Flicker

by Arreyn Grey

  “Elise, look down,” he said, very slowly and carefully.

  She blinked at him, confused, but did as he ordered and glanced down at herself.

  And stared. Her skin was glowing. Not glittering, or metaphorically glowing like people said pregnant women did, but literally emanating light. She looked like she'd swallowed a small sun; she could actually see the tracery of her veins through her skin.

  Elise gulped. “Alex?” She whispered, cold fear flooding through her. But as soon as she felt more fear than wonder, the glow began to ebb. By the time Alex had-- slowly, for him-- crossed the room and knelt beside her, it had faded completely.

  Alex reached out, very slowly and gently, to take her hands. “It's all right-- no need to be afraid,” he murmured.

  She stared up into his eyes. “What just happened?” She blurted. “I seem to be saying that a lot, but really, what?” She knew was babbling, but couldn't seem to stop herself. “That came out of me. Me! I don't... is that normal?”

  Alex sat back on his heels. “I've never seen anyone catch on that quickly, but yes, if you so choose it's well within your ability to make yourself glow. I suppose,” he added. “That would be useful for riding a bicycle at night.” His smirk drew an automatic smile from her. He continued more seriously, but Elise could see-- sense, she supposed-- a sort of proud elation within him that he seemed to be trying to suppress. “What happened really depends on you-- after all, it was your energy you were drawing on. Might I ask what you were trying to do? Or better yet, just start at the beginning-- tell me everything that just happened.”

  Elise shrugged, surreptitiously checking her hands to make sure the eerie glow was entirely gone. “I was breathing and focusing, like you told me, and it occurred to me that you said these abilities were tied into emotions. So I made myself feel something really strongly, and I felt this little ball--” she touched her chest, over her heart, in the space between two of her ribs where they joined her sternum. She paused, trying to find the words to describe the sensation. “It ached and tingled at the same time.” She took a breath, looking at him imploringly, and he nodded in affirmation. “And as I breathed and pictured it, the feeling started to spread through my veins, like I'd gotten hooked up to an IV of soda or something. And as it was spreading down my arms, I had this moment of wishing you could see it. And then I was glowing.”

  Alex laughed delightedly, squeezing her hands tightly. Elise couldn't help but smile in response to his joy, and felt a slight twinge in her chest where the ball apparently lived-- she winced in anticipation, but the feeling was pleasant. “I've never even heard of someone being able to physically manifest a whim so quickly. You, my dear, are a natural,” he grinned at her.

  “Do you want me to try again?” She asked hesitantly. Alex's smile shrank, become less elated and more serene.

  “That's up to you. This is your power, Elise, your life-- you control it.” He squeezed her hands again, but gently. “I don't want you to do things just to try and please me.”

  She bit her lip, life experience telling her he couldn't possibly mean that; after all, people only ever wanted you for what you could do for them. But his expression, his mind, were open to her now, and she could feel his sincerity. As she thought about it, casting around in her own mind and hearing the echoes of his emotions, the aching, sparking ball pulsed to life again-- apparently, now that she was consciously aware of it, it wasn't going anywhere.

  Hesitantly, her hands resting uncertainly in his, she met his eyes. “Thank you for teaching me this, and I definitely want to learn more, but for now... just today, can we do something normal? Just, you know, be regular teenagers?”

  He smiled down at her softly. “Of course,” he said, and she felt that he meant it. Keeping a hold on one of her hands, Alex stood gracefully, helping her up with him-- she was stiff from sitting still for so long. “What would you like to do?”

  Elise bit her lip for a moment, still hesitant, marveling a little that he was still here and still happy even after she'd denied him what he wanted. “Let's watch a movie,” she said after a second.

  Alex chuckled. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Later that evening, after Star Wars had finished and they'd eaten dinner with her parents, Elise stood on her front porch with Alex. A breeze ruffled her hair, carrying the scent of wood smoke and a faint autumnal chill. She lifted her face into the wind, inhaling deeply, but stopped after only a moment, conscious of Alex's eyes on her.

