Cole crouches down and looks me straight in the eyes. “Dammit, Kenny. What’s happening? You’re freaking me out.”
“Hurt her . . . Coming for me . . . Hurt you too.” It’s all I can get out in between the sobs.
He places his hands on my face and makes me look at him, even though I’m not ready to. “Who’s going to hurt me?” he asks gently.
It takes me more than one try to push out the answer. It burns as his name leaves my lips. “Paul.” It sounds just as bitter as it tastes.
He stands up and lifts me into his arms effortlessly as if I were a small child. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck as he carries me down the stairs.
Closing my eyes and concentrating as best I can, I try to slow my breathing and calm my emotions. I can feel the tears slowing. Gently, he sits on the couch and places me on his lap.
I don’t want to look at him. I hate that he’s seeing me like this. I hate everything about this situation.
He pushes the hair away from my eyes and waits patiently for the tears to stop. I climb off his lap and walk into the kitchen, grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and scarf it down. I’m tired of feeling like a total mess. So I take a deep breath and do what I should have done from the very beginning.
I tell him the truth. The whole messy truth.
Cole sits patiently on the couch and listens while I tell him all of it. I try to keep moving while I talk. I pace around the kitchen, folding and refolding the dishtowels as I talk. I stare at the rolling surf as it beats against the shore. I wander aimlessly around the living room, avoiding eye contact with Cole at all costs. I don’t need to see his face to know what he’s thinking.
I can hear the shock in his voice when I finally tell him about the woman who’s been following me – following us – and never told him about it.
I can hear the anger boiling up when he finds out that Paul is now a free man and I hadn’t been brave enough to tell him.
I also hear the heartbreak when I tell him I planned to run.
It’s hard to find the right words to explain why I felt trapped with no choice. No matter how I phrase it, it just keeps coming out wrong.
“You promised you wouldn’t run,” he says sternly, refusing to look up at me.
I can’t look at him, either. “I know.”
“So how can I ever trust you again?”
“I don’t know.” I feel the tears welling up again and I fight to keep them at bay. “I panicked.”
“How much of this does your brother know? Did he agree to this fucked-up plan of yours?”
I shake my head. “He knows someone was taking my picture. He knows Paul is out. But that’s it.”
“So you haven’t told him, either?”
I shake my head.
“Cait? Did you tell her?”
I shake my head.
“Brie?”
Nope. I shake my head.
“Declan? Tell me you at least told one person.”
I nod. “He tried to talk me out of it.”
“But you didn’t listen to him. What the hell is the matter with you?”
“I have a team of professionals waiting for a chance to crack that case.”
“This isn’t funny, Kenny. What the hell were you thinking?”
I sit down on the opposite end of the couch across from him. “You weren’t there, Cole. You didn’t see her. You weren’t there the day he attacked me, either. If these people will do that to a woman, what are they capable of doing to you?” I shudder. “It terrifies me.”
“I can take care of myself,” he points out. “Do you think you’re the first person in the world to deal with this? Did you stop and think for just one moment that maybe, just maybe, I might actually be useful? Christ, Kenny – I’m a professional athlete now. There are players on my team that have been through this. And don’t even get me started on Evan and what he’s been through.”
I hang my head. “You’re right.”
“Don’t argue with . . . wait . . . what did you just say?”
“I said you’re right.” I stand up and walk over to him. I nudge his knees apart and step between them, placing my hands on his shoulders. “Cole, sweetheart, will you please help me? I’m really scared and I’m tired of hiding.”
He reaches up, wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against him. “Thank fuck.”
“You did the right thing in bringing this to me, Cole.” Adam’s calm demeanor and take-control attitude has an immediate calming effect on me. “We have a protocol for this sort of thing and I’m sorry to say that I have more than a little bit of experience in handling this.”
Cole squeezes my hand as we sit in Adam’s small office at the stadium.
“Let me start out by telling you how sorry I am that this is happening to you. I had no idea. I wish I had known sooner.”
“Well, we’re here now,” Cole tells him. “So where do you suggest we start?”
“I really think I should call Philip,” I tell them. “He will want to be involved.”
Adam disagrees. “I know he wants to help, Kenny, and I respect the fact that he’s a fine detective and your brother. But the simple fact is, there’s only so much the police can do. He’s going to want you to hide or barricade yourself in your house, and keep you in constant fear of what might be lurking in the shadows. That’s no way to live.”
I look up at Cole. He forces a smile and gently tucks a lock of stray hair behind my ear. “I think he’s right, sweetheart. Will you at least give Adam a chance?”
“I don’t know, Cole. Philip has been there beside me from day one and every day since. It feels like such a betrayal of trust.”
“Would your brother want you to be safe?” Adam asks.
“Of course!”
“Would he want you to have real protection around the clock? Someone trained who knows how to handle this kind of a situation?”
“Yes, but that’s not possible. The police department can’t do that.”
