by r. h. Sin
masks I.
there was something so damn special
about you in the beginning
you were rare but time revealed
the most honest parts of you
it turns out
everything about you
was a lie
and you were just like the others
never a loss.
at the end of every day
I find comfort in knowing
that I’ve only lost the people
who never deserved to stay
poetess.
you walk around here
with your head in the clouds
writing about a love
that never existed
a love claimed by a man
who only used the word
to get what he was after
you, calling it a relationship
when all he did was
stick around just to sample
what he’d never truly commit to
taking all of what he could
before leaving
this is the reality
of what you claim is love
great regret.
in all seriousness
I thought this was real
I believed in you
and that’s my greatest regret
before and after.
I am no longer
the person I was before
I allowed you into a place
untouched by the hands of anyone
before you
I held the door open
just so that you could walk in
and make a home out of me
you took my willingness to allow you close
and destroyed the walls of my heart
you took the trust that I gave you
threw it away as if to say
I wasn’t good enough
before you, I was different
after, I’ll never be the same
constant.
that’s the problem
you’re constantly
searching for heaven
where only hell exists
you’re constantly
searching for peace
within a place
where chaos resides
you’ve been expecting love
from the same individual
who offers
nothing but hate
hope kills
when invested
in the wrong relationship
she, flame.
she was the flame
that no one could put out
burning brighter than the sun
refusing to be taken lightly
she was driven by
all the things that caused her pain
and what failed to weaken her flames
became fuel
she is you
I want you.
show me the woman
with scars on the walls
of her mind from overthinking
cracks within her heart
from loving the wrong person
pain attached to her soul
but I’ll fight for the chance
to love her
a woman like her.
lying there
wearing nothing but regret
eyes swelling with water
as if her heart
was being sunk
flooding, slowly going under
midnight has rarely
been kind
to women like her
forced to relive
what would become
a major mistake
in trusting someone
with pieces of herself
far too valuable
for most men
but no one knows
until it’s too late
and sadly, the truth
only reveals itself
in the end
forcing the soul
to be filled with
so much resentment
and tonight is just like any other
a woman with regret
a woman fighting
to get past whatever it is
that keeps her from smiling
and somewhere amongst the pain
is a silver lining
because women like her
always find ways to survive
deep within.
your strength
is your magic
never lose it
emotional hostage.
he kidnapped her heart
held it for ransom
took what he wanted
with no intention of loving her
the reasons why.
and that’s why she stayed longer
than she should have
because it hurts to watch
something you love
transform into
something you hate
she sits and waits for it
to return to its original state
in denial as she ignores the fact
that what she sees was always there
limitations imitations.
we could have been great
this could have worked
but you insisted on being mediocre
you placed limitations on us
so I chose myself
I chose to move on
knowing that I deserved more
my theory.
you can’t keep a man
who doesn’t deserve you
this is why they leave
this is why they rarely stay
some word porn.
she wants to be taken
mentally starved by a mind
incapable of stimulating hers
my knowledge and understanding
like food for a dying soul
I became the only thing
she could think about
rooftops, lying wide-awake
and vulnerable under the bright moon
in lust with the way I speak
my open mind
opening her up
every word, like a thrust
or stroke as she invited me
to spill my words on her canvas
letting go entirely.
maybe that’s all she wanted
acknowledgment
to be appreciated for all the things
she did
someone who cared enough
to make an effort
the type of appreciation
that could be felt
a man who could love her
in the same fashion
as she loved him
I don’t think she was asking
for too much
all that she demanded
was simply what she deserved
you served her a bunch
of lies
and expected her
to get full
starving her of the truth
but one day it happened
the woman whom you
only wanted to break
reached a point where she
could break no longer
though you thought
she’d hold on
she finally found the courage
to let go
passive-aggressive.
I’ll sit in silence
I’ll say nothing to you
but if you continue to
place me as a secondary concern
you’ll lose me without warning
she’s an artist.
she was broken
but somehow
she found peace
in the pieces
scattered across
the floor
she’s an artist in the way
she pieces herself
back together
to create something stronger
and a bit more beautiful
than before
one of those days.
it’s almost as if the sun is
peeking through the dark clouds
I should be happy
but I’m not
lust under moon.
