The orgasm is long and beautiful and I can barely catch my breath as it finally draws to a stop. I sag against him, my limbs all warm and jellylike.
Suddenly, he scoops me up and squeezes my bottom, smiling as he enters the kitchen.
I feel the cold wooden table on my cheeks as he lowers me onto it. I stroke his muscular back as he spreads my legs open. My arms fall as he steps back and I grip the table edge, focused on my own thoughts as Cole’s burning gaze roams over my entire body.
Cole grins and steps back into my space, guiding my legs around his waist. His eyes smolder as his hands glides along my outer thighs. “Soft, beautiful, fragile. I want to protect you while at the same time I want to shatter you,” he murmured against my lips, “but only in the best possible way.” His hands move up along my waist to cup my breasts, his thumbs stroking my pebbled nipples. “Sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.” His right hand disappears between my legs as he holds my gaze and slides two fingers back into my slick heat. “Beautiful here, too.” His breathing starts to escalate. “You feel fucking amazing.” He groans the last word and his fingers disappear for a few seconds. After that he thrusts inside me.
I cry out, my hands sliding back on the tabletop as Cole pumps into me. Our gasps and groans and the wet drive of his cock in and out of me echo off the kitchen tiles, the sounds of sex turning me on just as much as the feel of Cole inside me.
I come again, taking Cole right along with me.
Suddenly I am being lifted in the air again. I dissolve in his embrace, my head against his chest as the aftershocks of my orgasm consume me. He lifts me, and suddenly we’re moving up the stairs toward the bedroom.
My feet do not touch the ground until we are standing beside his bed. Cole grabs a hold of me with one arm and pulls me tightly against him. He tilts my chin up and kisses me. A long, slow, sweet, deep, hot kiss.
I melt into him. My fingers tighten in his hair as I push against his hard cock. Cole’s fingertips glide down the curve of my waist until he finds my ass. He leaves my mouth, his lips trailing down my chin, my throat, my chest before they dance across my left breast and close around my nipple.
He sits on the edge of the bed, pulling me with him. I clasp his head to my chest as he sucks and licks my nipples. I throw my head back on a startled cry of pleasure as the pull of his mouth shoots streaks of heat from my breasts to my sex.
I push his shoulders back, urging him to lie down on the bed. Cole is lying sprawled out on the bed, the sexiest offering known to womankind, and I crawl up his body.
I lift myself up onto my knees and guide him inside me. I slowly lower myself back down. “Oh God,” I pant, feeling overwhelmingly full.
I clutch Cole’s shoulders, watching the way his teeth grit and his eyes darken as his dick slides snugly inside me. His fingers bite into my hip as I lower myself as far as I can and lift back up. He pushes me back down and then back up, taking control of the rhythm.
He sits up, still seated deep inside me, and pulls me tightly against his chest as I ride him. I wrap my arms around his neck, my hard, swollen nipples rubbing against his chest with each thrust.
We gasp against each other’s lips, our grip on each other tightening as we soar toward climax.
“Come for me, Kenny,” Cole grunts. “Come.”
I nod on a whimper as I near the heights. Cole slides his hand between my legs, and his thumb presses circles around my clit. The sensation blows the top off my head and I scream.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Cole yells hoarsely, his fingers digging into my hips as he jerks up in one last hard thrust. I feel him swell even thicker inside me before he throbs and his hot, wet release fills me. “Oh, fuck.” His chest heaves against mine as I collapse on him, my head burrowing against the crook of his neck. He holds me tightly.
He continues to pulse inside me as my inner muscles quiver around him.
When our breathing finally calms, Cole eases me back from him and I pout playfully. He smiles and kisses the pout right off my lips. With ease, he lifts me off his cock and gently lowers me onto the bed.
I watch his delicious, firm ass walk across the room and into the en suite. He returns with a glass of water. “Here, I need you to stay hydrated. I’m not done with you yet.”
