The Touchstone Trilogy

by Andrea K Höst

  It wasn't very difficult to fall asleep, but I immediately started dreaming of Cruzatch climbing over the edge of the roof, and hurriedly had to wake myself up. I didn't particularly want to go back to sleep after that, and instead sat talking with Maze and Zee about why I sometimes projected what I was seeing into real-space and sometimes only the sounds or 'sensations' – if you could call tearing chunks out of my own legs a sensation – and sometimes I don't seem to project anything at all. Maze said he did get a very strong sense of threat just before I woke myself up, but that it wasn't as distinct and directional as it would be if Cruzatch really were about to attack. He didn't quite say that he was detecting me as a threat, but I'm pretty sure that's what he meant.

  I dozed off again after a while, but again didn't dream of coloured lights in Kalasa's near-space. Instead I had a very interesting dream about Lantarens in Kalasa. The shield was down and the sky very blue and bright above a clean and sparkling city, with whole bridges and a very remarkable central waterfall which poured straight down from where the bridges met high above. There was a pool in the centre of the city between the platform buildings which is buried in rubble outside of dreams.

  Hordes of people lined a major street all the way from the big entrance door to the central circle. Officials and families and guard-types and a few dressed like Inisar had been. And there were masses of kids, all of them dressed in a pale green-white and carrying huge armfuls of flowers, making a long procession from the entrance down to the central pool where they walked over this thin bridge through the water to give their flowers to the people waiting, who gave them a little crown of flowers in return. Those at the front of the lines looked to be around ten, and those toward the end were at least my age. Almost all of them were the same 'type' as Inisar, Ruuel, Taarel and Selkie – very dark eyes and hair and warm golden skin – which I guess suggests their appearance is a reflection of their descent from the Lantarens.

  There was music, too: a solemn, measured drumming and swirling, interweaving notes which mixed with the hushing roar of the fountain – pipes, I guess, both high and deep. I glanced about for the musicians, noticing that the Tarens and Kolarens were in my dream as well, very astonished, which made me realise I must be projecting. The Lantarens didn't seem able to see them, but a few near the biggest groups of greysuits were peering confusedly about, as if they sensed something.

  I would have liked to watch more – there was so much – but in the time it took for two little green-gowned children to get all soaked and give out their flowers, this great black rock came and sat on my chest and pulled me out of Kalasa and into a sleep which didn't involve dreams or being aware of people around me or anything but nothingness. Kind of refreshing, really. When my mind finally came back, I felt physically blah, but still rested.

  The first thing I noticed was that Zan was there. That made me open my eyes, surprised, and then I noticed how heavy my arms and legs felt. I was in my room at Pandora, despite Zan being there. She was watching me – no doubt the interface had told her I'd woken up – and smiled when I turned my head toward her. Zan's really pretty when she stops looking all serious and guarded. She's very fine-boned and delicate – not that I'd care to take her on in a fight.

  "Welcome back," she said.

  "Did I get injured?" I asked, discovering uncomfortable tubes. Then I looked at my interface and said: "When did it get to be the day after tomorrow? What happened?"

  "You don't remember?"

  "Dreamed about Lantaren ceremony, but had to go to sleep. More to sleep."

  "You exhausted yourself physically." Zan moved aside as Ista Deve (who I like less than Ista Temen because I can almost see her mentally composing research papers about me) started checking me over. I was awfully tired and incredibly hungry, for all that I seem to have been on a feeding drip. "Not a safe use of talent, though usually not fatal if you're in good general condition."

  Which doesn't exactly describe me – though sleeping for two days has given my legs more of a chance to heal, and they no longer start throbbing if I don't keep my feet elevated. Twelfth Squad is on medical leave as well: all but Zan and Sora Nels were injured when two stilts turned up in the middle of one of the more difficult rotations. Tahl Kiste is the worst, with lots of broken ribs and a crushed elbow. Although it sounded like actually surviving was a very good result, none of the teams like being invalided out, and rather than have her squad fret over it Zan suggested they assist with babysitting me.

