Crave

  At least they were going in a direction away from Martin.

  Shay checked the map. “Go down to Highland Street.” She did a quick count. “It’s seven streets down. Once we’re on it for a couple of miles, it looks like we can get on a back road that basically parallels the highway.”

  “I don’t care where it goes,” Gabriel told her. “We need to get off the road entirely for a while. Martin saw the car we took off in. He wouldn’t call the cops, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t using other resources. He has a lot of money, right?”

  “Yeah. You’re thinking of, like, private investigators?” Shay asked.

  “For the right amount of cash, you can get quite a search team mounted,” Gabriel said. “We’ve got to dump this car and find a place to hide out at least until people will think we’re long gone from here.”

  Shay nodded. She had this crazy impulse to reach over and click on the radio, find one of her favorite songs, and just check out. Not think. No, no radio, she told herself. She wasn’t going to let herself fall into passivity. She had to stay sharp and figure out what Gabriel’s plan was now and make a plan of her own.

  “Highland should be the street after this one,” she told Gabriel. “You take a right.” Shay made sure to lock every move they made into her head. She might need to find her way back to an area with lots of people or give Olivia directions on how to find her. Shay would trust Olivia with that info now. She thought she’d trust Olivia with anything. Olivia had completely come through for her, lying to Mom, giving Shay the heads-up that Martin was on the way.

  There weren’t many landmarks on this road, not that Shay could see. There was a little grocery and bait shop coming up on the left. Shay felt a hysterical laugh welling up. Bait. Maybe she should just tell Gabriel to stop in there and get something else to use besides her.

  About a half mile down, the car’s headlights brushed across a closed-down gas station. There was something about abandoned gas pumps. They were the loneliest-looking things. As they drove on, the road grew bumpier and began to wind. “I think there’s something up ahead,” Gabriel said.

  Shay leaned forward. “I don’t see anything.”

  “I don’t either. Not yet,” Gabriel answered. “But there’s a smell of cows, and people, apples, grain. Farm smells. But old, nothing alive there now. Maybe there’ll be some kind of shelter left.” He slowed down, and about five hundred feet later, there was a dirt road off to the left. Gabriel turned onto it, still driving slowly.

  “There,” he said a few minutes later, and in the darkness, Shay could see the shapes of a couple of buildings. She was guessing house and barn, although there were no lights on anywhere to show them for sure.

  Gabriel made a tight three-point turn, and then started back the way they’d come. “Didn’t like the way it smelled?”

  “I want to get rid of the car, then we’ll go back,” he answered. When they got to the main road—which wasn’t very main—he took the direction leading farther away from the town. After they’d gone about two miles, Gabriel guided the Barracuda onto the soft shoulder, then eased it between two trees, parked, and turned the car off, leaving the keys in the ignition. He climbed out and circled around to open Shay’s door before she had the chance to do it herself.

  As soon as she stepped out, Gabriel swept her up in his arms again. “This will be faster. I want us away from the car as quickly as possible.” He used his foot to slam the car door shut, then he ran. Although running didn’t seem like the right word. There was no right word. A word would have to be invented for the way Gabriel darted between the trees, so fast. And smooth, even though the ground was rocky and bumpy. And silent. Shay couldn’t hear even a hint of a footfall.

  She’d barely had time to register these thoughts before Gabriel was setting her back on her feet in front of the deserted old barn. She shivered.

  “Let me look at that head.” Gabriel leaned close, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek, and studied the spot where her head had gotten slammed into the car.

  “You’re already growing a goose egg, and it’s turning black and blue, but I don’t think you need stitches.” He tucked her hair behind her ear, taking a last look. “Shouldn’t even have a scar.”

  “I feel like my whole head will be one big scar.” Shay winced, touching her wound.

  “You won’t. Trust me, I’m a doctor.” Gabriel smiled. “About ten times over.”

  “Yeah, a bat doctor,” Shay said sarcastically, proving she wasn’t too seriously injured.

  He turned toward the barn. There was a rusty lock holding the big double doors together. He snapped it easily and ushered Shay inside.

