What You Do To Me (Unexpected Love)

by Izzy Cullen

  “I’ll fly out and maybe I’ll stay.” Alex wrapped his arms tighter around me.

  “You can’t stay, you’ll hate it, some days I hate it. Everyone is in your business.”

  “And how would that be different from now? Except where I’d be living, but everyone is in my business now anyway.” I knew he was right, but it wasn’t the same.

  “Alex I have to drive an hour just to go to a Wal-Mart, could you really be happy in a place where you can’t buy anything. Where half the population moves once September hits.”

  Alex ran his hands through my hair as he spoke. “Actually, that sounds good, but honestly, anywhere you are is where I want to be. Listen, we can try it and if it doesn’t work, maybe we can try my place.”

  My heart ached because I had to tell him and it was the time. I sat up and looked at him. “Alex, I can’t move the girls. They are stable where they are and I won’t ever move them. They have family and a support system that is there for them and for me. Moving is not an option for me. If you think that you could come and make me fall even more in love with you, and then convince me to move, you’re wasting your time.”

  “I’m not saying move for good. I’m saying when I’m back in the studio, you guys could move out with me and move back during the school year. It’s just options; we have lots.” Alex’s right hand stroked the left side of my face.

  “No, there really aren’t a lot of options. I’m sorry, but I won’t budge on this. I love you, but I won’t uproot my girls for you, especially when I don’t know that you won’t crush me and the girls.”

  Alex gave me a puzzled look. “What makes you think I have any desire to hurt you or the girls?”

  “Maybe not intentionally, but it could happen. Tell me truthfully, have you ever been faithful to anyone you’ve been with?”

  Alex looked like I had punched him. “Where is this coming from? Have I given you any reason to doubt me?”

  “No, but answer my question.” I looked at him sternly.

  “No, but…”

  I quickly cut him off. “No, so am I crazy to think that I’m different than the rest. You have no clue how to be in a committed relationship.”

  “Abby, you are different and this is different. I’ve never loved anyone that I’ve been with or cared about them enough not to think of myself first. With you, all I think about is what I can do to make you or the girls happy. So maybe I have never not been in a relationship where I was fully committed, but it doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t.”

  “Let’s say you try the committed relationship and it works and you move to my small little town. Honestly, be honest with yourself and me, how long will you be happy living there. Tell me that you won’t be restless. Can you really see yourself happy in a small town? What will you do? You can’t give up everything and arrange your life around us, because you’ll eventually hate us. Just like, I can’t move to California and be a trophy wife while you do your thing. I wouldn’t be happy. I’d hate myself for losing myself again and I’d resent you for allowing me to do it.” The protective bubble we had been in the last twelve hours had popped and the conversation and realization of everything was now being thrown in our faces.

  “Are you done? Can I talk now?” Alex waited and I nodded my head to let him know I was done. “If I didn’t want to move there, I wouldn’t. I need you to listen to me and actually hear me. I need you and the girls in my life. I couldn’t be restless or unhappy with you in my life. Do you know the happiest part of my day is when I’m talking to you guys on the phone or through Face Time? I wake up looking forward to that part of the day, and if I can make it so I can wake up to it, and have that feeling all day, that is what I want.”

  I was shaking my head no and I scooted off his lap. “You can’t give this up for me. I won’t let you.” Alex grabbed my leg to keep me from moving too far away.

  “I don’t want any of this if I means giving you up.” I could feel the tears in my eyes, but wasn’t sure how to respond.

  “Come on, you need to get your stuff together.” I grabbed his hand as I stood to walk to the bedroom.

  Once we were in the bedroom, I sat on the chair as he packed his things. He didn’t have much to pack since he was basically living out of his suitcase. He dug in, pulled out a shirt, and threw it at me. “Wear this tonight and see how you feel in the morning.” I pulled it up to my face and smelled it. I could never get enough of his smell.

  I stood, walked over to my bag and pulled out a stack of his shirts. I walked over and handed them to him. “They lost your smell. I washed them so you could saturate them again for me.”

  Alex reached over and pulled me to him. “You know, if you allowed me to move by you, I could let you smell me whenever you wanted.” He bent over and kissed me.

  I let out a sigh, “It’s not that I don’t want you there, I just want you to make sure you want to be there.” I rested my forehead on his chest. “You should head downstairs and get going. Take care of the problem with Johnny and then we will figure us out. Make sure this is what you want. Not just what you want now, but what you are willing to live with.”

  “I will, but I know it won’t change.” Alex kissed me and led me to the door with him. Before he opened it, he leaned down “I’ll try to call you tonight. If I don’t, I need you to know I want to. I’m just not sure how things will go with him tonight. I love you.”

  I gave him a reassuring smile. “If you can’t, I understand. You need to be there completely for him, not just physically. Can you do that for him?” Alex nodded his head yes, leaned in, and kissed me. I shut the door behind him.

  I walked into the bedroom to pick up my phone to call Lexi. I told her everything that had happened since I got there. She sounded a bit panicked from the attack by Johnny and made me take a picture to send to her. She did reassure me that I did the right thing by lying to Alex.