I don’t think it was actually love
I was just obsessed
with the way you made me feel
on satin sheets
under the moon
June ’15.
what was meant to be
a celebration of sorts
sadly, now feels more
like a funeral
the transformation.
I was more in love with
who I thought you were
and I hated
what you became
reaching.
open your eyes
don’t be blinded
by your heart
stop holding on to someone
who is obviously reaching
for someone else
losers with benefits.
the fucked-up thing
about using someone for sex
is that you’re probably
being used just the same
by someone who doesn’t deserve
a portion of anything
you have to offer
using them while wasting yourself
pretending to win
yet constantly losing
crown me 722.
she crowned the tip of my head
with the lips between her thighs
my Queen made me King
your sharp tongue.
lies like razors
you claimed to be
telling the truth
yet I watched you bleed
from your mouth
Sin’s choice.
realizing that I didn’t
have the courage to love you
in the way you needed
I let you go
because you couldn’t
I did it for you
pitch dark.
after the sun has set
and the moon decides
to present itself
after midnight is when we
often remember
the things we try
our hardest to forget
December 22nd.
you are the most beautiful
type of broken
I’ve ever seen in my
entire life
and though your heart
is in pieces
you deserve to be loved
and I’d like the opportunity
to be with you, always
an observation I.
the women who smile
the most
are often the ones
who experience
the deepest pain
she doesn’t wear
that smile to deceive others
she smiles because
it’s a symbol of strength
often we pretend.
please notice
the sadness in my eyes
but if you ask
I’ll claim to be fine
an observation II.
maybe it’s because you’re strong
maybe you hold on
because you’re capable of
loving him unconditionally
and maybe he’s just too weak
to appreciate it
the wound.
completely broken
I cut myself
trying to get close to you
several attempts
I almost bled out
for you
us, our future.
come here
I’ll help you bury
your past
we’ll give life
to our future
a sober thought.
I’ve been missing you
more than the usual
either I’ll run out of bullets
or improve my aim
that’s where my head is at
walking toward the future
I’ve lost count of how often
I took you back
the morning after.
it happens
you wake up one morning
and the feelings
you went to sleep with
are no longer there
you picture life
without that particular person
and instead of feeling worried
you begin to smile
what you felt continues
to fade
Sin’s request.
I want everything
he took for granted
I have this desire to explore
the parts of you he neglected
but first I’ll work for it
everything within you
is not to be given easily
but earned
repetitive.
found pain
searching for a love
you couldn’t deliver
distance between self.
you know, I’ve been losing me
for a while
my reflection appears partial
as I often feel less like myself
and further away from the person
I’d like to be
my truth.
in all honesty
I never miss
what I walk away from
there is no regret
in walking away from someone
who gave me a reason
to leave them behind
burning bridges.
I’m the one who burns bridges
just to light my path toward
a better direction
I’m the one who uses failed friendships
and relationships as stepping stones
toward my future
under skin.
her scars, invisible
she was hurt in places
no one could actually see
lustful and lust filled.
our love was weak
passion only exchanged over the strength
of a climax experienced in the back seat
of a vehicle or on the floor
next to the mattress
we rarely slept on
body talk.
in a sense
we rarely talked
communicating with our bodies
the arch in your back
told me everything I needed to know
journal entries.
it has always been easy for me
to get a warm body in my bed
but finding someone
who deserved to lie next to me
was something I struggled with
your painful truth.
you pretend that it’s love
because the truth is too painful
and being alone is unbearable
shortest story.
he moved on
she stayed there
waiting
afraid to be alone
though loneliness was all
she’d ever felt
while being with him
no explanations.
hurt me
and I’ll leave
without warning
I don’t owe
an explanation
to those who mistreat me
love of self.
one day your love
for self
will outweigh the love
that keeps you holding on
to someone who chooses to hurt you
one day the love of self
will be your strength
that love will be more
than enough reason for you
to walk away for good
the next.
I don’t grieve the ending
of any of my relationships
because I know what’s to come
will be better than what I’ve had
a restless soul.
it rarely gets easier
the late nights under the moon
restless, unable to retrieve peace
slowly losing yourself
so far from who you were
and though it doesn’t get any easier
you find yourself strengthened
by the pressures of the world
your potential.
you were everything