I drop my head to study my jeans. “I had Wally dig into Grayson’s background, and then I went and saw Liz.”
“Is this the part where I get to say I told you so?” I raise my eyebrow at Phoebe’s comment. “I did tell you your nosiness would get you into trouble someday.”
“Gee, thanks for the reminder.” I pick up one of the shots of vodka and guzzle it. The alcohol burns as it makes its way down to my stomach. I cough and slap my chest.
“What are you going to do? You can’t let the man you love slip through your fingers.”
Hailey’s remark causes my nose to wrinkle in confusion. “I don’t love him. The whole baby daddy thing wasn’t serious.”
“What?” she squeals. “Baby daddy? You’ve been holding out on us.”
Phoebe fills my shot glass. “Some more liquid courage because you know you are spilling your guts to us tonight.”
Ugh. She’s right. I take the second shot. This one goes down much smoother. My head spins a bit, but I manage to set the shot glass down on the coffee table without dropping it.
“Shit. I dropped a bottle in the brew shack. I need to clean it up.” I stand, but Hailey puts a hand on my lower arm and pushes me back into my seat.
“I’ll do it. But first I want to hear all about how Grayson is going to be your baby daddy.”
“Not. He is not going to be my baby daddy. He said no. He doesn’t want to donate his sperm. He wants to be involved with the children.”
Phoebe squeals and claps her hands. “I knew it! He wants you.” She snaps her fingers at Hailey. “You owe me fifty bucks.”
“I do not owe you fifty bucks. I didn’t bet with you on whether Grayson wants Suzie. I’m not stupid. Everyone who has eyes knows he wants her.”
I groan. “What is it with everyone thinking Grayson and I have chemistry?”
“Because you do!” Hailey and Phoebe shout in chorus and then dissolve into giggles.
“I hope neither one of you is driving tonight.”
“We’re staying over.” Hailey points to their bags by the front door. How did they get there?
“Did you break into my house before coming to the brew shack?”
“I’m not dignifying your question with a response.”
“Which means yes, you did.” Unlike my brew shack, my house does have a security system. “How did you bypass the security system?” Hailey merely raises her eyebrow in response. “Never mind.”
“Her uncles are awesome. They’ve taught me how to shoot, but I didn’t get any lessons on breaking into places. Do you think they’d take me under their wings?”
“We’re getting off topic here. We’re supposed to fire questions at Suzie until she admits she’s in love with Grayson.”
My heart speeds up at Hailey’s words. They’re not true. They can’t be true. I can’t possibly love Grayson. Adult Suzie, the little voice in my head I love to hate, berates me, Stop lying to yourself. I shut her up fast and move on.
“It doesn’t matter whether I love Grayson, which FYI I don’t, I am done with men, remember?”
“Why?” Phoebe asks. “Is this about the mysterious ex you never name?”
“I’m not talking about it.” Time for another shot. Once I’ve downed it, I continue, “I’ll get drunk and listen to you two berate me about my nosiness, but I’m not revealing all my deep, dark secrets.”
“But I revealed all my deep, dark secrets,” Phoebe pouts.
“It’s all about the timing,” Hailey responds. “When you need to know, you’ll know.”
I hope to hell not, but I keep my mouth shut. I’m going to have enough trouble convincing them I’m not in love with Grayson as it is. I don’t need to add to my problems, especially since Hailey is letting it go for now.
I pick up the remote and switch on the television. “Since revelation time has ended, I think the schedule calls for us watching movies and stuffing our faces. Let’s find a movie and pig out on these lovely snacks Phoebe brought.”
Hailey sighs. “When she starts using words like lovely, you know her stonewall is back up.”
Phoebe shrugs. “I’m up for watching a movie and eating snacks.”
Which is exactly what we end up doing. Every time one of them brings up Grayson, I take another shot to stop myself from answering. They end up having to drag my drunk ass to bed. Serves them right!
Chapter 20
No matter what life throws at you, a cold beer will help.
