Truly Yours Historical Collection December 2014

by Susan Page Davis, Paige Winship Dooly, Connie Stevens

  Married! He thrust the shovel into the muck covering the floor. He’d made a promise to God, and now he couldn’t keep it. When he recovered, he’d planned to leave and follow wherever the Lord led him, just like Jonah went to Nineveh. Under Pastor Phillips’s tutelage, he’d learned a lot about the Bible. He could preach a sermon with the best of them and had, on occasion, assisted the pastor. This was God’s call for his life. He’d been running from that call, yet now he wasn’t running; he was at a dead stop.

  Taking a handkerchief from his pocket, Jesse wiped the sweat from his face. He leaned against the post by the stall door and surrendered to the fatigue washing through him. This job should have taken him half an hour to do, but the lack of energy that plagued him made every chore stretch out three or four times longer than it should. Megan assured him her brother, Matt, had the same problem after he had pneumonia. Still, he felt like a useless old man most of the time.

  The door creaked, then crashed against the side of the barn as a gust of wind caught it. Seana stumbled inside, her pale cheeks rosy from the cold, her doll, Ennis, clutched to her chest. Jesse hurried to grab the door and shut out the fierce wind.

  “Seana, what are you doing? Does Megan know you’re outside?”

  Hugging her arms tight around her frail body, Seana shook her head. Jesse could see the snow clumped over the top of her boots. Her feet would be frozen if he didn’t get her back in the house soon. He reached for her, but she backed away.

  “Don’t touch me.” She held out her hand in front of her as if that would keep him away. “Megan won’t let me come to see Momma and Papa, but I have to.” Tears glittered in her eyes. Jesse could see all the hurt and anger she’d been holding back brimming to the surface.

  He held out his hand. “I’ll take you to them.”

  She sniffed. He could see she wanted to refuse. Sniffing again, Seana let him take her small hand in his. He led her to the back of the barn. A small barrel rested across from the boxes. Jesse knew about the times Megan sneaked out here after Seana went to sleep. He’d kept her secret so far, but he always watched the time, unwilling to let her stay too long in the frigid weather.

  Easing down on the barrel, Jesse lifted Seana onto his lap. He snuggled her close, hoping to give her some of his warmth. A calico cat meowed and wound around his legs. Seana bent down to pet her.

  “This is Mama Kitty. That’s Shadow.” She pointed to the gray cat hiding behind a pile of hay. “They help us keep the mice away from the feed.” Seana leaned back against Jesse, her gaze on the pine boxes a few feet away.

  “Why are they in boxes?” The small sound of Seana’s voice made his heart ache.

  “Remember what Megan told you about not being able to bury them until the ground thaws? Well, this is a way of keeping them safe until then. And even after they’re buried.” He rubbed her arm, tucking her head under his chin. “You know, Seana, your parents and Matt aren’t in those bodies anymore. They’ve gone to live with Jesus now.”

  “In heaven?”

  “Yep. Do you know what heaven is like?”

  “There are angels there.”

  “That’s true.” Jesse took off his mittens and worked them over her hands and up her arms as far as they would go, careful not to make her drop Ennis. “The Bible talks about heaven being a wonderful place. No one gets sick there or hurt. They don’t even have anything to cry about.”

  “They got hurt here.” A small sob shook Seana. “Jesus didn’t keep them from dying.”

  Jesse rocked Seana as she cried. He’d been worried about her lack of emotion over these deaths. She’d laughed and gone on like nothing had happened. He knew it wouldn’t last, and now looked like the time for her to grieve. Jesus, give me the words to help her.

  “You know all the times your parents have gone to town shopping and left you with Megan?” Jesse asked. Seana nodded, her head pressed against his chest. “Did you miss them while they were gone?”

  “Yes.”

  “But you knew they’d be coming home, didn’t you?”

  “This time they didn’t.”

  “That’s true. This time they went to a different home. They went to stay with Jesus.” He brushed the hair back from her cheek as she lifted her face to look at him. “But just like they used to come home to you, they’re waiting now for you to come home to them.”