“I don’t know if I can take much more,” I reply. And I mean it. I am sated and languorous and all I want is to fall asleep wrapped around him. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“What a way to go,” he replies with a satisfied grin, and then he’s suddenly nudging inside me, pushing slowly. So fucking slowly.
I try to tilt my hips up to meet him, but he’s holding me down, making me feel every incredible inch. And then he keeps the torture going with long, slow strokes, filling and emptying me, watching me with those amazing blue eyes.
“So good.”
I cling to him as he begins to thrust in and out in a long, slow rhythm. I don’t want him to rush it. I don’t want it to be over yet. I want to savor every second.
Cole pushes one of my legs up over his shoulder, opening me wider so he can sink in even deeper. “So beautiful.” He kisses my lips and presses his forehead against mine.
I cry out and dig my nails into his ass, pulling him in deeper still. I feel my core clenching now, almost desperately, as I tighten my strong grip on his ass.
“That’s right, baby,” he croons, brushing loose pieces of hair off of my damp cheeks. “Let go.”
“Come with me.”
“I’m right here with you,” he assures me and lets go, exploding inside me.
I hold him close until the aftershocks subside, and he rolls us to our sides, facing each other. “I love you,” I whisper, holding his face in my hands.
He kisses my palm and lays it on his chest over his heart.
I’ve never felt so physically and emotionally connected to anyone in my life.
“There aren’t words sufficient enough to explain to you how amazing you are. I promise you, I’m going to spend every day making sure you’re happy,” he whispers against my lips.
Tears pool in my eyes at his words, and I bite my lip.
“Don’t cry,” he whispers.
“I’m not,” I respond as a tear falls down into my hairline.
“Sure you’re not.”
He pulls my leg over his hip so our bodies are as close as they can be. I snuggle deeper into him, my nose pressed to his throat, and Cole’s arms tighten around me.
“Look at me.”
I pull my eyes open to find him frowning down at me.
“Are you okay?”
I nod.
He runs his knuckles down my face and his expression softens. “Why the tears?”
“I dunno,” I lie.
He leans his forehead against mine. “Are they happy tears?”
“I dunno,” I say again.
“Shh. Sleep. You’re just tired. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
I’m pretty sure that’s not true. But for a moment, I allow myself the illusion that all will be well, and it soothes my ravaged soul.
I wake to an empty bed. I sit up and stretch, the soft white sheet sliding down my naked body and pooling in my lap. I listen, trying to decipher where Cole might be, but all is quiet. I run my hands over my face and then notice the TitleWave to-go cup on the night table, along with a note.
I take a sip of the coffee. It’s still hot, so it hasn’t been here long.
Went for a run. Didn’t want to wake you. I love you.— Cole
I pull on the T- shirt he was wearing last night, grab my cell phone, and leave the bedroom. He’s not in the shower, so I go downstairs. I don’t see him in the living room or kitchen, either. I see movement out on the deck.
He’s standing alone, talking on the phone with his back to me. He is a perfect silhouette, lit by the sun just beginning to break the horizon. He’s wearing sneakers and a pair of shorts that hang low on his waist. He’s taken off his shirt and it’s hanging around his ne
ck, probably soaked with sweat.
I can see the spattering of freckles spread across his shoulders. His sun-kissed golden skin glistens with sweat and I consider walking to him and wrapping my arms around his trim waist. But that wouldn’t be wise.
He sits down at the table and takes a sip of his hot coffee and a bite of his breakfast sandwich, which I’m certain Brie was more than happy to prepare for him.
This is it – the moment of truth. Time to make a decision.
Maybe I should just tell him. It would be the easiest thing to do. He’ll want to protect me – I’m certain of it. I run through a checklist in my mind of all the reasons why I should tell him. On the very top of the list is the fact that I promised him I was done running. And when I said it, I meant it, one hundred percent.
For the millionth time, I play the what if game. What if I tell him? Then what happens next?
He’ll be supportive, encouraging, decisive, and protective. He’ll say all the right things and do all the right things; everything I would need him to do.