  “What's wrong?” He asked her quietly. It was only then that she realized her hands were trembling. She crossed her arms across her chest, wrapping her duster firmly around herself to ward off her sudden cold.

  “I have to go back to school tomorrow,” she said softly, looking at the ground. “And it's going to be just like it was on Monday.”

  Alex turned to her with a sigh, and she noticed his hand twitch towards her like he wanted to take her in his arms. For a just a second, she wanted him to, longing for the comfort of his embrace. But she had no idea how to initiate that intimate contact, and before she could decide what to do, the moment passed awkwardly. “I can help you with that,” he said finally.

  Elise's eyes widened. “You can?” She breathed. “How?”

  He hesitated. “May I?” He asked, slowly reaching for her. Elise bit her lip, but nodded. Her nerves turned out to be baseless-- all he did was rest his hands gently on her shoulders. “Breathe,” he ordered. “Like you did earlier.”

  Obediently, Elise closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, feeling more than hearing Alex breathe with her. Immediately, she felt the core of her power pulse, and knew that Alex felt it, too. His breath hitched, and his grip on her shoulders tightened, but his tension lasted only a moment. Elise thought, with them in such close contact, that she would get more glimpses into his mind, but all she could tell was that his attention was focused on her.

  As she softened in his grasp, she felt his presence begin to enfold her. For a moment she tensed, her heart pounding at the invasive touch of his mind. Alex paused, letting her decide, and Elise drew in another deep, shaking breath. He won't hurt me, she reminded herself, regretting that he had to hear her reassurance. But he caught that, too, of course, and his mind murmured through hers.

  It's okay, whispered the thoughts that felt like him. I understand. His calm acceptance of her fear, the broken parts of her spirit, tightened her throat and sent another pulse through the fizzing ache in her chest. Breathing again, she relaxed, consciously allowing him to take the lead.

  Elise could almost feel, physically, Alex's mind as he wrapped it around her. She had the sudden urge to giggle as she pictured it: his glowing spirit gift-wrapping the burning ball in her chest, containing it in an impenetrable little package that kept her power from leaking out and attracting those around her. The image was strong, and she felt a brush of Alex's amusement at it as he worked.

  It couldn't have been more than a minute before Alex drew back from her, but Elise felt suddenly drained, like they'd been at it for an hour. “It's done?” She breathed.

  “Yes,” he said, looking and sounding as worn out as she felt. “It's a short-term fix, but that's what we want-- just something keep you safe until you learn to control it yourself.”

  Elise's smile was wan, but grateful. Something occurred to her then, and she spoke without giving herself the chance to second-guess it. “Alex? Just now, when you were... you know... I felt you flinch. Did I hurt you?”

  He smiled, too, and reached out to brush her hair back behind her ear. “You have a great deal of potential,” he said simply. “Good night, Elise. Sleep well.”

  Flinging caution to the wind, she grasped at his hand, holding it against her face. Alex's eyes widened in surprise, but he neither rebuffed her nor pushed closer-- he seemed to be waiting for her. “Thank you, Alex,” Elise murmured, grateful for more than she could say.

  “Of course.” And then he detached himself gently, and was gone.

  Elise kn
ew she probably ought to feel nervous as she approached the school on Thursday morning, but she didn't. Perhaps she was finally, really learning to trust Alex; she wasn't sure whether that should make her glad or frightened. But true to his word, Alex's protection kept her safe-- her fellow students took no more notice of her than they had on any other day. She relaxed gratefully back into her scholarly routine, comforted when her teachers and peers accepted without a blink the excuse that she had just been sick for a few days, and began once more to look forward to eighth period. That excitement intensified when Elise opened her locker after homeroom to find a small, handwritten note tucked neatly inside:

  Your raw power and instinctive grasp of the concepts behind what you can do are really quite staggering. I can't wait to teach you more, but I'd hate to presume on your time. Are you free for the afternoon? Let me know in Latin.