  A lone tear spilled down Seana’s cheek. “I can’t ever go there. Momma wanted to show me the way, but I didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “Did she tell you the only way to get to heaven is through Jesus, Seana? Did she want you to ask Him to be your Savior?”

  She nodded. “Momma talked about that, but I didn’t want to. Now I don’t know if I remember how to do it. Maybe Jesus took them away because I was so bad.”

  “This wasn’t to punish you, Seana. Jesus loves you. He loves your whole family. Do you understand what sin is?” Jesse waited as she thought and then nodded her head. “Do you believe Jesus is the Son of God sent to die for our sins?”

  “Yes. Momma told me about all that.”

  “Then all you have to do is ask Him to be your Savior. Jesus is just waiting for you to want Him.” Bowing his head, Jesse led Seana in a prayer. This time the ache in his chest wasn’t from sickness, but from joy that God had provided such a beautiful answer to his prayer.

  “Can I go see them now?” Seana’s blue eyes stared up at him.

  Jesse gave her a hug and a smile. “Not just yet. You have to wait until it’s your time to go to heaven.”

  “But they’ll get lonely for me, won’t they?”

  “I imagine they look forward to the day you can join them, Seana, but God’s time isn’t the same as our time. Only a short time will pass for them while you grow up, get married, and have a family of your own. It will be more like a day gone to town to them.”

  Seana glanced at the bodies and back to him. She gave him a watery smile. “Can I go tell Meggie?”

  He hugged her to him. “I think Megan would love to hear, especially about your decision to ask Jesus to be your Savior.” Seana hopped off his lap and trotted to the door. Mama Kitty trailed behind her, purring as Seana gave her a final pat before slipping through the door. Jesse followed her, wondering how he’d come to love this little girl in such a short time. Had he also come to love her sister? His wife? Would he ever love her?

  ❧

  Megan grasped behind her to pull the shed door shut as she balanced a basket in her other arm. Her breath blew out in a cloud of white in the chill afternoon air. A weak sun did little to warm anything. Juggling her basket of potatoes and dried vegetables for a stew, she didn’t see Seana until her sister leaped forward, wrapping Megan in a fierce hug. Vegetables went flying as the basket dropped to the ground.

  “Seana, whatever are you doing outside?” Panic flared through Megan. Her sister’s health was always fragile. She couldn’t take the extreme cold and had to be protected.

  “Meggie, I have something to tell you.” Seana’s brilliant blue eyes twinkled with excitement.

  “Seana, get inside. I’ll pick up the vegetables and come in. Then you can tell me what you were doing outside when it’s so cold.” Megan regretted her harsh tone when some of the sparkle left Seana’s eyes.

  “Yes, Meggie.” Seana let go and began to trudge off to the house, her shoulders slumped.

  “Wait.” Megan waited until her sister turned back. “Help me pick these up and you can tell me your news while we work.”

  Seana grinned and bounced back to help Megan. Megan knelt down, grateful that the snow here had packed enough to keep their dinner from disappearing.

  “I went to visit Momma, Papa, and Matt.”

  Megan froze at Seana’s words. Anger welled up inside her. How could Seana do that? Hadn’t she told her to stay away from the barn? Footsteps crunched in the snow, stopping beside her. She looked up as Seana continued to drop vegetables into the basket. Jesse stood there. For an instant their gazes met and held.
Megan knew he understood her thoughts. He knew about the nights she slipped out to sit with her family. As if she could read his thoughts, she saw the hurt she’d done to Seana by not allowing her a time to grieve.

  Reaching for a potato, Megan pushed away her roiling emotions. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you out there before, Seana. I was so afraid you’d get sick.” Her voice caught in her throat. “I couldn’t bear for anything to happen to you, too.”

  Jesse bent over and picked up the basket. “Looks like you’ve rescued supper, Ladies. Shall we get inside?”

  Megan allowed Jesse to take her hand and help her up. She frowned over his bare hand and opened her mouth to ask why he wasn’t wearing any mittens. A glance at Seana gave her the answer. He’d given up his warmth to keep her sister from getting too cold. Gratitude she couldn’t express flowed through Megan. In the past few weeks, Jesse had been such a gentleman. He’d worked hard as soon as he could get on his feet. She noticed the lines of fatigue on his face by evening. Not once had he complained about being forced to marry her. He hadn’t even said anything about continuing on to the gold fields as she thought he would, and she hadn’t had the courage to bring it up.