  “How come you couldn’t break out of your chains in the lab and escape?” Shay asked.

  “Martin pretty much starved me,” Gabriel answered as he shoved open one of the doors. “He gave me enough blood to keep me alive, but that’s it. You saw how weak I was the night you found me.”

  He climbed up to the hayloft and tossed down a couple of the bales of hay that remained up there. They hit the floor with solid thumps, sending up clouds of dust. Gabriel leaped down to the ground beside them.

  This is the real him, Shay thought. The running, the leaping. The way he snapped that lock like it was Styrofoam. This is usual for him. She’d known him first when he was weak. He was back to full strength now, and his power was staggering. She’d gotten little tastes of that power in her visions, but what was it like to have that strength available all the time? It had to be so much more thrilling than when she’d finally gotten to run on the track or when she’d made her epic swim.

  Gabriel picked up a ragged horse blanket that was hanging over one of the stall doors. He walked over to Shay, studied her, then wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, still holding on to both sides of the cloth. “You’re cold,” he told her. “If you need something, you have to tell me.”

  “I need my mother—alive,” Shay answered.

  “What else?” He pulled the blanket more tightly around her, still not letting go. Why didn’t he let go? And step back? She was acutely conscious of a vein running down the side of his neck, just below the skin, through the center of his phoenix tattoo. She knew it was impossible, but she felt as if she could hear the blood, warm and full of life, pumping through it.

  Shay swayed toward the vein, toward Gabriel; then, mortified, jerked herself away. She backed up a few steps, pulling the blanket out of his grasp. “I need to know what’s going on,” she burst out. “Am I still your hostage? Are you still planning to use me to kill Martin and my mother? I just—what exactly am I to you?”

  Gabriel sat down heavily on one of the hay bales. He pressed his head into his hands. “I don’t know,” he admitted.

  Shay sat on the bale across from him. “You saved me. You probably could have killed Martin right there, even though he had that syringe. But you didn’t. You saved me. Why?”

  “I don’t know,” Gabriel said, head still in his hands. “You’re right. I could have killed him. When he and your mother captured me, they had surprise on their side.” He raised his head and stared at her. He looked as overwhelmed and confused as she felt. “I didn’t think about reasons. I didn’t think at all. He threw you—and I couldn’t let you fall again.”

  “It’s ironic. Martin’s the one who has spent years trying to keep me well—although I guess that wasn’t about me, not really. But he’s the one who hurt me. Not you,” Shay said. A shudder rippled through her.

  “Do you need another blanket?” Gabriel asked.

  “No. It’s not that. I think it’s all just hitting me. I thought it had hit me before, but I guess not,” Shay answered. “I feel shaky.”

  “Maybe you need to feed,” Gabriel suggested.

  That was all that Shay wanted. She ached for his blood. But she couldn’t take it, not until she knew where they stood. “Gabriel, when I was nursing you back to health, I thought things were okay between us. I thought things had changed. I
had no idea you considered me your hostage. But then as soon as you were strong again. … ”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s it? Yeah?”

  “I couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t turned you back into the human girl,” Gabriel admitted.

  “I was always a human girl,” Shay said.

  “No, for a while you were Shay. Who stupidly kept thinking of herself as ‘the Sick Girl.’ Who was getting started on a nasty candy addiction. Who felt sorry for a stuffed animal. Who … kissed me. I couldn’t have Shay as a hostage.”

  Shay spread her hands open in front of her. They trembled a little. She really was getting hit full force by what had happened. “And yet …”

  “And yet—you saw what happened to my family. They were slaughtered by humans. On that day, we began to live in fear. Our lives changed completely.” Gabriel explained. “In this age, most don’t believe in us. That makes us safer. Martin and your mother—they are a danger because they know the truth. If they aren’t dealt with, they are a danger not just to me, but to my family. I won’t let anyone put my family in danger, not ever again.” Gabriel hesitated, then went on. “I thought that having you would bring Martin and your mother to me. You were vital to keeping my family safe—”

  “And to getting revenge.”