  Sam stopped in later to hang out, but I wasn’t great company. I was exhausted from the day, all the talking and thinking. Unlike Alex, Sam didn’t buy my story of the tree, so I told her the truth, after making her promise not to tell Alex. Unlike Lexi, she didn’t agree with my decision to withhold the truth from Alex. She understood my choice, but didn’t agree with me on the why.

  23.

  I flew back to Michigan the next day and as promised, Alex and I talked most days and nights. I told my family and friends the falling into a tree story, and with my coordination, everyone seemed to believe me. The only ones who knew the truth were Steve, Sam and Lexi, and I wanted to keep it that way for now.

  Johnny refused rehab, so Steve and Alex brought in an addictions counselor to try to convince Johnny to enter a treatment facility. I could tell Alex’s patience was getting thin and he didn’t want to stay much longer. Everyday, he would begrudgingly agree to stay after reassurance from me that he was doing the right thing. Every once in awhile, I would find the girls on Face Time with Alex on the iPad he had bought them. When I entered, they all seemed to quiet or start laughing, as if they were planning a secret or something. In the beginning, I thought it was cute, but after awhile, I was getting slightly annoyed by the behavior. One day, I snapped and yelled at all of them, including Alex. He called me later to apologize. He then started to text me to make sure it was okay to chat with the girls.

  It seemed as if he was gone forever, but in reality, it had only been three weeks since the Portland trip. I missed him and I hated to admit it. I tried keeping myself busy by getting my classroom ready, organizing the girls school clothes, and taking advantage of the nice days by going to the beach.

  The last week in August, I tried calling and texting Alex, but I didn’t get a response. I called Sam, slightly worried, but more curious as to where Alex was and why he wasn’t answering the phone or texts. Sam told me that Johnny might have finally hit rock bottom and agreed to a rehab facility, but Steve and Alex had to get him settled and take care of a few things on the band end. She promised to have him call as soon as possib
le. The next two days, I was so busy that I didn’t catch any of his calls. School was just a few days away. I needed to finish last minute classroom things, as well as last minute clothes issues for the girls. Every time I saw that I missed a call, my heart sank and I would try to send a text. I was starting to face the reality of things, that this would be our relationship. I didn’t know if I could do it, but I told Alex when things settled, we would talk and before I completely closed the door on this, I needed to talk to him.

  The Saturday before Labor Day, the girls and I decided to take advantage of the beautiful summer day, so we headed to the beach with our cooler full and beach bag packed with everything to stay until early evening. I figured it was the last beach day of the year for us and we had better take advantage while we could. I always looked forward to a new school year, but hated the end to the summer. The feeling was so bittersweet.

  Lexi decided to join us for part of the day, but left around lunch, because she had to get ready for an important date. Her budding summer romance was heating up and I was so happy for her. She deserved to be happy. As long as I had known her, she had never taken a full interest in any man for a long period of time. This one had to be special and after meeting him, I realized how perfect he was for her.

  The girls and I were building a sand castle when I looked up and saw a man walking down the beach towards us. I stared at him, thinking I was seeing Alex, but I knew that it wasn’t possible. He was thousands of miles away. I realized how much I missed him and the ache for him was doing crazy things to my mind. I went back to making the castle with Lily when I heard Josie yell and I saw her start running. I looked up and realized she was running to the man and that man was Alex. I jumped to my feet, holding the plastic shovel in my hand. Alex scooped Josie up and kissed her on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and my heart grew. The holes that were left by David were now filled with the love coming from Alex.

  Alex walked towards me with Josie in his arms and the other two by his side. “What are you doing here?”

  “Johnny is all set and all my loose ends are tied up. I’m sorry it took so long to get here. I was hoping to spend a few weeks of the summer with you here.” Alex was smiling.

  Josie jumped into the conversation. “Can we tell her now?” I looked at her and then back to Derek. He set Josie down and kneeled by the girls.

  “Well, ladies, what do you think? Should we let your mom in on our little secret?”

  Lily was the first to respond. “Actually, there are two, so you should have said secrets. That’s with an s for more than one.” Normally, I would have reprimanded her for speaking to an adult like that, but I was too preoccupied by the fact that they were all in on a secret together.

  “Sorry, secrets with an s. Should we tell her?” Alex looked at the girls.

  “Can I tell her the one you told me at the zoo?” Josie said and Alex smiled at her.

  “I would love for you to tell her.”

  Josie looked so pleased. “Alex is moving here. He bought a house and we each get our own room. He said we could decorate it however we want.” I was shocked. My eyes were huge and I looked at Alex. The zoo was over a month ago. He had bought a house that long ago and didn’t tell me. He could tell by the look in my eyes how surprised I was.

  “Actually, you are basically standing in my front yard.” Alex stood up and looked up at the bluff that sits above the beach. He pointed to the white Victorian house above us.

  “You bought the Anderson house? I thought it was bought by some corporation out of New York for corporate retreats.” I had a hint of question and shock in my voice.