“Exactly,” Adam says. “But I can. The Red Hawks is ready to do that for you and for Cole. Do you think your brother would want you to turn down an offer like that?”
I try to think about his plan logically. Intellectually, I know Adam is right. He has the resources to do things for me that Philip never could. The police department cannot provide me with a security detail. The best I could hope for is a quick response after I dial 9-1-1. But if it ever gets to that point, it may be too late for them to do anything to really help me.
But emotionally, fighting back scares the hell out of me. Philip’s warnings keep playing on a loop in my head. Avoid confrontation, keep hidden, and don’t invite trouble. If I keep a safe distance at all times, I’ll be safe.
And alone.
Hidden away safely out of sight and kept in the shadows.
I don’t want any of this – I want to be a normal twenty-five year old. I want to be able to go to a baseball game without worrying. Hell, I just want to be able to go to work without the fear that every stranger, every customer, is a threat to my friends and me.
Cole squeezes my knee, pulling me out of my mind wandering. “I can see those wheels turning in that beautiful head of yours, Kenny. Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking about how much this sucks.” I lean close to Cole, leaning my head against his chest and just let him hold me.
Cole’s arm holds me tightly in place. He turns to Adam and asks, “What exactly do you want to do?”
Adam pulls out a binder from the shelf behind his desk and starts flipping through the pages. He settles on one, then turns and asks, “This is an awkward question for me to ask, but I need to know if I’m securing one residence or two.”
“Do we need to make that decision right now?” I ask.
“We do,” Adam explains. “If you had come to me before Paul was released, then I might have a different answer, but at this point, we need to move quickly. I’m guessing he’s
already on a plane headed for the east coast.”
“One residence,” Cole flatly answers. He turns to me and adds, “You know I’m not letting you out of my sight. You’re stuck with me until this is over. No matter how long it takes.”
He smiles at me with those big blue eyes and perfect teeth, and my insides melt. “Well, it sounds like I have no choice but to sleep with you again.”
“You weren’t complaining last night. In fact, I clearly remember you begging me to – ”
“Okay, okay. Point made,” I interrupt. There’s no need for him to finish that sentence. “But where should we stay? My place or yours?”
“You know I’m going to pick my condo. Unless you want to sound proof the walls in your bedroom.”
I want to crawl under Adam’s desk and hide. I cannot believe we’re doing this in front of him. “Fine – condo. Now can we please change the subject?”
Adam and Cole begin to discuss security systems that need to be installed in the condo. The more I listen to them discuss the necessity for motion detectors, window and door alarms, and weatherproof cameras, the more I realize that Cole’s townhouse was by far the safest decision. He only has a few windows and doors on the street level. My house, however, has no less than a dozen. Adam is also concerned about the sliding glass door on the second story patio, and they devise a plan that includes a safety bar, improved lock, and glass-break detector.
Cole’s townhouse is going to be as strong as Fort Knox, complete with armed guards. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that part just yet.
Speaking of guards, Adam says it’s going to take about twenty-four hours to get a three-man team coordinated, each working eight-hour shifts. As if it’s a foregone conclusion, Adam is now forbidding me from going to TitleWave until the details are finalized.
“What do you mean I can’t go back to work?”
“It’s only for a day or two,” Adam explains.
“So what am I supposed to do until then?”
Cole’s eyes light up. “You can write!” He turns to Adam and asks, “Hey, did they hire that new Director of Community Relations yet?”
Adam shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Excellent. That means Jim’s old office is empty.”
Adam pushes a button on his phone and speaks to his secretary in the outer office. “Margie, can you call the office manager and see if we can use Jim’s old office for a few hours?”
A disembodied voice responds. “Sure thing. It shouldn’t be a problem.”
“She can work in there while you head down to practice.” Adam pauses to check the clock. “If you hurry, you should be okay.”
“Actually, I think I’m going to skip practice today.”
“They’re going to fine you – a lot. Plus, it doesn’t look good. It’s your rookie year, don’t fuck around.”
“Do you think she’ll be all right?”
“Go. She’ll be fine. I’ll keep an eye on her. It gives me an excuse to stay here and get some shit done.”
“Do you swear you’ll get me if anything happens? Anything!”
“I’m telling you – nothing is going to happen up here. Besides, Margie will be right out there the whole time. Nothing and no one gets past her without a fight. She’s a pit bull.”
They keep arguing back and forth like I’m not even in the same room. “Um, guys? I’m right here. You see me right?”
The disembodied voice of Margie returns. “Adam – it’s all set. The office is yours. What do you need?”
“Hang on, Margie.” Adam turns to Cole, “What do you think?”
“Can she use the office phone and the computer? Maybe a notepad to take notes?”
“Margie? Did you catch all that?”
“I did,” she answers. “Send her out when you finish up in there and I’ll show her around.”
“See? I told you,” Adam tells Cole. “I’ve got this. Get out of here before you’re late.”