  Gabriel nodded. “Fine. Yes, they made me suffer, and I want them to feel the same way.” He reached out and took her hand. “So I had to pull back from you. Stop thinking of you as Shay. But I couldn’t. And I guess that’s why I saved you back there, because, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t unknow you. You saved my life. Twice. I couldn’t unrealize that not all humans are the same, even though I wanted to.”

  Shay swept her hair away from her face. “Maybe we’re catching up to each other. I knew you so well, before I ever saw you that day in Martin’s office. I’d actually been you. I’d experienced your thoughts and feelings.” She shook her head. “If the first and only thing I knew about you was that you were a vampire, I probably never would have set you free.”

  “I wish I could talk to Ernst,” Gabriel said.

  “I wish I could talk to my mom.”

  Gabriel stood up and paced back and forth in front of her. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about Martin. Or your mother. But I’m sure of this—you aren’t going to be involved in any way. I can’t use you like a pawn. Not anymore. Tomorrow, I’ll get you to a bus or a train. And we’ll need to make a plan to get you blood.”

  “You’re going to keep giving me your blood?”

  “I’m not going to let you die.” Gabriel stopped pacing and faced her. “You need some now. I can see it. You’ve got those little drops of sweat above your lip.”

  “How attractive,” Shay said, trying to sound casual. But inside she was going crazy. He was going to save her—again. He was going to let her go! He was wonderful, and now she was right back to falling for him again. Which was hopeless and pointless and probably a bunch of other less’s. She had to get over it. Now.

  But Gabriel hadn’t been able to unrealize that she was an actual person. Shay was afraid that unrealizing that she wanted him was going to be just as impossible.

  Gabriel used one of his fingernails to open a vein in his neck. I do need it, Shay thought. Whether it’s my body or my mind making the call, I have to have it. She stood up, walked over to him, wrapped her arms around his neck, lowered her mouth to his throat, and drank.

  The darkness became bright. She looked up. It was one of those nights when the moon was full and spilling silvery light over everything. The surface of the river glinted like diamonds. Despite the beauty, she—Gabriel—was tense. Shoulders knotted, stomach queasy.

  She picked up a stone with Gabriel’s hand and threw it into the river. “I hope you weren’t trying to skip that, because if you were, it was a pathetic attempt.” Gabriel turned toward the voice and saw Sam coming toward him, the grin on his face so wide it almost looked painful.

  Sam’s arrival didn’t lessen Gabriel’s anxiety. It raised it.

  What’s going on? Shay’s thought whispered somewhere at the back of her consciousness. Gabriel was upset, but Sam looked way too happy for anything to be wrong.

  “Did you decide what to do?” Gabriel asked.

  “I’m going to marry her!” Sam exclaimed. “She’s having my baby, and all I want is to be with them. I even want to change diapers. I swear I do. It doesn’t hurt that they have those throw-away ones now.” He laughed, the sound full of joy.

  Gabriel felt ill. How could Sam act like a child with a human was anything but a tragedy? “Stop this. You know a baby won’t live—”

  “No,” Sam cut him off. “Modern medicine has changed everything. You’re a scientist, you know I’m right.”

  Gabriel sighed. Clearly Sam wanted to deny the truth. He changed tactics, taking his brother by the shoulders and squeezing them, willing him to listen. “It isn’t the child. Being with a human is forbidden.”

  “I don’t care. Since I first saw her, I was gone. She’s everything I want,” Sam replied.

  “What about the family?” Gabriel demanded. Shay felt his hot anger rise inside her, but underneath that was an ocean of cold fear.

  “The family has been my whole world since the day I was taken. And I’m thankful for what Ernst gave me that day—a place to belong. But Emma gives me all that too.”

  Emma, Shay managed to think. My mother’s name.

  Sam put his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders now. “I love her. Love shouldn’t be forbidden. It’s the purest, most all-consuming thing I’ve ever felt.”

  Gabriel dropped his hands and stepped away. “Love isn’t forbidden. You can love—”

  “Anyone of our kind,” Sam interrupted. “I know. But love isn’t like that. You don’t pick and choose it that way.”

