by Smith, Yessi
“Where’ve you been?” I asked him.
He handed me a croquetta, which I eagerly took from him and ate whole.
“I was in Sofia’s office,” he answered, and I arched my eyebrows questioningly. “All this dancing is girl stuff.” He rolled his eyes and Trent laughed.
“So you were killing zombies?” Trent wanted to know and Jose nodded.
“I reached a new level,” Jose told him.
Boys and their video games, I thought, and looked over at Sofia who was watching us. Jose had started to live with her a few months ago. The transition hadn’t been easy for either of them, but Sofia’s determination and patience was winning. Jose had already started to talk to her, trust her, open up to her. They were becoming a unit. It was visible in the way they watched each other when the other thought they weren’t looking.
It hadn’t taken long for her to put a television with a game console in her office for him. Or for her to open up her school three days a week to an instructor who taught Jose and other children karate. And when no one was around, she taught him how to dance. Because every boy should know how to dance when he becomes a man.
“Attention, everybody!” I heard Sofia shout over the noise and turned around so I could face her. “I asked the children to vote on their favorite adult costume, and we have our winner,” Sofia told us, waving a piece of paper in the air. “And the winner is…”
I knew what she would say, and I laughed when I heard Trent’s name called out. Of course Trent was the winner. He didn’t know how to do anything half ass. I pushed Trent towards Sofia, who made him take off his head piece.
“What are you supposed to be, Trent?” she asked, dumbfounded by his costume.
He cleared his throat and glared at me while I waved at him, fully appreciating his discomfort. “I’m Chewbacca,” he told her, running his furry hand through his hair. “From Star Wars?”
“Bueno,” she told him, still not understanding who he was. “Why’d you pick him as your costume?”
I practically fell to my knees laughing when I saw his expression. Why indeed, Trent? He stared daggers into my eyes and shuffled his feet back and forth. I couldn’t wait to hear his response.
“I make a pretty good Chewbacca impression,” he explained, not looking directly at her.
“Do it, Trent,” Shayna demanded, standing next to me.
“Yeah, Trent!” I shouted. “Do it!”
So he did, making everyone in the school laugh. But they laughed for all the wrong reasons. There were only three of us who knew the truth. Trent winked at me before putting his Chewbacca head back on and I felt myself blush.
“I’m getting you back later for that,” he warned.
“Promises, promises.” I brushed past him, trying not to show how his words affected me. Already, my heart accelerated at the thought of Trent’s hands on me. My mouth watered, wanting his mouth on mine. Practically panting, I grabbed his arm. “Why don’t we leave now?” I asked, and he raised his eyebrows at me.
“I can’t,” he replied, his smile laughing at me. “I have some zombies I have to kill,” he said loud enough for Jose to hear, who let out a war whoop, complete with his hands raised in the air in triumph.
Even though Sofia tried to get rid of me, I insisted on staying so I could help her clean up. Shayna stared at herself in the mirror, slowly twirling around as we picked up the chairs and garbage that had been tossed to the floor. It was only ten, but already I was exhausted. I wanted to ask Trent and Shayna if we could leave going to the beach for the following day, but I didn’t want to disappoint either of them.
After a few minutes, the school almost looked like itself so Sofia and I decided to leave the rest for another day. I found Trent and Jose in Sofia’s office arguing over who had shot more zombies.
“Dude, I got the mosquito zombie,” Jose told him, full of pride at his artificial kill. “That equals like a hundred zombies.”
“No way, man,” Trent shook his head at him.
“Okay boys,” I told them, taking the controllers away from them and shutting off the console. “Time to go.”
“She’s no fun,” Trent told Jose, nudging the side of my stomach.
“Yeah, well.” I shrugged my shoulders at them, knowing they’d follow me out of the office. Sometimes, children needed tough love, I thought, and looked back at their dirty looks with a smile on my face.
Shayna walked up to Trent, rubbing her eyes and trying not to shuffle her feet.
“Somebody’s tired,” I said, speaking the obvious.
“No,” she said, pulling on Trent’s leg so he’d pick her up. “Beach?” she asked him when he picked her.
“Can I change first?” he asked, and she shrugged her shoulders.
Sofia waited for Trent to finish changing before she locked the doors.
“Today was amazing.” I hugged Sofia and Jose and followed Trent and Shayna into the car.
The beach seemed restless that night. The waves crashed into one another, and endless parade of sand and water on the shore. With Shayna by our feet, Trent and I lay on the sand and stared up at the black sky. It wasn’t dark enough to see a lot of stars, but enough to let us know they were there. Looking down on us.
The breeze from the ocean washed over my face, making my eyes heavier. But I was glad we had come. Shayna loved playing with the sand and Trent looked happy.
“What are you thinking about?” I wanted to know.
“Us.”
“Yeah? What about us?” I closed my eyes, listening to the waves crashing, Shayna singing, and Trent’s breathing.
“How I almost lost you,” he answered, sitting up and forcing me to sit up with him. “How I can never lose you again.”
I took his hand in mine and pressed it to my cheek, wondering why he was thinking about that. Didn’t he know he couldn’t lose what was already his?