But is that what’s best for Cole? Suppose he gets hurt . . . or worse? Could I live with that?
I look over to him, sitting and chatting so happily and I suspect I know my answer – No, I cannot risk it. I will not risk it. I love him too much.
I walk around the kitchen trying to decide once and for all, and I stop dead in my tracks. Sitting unceremoniously on the counter is a copy of Sports Illustrated. I look closely at the cover and it’s stunning. Cole and Evan are standing back to back, arms crossed, each in their respective uniforms looking incredibly hot. And the headline reads, “McGuire Mania”.
This is the sign I was waiting for – now I know what I must do. Reality sinks in. Staying here, with him, will not only put him in danger, it multiplies my own.
Cole spots me standing in the kitchen and waves me over. He pats the seat next to him, motioning me to join him out on the deck.
I take a deep breath, smile, and step out onto the deck. He puts one hand over the phone so the person on the other end cannot hear him and whispers to me, “I hope you’re hungry. I fixed a plate for you. It’s on the kitchen counter. Why don’t you go grab it?”
“Um, okay.” I turn around and turn on the lights in the kitchen. Sitting on the counter is a plate with a big fresh blueberry muffin. I grab my plate and go join Cole on the deck.
I have to find the right words. I need to choose just the right moment. I pick at my muffin, hoping he doesn’t notice that I don’t actually eat a bite of it. I have completely lost my appetite. “This is unexpected. We usually have breakfast at the shop. I like having breakfast up here. It’s much more . . . private.” Perfect for what needs to happen next.
He laughs. “Yeah, private. It’s like you’re reading my mind. I wanted some alone time with you before I have to go to the stadium today. I have something important I want to ask you.”
Shit. My heart rate quickens. “Oh? What’s up?”
His eyes twinkle and he flashes his dimple at me. “Finish your breakfast. You’ll see soon enough.”
The next fifteen minutes are grueling. I try to find an opening to start a fight or at least a disagreement. But there doesn’t seem to be one. We chat about baseball. Today’s game should be an easy win for the Red Hawks. They’re playing the Oakland A’s and the last time they played, the Red Hawks swept the board in all three games.
We chat about books – he asks me to find him a new book to read and for a moment I get excited about the challenge. I ask him about all the books he’s read, which ones he enjoyed, and which ones he did not. As luck would have it, his favorite book is on the top of my black list. I consider briefly challenging him on our literature incompatibility, but fighting over the merits of Dan Brown and the Da Vinci Code seems silly.
I even consider bringing up politics. But breaking up with someone over his views of public policy and our place in the political stratosphere seems like a stretch.
Once I drain the last sip of coffee from my cup, Cole stands up and offers his hand. “Come on, I have something I want to show you.”
He leads me through the kitchen, into the living room, and back up the stairs. Dear God, please don’t let him try to get me naked. Frankly, I don’t think I have it in me. I am physically and emotionally drained.
Once up the stairs, he leads me into his bedroom. I stand in the doorway, hesitant follow. Cole walks over to his dresser and opens the top three drawers. “Come look,” he insists.
I walk over to see what he’s trying to show me. “They’re empty.”
“Very good.” He closes them and walks into the en-suite bathroom. “Go ahead, look at the top drawer.”
I pull it open and find that it’s empty, also. “Nothing. Cole, this isn’t how you play hide and seek.”
He chuckles. “Come with me, I have one more to show you.” He leads me over to his large walk-in closet.
I immediately notice that the rack with all his jerseys is now empty. One entire wall is now bare. “Where are all your uniforms? Cole, did something happen?”
“God, no!” He points to a shelf along the top of his clothes rack where all his jerseys are now folded and sorted neatly into piles – home uniforms on one side, away on the other.
“Thank goodness. You had me worried for a minute there.”
He pulls me close, wrapping one arm around my waist and places a soft kiss on the top of my head. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get it? Get what?”