I wave my hand at them. “I’m right here. You could just ask me what I need.”
Cole kisses me on the head. “I’m sorry. Do you need anything else?”
“Do you mean besides the phone, computer, and notepad?” I ask.
He nods and shrugs. I search my thoughts for something, anything, to add just to make my point and I really don’t need anything else. “No, that’s it,” I concede.
With a kiss and a smile, Cole rushes down to the locker room to get ready for practice. And the torch is officially passed to Adam, my temporary guardian.
The empty office is just two doors away from Adam’s and it’s the exact mirror image of his. After a quick tour, Margie logs me into the computer using a guest account and shows me how to make outgoing phone calls from the office phone.
The moment the door closes, I feel like I can breathe again. The office is empty and uncluttered, the complete opposite of my thoughts. Cole will be busy for hours. I can either get a lot of writing done, or a lot of thinking done.
Or perhaps a bit of both.
This office that once belonged to someone named Jim is the perfect place to do a little soul searching. One entire wall is a window that looks out onto the river. There is untouched forest stretching as far as the eye can see. The blue sky and billowy clouds are reflected like mirrors onto the surface of the river. The water is calm and the tide is gentle. It’s quiet here.
This is a threshold moment. I’ve come to a fork in the road and I have two paths to choose from. I have already traveled down one path.
Guided by Philip, I placed myself into a state of limbo. I walked away from everything I had known and started fresh, removing myself from any and all dangers.
But I always felt like I was in a fog. I couldn’t see clearly. I had no idea that while I was so busy hiding, I forgot to live. All of my time was spent avoiding people and crowds. All of my energy was funneled into remaining unseen and unnoticed. In the end, I barely recognized my own reflection in the mirror, a shadow of who I once was.
The moment Cole stepped back into my life, it felt like everything that was wrong was set right. I began to see everything in color and it was beautiful. I found myself again. And I like who I am when I’m with him. My friends have adopted him and I secretly fear that if we were to separate, they might actually choose him over me. I honestly don’t know if they would have the patience to deal with my shadow-self again.
As frightening as it may be, I think my choice is clear. With Adam’s help, I can stay with Cole and live. I can go to his games, meet his teammates and their wives, and perhaps even venture out to join him at public events. Of course, it’s not that simple. Our outings would be chaperoned by a security detail; and there’s nothing normal about that. But it’s a small price to pay for a life worth living.
Surely, Philip will understand. He’ll be grateful for the help. Adam is offering me a lifeline and I’d be a fool not to grab hold. Falling in love with a public figure might not be the disaster Philip thinks. It may actually wind up saving my life.
But how do I convince my brother, the police detective, that I don’t trust the law to protect me? How do I tell him that although he tried his best, he can’t guarantee my safety? How do I tell him I no longer want his help?
I pull out my phone to discover I have nine missed calls and every single one of them is from Philip. He wants to make plans. He wants to take control of the situation in the only way he knows how – by taking me out of harm’s way.
This is a discussion that needs to happen face-to-face, not over the phone. With trepidation, I call my big brother. He answers on the first ring.
“Jesus Christ, Kensington. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? Where the hell are you?” I have to remind myself that he’s not mad at me, he’s worried. There’s a big difference between the two – even if it doesn’t sound like it.
“I’m fine, Phil. I thought it would be a good idea to make myself scarce, so I’m holed up in one of the offices at Riverfront Stad
ium.”
“That’s good, actually.” He makes an audible sound as the tension leaves his body and he releases a cleansing breath. “So you told Cole?”
“I did,” I tell him.
“And how did he take it?”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. But not on the phone. Can we meet at my place in the morning, say ten o’clock?”
“Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?”
“You know that answer better than anyone,” I tell him.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
I sit back in the chair and exhale. I was so worried about calling Philip and it went really well. Maybe tomorrow’s discussion will go just as well.
I’m going to stop worrying about what could go wrong and start getting excited about what could go right.
With my first phone call an optimistic success, I decide to tempt fate and make another. My next call is to Cait.
“Where are you?” she asks. “I was just starting to worry. Shouldn’t you be at work by now? I thought you were closing tonight.”
“Actually, Cait, I’m not going to make it in today. How hard would it be for you to find someone to cover for me?” I ask.
I hear her sigh. “Seriously, Kenny? You’re just calling me now to tell me this? Can’t you keep your hands off that man for one lousy night?”
“I wish it were that simple,” I tell her. “I’m at the stadium, Cait. Cole and Adam are working out a plan to help me.”
Her tone quickly changes. “Help you? Why do you need help, Kenny? What don’t I know?”
I tell her everything she needs in two simple words. “He’s out.”
And just like that, Cait springs into action. She wants to make posters of Paul and Leonard to hang all over the store. She’s going to put the staff on high alert and make sure they can all identify both of them if needed.
God, I love that woman. I was so busy trying to protect everyone else, I didn’t even stop to consider how much they would be willing to do in order to protect me.
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