  After I had something to eat – confusedly trying to question Zan and respond to half of First and Fourth Squad wanting to talk to me – I slept again until about midnight and now I'm still feeling gluggy but not like lead weights are tied to my arms. Mara and Lohn were in the process of taking over from Maze and Zee so I could chat to them all for a while and hear their reaction to my overdone projection.

  "Every historian on site in near-hysterics, practically gibbering," Lohn said. "But at least there were plenty of drones recording the projection and we could distract them with the logs."

  Mara snorted. "And then trying to get them to make some sort of decision of whether they were staying or going, since anyone who was going had to come straight away since while you weren't in a critical state, this kind of exhaustion weakens the system far too much for us not to take you somewhere warm and keep you there. We ended up having to station a second ship there to deal with the accommodation. Second, Third and Fourth are still on-site."

  "And you are not going anywhere near Kalasa until you're in full health," Maze added. "Even then, given how energy-greedy that projection was, those who want another glimpse into the past are due to be severely disappointed."

  "Think it was really true then?" I asked.

  "That or you have a remarkable imagination," Zee said, wrinkling her nose. "Did you have any awareness of what was going on beyond the visual?"

  I hadn't, other than thinking it beautiful, but enjoyed hearing what First Squad thought about it. Maze and Zee have gone to bed and I'm sitting on the couch in the babysitter's room, snugged between Lohn and Mara while I write this. My legs feel much better and I'm allowed to walk to the bathroom by myself and everything.

  Saturday, June 21

  Botany

  Spent the afternoon talking to Islen Dola, one of the senior greysuits trying to categorise a whole world's worth of plants. He took me (and Zan and Lenton) on a tour of the greenhouse (conservatory?), where they're growing samples of plants – mainly things that they think might be edible, but also other potentially useful sorts of plants. Between Tare and Kolar and Channa (which is a very rocky planet) and Dyess (even more ocean than Tare, with a mass of tropical islands), the greysuits know an awful lot about different sorts of plants and environments, but only Earth is tilted like Muina and experiences the same sort of seasonal shift.

  Muina is really an incredibly fertile and inviting planet. Even its oceans are freshwater, with a couple of saltier lakes, and only a few places desert-dry and lacking lush plant life. All the planets the Muinans fled to seem horribly harsh and hostile by comparison. Even with their overpopulation issues, the Tarens didn't leap to try and repopulate Dyess, or take Channa from the people living there because they're far from ideal.

  Although Islen Dola was partly just showing the conservatory off to me, he also wanted to pick my brains. As well as identifying any plants which even vaguely resembled Earth plants and saying what little I could about them, anything I could think of about seasons and plants could be useful. I told him about how Mum puts tulip bulbs in the refrigerator so they'll flower properly, and about certain seeds in Australia needing a bushfire to trigger their germination. He found Australian bushfires thoroughly distracting.

  Zan levitated me about, which always makes me feel idiotic, but even though I can walk for short distances they prefer me not to stay on my feet for long periods.

  Sunday, June 22

  Decorative

  I've been getting to know Twelfth Squad better
. The main surprise is Lenton, who though I've seen him being super-temperamental and who obviously felt he should be Twelfth Squad's captain instead of Zan, turns out to be a pretty okay guy. Full of suppressed energy, but he focuses it on training and doesn't go around being pointlessly nasty or confrontational – except when he loses his temper, which I expect is exactly why he's not captain.

  They're rotating through the morning and afternoon babysitting shift, and Zan had her whole squad come down for practice this afternoon, even Kiste, who can't do much more than sit with me and watch. Kiste told me a little about the fight which landed Twelfth on medical leave, and I got a good vibe from him about how Twelfth is feeling about Zan now. There's a kind of confidence squads seem to develop in their captains. Even though these are people who were all raised together, they've decided to trust Zan's judgment, to accept her orders in bad situations. I could never be a captain. I'd loathe having to prove myself to people, and I'd stress out completely with the responsibility of making decisions for other people. Not to mention the whole not being able to fight my way out of a wet paper bag issue.

