The Fighter

by E. L. Todd

  I’d been so happy with Brutus just a week ago.

  Now, I was a wreck all over again.

  I stopped by the grocery store on my way home and picked up a few frozen pizzas, some milk, and three bottles of wine. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, my heart racing because I expected Finn to appear at any moment. He’d been here for a week but still hadn’t contacted me.

  Maybe he was working up the nerve.

  I put everything in the fridge then uncorked a bottle of wine.

  A knock sounded on the door.

  I recognized it right away. It was loud and short, a quick tap from strong knuckles. I stared at the red wine I’d just opened and tossed the cork on the counter. My heart pounded so hard, I could feel it in my ears. My entire body tightened, like it was prepared for war. My breathing quickened as the moment covered me like a heavy shadow.

  It was him.

  I just knew it.

  He’d probably watched me walk into the building from his parked truck, making sure Brutus wasn’t with me so he could get me alone. Colton didn’t mention it, but he must have told Finn I was seeing someone.

  I crossed the living room and stopped in front of the door. I’d been so shocked Finn was in Seattle that I hadn’t decided how I felt about it. He was there to tell me he shouldn’t have left, that he’d made a mistake. But what would I say?

  My hand rested on the door, and I let the seconds trickle by. He probably heard my heels clap against the hardwood floor as I made my way over there. He knew I was standing on the other side of that flimsy door.

  I took a deep breath and finally opened it.

  I came face-to-face with the love of my life, the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. He was the man I wanted as the father of my children. He was the man who broke my heart worse than my own husband.

  I studied his face, seeing his clean jaw and the sharp contours of his face. He was leaner than the last time I saw him, his muscle mass slightly less than it used to be. But he was still in remarkable shape, the tattoos on his arms still striking against his slightly tanned skin. He was tall like I remembered. He was just as beautiful.

  His blue eyes were trained on me, and the second I met his look, his pupils dilated. He took a deep breath as his gaze took me in, like he’d been looking forward to this moment for years. As his chest rose with his breathing, his shoulders rose and his hands tightened into fists.

  I was frozen to the spot, still surprised by his visit, even though I’d known it was coming. My hand continued to rest on the door because I needed something to hold on to. I kept my breathing under control, but I couldn’t control the adrenaline that spiked in my blood.

  The temporary high I felt when I looked at him slowly faded away. My heart beat a little less frantically, and I didn’t ache for air. When I looked at his beautiful face, I remembered our passionate nights together, when his hand was fisted in my hair and he told me he loved me. I remembered the way he told Layla he was committed to me. I remembered turning around and seeing him on one knee, asking me to be his wife.

  But I also remembered the day he left. I remembered his decision to leave me behind forever. I remembered leaving the diamond ring on the nightstand. I remembered the months that passed, when I would sleep on my living floor after drinking too much. I remembered when everyone worked together to keep my store open because I was too depressed to work. I remembered sleeping with any handsome guy who bought me a drink because that was my only way of coping.

  I remembered how much he’d hurt me.

  And that was when I knew how I felt. “No.”

  He took another deep breath, his eyes falling with disappointment.

  “I told you I wouldn’t wait for you. I told you I wouldn’t take you back.” It didn’t matter how much I’d loved him in the past. His actions were unforgivable, and I would never trust him again. The beautiful relationship we’d had was poisoned by his departure. He couldn’t take that back. “Goodbye, Finn.” I closed the door in his face.

  Then I locked it.

  A week came and went, and he didn’t bother me again.

  Maybe that was the end of it.

  Maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. Maybe we would only bump into each other once in a while. Colton didn’t seem to like him, so it was unlikely they would be hanging out much.

  When I got off work, I went to Brutus’s apartment. He gave me the code to his elevator and encouraged me to visit him whenever I felt like it. I texted him before I made my way over then stepped out of the elevator into the living room. “I’m here.”