  The note wasn't signed, but Elise had no doubt that Alex had left it. If the words hadn't made that clear enough, there was something about the heavy cardstock on which it was written that carried the intrinsic feel of him. With a tiny smile, Elise tucked the small card into the pocket on the front of her blouse, where it sat next to her heart for the rest of the day.

  When she exited history class, not bothering to hide the fact that she was looking for him, Alex was already waiting for her. She actually caught her breath when she saw him-- he was standing between two banks of lockers, leaning his shoulder against the brick wall of the hallway with his arms folded over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles, and Elise knew she wasn't the only one in the hall looking at him with admiration and desire. A thought occurred to her, then, and she strode right up to him and poked him in the chest with her finger.

  “You're doing that on purpose!” She accused, planting her free hand on her hip.

  Alex's laugh was infectious. “And you caught on in a second. I can't get anything past you anymore, can I?”

  Elise nudged him playfully and started to walk toward the stairs, knowing he would be right behind her. “And yet, you keep trying.”

  “It's only part of your education,” he grinned, tugging gently on the end of her long hair, which she'd braided to keep out of her way. She had the sneaking suspicion Alex knew that she'd gotten dressed that morning with training in mind.

  Suddenly, it occurred to her that just as he liked to play with her, she was perfectly capable of turning the tables on him. Smiling sweetly up at him, she said clearly, “Volo discere hodie, by the way.”

  Alex stared at her, and Elise suppressed a giggle at the blatant shock on his face. After a moment, though, he broke into a smile. “Magistra did say you're good,” he murmured.

  Elise shrugged, smirking. “You said to let you know in Latin-- should I not have taken that so literally?”

  He chuckled at her. “You just wanted a chance to show off.”

  “Hey, it's not like I get the chance to speak it very often. Julius Caesar hasn't come to visit lately-- I'll take what I can get.” It wasn't often that she caught him by surprise, and Elise was vastly enjoying having the upper hand while it lasted. Practically skipping, she led the way into Magistra's classroom.

  Elise was also conscious of the fact that Alex knew she was practically squirming in her seat throughout Latin class. Looking back later, she found with surprise that she had taken accurate and detailed notes on the Roman propaganda in Virgil's Aeneid; during the class, Elise would have been hard pressed to answer a single question on the subject. She could feel Alex behind her, knew exactly when he was looking at her, and that made it impossible to focus on Magistra's lesson.

  Part of her excitement was directed toward their impending training, and Elise's impatience to learn more about what she could do. But a good portion of it, too, was taken up by her satisfaction at his surprise when she'd delivered her literal interpretation of his message. She was quickly finding that she actually enjoyed the give and take in their relationship, and was smugly amused at having been able to set this up. Having power over Alex, she was realizing, was almost as much fun as having him take control away from her-- and despite the spikes of fear that sometimes shot through her, she was beginning to understand that she really did enjoy his dominance. As her trust in him grew, she was finding-- much to her shock-- that with his power over her came an unfamiliar sensation of security.

  At the sound of the bell, Elise barely heard Magistra's customary parting, “Valete discipuli!” She was already out of her seat, notebook and textbook stuffed into her bag, and turning to face Alex. Just now, he was looking at her seriously as he came around the row of desks to meet her. “You seem very happy, Elise,” he said softly after a moment.

  She tilted her head to the side, watching him study her. She couldn't quite tell what he was thinking, and took that to mean that she was separate from him right now as well. Alone in her head, she considered, then smiled serenely as she answered. “You know, I am happy.” It surprised her a little bit-- she hadn't actually been happy in a long time. “I feel strong right now, and safe. A lot of people take that for granted, but it's sort of a change for me.”

  Alex smiled back at her and reached out his hand. Without a moment's hesitation, she took it, and when he made to escort her from the classroom, she reveled once more in his look of shock as she took the lead and all but dragged him out the door.