Grayson
I’m half-way to Merrill before my anger starts to abate. I can’t believe Suzie betrayed me this way. I thought we were friends. If I’m honest, I’d like to be more than friends, but Suzie has a nine-foot electric fence around her heart. And I’m not in the right frame of mind to start scaling it.
But now? Now I have no interest in seeing her betraying little face again. Especially since she’s forced me to drive home – a place I am not ready to visit. I don’t care if I’ve only been back once in nearly four years. I’m not ready. But I can’t not visit. Not after the way I treated Liz when she came to see me at McGraw’s. I hope she’ll forgive me for being a total jackass.
I stop at a gas station when I’m half an hour out from Merrill. I can’t show up empty-handed to meet my namesake for the first time. I have no idea what to buy a four-year-old boy, but I settle on a Lincoln Logs building set. I remember I had one as a kid and liked it.
Once I arrive on Liz’s street, I park my truck but don’t get out. Like the coward I am, I sit there staring at Liz’s house until the front window curtains flutter. Shit. If I sit here any longer, the police will come in with lights blazing and sirens blaring to arrest me for being a stalker.
I gather the present and make my way to the front door.
“Grayson!” Liz shouts and envelopes me in a hug when she opens the door.
I feel like a fraud. How can she possibly be happy to see me when I caused the death of her husband?
I awkwardly pat her back and retreat from the hug as soon as possible.
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize for how I behaved on Monday.” I lift the gift. “I also wanted to meet Grayson.”
“I’m Grayson.” A boy peeks out from his mother’s legs.
I kneel down. “Then this must be for you.” I hold out the present. He doesn’t take it. He looks to his mother for guidance. At her nod, he snatches the package from my hands and rushes off.
“Grayson Bill Morris,” Liz shouts. “You will open the present in front of the person who gave it to you.” She nudges me forward. “We better hurry up.”
The look of happiness on her face almost has me freezing in her hallway. She can’t possibly be happy, can she?
When we enter the living room, Grayson is sitting on the floor holding his present. “Can I open it? Can I?”
Liz shakes her head. “I’d like to introduce you to someone first.”
Grayson pouts but he stands and walks to me. “I’m Grayson,” he says as he holds out his hand.
I get down on a knee and shake his hand. “I’m Grayson, too.”
He pumps my hand up and down. “You must be Uncle Grayson. Look, Mom, it’s Uncle Grayson.”
Liz ruffles his hair. “I know.”
“Is he a hero like my dad?”
My heart squeezes at his words and I lower my gaze to the carpet to buy myself some time to get it together. Once I think I can talk without making a fool of myself, I lift my head and say, “Your dad was a great man.”
His back straightens. “I know.” He looks up at his mom. “Can I open my present now?” At his mom’s nod, he rushes back to the gift and tears into the wrapping.
Liz sits with him on the floor. “It’s Lincoln Logs. You can build houses with them. Now, what do you say?”
“Thanks, Uncle Grayson! Can I go play?”
Before his mom can answer, he picks up the box and rushes off. Liz smiles as she watches him leave. “Thank you, Grayson. But you d
idn’t need to buy him a gift.”
I shrug. “Actually, I came here to apologize.”
She motions to the sofa. “Oh? What for?” she asks once we’re seated.
I rub my neck. “I wasn’t exactly welcoming on Monday.”
She giggles. “I’m the one who showed up unannounced. I have to say I never thought I’d see the day the great Grayson Neill got caught unawares.”
“You surprised me all right. I didn’t realize Suzie knew my background, let alone that she had visited you. I’m sorry about her by the way.”
“No need to say you’re sorry. Your girlfriend is sweet. She cares about you and doesn’t want you suffering. I can appreciate the sentiment.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
Liz smirks. “Okay. Whatever you say.”
I open my mouth to correct her assumption, but she speaks before I get the chance. “Did you think about what I said on Monday?”
My hands fist where I’ve placed them on my jeans. “It is my fault Bill’s gone.”