  “It was bought by my corporation, and not so much for retreats, but I am putting in a studio in the basement and allowing my label to record there if I choose to allow the artist.” I gave him a look of question. “Abby, I own the label.” I still didn’t think everything was sinking in and processing. I still couldn’t believe Alex did this over a month ago, before we even said out loud that we loved each other. I didn’t understand why.

  “What about the second secret.” Jasmine was tugging on Alex’s shorts.

  “Yes, you can tell her.”

  I looked down at Jasmine and was eager to hear what she had to say. “Alex wants to be your number one, because he loves you.”

  Lily quickly chimed in, “Mommy, what is your number one? I don’t get it.” I looked at Alex with wide eyes.

  I was shocked, but I finally spoke, “Who told you?” I didn’t know if I should be mad yet or not.

  “You did. You told me the night you called me after you were out with Lexi. You told me what your number one was on the list. You told me that your number one was to find a man who would love you for you and not make you change for him; that you refused to change again for anyone. That person would be your true love that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. Abby, I want to be that person. No, I am that person. Let me spend the rest of my life with you.” Tears were streaming down my face.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that I told you?” I was shocked.

  “I was hoping you would tell me again at some point, but sober.” He smiled when he said it.

  “So, do you like the surprises?” Lily was looking up at me.

  Dropping to my knees, I grabbed the girls for a big hug. “I love them,” I said, while looking up at Alex, who was smiling down on me. I kissed each of the girls on the top of the head and sent them to finish the sandcastle. I climbed back up to my feet. “You bought the house over a month ago?”

  “Actually, I bought the house after I flew in the first time to see you. I saw it from Bruce’s plane, fell in love with it, and had to have it. Plus, I knew I would be living here and we would need a larger house to live in with the girls.”

  “We? You are pretty sure of yourself, buying a house after knowing me for a few weeks and thinking we would end up together.” I kept my voice even-toned and flat.

  “Well, to be honest, I actually knew we would end up together the first night I laid eyes on you. I just needed you to realize it.” He had a warm smile on his face that melted my tough acting exterior. “Are you going to kiss me or do I need to throw you in the water?”

  “I don’t think your California body could take the Michigan water. You aren’t tough skinned enough.”

  Alex smirked at me, “Is that a challenge?” He reached out for me, but I took off running and screaming towards the girls. I held Lily out in front of me to protect me.

  “The kids can’t save you.” He reached out, grabbed all of us in his arms, and marched us to the water. Once he entered, he let out a loud hiss.

  “See, I told you. I think I need to toughen you up. It might be a good thing you moved here.” Alex let us all drop, but the water was only to our knees. I didn’t think he could take any more of the water. The girls and I sat in the water and Alex stood above us.

  “You’re right, this is cold.”

  I asked Alex to help me up, but once his arm was extended, I had the girls help me pull him down. Alex was a good sport and went along with it, because we obviously were not strong enough to have actually pulled him in.

  We decided to call it a day sooner than planned. Alex told us he would meet us at the house in an hour with pizza. I was actually upset when he left to head back to his place. I finally had him here with me. He was leaving, but I knew this was a short separation, unlike the others. Alex was now living here and I could see him whenever I wanted. Well, when I wasn’t at work.

  I got the girls home and showered. I dressed them in shorts and a t-shirt and set them up by the TV so I could get showered. I took my time and washed up. There had been no need to shave or keep up on things while I was separated from Alex. I was in full buffing mode. When I finally emerged and made it downstairs, Alex was in the kitchen and the girls were helping him set up the patio table for dinner. I stopped and leaned against the arch watching them. Alex was so good with the girls and the girls were acting as if he ha
d been apart of us forever. Alex was the first to see me, and he smiled and mouthed I love you to me.

  I no longer felt frightened at exposing the girls to Alex or admitting to myself how much I loved him. I left the arch, walked over to him, hugged his waist and told him I loved him out loud so even the girls could hear. He leaned in and kissed me.

  Lily only responded by letting me know how hungry she was, and that Alex and I were slowing down the dinner process. I reminded myself to talk to her later about her tone and attitude, but right now, I didn’t care. I was with my three girls and the man that I loved.

  When we finally got the girls to bed, Alex and I sat out on the deck and I took him a beer. I turned to sit next to him when he grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. “I could do this every night,” Alex said, kissing me on the neck. I realized how much I wanted to do this every night. I took a pull from my beer bottle.

  “When did you start drinking beer?” I didn’t turn to look at Alex’s face, but I could feel the puzzled statement in his voice.

  “Well, I figured I don’t want to wait until I die to cross everything off my list, so I thought I better suck it up and learn to drink beer.” I turned and looked at him this time.

  Alex took a drink of his and made a face. “This is not beer, this is like lemonade beer.”

  I started to laugh. “It classifies, at least in my book.”

  Alex reached over and set his beer down. “Not in mine, but I’ll allow it so we can get everything off the list now.”

  “There are still technically three things left on the list.” I looked at Alex, knowing that even though he told me he was my number one, it didn’t technically cross it off.