Flicker

by Arreyn Grey

  A million thoughts ran through her head as Alex laid her gently onto his bed, but chief in her mind was the complete surety that he wouldn't hurt her, wouldn't do anything she didn't ask of him. It was why she wasn't afraid when he laid down beside her, when he gently took her wrists again and pressed them above her head, trapped once more in one of his large hands. Her trust in him was, however, not the only reason that when he lowered his head, she opened herself to him, exposing her throat so he could nuzzle at her neck. His breath was warm on her skin, and when he growled against her throat, low and animalistic, she gasped and writhed against him, desire burning through her. She felt his teeth graze lightly against her throat and she whimpered; when he bit her skin, his teeth setting firmly into the meat of her neck, her back arched and she cried out, pressing her body against his, fighting his restraining hand.

  Her energy awoke immediately, washing over her in a wave of need that was answered in kind by his power. The redoubled sensations made her gasp, her eyes closing so she could focus on her other senses. She could feel her pulse pounding under his teeth, and the strength of his heartbeat in return; she felt and knew that he felt every inch of the line where their bodies pressed together. He squeezed his hand tightly, and the pressure sent a thrill through her body. She also felt the muscles tense in his hand as he closed it around her delicate wrists, felt the immensity of his strength as he still held back so much, knowing that she was helpless, that he could truly break her. Even in dominating her, holding her down, he was so tender-- she saw herself through his eyes, felt the responsibility of holding her precious life in his hands. She let out a tiny sound, between a cry and a moan, her eyes flying open, her brow drawn with sharp longing as she pressed the length of her body against him, wordlessly begging for-- she wasn't quite sure what.

  She felt him drawing back from her mind a moment before he physically released her body, and tears of bitter disappointed pricked her eyes. “Please,” she gasped, grabbing for his shirt, desperate to keep him close. He shushed her, comforting, letting her know that he didn't intend to leave her.

  Instead, he merely softened, bringing his hand to curve around her face, cupping her cheek and tracing his thumb over her lips. His touch was feather-light, the barest whisper of contact; Elise closed her eyes once more with a soft sigh, melting into his hands. Their energy was soft, too, a gentle, golden light that surrounded them both. Elise had never felt anything like it, and never wanted it to end-- but still, the need to be held, to be possessed, to feel alive blazed within her. She took advantage of her newly regained freedom to wrap her arms around Alex's neck, tangling her fingers in the silken strands of the hair at the nape of his neck, and felt the golden light of their energy start to burn again.

  Suddenly he was pulling her close, his hands tracing down her sides to grip her hips, the heat he'd shied away from surging between them once more. She gasped, writhing in his arms, pulling him closer so she could brush her lips over the soft skin behind his ear, powerless to stop the desire raging through them both.

  Powerless...

  Powerless to fight the hands holding her down, forcing her open, touching everywhere.

  Powerless to escape, unable to scream, no help, no hope.

  Powerless...

  With a sob, Elise wrenched herself free, shoving Alex's hands away and rolling onto her side, curling tightly into a ball against the wall.

  “Elise,” he whispered, agony in his voice. She felt his hand rest hesitantly on her shoulder, and couldn't stop her automatic flinch. She trembled violently and her stomach rolled with nausea, the aftereffects of the flashback. She wasn't crying, but dry sobs made her shoulders heave as she struggled not to hyperventilate. Time passed, and she realized Alex was speaking softly.

  “It's all right, little girl,” he murmured, his hand steady on her shoulder. “It's just you and me-- there's no one else here. And you know I won't hurt you. It's all right. I'll keep you safe.” He kept going, gently soothing, until Elise gradually relaxed. The loneliness gaped in her heart once more, a great yawning pit of despair that told her she'd never be able to move on, to have a real life with real friends and a real relationship ever again. But this time Alex's words fell into that pit, combating its poison. Elise was still trembling when she turned back toward him, her hands clutching at him; wordlessly, she beseeched him, reaching out pleadingly for him to save her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, whispering into her hair until her shakes subsided.