  Brutus exited the hallway, his sweatpants low on his hips while he was shirtless. He didn’t have ink everywhere, but he was as hard as steel—and even sexier. “Hey, babe.” He kissed me in the living room. “What a nice surprise.”

  “I missed you.”

  “Did you now?”

  “And I was horny.”

  He chuckled. “You mean you were just horny.”

  I shrugged. “You caught me.”

  “That’s fine with me. I’m glad you stopped by anyway. I’m leaving tomorrow, and I want to enjoy you as much as I can.”

  “Leaving?” I asked. “To go where?”

  “New York,” he said with a sigh. “I have work to do up there. I’ll be gone for a few weeks.”

  He was telling me this now? “Oh…I had no idea.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been dreading it. I was actually going to ask if you want to come with me.”

  I’d never been to New York before. “How long is the trip?”

  “About three weeks.”

  It was the perfect time for me to get out of town with Finn lurking around. “I can’t be away from work that long.”

  “Yeah, I figured. Sometimes I think about buying your shop so you won’t have to work anymore.”

  “But I like working.”

  He smiled. “I know. That’s why I like you.” He kissed me again before he took me by the hand and guided me into his bedroom. “I’m sorry I’ll be gone for so long. But I’ll make it up to you when I get back.”

  “You better.” Without Brutus being in town, I would be stuck at my apartment all the time. That meant Finn could stop by whenever he wanted. If Brutus were still in town, I could just stay at his place for weeks on end and avoid it altogether.

  “You alright?” He sat on the edge of the bed and studied me.

  “Yeah…” I slipped off my heels and took a seat beside him.

  “I didn’t realize you were going to miss me so much.”

  Brutus and I weren’t in a serious relationship. We were just comfortable with each other, finding comfort in each other’s past pain. But we’d become so close that I didn’t want to lie about Finn. It seemed deceitful, especially when he’d been hurt in the past. “There’s something I need to tell you…”

  “Alright.”

  “Finn came by my apartment last week.”

  His eyebrows furrowed. “I thought he was in Africa and was never coming back.”

  “I thought the same thing. But Colton told me Finn said he regretted leaving…and returned to Seattle to get me back.”

  When Brutus understood the gravity of the situation, he just stared at me. “What happened?”

  “He came to my door, and I just stared at him. Memories came flooding back, all our nights together. I remembered the way he said he loved me, the way he made me feel…but then I remembered how much he hurt me. I remembered the moment when he threw us away. I told him I would never take him back…then shut the door in his face.”

  Brutus didn’t have a reaction to the news.

  “I just wanted you to know. Felt weird keeping it from you.”

  “Thanks for telling me.” His hand moved to my thigh. “How do you feel about it?”

  “I don’t know… I guess I’m still processing it. Colton said Finn moved back to Seattle permanently. I just don’t understand how he could leave me then change his mind. And I don’t under
stand why it took so long to change his mind.”

  “Maybe he isn’t that bright.”

  “I guess…”

  He moved his hand to my back then migrated his fingers to the back of my hair. “I feel weird giving you advice because I’m biased, but I think you made the right decision. Maybe if he’d come back sooner, it would have been different. But seven months is a long time.”

  “Yeah…”

  “When my ex came back to me, I didn’t hesitate before I shut the door in her face. Her actions were obviously worse than Finn’s, but it felt good shutting the door on her for good. It gave me closure. It really allowed me to move on with my life. Maybe this will give you closure too.”

  Maybe.

  Maybe not.

  “Wow…” Stella sat across from me, her drink untouched because she’d been too absorbed in our conversation to take a drink. “That’s all you said?”

  “Then you shut the door?” Tatum asked.

  I nodded. “I remembered how much I loved him…but I also remembered how much he hurt me. I didn’t think twice before I told him we would never get back together. Then I shut the door.”

  “I wonder what changed his mind,” Stella said. “It’s been seven months. What took so long?”

  I shrugged.

  “Do you think he’ll ask you again?” Tatum asked.