She shakes her head. “You’re as stubborn as Bill was.”
“I miss him.” I don’t know where the admission comes from. I never talk about Bill.
“I know. I miss him, too. But life goes on. You can’t get stuck in the past forever or you’ll miss out. And you don’t want to miss out on that cute little firecracker of a woman, do you?”
I run a hand over my hair. “I’m too messed up for a relationship.”
“I bet Suzie can help you get over your issues.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It’s not. I know it’s not. After I went out on my first date, I came home and cried myself to sleep I was missing Bill so bad.”
I whip my head up at her words. “You’re dating already?”
“Already? It’s been almost four years. It’s what Bill would want. We talked a lot about what would happen if he didn’t come back before you guys shipped out that last time.”
“You did? He never told me.”
She winks. “I guess there are some things he didn’t tell you after all.”
We talk for another half hour before she announces she needs to get ready for work. After I leave, I sit in my truck thinking over everything she said. I’m shocked she’s dating again. And she looks happy. I rub a hand over my jaw. Maybe it’s time for me to move on too.
I switch on my truck and drive to my parent’s house. I visited once when I got my discharge from the Army, but I haven’t been back since – not even for Christmas. Mom didn’t say a word about it to me, but I’m sure she’s disappointed I didn’t come home for the holidays.
I don’t bother knocking when I arrive at my childhood home. I walk right in and shout, “Is anyone home?”
I hear a squeal before my mother rushes out of the kitchen and tackles me in the hallway. “Grayson! What a lovely surprise?”
“Let the boy go before you squeeze him to death,” my father says as he comes up behind her.
Mom releases me and my father gives me a one-armed hug. My dad is my height – five-foot-ten – but my mother is shorter than Suzie. Dad looks like a giant when he gathers Mom, who is now sobbing, into his arms.
“Stop crying, woman. You’ll ruin our visit with your tears.”
She smacks him in the stomach. “I’ll cry if I want to Norman Benedict Neill.” She beams a smile my way. “Come in, come in. I’ve got a pot roast in the crockpot.”
Mom walks off but I stand frozen in the hallway. Dad slaps me on the back. “Come on. You better move it to the kitchen before your mother gets in a tizzy.”
“Isn’t she mad at me for not visiting more often?” I look at him. “Aren’t you?”
He shakes his head. “Of course not. We know you had shit in your head to work out. Glad it’s finally worked out. Four years is a long time to let your guilt fester.”
I spent the majority of those four years deployed without any time to let my ‘guilt fester’. But I’m not about to start making excuses with him.
“How do you—”
His chuckle cuts me off. “You think we don’t know how you feel about Bill’s death?” He frowns. “We may be small town, but we’re not stupid.”
I help Mom set the table and then we settle down to eat pot roast and mashed potatoes.
“Tell us about the girl.” I nearly choke at Mom’s words.
“What girl?”
“You think we can’t tell you have a woman?” Dad asks. “We know you, son.”
“Also, I ran into Liz’s mother at the grocery store, and she told me all about this mysterious woman who dropped by Liz’s house all riled up to fix you.”
“She’s not my girl. And I’m mad at her,” I growl, although my initial anger has faded. Suzie may have overstepped, but she did it with the best of intentions. I’m half-way to forgiving her already.
“Sounds like she’s a firecracker,” Dad says. The approval is clear to see in his face.
“You haven’t even met her.”
“Anyone who would drive all the way up here to talk to a woman she doesn’t know to help you gets a gold star from me.” Mom was a first-grade teacher. To her, getting a gold star is the highest praise possible.
“You don’t know the whole story.”
Mom waves a hand to dismiss my complaints. “I know enough.”
“I saw Liz,” I say to end this conversation about me and Suzie.
“Oh, how’s Liz?” Mom goes for nonchalant but she’s sending Dad furtive glances.
Shit. I stepped through the flames into the fire with my remark. The last thing I want to talk about is Liz.
When I don’t answer, Mom prattles on. “She’s dating a lovely man. He recently moved here to coach the football team. Grayson adores him.”