  After what felt like hours, Elise lay quiet in Alex's arms. “What would my life be like if it had never happened?” She mused idly, her voice empty. She was so drained by her breakdown that she wasn't entirely sure she cared about the answer to her somewhat rhetorical question, but it was an avenue of thought she'd never really allowed herself to explore before. At the moment, despite how sapped she was emotionally, for once she felt safe enough to pursue it.

  “I don't think we would have met,” Alex said, just as softly.

  Elise couldn't quite muster the energy to sit up and look at him, but she knew he would sense the curiosity wafting gently through her as she replied, “Oh? I get the impression you don't mean that because I would have still lived in Allison Springs.”

  Alex petted her hair absently as he answered. “I've given the manner of our meeting a great deal of thought, and upon examination of my motives when I came here, I really have to say, this was no accident.”

  Elise snorted. “So what was it, fate?”

  Alex chucked a little, and she felt the sound reverberate through his chest. “No, my sweet little girl, it was you.”

  Now Elise did move, propping herself up on an elbow so she could look at his face. “What do you mean?” She asked, confused.

  He sighed. “When Gregory and I spoke about the Court, we didn't really say much specifically about the Queen.” He said it like there was only one queen-- and for him, there probably was. “And Rashid didn't either, did he?” Elise shook her head, and his voice was bitter as he muttered, “Of course he didn't.” He continued in a more normal tone. “The Queen and her heirs are like no one else I've ever met. When you enter their territory, you just...” he trailed off for a moment, waving his free hand vaguely, as though what he was thinking couldn't be put into words.

  Getting an idea, Elise looked down into his crystalline blue eyes and purposely relaxed her grip on her mind. Slowly, she reached out to him with the barest bit of the tingling that knotted itself under her breastbone.

  Alex inhaled sharply, his eyes narrowed. “Gently, dear,” he murmured. She bit her lip, nervous, and breathed deep and smooth. Beside her, she felt him relax as well. “Good,” he crooned. She felt his mind opening up to her like a flower unfurling, so slowly it was almost imperceptible. But she began to notice thoughts that sounded more like him than her drifting through her mind-- foremost, a vision of a woman.

  She was tall, imposing and regal, with milk-pale skin and hair so black it shimmered blue. Her lips were deep red, and her eyes were heavy. Everything about her screamed seduction. But more than just her appearance, there was an indescribable sense of power about her, so strong Elise could almost taste it. She felt it weighing her down and lifting her up at the same time, making her feel like there was a heavy golden net draped across her shoulders and tangled around her heart.

  She broke off the contact, gasping at the vivid sensations.

  “That was the Queen,” Alex whispered, breathing heavily.

  “And she's... like me?” Elise asked, awed.

  Alex chuckled again. “She's what you could be in another three or four millennia, if you made the same choices she has. But yes, in essence you have the potential to be like her.”

  Elise's brow furrowed as she frowned. “But what does that have to do with us meeting?”

  “You felt what her power is like. Any one of us who enters her territory feels that way, and it only gets stronger as you get closer to her. If you hadn't been blocked, I would have fe
lt you-- though to a much lesser degree-- the moment I was near enough to you. As it is, I wonder if your power isn't what drew me here, and I just couldn't tell what it was. Because the more I've thought about it, the more I realize there's no other reason for me to be here. It isn't the sort of place I usually go; this isn't the sort of thing I usually do. I didn't question it at the time, though-- this just seemed like the place to be.”

  Elise blinked. “But I didn't do anything. Even being an omnivore, I was still latent-- you said yourself that I didn't have that kind of power.”

  Alex sighed. “This is hard to admit, but maybe I was wrong,” he said softly, gazing up at the point where the wall met the ceiling rather than meeting her eyes. “The only omnivores I've met were well-practiced long before I encountered them-- for all I know, attracting others of our kind is just something you have the ability to do. But for what it's worth, I don't think so.”

  “Why's that?” Elise asked.