  I've taken to wearing ordinary clothes instead of my uniform, but the temperature dropped enough outside today that I compromised and wore my uniform and my new jacket over the top. It's a parchment-shade fake leather thing with black strips around the edges and I've been working on drawing a pattern of flowers similar to Celtic knot work but looser which I'd seen on the main doors to Kalasa. It took me ages to map it out right using pencils, and my big nikko pen was running dry toward the end of me inking just the main part in, but I think it looks pretty good. Maze says it's a big improvement over pictures of experimental animals.

  I was glad to realise today that I don't really have two whole squads (or a squad and a half) devoted purely to babysitting me. In between watching me sleep, First and now Twelfth have been assisting the exploration teams out harvesting specimens, and even with preparing areas for construction. They're really serious about this being the current capital of Muina. Pandora will eventually bracket the old town completely, although it's a long way from that right now.

  No near-future plans to expand down to the stream with the otters, I'm glad to say.

  Monday, June 23

  Sleet

  Ista Temen took my bandages off this morning so my legs could 'air'. The main difference is that nothing is oozing any more, but my skin is crinkled and seamed and the burned bits are silvery and feel extremely weird when I poke at them. Kiste, who was on morning shift with Dess Charn, said he's going to have to stop complaining about his elbow. That's exaggeration – his bones were crushed and before Twelfth came to Pandora he'd spent days having surgery on it and even with Taren nanotechnology it will be weeks before it's close to useable and probably months before he's fully recovered. I'm allowed to walk somewhat longer distances, and don't feel quite so much of a cripple any more. Not that I'm happy to have amazingly ugly legs. The cosmetic work will take a couple of months, because they're more interested in getting me healthy than making sure I look good in a dress.

  Ista Temen has scaled back my pain meds all the way. She says she'll give me something if I need help sleeping, but that if I want to walk about I need to know when I've pushed it too far. I also have these mild stretching exercises I have to do – moving my feet and lower legs about while sitting down.

  My babysitter shifts always have at least one girl (Dess Charn this morning, Zan this afternoon, Alay and Ketzaren this evening) and at least one person with Combat Sight. Now that I'm not so sleepy half the day, I feel less tolerant of having two people in constant attendance, but they at least are willing to chat and to not be in 'Ena-mode'. Not that Zan's not incredibly proper still, just not at full alert.

  It rained all morning, this icy near-hail, and after it stopped everything froze. So I can walk, but I can also fall over really easily. Lohn and Mara are here now, and we're going to watch some movies and maybe play some of these virtual world interface games.

  Tuesday, June 24

  Resolution

  A day for gabbing about sheep, and then other Earth farm animals with another of the greysuits. I always end up feeling amazingly ignorant of my own world in these conversations.

  They've decided I'm recovered enough to risk me going back to Kalasa tomorrow. Not to play taxi or to have any dreams – they don't want me to attempt any dreams till I'm a little more recovered, not even training. Since I haven't been having any lucid dreams lately, and theoretically have enough control to wake myself up if I dream lucidly, I'm under orders to not push the development of my talents until further notice.

  Tomorrow I'm assigned to First and Fourth to scout out which of the platforms go where. Fifteen buildings, fifteen platforms, but we've only discovered nine pattern-roof villages (and Arenrhon, which has its own platform). And when I was told about that my heart gave this huge thump and then I had to spend time reassuring Maze that no the idea didn't distress me at all.

  Ever since the Kalasa dream, when I've woken up I haven't been aware of Ruuel's absence. I'd decided this was a positive sign, that I was accepting the big 'no' he hasn't had to say out loud, and have been very careful not to write about him, look at any logs involving him, or think about him if I could help it. If I did think about him, I'd very deliberately imagine him kissing Taarel, remind myself that he's made it absolutely clear he doesn't want to get close to me, and tell myself that I was so happy I was finally getting over him.

  Such a lie.