I nearly choke. “He’s met Grayson?”
“Of course.”
The conversation falls away and we finish dinner in silence. My mind is whirling as I eat. I can’t believe Liz is moving on from Bill. He’s the love of her life. Or, I guess, he was the love of her life.
After dinner, Mom hustles us out of the kitchen so she can do the dishes in peace, and Dad asks if I want to go for a walk. It’s ten below out, but we always do our best talking while we’re moving.
“You going to let your guilt continue to ruin your life or are you going to move on now you see Liz is happy and has moved on herself?”
“Wow. You dove right in.”
“No sense beating around the bush.”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
I’m not avoiding his question. I don’t know the answer. Can I get over my guilt? No matter what Liz says, I am the reason her husband – my best friend – is dead.
Dad doesn’t respond. He knows he’s got me thinking, which was his intention. We walk until the sun sets and it’s too cold to continue. I haven’t come to a conclusion by the time we return home, although I do think it may be time for me to start living in the present and stop wallowing in the past. Maybe it’s time I talk to someone.
Chapter 21
I’m not feeling very Hoptimistic today
“What’s with the help wanted sign in the window?” Hailey asks Pops as we join him at the bar at McGraw’s on Monday night.
“The cleaner quit,” he grumps.
“Maggy quit?” Phoebe asks. “What happened?”
Hailey narrows her eyes at Phoebe. “How do you know Maggy?”
Phoebe rolls her eyes. “I lived with Pops for a while, remember?”
When Phoebe had her troubles, she stayed in Hailey’s childhood bedroom to keep safe. The place she had been living was seriously sad. I still can’t believe Ms. Perfectly Put Together ever lived in a boarding house full of drug addicts. The woman is full of surprises.
“Why are you grumpy about it?” Hailey asks Pops. “The turnover on cleaners is pretty high. This is not an unusual situation.”
“Someone,” Pops glowers at the table of uncles who are not hiding their mirth whatso
ever, “had a salesman call me at eight this morning. They wanted to sell me a lawnmower and wouldn’t take no for an answer despite my explaining I don’t have a yard.”
“You don’t have a yard,” I agree. Pops lives in the apartment above the pub. It’s a huge apartment as it’s the size of the pub, but there’s no yard. The ‘backyard’ is a parking lot, although there is one picnic table where the smokers hang out.
“Someone,” he growls, “told him I would deny having a yard, but it was only a negotiation tactic.”
I giggle and throw a thumbs-up at the uncles who wink in response. They’re a menace but they sure are fun to be around.
“Why didn’t you hang up?” Hailey asks.
“I did. He called back. Three times.”
“Why didn’t you switch off your phone?”
Pops shakes his head at Hailey. “I have a daughter who works as a PI, a son-in-law who’s a detective, and a friend who…”
I lean closer. Is he going to finally tell us what Wally does? It has to be Wally he’s talking about. To my great disappointment, he mutters, “Never mind.”
Argh. I know Wally is some sort of super-secret black ops guy, but I need the details. My curiosity is killing me!
“What are you going to do to get them back?” Hailey asks.
Pops narrows his eyes on his supposed buddies. “You’ll see. You’ll see.”
Goodie! I look forward to whatever revenge he comes up with. Of course, my phone has to beep with an incoming message and ruin my happiness. My mom – tired of waiting for me to sign up for the dating website myself – signed up for one on my behalf and is now trolling the profiles to find a man who is a ‘good’ fit.
She’s been sending me these profiles all dang day. Unfortunately, she seems to think I need an older man who looks boring as all get out. She says he’ll tame me. I don’t want anyone to tame me. Hell, I don’t want a man at all.
How long are you going to lie to yourself? my inner voice – aka that bitch, Adult Suzie – asks. I ignore her and open the message on my phone instead. It’s as I thought. Another email from my mom.
A Soldier for Suzie: A Military Romantic Comedy (Love will OUT Book 3) Page 11