by Lila Felix
“Did you see the inscription inside the ring?”
I shook my head.
“It says miles and miles. Apparently my mom asked him how much he loved her on their first date—their—first—date. He said ‘miles and miles’.”
I watched the love she had for her parents shine through her eyes as she told the story.
“And you?”
“Me what?”
“Have you ever loved anyone miles and miles?”
“No. Have you?”
“No. Do you think it’s possible?”
“I think a lot of things are possible lately.”
She broke into another story and I remembered that I’d forgotten to tell her about the afternoon.
“I forgot to tell you that I brought your dad home again today. He asked me if I wanted to stay with him to drink but…”
“Was he drinking?”
“Yeah. He’d taken a couple of shots of tequila.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
I pushed my plate back and felt like I needed to defend myself. “No. He’s a grown man. If he wants to take a drink…”
“Take me home. I have to go check on him.”
She was out of her seat and halfway across the restaurant by the time it all registered with me. I flagged down the waitress and paid the ticket. By the time I got to the truck, she was fuming, tapping the toe of one of her heels with her arms crossed across her chest.
We didn’t speak until I’d reached the interstate.
“I can just take you over to the house. It will be faster.”
“I don’t need any more of your help. Do me a favor and leave taking care of my dad to me.”
I jerked the steering wheel in response to the sting she’d delivered. One minute she was thanking me for helping her dad and the next I’m ground meat. It would be easier for me to feel like shit properly if I knew what I’d done.
I certainly wasn’t going to ask her.
I parked at her apartment complex and she ran from the truck without a second glance in my direction.
That was a record for me. A half date. Not even a whole date.
Ground—meat.
I drove home and spent the rest of the night sitting on the car couch outside and wondering what in the hell I’d done.
Chapter Fifteen
Beatriz
There was nothing on my mind but getting to my dad. I’d seen him drink before on a Friday night.
That wasn’t the issue.
I hadn’t ever seen him begin drinking that early.
That wasn’t the issue either.
I banged my head on the steering wheel at the stoplight.
I had no effing clue what the issue was.
No, that wasn’t true at all.
The issue was that I was a control freak and the thought of Cyrus coming so close to finding out about my dad and his singing and the drinking ripped me open.
“He didn’t deserve that, Bea.” I chastised myself as I pulled into the driveway.
I slammed the car into park and busted through the door like I owned the place. I had to know if he was okay. I didn’t hear anything as I called for him and in seconds found him hugging the tequila bottle and a picture of my mom while he slept on the couch.
The glass he’d poured was still on the table.
“Papa, por favor. Let’s get you to bed.”
My dad got up and unhanded his loves one by one. “Oh mija. Why are you crying?”
He wiped a tear from my face.
“I was worried about you. You’re all I’ve got.”
“No, no, no, you’ve got that boy. He loves you.” I could smell the pungent tequila on his breath, but he was far from drunk.
A good day after all.
“Peter and I aren’t together, Dad.”
He laughed loudly and shook his finger in my face. If the day had been different, I would’ve laughed at his wildness. “Not him. He’s…something weird. The one with all the hair.”
I took advantage of his lucidity. “You mean Cyrus? You like him?”
“He works hard. Doesn’t check his phone every time it beeps. Has trouble with words.” He said all those things while stumbling to his bedroom.
“He scares me, Dad.”
“Why? Did he hurt you?”
“What? No, Dad.” Under the impression that Cyrus had hurt me, he’d turned around and was making his way to the door. I had to physically turn him around and make him go to bed.
“Why does he scare you, Josephita?”
My mother was Josepha and when he called me little Josepha, she died all over again.
“Because I lose myself around him. I don’t think about what I need to do. I forget it all.”
He sat on the edge of the bed while I pulled his socks and shoes off. “He’s good for you.”
“I was mean to him tonight.”
“Call Pedro. He’ll play his guitar and you can sing to him.”
I laughed. It was the kind of thing that happened in his old Spanish movies. Men would screw up and next thing you knew, the girl was looking out of her second-floor window watching with tears as the man who’d wronged her and his merry men serenaded the crap out of her until she forgave him.
“I don’t think that’s going to work, Dad. I have to do something bigger.”
“Bigger than a song? I’m gonna need my tequila.”
He moved to get up, but I stopped him with my hands on his shoulders.
“You can help me tomorrow without the tequila. Tonight, you have to sleep. You love sleep. You love to snore the night away.”
“I do love to sleep.”
That was the last thing he said before he laid down and passed out. I sat next to him for hours listening to him call out my mom’s name in his dreams.
I wondered what he would give to have one more moment with her.
And there I was, squandering my time with Cyrus because of the lack of restraint that he made me feel.
I loved the pause from life that I sought in him.
It scared me to death.
I longed for it.