  I had an unplanned nap this afternoon and dreamed of Ruuel. He was standing alone in the dark – levitating just above the snow – watching the horizon. I could see him clearly, even though there didn't seem to be any lights, and his face was very still and peaceful.

  I made myself wake up. It wasn't a projecting dream, but I'm not sure if the monitors would have picked up use of my Sight talent. And if I'd looked at him any longer I might have reached out and tried to touch him. I've decided I can want him as much as I want, but no more little lapses. Nothing which makes him have to deal with my feelings, or even think about them. But I'm not going to stop enjoying looking at him.

  Wednesday, June 25

  World Travel

  An early start to today's 'explore the platforms' assignment, since we were trying to mesh together First Squad, Fourth Squad and me all being awake at different times. I wasn't too tired – I'd gone to bed early, woken up in the middle of the night and written in my diary, and slept fairly solidly till Zee woke me a while before Pandora dawn. It was very freezy outside, so I took my beanie, but opted against my jacket since I knew that at least the desert platform would make me wish I was wearing less not more.

  I gather that on particularly stormy days the wind chill at Kalasa has been so icy that they increased the amount of nanoliquid going into the Setari uniforms to allow for extra insulation and for wearing of head coverings as well. Mara showed me the option for the head covering and I burst into laughter because instead of the balaclava I was expecting, it resembles cloth wound above and below the eyes and now they really do look like they're space ninjas. The nanosuits are really adaptable – they can even create goggles if they want.

  Maze hauled along a half-dozen drones to place at each of the sites which didn't have a drone already, and set them in the central circle of Kalasa where Fourth Squad was waiting. Afternoon there, of course, and it looked like the snowstorms had let up, but Maze was being all mission-mode and efficient, so I didn't ask if I could go look outside at the construction.

  "Along with placing drones, we'll be performing a short survey of each site, known and unknown. Blind entry protocol applies." Maze signalled us toward the first of the platform buildings.

  Since Alay and Ketzaren were my minders for the day, I asked Ketzaren what blind entry protocol was and she explained that it was how the squads behave when going through gates in the Ena, except when everyone has to go through at once instead of waiting for the leaders to signal them through. With p
latform travel it meant that people without Combat Sight were positioned toward the centre, with the Combat Sight/speed talents distributed evenly around the edges. My problems with contact with too many people at once makes this a little awkward, but they worked it out by having Alay on the edge, the drone beside me, and Ketzaren on the inside. Levitation helps a lot with getting me on and off platforms without everyone having to edge out of my way.

  We went anti-clockwise around the circle of platforms, and spent the day on a tour of very disparate parts of Muina. Six pattern-roof villages, one platform which didn't work, and two cities. The cities were a bit of a surprise. Neither of them were Nurioth, but the drones and satellites allowed us to pinpoint them easily enough and they turned out to be the two next-largest cities other than Nurioth. I particularly liked the first of the cities we went to, which meandered beneath this incredible forest of absolutely massive trees – redwood tall. It was by far the most ruined of all the sites, tree roots and trunks displacing what they hadn't shattered, and full of bird song and the chirring of insects.

  Not much in the way of Ionoth, since these were all locations which 'anchored' Ddura, but a few native creatures like the border collies weren't very pleased to see us and snarled and grumbled but stopped short of attacking.

  Since everyone was in official patrol mode, there wasn't much in the way of chatting or exclamations. The one exception was when we went to the desert location where I'd been stranded. It was painfully hot there, stifling in the sand-clogged platform room, and worse above. I could only be glad it hadn't been quite this bad when I'd been dragging trees about. I sensibly retracted the sleeves and neck of my uniform even before we'd climbed onto the platform at Kalasa, and Maze and Ruuel told their squads to follow my lead. Even so, the heat hit us like a hammer and everyone was dripping before we were even out in the sun. The squads still punctiliously did the same amount of surveying, though there was fortunately little to see except the blackened remains of my arrow, frayed around the edges where windblown sand had already started to swallow it.