  “Because you aren't surrounded by our kind,” he said simply. “The Queen and her heirs hold court in Russia, and they're constantly surrounded by other vampires-- once we get close enough, we're just drawn to them. Aside from Rashid, I am the only practicing vampire in this area-- trust me, I checked-- and when I asked Gregory weeks ago, he said he hadn't felt anything drawing him here.”

  “But if this is true, if I somehow drew you in, why weren't you here years ago?” The question slipped out before she could stop it, and Elise looked away, biting her lip as she heard the faint accusation in her tone.

  Alex heard it, too, of course. Reaching up, he cupped her face, turning her gently towards him. “I'm afraid I was oceans away three years ago, little one. But if it helps, I wish more than anything that I had been here. And I have another hypothesis, if you care to hear it.”

  “Yes?”

  “I think your subconscious reached out now because you're finally ready to heal.”

  Later that night, after Elise had gone home, Alexander sat once more in his leather armchair-- the same chair Elise had collapsed into after Rashid had accosted her in town last weekend. Looking around the small house now, he noticed many places that held memories, that brought to mind interactions with her. It had been a long time since he'd allowed someone else to infuse his home like this. He sighed heavily.

  She was hiding something from him. He wasn't sure what, and he wasn't sure he wanted to hazard a guess, but something was off with her. He hadn't been sure outside, but as soon as he'd pushed her up against the wall, he'd caught it. Under the strong scent of the mint she'd chewed, there was the faint and fading but unmistakable smell of wine on her breath. As soon as he'd noticed it, he'd wanted to push her against the wall for an entirely different reason-- he'd wanted to demand answers from her. But he'd known then, and knew now, that he was in no position to throw stones when it came to honesty-- he had more secrets from her than she could begin to imagine. And he'd lied to Gregory when he'd promised to tell her soon.

  Secrets like the fact that she hadn't been the only one in that bedroom who wasn't ready for any more intimacy than they had already tried. Alexander dropped his head into his hands with a quiet growl. It wasn't as if he looked at Elise and saw Theresa-- there was no one else for him when Elise was in the room. But when he was alone... one of the reasons Alexander liked America was that there was very little past, no real sense of attachment in places. It was why he'd hired a professional decorator to furnish this rented house when he'd selected it, bringing only a few minor personal items out of storage. Nothing here reminded him of Theresa.

  Except, of course, for the brilliantly yellow daffodils that would bloom all over town come spring-- Theresa had loved those. Except for the sound of the guitar music she had enjoyed so much, which he risked hearing any time he walked into a shop or restaurant that had a sound system playing. Except the cries of seagulls, like those that had dwelled in the eaves of their Dover townhouse, which also roosted here and there in this state that bordered the Atlantic. Alexander's hands balled into fists as he let out a strangled noise of pure frustration.

  Whether nearly two centuries had passed or not, it wasn't fair of him to pretend to Elise that he was ready to be with her completely when he still hadn't entirely moved on from Theresa. Much as he didn't want to speak of it, he had to tell her-- if only because he wasn't sure there would ever be a time when he didn't expect Elise to abandon him the same way Theresa had. What he wasn't certain he'd ever be able to tell her, if only because it left a manipulative taste in his mouth, was that it would be far worse for him when-- if-- Elise left him the way Theresa had, judging him to the last. Because one of the things he loved about Elise was that her dark side ran just as deep as his; she had no room to condemn him.

  Alexander was quite sure of one thing: it would be nearly impossible for him to expose himself to Elise-- to anyone-- enough to admit that he was afraid. Suddenly agitated, he jumped to his feet and strode into the dining room. Grabbing the crystal decanter he'd brought with him to Willowdale, which currently resided on the sideboard running beneath the back window, Alexander poured himself two fingers of the Highland Park scotch within it and took a long, bracing sip. The slight burn took his mind off of his emotions for just a moment, and he took the span of his return to his chair to contemplate the complex flavors in the drink, centering himself once more. It was only then that he felt enough like himself to continue his previous train of thought.