  I shrugged again. “We’ll have to talk at some point. He’s Colton’s brother, so there’s no way around it.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve been with so many hot guys,” Stella said. “First, Jax and then Finn…and now Brutus. And Brutus is so fucking rich. That guy probably wipes his ass with cash.”

  Tatum laughed. “And he’d still look hot doing it.”

  “He’s in New York right now,” I said. “Wiping his ass with hundred-dollar bills, apparently.”

  “He’s gorgeous,” Stella said. “Imagine if you had a threesome with him and Finn.”

  I didn’t want to think about sex with Finn ever again.

  Tatum’s eyes shifted to the bar behind me. A second later, they widened. “Speaking of the devil…”

  Stella followed her stare. “He’s sitting at the bar watching the game.”

  It was already happening. I was bumping into him at my favorite bar, infecting the same space just like I used to. I could be cold and ignore him, but I didn’t want to be friends like we used to be…because we’d never really been friends. “Is he with anyone?”

  “No,” Stella reported. “He’s sitting alone.”

  “Is he looking over here?” Had he already noticed us?

  “Now he is,” Tatum said. “He’s heading over here.”

  Of course, he was. “Great…”

  A minute later, he reached the table, holding a glass of dark beer. He was in a black t-shirt and black jeans, filling out his clothes with his masculine physicality.

  I stared at my glass.

  “Ladies, how are you?” He set his beer down on the table and addressed Stella and Tatum.

  “Good,” Stella said. “We were just talking about Pepper’s super sexy and rich boyfriend.”

  I cringed at her description. I didn’t want to be with Finn, but I didn’t want to make him feel like shit either.

  Finn didn’t have a reaction to the comment. “Can I buy you guys another drink?”

  “We’re good,” Tatum said.

  Instead of walking away, Finn continued to stand there.

  The silence stretched for a long time, until I was unable to ignore it. I finally lifted my gaze and addressed him. “Hi…” I looked into his blue eyes and saw the old intensity he used to flash me all the time, like I was the only thing on his mind.

  He didn’t say anything back. His focused stare was more than enough. “Ladies, could you give us a moment?”

  “Hell no,” Stella answered. “She could be all yours right now, but you left.”

  “Or did you forget?” Tatum asked. “Did you forget when you were screwing some whore in Uganda?”

  Whoa…they were taking this too far. “Guys, could you give us a minute?”

  Stella stuck her tongue out at him as she slid out of the booth, her drink in hand. Tatum rolled her eyes as she walked off. They settled on an empty booth on the other side of the room, far out of earshot.

  Finn sank into the booth, sitting directly across from me so there was nowhere else for me to look other than his beautiful blue eyes. His beer rested between his hands, and he stared at me like I was a photograph, not a real person breathing. His eyes studied my features, taking in the appearance of my eyes and lips. Then he glanced at my neck, as if he hoped to see the necklace he’d given me.

  It was in my nightstand drawer. I’d stopped wearing it a long time ago.

  The silence seemed to stretch on forever, so I took several drinks of my wine, hoping the booze would keep me loose for this very rigid conversation. I’d made myself clear on my doorstep, so hopefully, he wanted to talk about something else—like moving forward with our friendship.

  He finally spoke. “I’d like to tell you a few things.”

  So, this wasn’t over. “It’s not going to make a difference, Finn.” I kept my voice low and suppressed my rage. I was less angry at him when he left me and forgot about me. But listening to him admit it was a mistake just made me furious. He broke my heart for no reason. All of this could have been avoided if he’d just stayed. His remorse somehow made the situation worse.

  “Then there’s no harm in listening.” He moved his beer to the side, as if it might be a distraction from this conversation.

  “Other than wasting your time…” I never knew I could be so cold, but right now, I was freezing.

  His eyes closed for an instant, as if he were wounded by what I said.

  “I really hope you didn’t think you’d show up at my doorstep and I’d run into your arms like nothing happened. I may have loved you, but I have a lot more self-respect than that.”