  “You know what happens to those who break the laws of the family,” Gabriel warned. He felt as if a hand had punched through his ribcage and was squeezing his heart.

  “But I’ll be leaving the family,” Sam said. “And you need to be happy for me, little brother. I’ll put you in a headlock until you are, I swear it.”

  “I want you to be happy, Sam,” Gabriel said. “But—”

  “Good! Because I am,” Sam said quickly, before Gabriel could continue. “And so is Emma. And the baby will be happy too. Now look at what I’m giving Em. It was a gift from Gret, Ernst’s own love, before she sought the sun. She was a mother to me. She believed in love.” He pulled a small, handkerchief-wrapped bundle from his pocket, then carefully unfolded it. A locket lay inside—a locket with two birds flying across a sky that held a sun and a moon both.

  Shay gasped and pulled away, Gabriel’s blood still upon her lips.

  Her mind reeled. She felt almost drunk from the effect of the vampire blood, from her deep submersion in the vision. Her body ached for more. But the shock of seeing the locket was even greater than the pull of Gabriel’s blood.

  “What?” he asked, frowning. “Did you—what did you see?”

  In reply, Shay pulled her locket free from her shirt and held it up to him. It was the same locket Sam had shown Gabriel in the vision. It’s what he’d been planning to give Emma, the mother of his child.

  “Where did you get that?” Gabriel’s voice was sharp.

  “My mother,” Shay answered, her voice shaking. “She said my father gave it to her.” She swallowed hard. “When was it? When did Sam show you this locket?”

  Gabriel didn’t have to think about it. “The spring of 1993.”

  “I was born October 17, 1993,” Shay told him. “My mother’s name is Emma. I have this locket that she said belonged to my father—and it’s not like there’s one in every store.” Shay clenched the locket in her fist. “Sam … do you think … is Sam my father?”

  Gabriel lowered himself onto one of the bales of hay, looking old for the first time since she’d known him. “Remember how I told you Martin and your mother knew about someone in my family? That per
son was Sam. I couldn’t figure out how they could know anything about him—or about something like the effect of hawthorn on our kind—but of course Emma would know. I’m sure Sam told her everything. He was completely in love.”

  Shay’s mind was whirling. The images she’d seen of Sam rushed through her. Sam letting the little girl at the orphanage stay hidden. Sam comforting Gabriel on the night of his last sunset. Sam alive with joy, so in love with her mother. Sam ecstatic at the thought of their baby. He’d wanted her.

  “You know what this means, don’t you?” Gabriel raised his head and looked at Shay.

  “My father loved me,” she said. “He wanted me.” She was dizzy with the realization.

  “Yes. He did. You can be certain of that,” Gabriel answered. “But that’s not all. Shay, you’re half-vampire.”

  CHAPTER

  FIFTEEN

  GABRIEL SHOT A QUICKZ GLANCE over at Shay. She hadn’t spoken since he’d told her she was half-vampire. What was she thinking? He’d had years to prepare himself for the idea that one day he would be a vampire. He’d chosen the moment it would happen. How would it feel to discover that kind of truth about yourself at her age?

  It’s not the same for Shay, though, he reminded himself. She didn’t have to give up the sun. She didn’t have to live on blood.

  Christ. That wasn’t true. She did have to live on blood. His blood. Or at least vampire blood.

  “It’s why I’m sick, isn’t it? Why I’ve always been sick,” Shay said suddenly. “And why your blood is the only thing that’s really helped me.” Her thoughts had followed a track similar to his.

  “I think so. It has to be, doesn’t it?” Gabriel asked.

  “Don’t you know?” She used both hands to push her long dark hair away from her face. The movement caused the blanket to slip down her shoulders. Gabriel wanted to reach over and pull it up, but he was half-afraid if he touched her, he might not be able to stop. Letting her feed from his throat—an impulse that had overtaken him—had been the most intimate experience of his life. He’d never wanted her to stop. He’d never wanted her to take her arms from around his neck.