by E. L. Todd
Finn kept his head bowed for a while, his hands resting against his lips. He was still for a long time before he lifted his head and looked at me, moisture in his gaze that reflected the light hanging from the ceiling between us. The water didn’t thicken into tears, but it was enough to show how hurt he was. “Baby, I’m so sorry…” His voice cracked slightly, so heavy with remorse that his apology was derived from the heart.
Despite how much he’d hurt me, I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want him to feel the pain I’d felt a million times over. I didn’t want him to suffer. In a moment of pity, my hand reached for his across the table. “If you stay in Seattle, we can be friends. I’d never come between you and Colton. But I don’t want you to waste your time hoping there’s ever a chance we can get back together…because we can’t. You should sell your house and start over somewhere else. I’ve moved on with my life, Finn. You should too.” I pulled my hand away and slid out of the booth.
He continued to stare straight ahead, his eyes watering until a tear broke free and slid down each cheek. He didn’t seem to care that he was in a public place. He didn’t care about wearing his heart on his sleeve. He was so broken that he didn’t care about anything anymore.
Staying was only making it worse, so I turned away and walked off.
I got no satisfaction out of what I’d just witnessed. If I had it my way, I would take away all his pain…so he would never have to feel as terrible as I did.
“You alright?” Colton stood at the kitchen counter and watched me enter his apartment. “You look shaken up…” He sprinkled parsley over the pan of lasagna and placed it in the oven. He shut the door then ripped off his oven mitts.
“I just had a long talk with Finn…” The image of him succumbing to tears would haunt me for a long time.
“Please don’t tell me you took him back…”
“No.”
He released a satisfied smile. “Good.”
“But he seems genuine, Colton. I know you’re angry with him, but you need to be there for him right now. He needs you.”
He cocked an eyebrow and wore an incredulous look. “He’s the one who chose to leave—”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re his brother—be there for him. He’s going through a really hard time, and he doesn’t need to be reminded of his shortcomings. He’s in a dark place, and he needs support. You need to be that support.”
“What did he say to you?”
“It wasn’t what he said…” I believed Finn was genuine, that it was a mistake he wished he could take back, but no amount of remorse could erase the damage inflicted. He broke me into so many pieces that I would never be whole—thanks to him. We could never have a relationship after everything that had happened. I would never trust him again, no matter how sincere he was.
Colton continued to watch me. “Is he going to stay?”
“I’m not sure. But I encouraged him to leave and start over somewhere else.”
Now that Colton knew we weren’t getting back together, he dropped his venom. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah…I’m okay. I don’t want him to feel like this. I want him to be happy.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I always knew you were the most compassionate person I’ve ever met, but you still surprise me. After what he did to you, he doesn’t deserve your kindness.”
“I’ll always love him…so he’ll always have my kindness.”
I talked to Brutus on the phone and told him everything that happened with Finn.
After a long pause, he spoke. “That’s heavy…”
“It wasn’t a fun conversation.”
“I almost feel bad for the guy…almost.”
I hated how much Finn was hurting.
“But he was an idiot to let you go. Now he’s paying for his stupidity.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I changed the subject. “How’s New York?”
“Eh, it’s fine.”
“I thought New York was exciting?”
“I’ve been here a lot. I get tired of the crowds and the weather. It’s either a million degrees, or it’s covered in snow—one or the other. And I’m in meetings most of the time, so I’m working most of the time.”
“That’s too bad.”
“It is what it is. It’s actually pretty late here, so I’ll let you go.”
We started off as two people casually seeing each other, but now we talked every day like we were a couple. We didn’t have deep conversations about the future, and we didn’t say the L-word to each other either. “Alright. I’m getting tired. Good night.”
“Good night.” He hung up.
I looked at my phone and noticed the battery was about to die. I carried it into the kitchen and plugged it into the charger. I always kept the wire in one place because if I ever moved it, I lost it.
A knock sounded on the door.
It was nine in the evening and it wasn’t Colton, who would just let himself inside.
That meant it was Finn.
I used to pray for a moment like this, to hear his knock in my most desperate hour. But his presence never came. He never carried the light into the darkest time in my life. But now he was here…and he wasn’t going away easily.
I opened the door and came face-to-face with him. I’d seen him a few hours ago at the bar, and since then, his tears had stopped. There was still a tint of redness to his gaze, a puffiness around his eyes. Our conversation happened hours ago, but it was obviously still heavy on his mind.
He entered my apartment without being invited and shut the door behind him.
I backed up, feeling him take charge of the moment without saying a single word. “I’m staying in Seattle. I’m not moving somewhere else to start over. My family is here. My house is here. My dog is here.”
“Alright…” He would just make it more difficult for himself—for both of us.
“And you’re here.”
I released the air from my lungs, not surprised he hadn’t been deterred.
“I gave up on us when I shouldn’t have. I left you when I should have stayed. I’m not making that mistake again. Baby, I’m here until you’re ready to have me again. I will wait until you trust me again. I will wait as long as it takes. If all I can be is your friend, that’s fine. I’ll gladly take it.”