  The day was sunny, but last night's chill had intensified, heralding the arrival of autumn. Elise glanced back at Alex, who was chuckling as he allowed her to tow him across the street to the park; the breeze stirred his silky black hair, tossing it across his sparkling eyes, and Elise felt her heart skip a beat. He was just so handsome and bright, and though she knew perfectly well that was no indication of his demeanor, in this moment she could have no doubt of his good intentions.

  “So,” she chirped, whirling to face him beneath the huge oak tree he'd pinned her against two weeks ago. “You understand, now that I've had a few days to digest all this, I do have questions.”

  “Okay, go,” Alex smirked, leaning nonchalantly against the tree.

  Elise drew a deep breath. “First things first,” she said, fixing him with a very direct gaze. “About the first day we talked, when you threatened me.”

  Alex suddenly looked much less carefree. “Yes?” He said warily. It took all of Elise's willpower to keep her amusement contained-- she enjoyed how wary he was of her temper.

  “Now,” she began severely. “If you were the normal kind of vampire who actually needed to drink people's blood to survive, I would understand. But you're this lame, non-killing vampire who had no reason to threaten my life-- and I'm not buying the whole 'trying to get my attention' thing. So why did you say that me being interesting to you would keep me alive longer? Do you just kill people for fun, then?”

  Alex laughed, his tension broken. “Little girl, the sheer volume of emotion that poured through you when I said that kept me sated for more than a day. After that encounter, of course, every time you saw me, you would remember and feel those same things again. All it would take was the barest touch or whisper to keep the emotions coming-- it's a basic recipe for self-replenishing food.”

  Elise blinked at him, then abruptly giggled. “You really do have this down to a science, don't you?”

  “Eh,” he waved away the compliment. “Too much time on my hands.”

  “All right, next question.” He nodded, and she continued. “You aren't living with your uncle here-- in fact, you don't even have an uncle, do you?” She demanded.

  “No, as a matter of fact, I don't,” he said, fighting a smile. Elise shook her head, a little amazed at his nerve.

  “Or a father in the air force, of course, now that I think of it. Is there anything about that handy little cover story that's actually true?”

  “I do have a family tradition of military service,” he said, amused and utterly unrepentant. “Of course, I'm the one who served, and the last time I enlisted was in England for World War Two. But I'd say that still
counts.”

  Elise stared at him. “Have I mentioned lately that you're out of your mind?” She asked rather faintly. Alex laughed.

  “Next question,” he chuckled.

  Elise took a deep breath, her amusement subsiding. “Last week, when I came to visit you at lunch, you were feeding, weren't you?”

  Alex nodded again. “Yes,” he said simply, but at the murderous look on her face, elaborated. “It isn't always like that, though. You have to remember, I'm about nine hundred years old, and I am actively using quite a bit of energy at any given time-- I've gotten to the point where I need that much for a meal. It's why I tend to stay in cities: small towns just don't do it for me anymore.”

  Elise blinked at him, remembering. “Alex,” she said slowly. “That riot in New York...”

  Alex chuckled. “You think too much,” he said, his voice laced with amusement. “Yes, that was me-- well, us. I don't have a cousin in New York, either, by the way, but I do have a friend-- Gregory. I found him and his sister, Sarah, about five hundred years ago. I trained them, and we spent a number of decades together; we like to keep in touch. I went up to visit the two of them, and apparently that riot was what happened when we went out to feed without paying much attention.”

  “So what will feeding be like for me?” She asked, though it was an effort not to press him for more person information. She was desperate to know more about her own circumstances, but just as curious about him and others like him. “I mean, once I start using energy consciously, am I correct in assuming that I'll need more than I absorb subconsciously?”

  “Think of it like breathing,” Alex explained. “You breathe all the time, but if you're going to run a mile, you start breathing deeper.”

  “Okay, so how do I do that?” She asked, holding her hands open in a gesture of helplessness. “I feel like it's something I should know, but...” She shrugged.