I leaned over to kiss my dad’s forehead and realized I was still in my dress. I was a mess from head to toe since I’d spent the drive over crying my head off.
I had to fix this.
He didn’t answer the door. I saw his truck in the driveway of the shop. He must really be pissed. I took the stairs two at a time, intending to check out the shop, when I heard his voice.
“The men went out to the pas—pas—pastuuuure.”
‘Pasture’ I sent the word his way on the wind, hoping it reached his ears.
“Hey. You’re doing great.”
One look at me and he dropped the book. I expected pissed off. I expected not speaking.
I braced myself for the worst.
“I’m sorry I flipped out.”
I kept my distance in case he told me to go to hell.
“Is your dad okay?”
He didn’t look at me when he said it. All I wanted in the world was for Cyrus to look at me.
“He’s fine. Better than I expected.”
Cyrus had changed out of his slacks and button down shirt into a pair of basketball shorts and no shirt. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him without a shirt, but I had been diverting my eyes before.
I wasn’t looking at anything but him now.
“Why are you just standing there?” He turned to me. I thought I’d melt when he looked my way.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“You know me, Beatriz. Don’t act like you don’t know me better than that.”
I did know him. I knew that he was the one who’d comforted me time after time without expecting anything in return. Even when I’d been snarky to him, he’d treated me with nothing but care.
I took a chance and closed the distance between us, sitting next to him on the car sofa. I hadn’t seen that thing in years. I took one breath before he reached for me.
“I’m so sorry. I won’t take your dad home or anything without calling you.”
I was the asshat and he was apologizing.
“No, it was me. You scare the shit out of me. I freaked out.”
He laughed. “Well, that’s funny considering you scare the shit out of me too.”
“What?”
“I’m serious. A girl like you doesn’t need anyone. You’ve got your life mapped out to the second and plans that outdo anything I’ve ever dreamed of. You stand on your own. Where’s a guy like me supposed to fit in with that?”
“You’re not. But I want you to. I choose you to be a part of them.”
He let it sink in. I wanted him to know that he was in my life because I wanted him to be.
“How did I scare you?”
“I forget about all my responsibilities when I’m with you.”
He pulled away. “When I’m at your apartment, you’re studying and reading, right?”
“I am.”
“Then you don’t’ forget about all of your responsibilities.”
“Not all of them. But tonight, I was supposed to go check on my dad and …I’m a control freak.” I buried my face in my hands. “I realized you had done that for me and I don’t care if he drinks, hell, he drinks himself silly every weekend, but it’s hard to let go. You make me want to let go.”
He didn’t chastise me. He didn’t scoff or snort. Just when I was freaking out about letting go, he held me tighter.
I hadn’t realized how much I needed someone like him in my life. Someone to squeeze me tighter when all I wanted to do was run.
“I had plans tonight.” He breathed out into the night. I could hear the cars passing in the background of our busy city.
“Tell me about them.”
He cocked a smile at me. “I was going to take you to the planetarium. There was a star gazing thing.”
“That would’ve been fun.”
“Then, in the middle of the presentation, I was going to lean over and kiss you under the stars.”
I let my head fall against his shoulder. He’d had great first date plans and I blowfished out on him.
I cleared my throat in a failed attempt at being coy. “There are stars here.”
“There are stars here. They’re hard to see.”
I didn’t let it go on any longer, the waiting. As soon as he turned his head toward me, I crashed my mouth into his with a fervent passion I hadn’t realized I owned. A moan escaped his mouth and he matched my tenacity with a heat that doubled mine. My fingers tunneled into his hair, feeling the softness of it right at the nape of his neck. Cyrus’ hands kneaded my waist not moving upward like most guys.
I thought I’d explode when his tongue found mine.
He pulled away much too quickly.
“You’ve got to stop being so cute while we are near cars. I’ll never get any work done again.”
I giggled, closing my eyes.
“I’m serious. I’ve already got visions of you on the toolboxes, on the hood of a car and now out here. Oh, and the desk in the front office.”
My eyebrows bunched in confusion. “I’ve never sat on the desk in the front office.”
“Oh, well, I made that one up.”
My blush rose in full effect.
“Tell me about your mom.”
There in the dark, under the stars, I told him everything about my mom. I told him about her cooking and the way she was always sweet and calm under pressure. He didn’t constantly bob his head or make noises of the pseudo-listener. He just really listened.
“What about your dad? He’s got pictures of you everywhere.”
“He didn’t used to, Cyrus. He wasn’t always easy to get along with. He had a drinking issue and sometimes he was downright mean to my mom and me. But after she was diagnosed, he changed. He was kind and patient. She never changed throughout her sickness but her sickness changed him.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”
He was truly sorry. It wasn’t just a flippant word to him.
“Tell me about your family.”
He didn’t hesitate. “They are the best. There’s no family like them. They are loyal and there’s always someone who has your back, even if the rest of them are mad at you.”