“I emptied them for you. I want you to move in with me. I want to wake up every morning with you in my arms. I want to come home from work and find you in bed – our bed – waiting for me.”
“Cole, I –”
“Wait, there’s more. I’ve never wanted to take care of anyone before. I’ve never wanted to share my life with anyone else, either. I know money is a big issue for you. You’ve got huge expenses that are only getting bigger. Let me do this for you. Let me help.”
Help? He wants to help. I’m so fucking confused. I can’t move. I can’t speak. My executive functioning is on overload. What do I do? What do I say? I can’t look at him, he’ll spot the treachery lurking just below the surface.
I grab my overnight bag, head into the bathroom and slam the door shut, quickly locking it behind me.
Cole pounds on the door. “Kenny, what’s the matter? Let me in. Did I say something wrong?”
I pull on my jeans and top from last night, slip on my sneakers, and throw cold water on my face.
He continues to bang on the door. “Open the door. Talk to me, dammit!”
I can’t answer him. Not yet. I place my hands firmly on the counter and brace myself, taking a long look in the mirror. This doesn’t feel right. It feels cruel. I wipe away the tears that pool in the corner of my eyes. I can’t cry. Not now. Because once I start, I know I won’t be able to stop.
“Kenny, what the fuck is going on? You’re scaring me.”
I call out to him through the door. “I can’t do this Cole.”
“Can’t do what? Move in? I know it’s sudden, and if you’re not ready, just say the word.”
The world has turned into a blur, and so have all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything is just gone. I pause trying to hold back the unwelcome feelings rumbling inside me but I can’t. A lone tear traces down my cheek, and just like that, the floodgates open. I fall to my knees. So many tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. My chin trembles as if I am a small child. I breathe heavier than I ever have before, gasping for air that simply isn’t there. My throat burns forming a silent scream.
“Don’t cry, Kenny. Please don’t cry. I don’t understand what’s happening.”
I hate myself right now. I despise my own weakness, my own inability to do what needs to be done. Why can’t I be strong?
“Kenny, if you don’t open this goddamn door right now, I swear I’m going to kick it down myself.”
He means it. I
’ve made such a mess of the situation. Out of options and still sitting on the cold tile floor, I reach over and unlock the door.
Cole opens the door and stares at me, dumbstruck, as he runs his hands through his hair. “Say something, anything. Please.”
I push out two simple words, “It’s over.”
He kneels down and looks me in the eye. “I don’t understand. What’s over?”
Words fly from my mouth that I never thought I'd think, let alone say out loud. “Us. This. I can’t do this anymore.” I know instantly from the look in his eyes that my words have hit their mark. In that instant our relationship shatters into glassy shards. Nothing will ever be the same again.
“Kenny, what exactly are you saying?” His lethal stare feels painful and piercing, as if his glare is tearing my heart apart with a blinding light.
I fight back the tears, throw my shoulders back and tell him, “It’s over,” forbidding myself from showing pain.
“You’re serious?” he asks incredulously.
I nod my head. “I am.” I stand up, straighten my shoulders and announce, “I need to leave.”
“You are a terrible liar and you’re not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is really going on.”
CHAPTER 35
I’M TRAPPED – THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO. I cannot run; Cole’s blocking the door. And even if I could, I know there may be someone out there watching, waiting for me. I’m scared. I don’t want to do this alone. And I don’t want to run and hide ever again.
I want Cole. By my side. Fighting with me. Fighting for me. What the hell am I doing?
I look up at him and see his mix of emotions swirling around like lightning bugs in a jar. I see the anger, the confusion, and the concern. He’s trying to settle on one, but he can’t.
I know the feeling.
Of all the emotions fighting to break the surface, exhaustion is the strongest. And quick to follow is control. I cannot stop my body’s visceral reaction. I fall to my knees and cry deep, blubbering, unladylike sobs. The tears come, hard and fast, swooping over me like waves on the shoreline, and I’m lost under them. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can only cry and cry.
Another Chance at Love (Another Series Book 1) Page 49