“I’m here, Trent. Always.”
“That’s not good enough.” He shook his head at me, and I felt my stomach churn in an all too familiar nauseating way.
He got up, putting his hands in his pocket, and I felt myself, the life we were creating, crash.
“I suck at this,” he sighed and I forced myself to look at him. I wouldn’t make it easy on him. No, I had fought too hard for us and I damn well wouldn’t make breaking my heart easy on him.
I saw him pull out a small box from the pocket his hand had been in. He bent down on both knees in front of me so that we were at eye level. I felt my heart leap out my mouth, but couldn’t say anything. Shame from my earlier thoughts engulfed me. But so did joy.
He was going to propose. I thought about just hugging him, saying yes before he even asked, but I went back to my original plan. I wasn’t going to make this easy on him.
He shoved his hands into hair and looked at me. “I love you, Erin,” he said simply. “Marry me.”
I jumped on him, knocking us both into the sand laughing.
“Is that a yes?” he asked from underneath me.
“That’s a hell yes!” I told him and sealed my words with a kiss.
Shayna watched us, probably trying to figure out why we were rolling on the floor this time. And I knew that if Trent’s and my relationship taught her anything, it was to have fun.
“There’s just one more thing,” he paused, looking into Shayna’s face. “I want to adopt Shayna.”
I looked at him, not believing his words. We were going to be a family.
“I’m hers, remember? I officially want her to be mine, too.”
“Yes,” she answered for me and threw her arms around Trent.
I hugged them both to me, surrounding myself with my family.
That night we slept together on Trent’s and my bed with Shayna in between us. In the dark I stared at my hand, my ring, and relived our moment at the beach. If my life were a musical, there’d be people dancing to Young Forever by Jay-Z. Today had been perfect; without a single wrinkle. And that moment, our moment, on the beach would live on
forever.
Chapter 41
Shayna
She had kept her secret and surprised Mommy with her fairy princess outfit at Tia Sofie’s Halloween recital. She had danced and had seen Mommy watching her dance. Trent had been there, too. She wanted her dance to be perfect, just for them. So she danced, pretending the wings on her back really could make her fly.
And when she finished, she saw them, the firsts to stand up and clap for her. The other girls she had performed with told her she had looked so pretty dancing, like a real fairy princess. But she didn’t want to talk to them. She wanted Mommy and Trent and had run to them when she saw them. Only she stopped when she got to them because Trent was holding flowers for her. They were so pretty, like something a prince would give his princess. She wanted to hold them and smell them forever.
Later that night, when Mommy and Tia Sofie cleaned, she danced in front of the mirror, looking at herself. She wasn’t living in a fairy tale world. This world was real. With real people that loved her and wouldn’t leave her. On a quick spin, she let her tiara fall to the ground and wasn’t the least bit surprised when her fairy tale didn’t end. Yep, this world was definitely real.
Mommy and Trent had been acting silly at the beach, all lovey dovey and kissey face – that’s what Jose called them when they got like that. So she played in the sand, happy to see them so happy. She only looked up when she heard Trent ask Mommy to marry him. She watched Mommy jump on him, kissing him all over his face and she had giggled at them. They were so silly sometimes. Just when she was started to rebuild her castle, she heard Trent tell Mommy he wanted to adopt her. Trent told her that he was hers and he wanted her to be his. As in a Daddy. Trent wanted to be her Daddy. Overwhelmed with the idea of having both a Mommy and Daddy, she answered for Mommy. Yes!
Epilogue
Erin – July 2014
I was getting married. I couldn’t believe it. Me, married. A hopeless redneck girl whose life had been one great big shit storm after another, getting married. In a simple white gown that revealed nothing but the small of my back where I had gotten a tramp stamp. I won’t tell you the design of my tramp stamp. That is irrelevant. But I will tell you it reflected everything and everyone that was important to me. Did you guess what it was? No, not a banana, but close.
I had a maid of honor, but only in spirit. With every breeze I felt, I knew Camilla was telling me that she was there. That she was happy for me. That I had done well. Thanks Cam, I thought. I couldn’t have gotten here without you.
After our ceremony, we would go to Sofia’s ballet school to celebrate our union. But I didn’t let my mind drift that far. I wanted to live in the now, in the present. I was getting married and I wanted to infuse myself in every moment so I could remember it for years to come.
I got out of the limousine Leah had rented for us and smiled as Tonya took my picture. I slipped my bare feet into my favorite pair of flip flops and walked towards Nate, who held his arm out for me. I couldn’t think of a better person to give me away. He kissed my cheek and stared at me.
“I don’t care if you are law enforcement,” I repeated the words he had told me a year ago. “If you cry I’ll have to hurt you.”
“Me? Cry?” He pulled at my hair and I smacked him.
Men, I rolled my eyes, had no idea how long it took to do just one strand of hair. I almost went back into the car to look at myself, not wanting anything out of place.
“Relax.” He nudged me and I glared at him. So obnoxious, I thought, and shook my head at him.