He didn’t know how telling his description was.
“You don’t see them?”
“How did you know?”
“Well, you’ve met my dad. But I haven’t heard you say anything about visiting your parents or anything.”
Cyrus’ face was unreadable when I’d first met him. But the sadness painted on his face was undeniable.
“I miss them. They used to be a part of my everyday life. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t see one of them.”
“You’ve got a big family.”
It was a statement, but I hoped to God that he thought it was a question.
“I do. Four uncles and more cousins than I can count.”
“That must be nice. I’ve got cousins but we don’t get together or anything. I haven’t seen some of them in years.”
He smiled. It was a faraway smile. As though he were picturing his family in his mind.
“We get together once a week for a family dinner. Rain or shine. Snow or hail. I haven’t been in months.”
The desperation in his voice was enough to cause tears to well in my eyes. His voice told the truth about how Cyrus Black loved. He loved them even though he hadn’t seen them in months. He loved them even though there was obviously some muddy water between them. His love ran deep and it ran calm.
I had a feeling that there would never ever be a drought of his love for those he chose to give it to.
A shudder wracked my shoulders, making me rub my arms. The nights in Louisiana got chilly in the Spring, but anything was welcomed after the humid summers.
“You’ve got a bout tomorrow. Don’t you need to sleep?”
I tried in vain not to take offense to his dismissal, but he was right. I did need my rest.
“Yeah. I should go.”
He cleared his throat and threaded his fingers through mine. “Your dad won’t be here tomorrow.”
His thumb was running circles along the inside of my palm and I felt the motion down in my knees. “No. He won’t.”
I looked up and waited for his answer. “You wouldn’t have to duck out early.”
“Your bed smells like you.”
“It smelled like you after you left.”
He chuckled at that. “I’m extra sweet in the mornings.”
“Do you have an argument for everything?”
“Do you have to argue about everything?”
Our exchange only made me more tired. I felt like I was always tired no matter what I did.
“Come on tough girl. I’ve got a t-shirt and sweatpants with your name on it.”
“No, I’m not sleepy.” I don’t know why I protested. People on the other side of town could probably hear me yawning.
“I didn’t want to do this.” Before I knew what had happened, the sky became the ground, my ass was in the air and Cyrus Black had me thrown over his shoulder like a sack of flour. Lots of curses and insults ran through my mind, but I didn’t have the energy to say anything. I just let him carry me all the way up the stairs and then put up with him flopping me on the bed.
“Here.” He threw a shirt and pajama pants at me and pointed to the bathroom.
I hated him bossing me around.
I loved him taking care of me.
I stepped into the shower under the hot water, probably the only good thing about this little apartment, and melted under the weight of the water. I fumbled around with my eyes closed for soap when I felt several bottles.
For a second I contemplated just grabbing whatever and washing my hair with it, but with Cyrus’ hair hating issues, I decided that opening my eyes beat the hell out of being balded by a bottle of hair remover.
I’ve never smiled so
hard in all my life.
Bottles of strawberry shampoo and conditioner, along with body wash and a purple loofah—even a girl razor were all packed neatly into their own shower organizer hanging from the showerhead. Whoever had taught Cyrus Black to be who he is needed a medal—and roses—and I wanted to kiss them.
I came out of the bathroom after getting dressed. Cyrus was in a chair, flipping through a car magazine.
“You’re reading.”
“Nah, just looking at cars.”
I gathered up a little bravery and sat on his lap, moving the magazine to the table beside him. “How did you get to be so sweet?”
“What do you mean?” His coy act wasn’t working at all.
“Oh I don’t know. Maybe all the new girly stuff in your shower.”
“There’s so many girls in and out of here. I thought I’d just be prepared.” I pinched his leg—hard. “Okay, okay, I was hoping you’d be here again. Damn, that hurt.”
“You were hoping I would be in your shower?”
“I also bought you some tea, but I wasn’t hoping you’d be in the cup.”
“You bought me tea?”
He pointed to the pathetic cabinet and drawer thing, attached to a two-burner stove that passed for a kitchen. On top of the counter were two cups and probably ten boxes of tea.
The boy should’ve written a book on swoon.
“You were hoping I’d stay again?”
“Maybe. Maybe there’s other girls who like tea.”
He got pinched again for that.
I didn’t remember much after that. He was warm and comfortable and I vaguely remember him humming. The vibration of it lulled me to sleep.
No matter what, I woke up at exactly six a.m. No matter how tired I was. No matter how quiet or dark the room was. Six o’clock made me her bitch.
I sat up to find Cyrus, sleeping on the floor next to me.
“Hey, do you want to sleep or come with me?”
He didn’t hear me, so I slunk to the floor next to him. His back was turned to me, so I laid next to him and draped my arm over his chest. With my mouth next to his ear, I whispered his name.