  He wasn't ready for more intimacy than he and Elise had already ventured; being honest with himself, he knew that beyond any doubt. It would probably change in the near enough future-- in the next few months to few years-- but in the meantime, he would have to guard himself, and her, very carefully. For both of their sanity, he could not allow another interlude like today's to take place in such a private area. Here he reached the root of his fear, recalling the point where he, aware of both of their limitations, had tried to calm the interaction, to slow things down and pull back from the precipice toward which they'd been racing.

  He had tried to stop them both, and Elise had steamrolled right over him.

  Alexander was well aware that she hadn't meant to do it-- of all people, she was the least likely to force herself on anyone. She was just so caught up in the newness of her powers and the joy of being able to connect with another person again that she didn't always realize how careful she needed to be, how easy it was for her to take control over everyone around her. That awareness would come with practice, he knew; still, he had to take another sip to brace himself. Alexander was not in any way comfortable with the idea of having his will stolen away from him, however innocently.

  He also knew that he couldn't tell Elise what she had done. He would simply have to find a way of protecting them both from her power without making her aware of that aspect of it-- at least, not at this time. He understood her well enough by now to comprehend exactly how she would take the revelation, and how much it would hurt her. Above almost anything, he wanted to avoid hurting her; just the memory of the anguish in her eyes was enough to fortify his resolution on that point.

  That fact alone made what he had done this afternoon sit poorly with him. Alexander took another sip, attempting to comfort himself with the knowledge that Elise would have broken down anyway. From early on in their interlude, he'd already been aware that the darkness of her memories was chewing at the back of her mind, becoming stronger by the second. When his attempt to calm their interaction had failed, like a drowning man grasping for a life preserver he'd reached out in desperation and dragged her panic over them both, trusting that the reverberations of her fear would conceal his own. Despite his reasons, however, Alexander was well aware that his decision to incite her flashback was something she wouldn't forgive easily. So in terms of having transgressions to hide, he supposed they were even.

  9 CIRCLING CLOSER

  “You enjoy that,” Alex laughed, lightheartedly mocking.

  Elise braced her cell phone on her shoulder as she ca
refully climbed down the step-stool and backed out of the closet, a stack of boxes balanced precariously in her hands. “You know, I actually might,” she replied, grinning and knowing he would hear the happiness in her voice. “See you in class tomorrow.” She set the boxes down on the counter so she could hang up and slip the phone into her pocket.

  “Oh, thank you for getting all of those!” Marie cried as she came into the kitchen, looking startled at the sight of the dusty cardboard boxes piled on the kitchen counter.

  Elise shrugged, smiling. “No problem, really.”

  “Well, I appreciate you staying home this afternoon to help us put the Halloween decorations up,” her mother smiled back, touching her daughter gently on the shoulder. “Your dad's doing the vines on the front porch, and I'm putting the orange bulbs in the lamps and window candles. I thought you could tackle hanging the spider webs outside with dad?”

  Elise laughed. “Sure, I can handle that.” She helped her mother carry the boxes out to the dining room, then hoisted the one marked “Front Porch” onto her shoulder and eased her way out the door. The autumn breeze rustled her hair, and she breathed it in deeply, taking the moment to simply appreciate the beautiful afternoon. She loved fall-- the vivid colors, the scent of the leaves, the feeling of preparation as all of nature took a deep breath before winter's sleep.

  Halloween was her favorite holiday, so she would happily have helped her parents decorate the house in preparation even if she wasn't feeling like she'd neglected them lately. But as it was, she'd been spending so much time with Alex since the beginning of the school year that she could see them getting antsy. Elise wasn't terribly surprised-- or perhaps all her training was making it easier to understand the motivations of the people around her. Whatever it was, she could tell that although her parents were happy that she was beginning to socialize again, they were unused to it, and worried about her. An afternoon spent decorating for Halloween seemed the perfect way to spend some time easing their parental concern.