Becoming Daddy

by R. R. Banks

Detective Jeremy stepped through the front door and looked at my mother in the same way that he always did. It wasn't anger. It wasn't even frustration. It was more resignation, like he had accepted that my mother was a permanent fixture in his life now and he was going to just have to roll with it. There was also a hint of affection there, soft and hidden in the back of his eyes, never expressed, but definitely there. I figured that there had to be. No man would devote himself to being at the beck and call of a delusional woman if he didn't have at least some feelings for her. What those feelings were might be a little up for debate at this particular moment, however.

  "Detective Jeremy," she said with a sigh, pressing her hand to the center of her chest. "Thank you so much for coming."

  "Which one has gone missing now?" he asked.

  "Me," I told him.

  The silver-haired detective turned to look at me. I could still remember when his hair was just salt and pepper, and I was convinced that my mother was largely to blame for a large portion of the increased amount of salt.

  "How long have you been home?"

  "About two hours."

  He looked back at my mother.

  "Valentina," he said, his voice sounding like a father who was asking his toddler where the jar of cookies went. "You called me twenty minutes ago."

  "I know," she said. "I heard someone up here and thought that it was intruders come to steal our holiday and skin me to use as a Santa suit."

  That's a step the Grinch never took.

  "We were just getting ready to put the ornaments on the tree," I said, hoping to gloss over the situation. "Would you like to stay and help us?"

  He looked at each of us, then the enormous tree with its one little strand of lights, doing its best to light all of the boughs. Finally, he nodded.

  "Sure," he said.

  I smiled.

  "Good. I'll get everyone some eggnog."

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cristina

  My heart jumped slightly when I heard the office door open behind me. I turned away from the thermos of hot cocoa I had set up in the middle of the table with bowls of marshmallows and peppermint sticks, a grin on my face. The smile quickly faded, though, when I saw that it wasn't Josh standing at the door like I expected him to be. My mother and Matteo were home for the night and two of my sisters had come over for their annual gingerbread house extravaganza, so he and I had planned for me to linger at the office for a while after work so that he could meet me and lead me to his house. It was to be the first time that I got to see his house as we spent nearly all of our time together at my house or the office, and I was incredibly excited. The hot cocoa was just the beginning, a little treat for us to enjoy together before the extra treat of the night. I wanted to celebrate the time that we had been spending together and the relationship that I felt forming. It was fluffy and sentimental, but it was Christmas time and some of the women's network movies might have started to rub off on me.

  I had been hoping for a romantic night, but instead I was staring into the cold, steely eyes of Willa Sommers as she stood in the doorway glaring at me.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked before I thought better of the question.

  She tilted her head at me, looking like she thought she couldn't possibly have heard what she thought she did. She pushed away from the doorframe and stepped into the room, stalking toward me on long legs tipped with heels so high and sharp I was fairly certain they could be used as weapons if she was so inclined.

  That would put a rapid end to the sparkle of my holiday season.

  "My family owns this office," she said. "I can be here whenever I want to be, and I don't need to answer to anyone about it." She looked me up and down. "Especially someone like you. The question is what you're doing here. I was sure that I saw you doing your cleaning thing an hour ago. Did you forget to scrape the gum off of the bottom of the table?"

  The smug smile on her face was vicious and I felt my jaw tense and twitch.

  "I'm meeting Josh here," I said.

  I knew that Josh and I had been keeping our relationship quiet, especially in the office, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to get rid of that smile. I wanted her to know exactly what Josh thought of her and the relationship that they had had.

  "Why would he be meeting you here? You're my employee, not his." Willa's eyes flickered over to the table and then snapped back to me, the coldness now replaced with fire. "You very seriously need to learn your place," she growled. "Who do you think you are? You start by calling him by his first name, and now you think, what, that you're going to be able to seduce him with your little holiday display here? Why would he want anything to do with you?"

  "I don't think that's any of your concern. This is between me and Josh. It has nothing to do with you."

  "It has everything to do with me," Willa snapped. Suddenly she straightened from where she had been leaning toward me. The smile curved her ruby-painted lips again. "Or don't you know?" She slipped her hand into the soft leather purse that hung from her shoulder and withdrew something. "I was saving this to show to Joshie tonight. They just came from the printer and I thought that he should be the first to see them, but it wouldn't hurt to give you a little sneak peek."

  She held the object out to me and I took it. The heavy cardstock in my hand was enough to tell me what it was, but I couldn't stop myself from looking down at it. My hands shook, and tears threatened my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I wouldn't give her that satisfaction. Holding them in my eyes blurred my vision, but I could still read the words on the wedding invitation. Three months. In three months Josh would be marrying Willa. That was how they were going to merge their companies. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

  "He didn't tell you, did he?" Willa asked. "Of course, he didn't. Why would he? What you don't seem to understand is that our relationship is different. I'm not stupid. I know that he's a man. I don't care if he wants to keep himself entertained and blow off some of the stress that he's been under during the last few months. It makes my life a lot easier. Once we're married, he's going to be completely and totally devoted to me, and we'll have a life that you could never even imagine."