“Is Trent here?” I asked him, my hands a bit shaky.
“Nah.” He shook his head at me. “I saw him run off with some chick earlier. I was gonna stop him, but she was hot.”
“Ass,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.
“He’s waiting for you,” Tonya told me, shooting Nate a dirty look. “Everyone’s ready. We’re just waiting for you.”
“Shayna?” I asked, looking around me, not seeing her.
“She’s by the beach. As soon as I give them my signal, Jermaine will start the music and she’ll walk down the aisle.”
We had gone over this a thousand times over, but I felt the need to go over it again. An appeasement for not being able to be in charge.
“How’d she look?” I asked, prolonging the moment before I became a Mrs. I wanted to be Trent’s wife more than I wanted my next breath of air. Why was I so nervous? And why couldn’t I get my hands to quit shaking?
“She looked gorgeous,” Nate told me. “A real life princess.”
I nodded my head at him and closed my eyes, trying to ground myself. I was getting married. To a man that I loved. That loved me back. A man that would never leave me. That would always be there for me. I opened my eyes to the world around me and took in a deep breath. I was ready. Or I wasn’t, but it didn’t matter.
“C’mon straggler,” Nate told me, pulling on my hand. “Less you got second thoughts and wanna run away with my dad?”
“Tempting,” I laughed, “but I don’t wanna hurt Trent’s feelings,” I joked along with him, the muscles in my stomach loosening with our banter.
“Eh.” He waved his hands as if Trent didn’t matter.
And that was what it took. Realizing how much Trent mattered. I took Nate’s arm once again, no longer afraid, but eager to find out what else destiny had in store for me.
I nodded at Tonya, who let out a loud cacaw!, her signal that we were ready. Nate looked at her puzzled and I laughed.
“It’s our alcohol call,” she explained. “When we’re running low on alcohol we cacaw.”
“Cacaw it is,” Nate laughed and guided me towards the beach. The sun was beginning to set, casting the shadows and colors I had wanted. I heard the beach calling for me, whispering, soothing, as she always did. And I knew I had picked the perfect location.
By the time I got to the beach, I had missed Shayna walking down the aisle, but was reassured knowing Tonya had more than likely caught it on her camera. I looked at my friends, at Trent’s family and felt my heart start to beat at a more normal speed. These people, my family, were here for me, for Trent, for Shayna. They had always been there for us. Just as they always would.
As I started walking towards Trent, I heard the beginning of the song I had chosen to walk to. The Eagles voice soared, matching with the sounds of the wave, as they sang Love Will Keep Us Alive.
With my hands in Nate’s arm, I looked into Trent’s eyes. My soon-to-be husband. My love. My warmth. I walked towards him, hardly noticing when Nate was no longer by my side. All I saw was Trent. My Trent. Handsome in his dark grey suit and flip flops. Yep, flip flops, I confirmed, and smiled at him, reaching for his hands.
With our family by our side, we exchanged our vows, proclaiming our love for one another. Just before the pastor declared us husband and wife, Shayna reached for our hands, and together the three of us became a family.
And just as I told you before, my life didn’t start until I left past. And I left everything. My insecurities, my fears, my name. Yes, my name. . A name that will never be uttered again.
My new name, the name everyone knows me by is Erin Park. It is a name built on love, trust, humility, and strength. It is a name I am proud of. A name that I share with my husband and our daughter.
Acknowledgments
It takes a village to make one’s dreams become a reality, and I am grateful for my village.
My husband, Derrick, who still has the first article I ever published proudly framed. Who has pushed me, believed in me and put up with my colorful tantrums. As I said in the beginning of this book, you are my foundation.
My son, Dustin, whose imagination and demands for authentic, on-the spot- stories reignited a flame I had let go out a long time ago.
My family, the craziest, most loyal individuals I am blessed to have as a part of my life. My mom, who is the mom I strive to be. Martica, who doesn’t enjoy reading but has promised to not only buy but also read my book. My dad,
who has ingrained the words I will perservere in my head.
My beta readers: Mady and Tashaune. My heart literally twisted and turned while I waited for your invaluable input.
My music twins and favorite concert buddies: Liz and Lissette, who pushed and encouraged me.
My friend, Pia, who has believed in my since 6th grade.
My editor at KMS Freelance Editing, who helped me mold my book into something I am proud of.
My cover designer, Mayhem Cover Creations, for making my vision become clearer and creating a design I am in love with.
Ty, the best P.A. a girl could ask for, for her kindness, patience and eagerness to help and teach me.
God, because without him, none of this would be possible.
About the Author
I am a Hispanic living in South Florida with my redneck husband from Texas and our “half breed” son. I also live with two dogs: a neurotic Border Collie we call Nitro and a midget Rottweiler named Nisa.
I have always found my sanctuary at the beach and in music and writing. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Business Management and a Master’s in Human Resource Management. My hopes are to leave that world behind so I can live full time in a world that does not exist until I place my fingers on a keyboard and bring them to fruition.
Connect with me
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https://www.goodreads.com/emosewa_yessi
https://twitter.com/emosewAYessi