  By the time Megan had the vegetables washed for the stew, Jesse had the fire crackling and the water in the pot. Seana’s cheeks and nose were still cherry red when she came out from changing into dry, warmer clothes. Megan frowned, hoping her sister wasn’t coming down with another of her fevers so soon. All her childhood had been plagued with sickness. Their mother always said the child caught every little disease that came within a hundred miles.

  “I have something else to tell you, Meggie.” Seana glanced at Jesse as if she wasn’t sure how to continue. He winked at her. “I’m going to live with Momma and Papa.”

  “You can’t possibly stay in the barn, Seana. It’s much too cold and dirty.”

  “Not in the barn. I’m going to heaven.” Seana clapped her hands, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

  Megan felt as if she’d been kicked by a mule. She could feel the color drain from her face. Her mother had once told her that some people had premonitions of their own deaths. Is this what was happening to Seana? Her fingers gripped the edge of the table before her knees could buckle and send her to the floor.

  Strong arms surrounded Megan. Jesse eased her back against his solid form. For once, she welcomed his strength.

  “Seana, why don’t you tell your sister what we talked about in the barn?”

  Seana gave another bounce, oblivious to the turmoil she’d thrown Megan into. “We talked about heaven and how Momma, Papa, and Matt are there. Jesse showed me how to ask Jesus in my heart so I can go there, too.” She wrinkled her brow. “He says it may take a long time to me, but to Momma and Papa it will be like a day before I’m there with them.”

  Tension drained from Megan, leaving her weak-kneed. She sagged back against Jesse, relief pouring through her. He’d known. He understood what she thought and had Seana share her conversion so Megan wouldn’t think her sister was going to die soon. How could this man be so perceptive? Her heart warmed. She’d never known anyone like Jesse.

  Holding out her arms, Megan waited for Seana to come, then hugged her hard. “This is the best news I could hear. I believe Momma and Papa are rejoicing with the angels.” She kissed her sister on the head before releasing her. Flashing Jesse a grateful smile, she busied herself with scraping the vegetables into the pot. If she wasn’t careful, this man would become too important to her; and she knew there would come a day when he would leave. There wasn’t a man alive who would want to be married to her. With her plump body and plain face, she’d known she would never marry. Jesse had shown his reluctance by his lack of desire to be around her. Every evening as soon as supper was finished, he retired to her parents’ room. He never even kissed her like Papa used to kiss Momma. She couldn’t blame him. After the disparaging remarks made on their wedding day and the way she looked, he’d have to be stupid to want her.

  Quiet had descended on the house by the time Megan finished cleaning up from supper. Seana, tired from her afternoon exploits, hadn’t argued at all when Megan sent her to bed. Jesse thanked her for the meal and returned to his room as soon as he finished eating. She mentally forced herself to begin thinking of her parents’ room as Jesse’s. After all, he was now head of this home. She would have to adjust.

  Sinking into the rocking chair, Megan sorted through the mending basket, choosing one of Seana’s dresses to work on. After turning up the wick on the lamp, she broke off a piece of thread. The quiet tread of footsteps startled her.

  “Seana, what are you doing out of bed?”

  A low chuckle greeted her words. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been accused of being a little girl.”

  Megan’s cheeks burned. “I’m sorry, Mr. Coulter. I didn’t realize you were still awake.”

  “Jesse.” Jesse scooted a chair close to hers and plopped down, causing the chair to creak in protest. Megan wanted to scold him for not sitting down gently, but held her tongue. “You need to start calling me Jesse. I sound like an old man when you say Mr. Coulter.”

  Megan knotted her thread, trying to keep her hands from trembling. What did he want? Why was he sitting so close? He’d almost ignored her until now. “Jesse, then.” Her voice quivered.

  “We need to talk, Megan. I’ve given you time to grieve for your family. I know it’s been hard on you.” Jesse leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands almost touching her. “If we’re going to save your farm from that banker you dislike so much, then we have to have a plan. I’ll need a lot of help from you.”