  I shoved the invitation back toward her.

  "You have no idea what I can imagine," I said.

  "Yes, I do. How much vision could you possibly have coming from your type of lifestyle? You probably think an elegant wedding has plastic champagne flutes and powdered donut towers." She looked at the cocoa again and scoffed. "How could you possibly think that whatever it is that's going on between the two of you could be real? Why would he want you when he already has me?"

  "He doesn't want you," I said.

  "Of course, he does. Why wouldn't he? You don't know what you're talking about and you never will. You've been seeing him for a few weeks? Maybe? I've known him for years. We've spent our lives together. We understand each other because we come from the same world. Our lives are something that you will never be a part of and that you will never be able to grasp. You might be fun for him, but that's all that you can ever be. It's actually pathetic that you even entertained the idea that you were going to play out some kind of Cinderella story with him. He doesn't even want to be seen with you. If he loved you so much, why doesn't anyone know? Why hasn't he brought you to any of the social occasions of the season, or introduced you to any of his friends?"

  "It's complicated," I said, hating that I even felt the compulsion to justify myself to this woman. "I have a son."

  Willa scoffed.

  "I couldn't care less about whatever little mongrel offspring you might have at home. A man who is in a real relationship with a woman isn't going to pretend like he's not. He isn't going to be ashamed of her or let her be ashamed of herself. He's going to draw her into his world and do everything he can to be a part of hers." She paused as if thinking something over. "He hasn't done that at all has he? Have you seen his house or done anything with him not at night or away from any place where there would be a
chance that the two of you would be seen? Come to think of it, why is he continuing to let you work here?" She made an affected pouting face and leaned toward me again. "Oh, don't be so sad. I'm sure you won't be left out completely. Maybe I can hire you to clean up after the wedding."

  I grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair where I had hung it and stalked out of the room, trying to block the sound of Willa's cruel laughter out of my mind. The moment that the elevator doors closed in front of me, my heart shattered, and I slid down the wall to sit on the floor, sobbing as the elevator sank down through the building to bring me to the parking deck. I just wanted to get away from the office and back home. It would take everything in me not to tear the Christmas tree apart.

  Josh

  My heart was beating slightly faster in my chest as I walked into the hallway leading to the office. I had spent the last hour making preparations for the night and now that I was finally approaching the door, I was starting to feel the anticipation growing inside of me. Tonight, was going to be special. I had been planning it for days and I couldn't wait to see the look on Cristina's face when I brought her home to my house and showed her what I had gotten ready for her.

  There was a sweet smell lingering in the air and I knew that she had already beaten me to the surprises. I flattened my hand on the partially closed door and slowly eased it open.

  "I smell something delicious," I said as I started to step inside, but I stopped cold when I saw the table. "Willa."

  Willa was sitting at the table in the center of the office, her feet propped up on the table as she sipped a cup of cocoa. She lowered the cup to the table and reached for a bowl of miniature marshmallows in front of her. She sprinkled a handful into her cup, lifted it, and took another sip.

  "Hi, there, Joshie. Did you see what that little cleaning woman set up for us? I just think that was so sweet of her. I don't know how she knew that I would be coming here to surprise you tonight. I guess that's just part of her...culture." She lowered her voice as she said that, uttering it in a loud whisper that made it even more distasteful. After another sip, she looked at the cup. "You know, I think she used heavy cream in this. She should know better than to give people getting ready for their wedding something so rich, but I guess it's the thought that counts."

  "What did you do, Willa?" I asked.

  Cristina wasn't in the room and I hadn't seen her in the building, which made my heart pound and my stomach turn. There would be no way for her to know that Cristina had set up the cocoa if she hadn't seen her there, and I needed to know what had happened.

  "Don't look at me like that, Joshie," she said, sweeping her feet down and standing up. "I didn't hurt her. What kind of person do you think I am?"

  Exactly the kind that you are.

  "Where is she?"

  "I don't know. She left. I guess she didn't like our wedding invitation."

  I saw spots burst in front of my eyes and anger burn across my cheeks and down the back of my neck.

  "What do you mean our wedding invitations?"

  "I picked them up from the printer today. They really turned out beautifully."

  "Willa--"

  "Oh, don't be mad. I know that probably wanted to come with me to pick them up, but you've been so busy, and we need to get them sent out, so I got them myself."

  "I didn't want to go with you to pick them up, Willa. You shouldn't have picked them up at all."

  "You're so sweet, Joshie," she said, walking toward me. "You want me to just be able to be the pampered bride. I think that it's alright for me to just see the invitations before they go to the envelope calligrapher.

  "You aren't a bride, Willa," I growled. "We don't need invitations for our wedding because we aren't having a wedding. I already told you that."

  Willa gave a dismissive laugh and closed the space between us, reaching out to wrap her arms around my neck.

  "You're so silly. I know that you weren't serious about that. You're just feeling tense and getting cold feet."