  “No, I didn’t think that. But I didn’t think you’d hate me either.”

  I felt a lot of negativity toward Finn, but I certainly didn’t hate him. “Hate is a strong word, and I don’t use it unwisely. And I certainly won’t use it now…” He might have broken my heart, but he was a good man who was selfless and caring. He would make a woman very happy someday…when he was truly ready to settle down.

  “I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have left. And I’ll regret that mistake for as long as I live.”

  My eyes shifted to my glass, unable to tolerate the emotional sincerity in his gaze.

  “I thought that life was what I wanted, but then I realized I wasn’t that man anymore. I knew I belonged here—with you.”

  “If that’s true, why did it take you seven months to figure that out?”

  “It didn’t take seven months.” His arms rested on the wood between us, his powerful shoulders making an outline in his t-shirt. He glanced down at his hands then looked up to meet my gaze again. “It took a lot less. In the beginning, I pushed through my work and tried to stay busy so I wouldn’t think about you. But eventually, my sorrow caught up to me. When I kept my mind focused on other things, you would visit me in my dreams. They were always the same, the three of us at the house.”

  “Three of us?”

  “Soldier.”

  I hadn’t seen him much since Finn and I broke up, and I missed him so much.

  “And you’re always pregnant…” He sighed as he looked at me. “The dream woke me up, and I went to the balcony of my apartment. I looked into the dark night and cried… I cried.”

  I pictured this beautiful man weeping tears for me, a man so strong and stoic that he never showed his emotions to anyone.

  “When my buddies passed away, I didn’t shed a tear. When other terrible things happened, I never got choked up. But that dream killed my soul…because that’s the future I was supposed to have.” He lowered his gaze and stared at the table between us, unable to hold my look any longer.

  It
was a moving story, but the number of tears he shed wouldn’t compare to mine.

  “I told Colton how I felt, but he told me I’d missed my chance. He told me to forget about you.”

  Colton never told me that.

  “Months passed, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Uganda isn’t my home. Seattle is my home…you are my home. So regardless of what happens between us, I want to be near you. I want you in my life. I’m prepared to show you that I’m not going to run off again…not ever. I’d marry you tomorrow if you said yes.”

  My defenses slowly softened at his confession. I used to fantasize about our wedding day until the dream was cruelly taken from me. It was a nice picture, but it wasn’t nice enough. “As lovely as that sounds, it’s meaningless now. You didn’t offer those things when it mattered. You didn’t stay when it mattered. I’ve never told you this, but I’ve struggled with abandonment issues my entire life. My mother put me in a home because she didn’t want me, and I’ve been on my own ever since. When Colton left, I felt like I was losing my family again. That’s why that divorce was so hard for me. Then we got together…and I realized you were the person I was supposed to be with. I felt complete. You would be my family…and we would make a family together. But then you left…” I swallowed the lump in my throat so I wouldn’t cry. “If you broke up with me because it just wasn’t working, that would have been different. But you asked me to be your wife, to be your family…and then you took off. It opened up my old wounds, made me feel abandoned once more. That hurt most of all…and that’s why I can’t forgive you.”

  He bowed his head slightly, his eyes closing as he suffered through the pain.

  “I’m sure Colton didn’t tell you this, but those months after you left were the hardest of my life. I was so depressed, I couldn’t work and I almost lost my store. I cried so much and became dangerously dehydrated, so I had to go to the ER…and be treated by Layla. Finn, it was really hard for me. After three months passed, I finally accepted the horrible truth—you weren’t coming back. I forced myself to move on with my life. I started sleeping around, picking up guys at bars every weekend because it was better to sleep with a stranger than be alone. And now I’m still broken because I never want to fall in love again. I just want someone who wants the same things I do, a friend who wants a family. That’s how I found Brutus. It’s a weak thing to say, but your departure killed me. Now I’ll never be the same…”