’re going to play darts with some friends from work. Did you want to come?”

  Mondays off every week led to most of us from Christopher’s meeting up at a local pub to play darts and drink beer. Her eyes lit up with intrigue.

  “I have a paper to get done,” she frowned, “but… if I stop procrastinating with this television trash, I could probably knock it out now. I may have to skip dinner, though. I’ll meet you afterwards.”