  I grasped her wrists and pulled them away from my neck, guiding her back a step.

  "I don't have cold feet, Willa. And I'm very serious about this. I can't do this anymore. This isn't the life that I want."

  She glared at me angrily, her jaw set.

  "So, what it is that you do want? That woman? You want to go play in the trash?"

  "She's not trash. Don't talk about her like that."

  "I can talk about her any way that I want to. She's nothing. She's inconsequential. She's also disposable."

  "Her name is Cristina, and she is so many things that you will never be."

  "Exactly. Successful. Wealthy. Sophisticated. Cultured."

  "Kind. Gentle. Funny. Strong." I paused only for a second, making sure that she was looking at me and would hear what I was going to say without any chance of misunderstanding. "Loved."

  Her eyes flashed, and I turned away from her without another word. I ran down the hallway, skipping the elevator and choosing the stairwell instead, not wanting to wait. I took the steps two at a time, getting down them as quickly as I could and running to the parking deck. I knew she always parked in the same spot, but when I got the level, Cristina's car wasn't there. I felt my chest tighten and I ran up to the next level, spiraling my way up and down through the deck until I had checked every spot. I climbed into my car and sped toward her house. I needed to talk to her, I needed to set this right.

  My tires squealed as I turned the corner onto Cristina's street, but I didn't care. I pulled up in front of her house, but immediately noticed that her car wasn't in the driveway. I scrambled for my phone and dialed hers, but it went directly to voicemail. I headed to my office, the last place that I could think of where she might be that I knew how to get to. The parking deck was empty, and I sat in my car, feeling defeated. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I drove back to her house and parked in front of it, settling in to wait for her.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Cristina

  The thought of stepping foot in that office the next day made me feel physically sick. I considered calling out, but then I knew that Willa would find out and I refused to give her any more leverage over me. She had already humiliated me and broken me down until I felt like I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I didn't need to let her win anymore. I was relieved when I approached the door to the building and saw that the inside was dark, giving me hope that the family hadn't stayed late that night. There really wasn't any reason for them to. There were only days left until Christmas and there was nothing more that they could do to try to gouge the public in their last minute shopping. Until the new year came, and they had after Christmas sales and spring to start thinking about, the chances of them dedicating so many long hours to the office were low.

  I walked into the storage room that held my supplies and felt somebody staring at me. My breath caught in my throat and I felt for my phone in my pocket.

  "Before you jump on me, it's just me."

  I turned toward Josh's voice and saw him standing in front of one of the large shelves of cleaning supplies. I felt my shoulders relax, but there was still tension in my body and a sour feeling in my belly.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked.

  "I haven't been able to get in touch with you," he said.

  "Have you considered yet that that was on purpose?"

  "I waited at your house all night. I just about froze."

  I hung my coat on the hook on the wall and took hold of my cart, steering it toward the door.

  "Then I guess we're even," I said.

  "What do you mean?"

  I sighed, shaking my head. Of course, he didn't remember. Why would he?

  "On Black Friday when Willa went to your office and found us together, I left."

  "I know. You didn't even give me a chance to talk to you."

  "And yet it didn't occur to you that I didn't have my car with me. It was still here. My sisters and mother were already home and aslee
p, and I don't have anyone else. I had to walk to the bus stop to catch a bus to get here. It was twenty degrees that morning. I know because I felt every step of those ten blocks."

  "I'm sorry," Josh said. "I wish that you would have stayed."

  “Why did you tell me that you and Willa were done? Huh, I thought you really wanted something with me.”

  “We are finished. I wouldn’t lie to you. Please just …”

  “Just never mind, I have to work”, walking away as fast as I could.

  Willa had been very clear and what I wanted now was just to get away from Josh, so I didn't have to look at him and risk him seeing the pain in my eyes. I got into the elevator and Josh forced himself in with me, squeezing back against the wall so that he could fit in along with the cart that I had purposely placed in the center of the elevator.

  "What are you doing?" I asked.

  "I need to talk to you. You need to hear me out."

  The doors opened on the first floor of offices and I walked into the nearest one.

  "I don't need to do anything," I said. "I heard quite enough from Willa and I don't think that there's really any more to be said."

  "That's the thing," Josh said. "There is more."

  I dumped the trash out and dusted the room in record time. Tossing the duster back into the cart, I turned and steered it into the next office.

  "I'm busy, Josh. I have to work to take care of my family. Don't forget that I'm a different class than you are."

  "Don't say that, Cristina. You know that's not true."

  "Your future wife definitely thinks it is."

  "I never once said anything that should make you feel that way, and she is not my future wife."

  "You should probably share that with the printer and the several hundred of your nearest and dearest strangers who will be receiving invitations in the next few days."

  "Will you just stop and talk to me?"

  "I told you, I don't have anything to say to you."

  "Please, Cristina, just five minutes. Give me five minutes to say what I need to, and then you can do whatever you want. I just need to say these things to you."