  “I don’t know what I can do.” Megan couldn’t seem to concentrate with him so close. “I don’t even know how much we owe the bank.”

  “Then we’ll have to take a trip to town as soon as the weather permits and stop in at the bank.” Jesse rubbed his hands down his face. “Do you know if your parents had any money set aside to pay toward the loan?”

  “They never talked about it. I don’t know what Papa planned to do. He never mentioned any loan.”

  “Well, if we don’t figure something out soon, we might just as well pack up and leave here.”

  Megan gaped at Jesse, forgetting, for the moment, her reluctance to meet his gaze.

  Eight

  Standing at the edge of the open graves, Megan shivered in the raw wind that raced across the land. Tucked against her side, Seana stood silent and forlorn. Megan closed her eyes, trying to focus on the prayer Jesse was saying in remembrance of her parents and Matt, but his words jumbled together in her head, sounds too mixed up to make sense.

  She hated the thought that her family would be buried here when they would most likely lose the land in June when the note came due. She and Jesse had scoured the house looking for money her parents might have set back or at least some paperwork on the loan, but they found nothing. In one of Papa’s boxes, they found a small amount of cash and a list of seed needed for the spring. He must have planned to use this to purchase the seed for planting, but Jesse concluded there wouldn’t be any extra. In one of the flour jars, Megan found her mother’s stash of money that she always set aside to buy necessary items such as shoes or material. It wasn’t enough, either.

  Four weeks ago, they’d gone to town to talk with Mr. Sparks. He’d greeted them cordially enough, giving them the information they needed for the payoff. He refused to show them the original paperwork, saying Lee and Glenna Riley had agreed to the terms; and if Megan and her new husband wanted to keep the farm, they would just have to abide by the amount already listed. After they left, Jesse hadn’t said anything all the way home. In fact, he’d been quiet since then.

  Megan flinched as the first shovel full of dirt thudded into the grave. She widened her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling. She’d cried enough in the past two and a half months. Today would put this difficult time to rest.

  “Meggie, I’m c–cold.” Seana’s teeth chattered i
n the quiet.

  “Take her on inside, Megan. I’ll finish up here.” Jesse tossed another shovel of dirt, his expression grim.

  Wrapping her long coat around Seana to try to warm her, Megan began the slow walk back to the house. The wind pushed at her back like a mischievous child. The ground, freshly thawed, squished underfoot.

  A picture of Jesse back there, working to bury her family, filled Megan’s thoughts. She’d grown so accustomed to having him here, she couldn’t imagine what life would be like when he left; but leave he would. She understood that. There wasn’t anything to keep him here. He’d only been biding his time waiting for the spring thaw so he wouldn’t have to travel in such miserable weather. She was sure of this, even though he’d never spoken of it. Why would he stay?

  Yes, he’d spent hours repairing tools and harnesses, getting everything ready for spring planting. He’d fixed things around the house. When he found out they didn’t go to church in the winter because of the distance and the cold, he even prepared Sunday lessons from the Bible so she and Seana wouldn’t miss out on the chance to worship. As much as she loved hearing him teach from God’s Word, she still didn’t believe that God loved her or that anyone could love her. She would never measure up.

  The warmth of the house washed over Megan as she removed her wraps. Seana kicked off her boots, then went to stand in front of the fire instead of taking off her coat and scarf.

  “Meggie, will I always miss them?” Seana’s shoulders slumped.

  “I imagine you will. I know I will.” Megan knelt in front of her sister and began to unbutton her coat. “We certainly don’t want to forget them, do we?” She smiled. “Sometimes we can just talk about the wonderful things we remember about our family. I know they would be happy, and I’m sure Jesse won’t mind.” She gave Seana a hug, kissing her forehead.

  “I’d better fix some hot coffee and get the bread in the oven. When Jesse comes inside, he’ll be ready for something to warm him up.” Leaving Seana to finish with her coat, Megan bustled around the kitchen, trying to keep her mind from straying to her husband. Why did it matter to her that he didn’t act toward her like a husband should act toward a wife? She knew that no man would ever be attracted to her, didn’t she? She’d come to that conclusion long ago.