“Finn, I’m seeing someone.”
“I don’t care.”
“But I like him—”
“You don’t love him.”
“You don’t know how I feel.”
He stepped nearer to me, our bodies coming closer together than they had been in months. “Yes, I do. I know what it’s like to be loved by you…and I don’t see that when you talk about him. And you told me you wanted someone for convenience, someone who’s safe. You’re with him because he won’t hurt you…and that’s not love.”
“Well, I’ve done the love thing a couple of times, and it didn’t work…”
“It didn’t work once,” he corrected. “Because our story isn’t over yet.”
“Finn, you’re wasting your time—”
“Then let me waste it.” He stepped back, the vein in his forehead pounding as I imagined the adrenaline spiked in his blood. “You may not be mine anymore, but I’m still yours. Whether it takes months or years, I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait until this guy screws up or the next one does. The story ends with us together. I just have to wait for the pages to turn.” He placed his hand over his heart. “I’m your family, Pepper. You already have my last name. Our kids will have that last name. I won’t leave you again, not ever. I know you don’t trust me…but someday you will.”
11
Colton
I rang the doorbell.
The weather was surprisingly nice, clear and sunny, so I thought I’d ask Finn if he wanted to shoot some hoops.
He opened the door, just wearing his sweatpants without a shirt. He regarded me with a cold look, immediately suspicious of my presence since I’d been a d
ick to him ever since he returned to Seattle. “Why are you here?”
I couldn’t stop a small smile when my own words echoed back at me. “Wanted to see if you wanted to shoot some hoops.”
“Again…why?”
“Because it’s fun.”
“Last time we spoke, it seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“Well…Pepper talked some sense into me. She said you were going through a hard time so I should be there for you… That’s what brothers are for.”
He sighed as he opened the door wider. “Of course she did.” He walked into the house and left the door open. “I’ll grab the ball from the garage.”
When he stepped out of the way, Soldier bolted toward me, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. He jumped on me and dragged his paws down my legs, his tail wagging a million miles an hour.
“Hey, boy. I missed you too.” I kneeled down and gave him a good rubdown. “You liked staying at Grandma’s?”
He barked then licked my face.
Finn returned with his Nikes and a ball under his arm. “He gained a lot of weight staying with Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Shut up, he looks fine.” We headed to the driveway, and Soldier took a seat in the grass.
Finn dribbled the ball then made a shot, sinking it through the net on his first attempt.
“Nice.” I got the ball and dribbled to the road. I tried to sink the shot, but I missed by a foot. “I’m a little rusty.”
Finn got the ball again, and we took turns shooting.
“So…are you staying in Seattle, then?”
“Don’t look so happy,” he said sarcastically. He dribbled the ball then passed it to me. “I’m not leaving. This is where I’ve settled down for good.”
“Finn, I’m happy to have you back, but I really think you’re wasting your time.” I didn’t say these things to hurt him. I said them to protect him. If he kept putting his heart on the line, it would keep getting smashed.
“I don’t.”
“Brutus is pretty—”
“She doesn’t love him.”
“Not yet.” I lined up the shot and made it.
He grabbed the ball from under the hoop. “Say whatever you want, Colton. I won’t change my mind. I wasn’t there for her when I should have been, but I’m here now. I’ll wait as long as it takes, be whatever she needs…even if that’s only a friend.”
“You’re just gonna get your heart ripped out, man.”
“Even so, it hurts far less to be near her than far away from her.”
“And what about when you see them together?” I asked.
He dribbled the ball and stared at the hoop, either thinking about his shot or the question I’d just asked. “I’ll deal with it.”
“I don’t think it’s just something you can deal with.”
“I’ll do whatever I have to get her back. So if I have to suffer for a while, so be it. This guy may be rich and good-looking, but he’ll never have what I have. He’ll never give her what we had. She’ll have to choose between what’s safe and what’s real…and I know exactly what she’ll choose.”
Pepper entered my apartment with chips and salsa. “I have extra wine at my place. You want me to grab it?”
“No, I think we have plenty of stuff.” I set the bean dip on the table. “I should tell you that I invited Finn…is that okay?”
She patted me on the arm. “Don’t be ridiculous. He’s always welcome.”
“Are you sure? Because when I saw him a few days ago, he seemed pretty determined to get you back.”
She shrugged. “I tried discouraging him, but it didn’t make a difference.”
“Does that change anything…?”
“No.” She said it without hesitation. “He hurt me in a way we can never recover from. I made that perfectly clear. He might hang out for a couple of months, but he’ll lose interest. We both know how he is…he’ll never stay in one place too long.” She rolled her eyes and walked away.
Finn had developed a bad reputation, but I didn’t defend it. It was dead on.
Pepper greeted Tom while Stella walked up to me. “You invited him?”
“He’s my brother, Stella. What was I supposed to do?”
“How about, not invite him?” she asked. “You can see him at Thanksgiving and shit. But not on our turf.”
“Look, Pepper told me to be nice to him since he’s going through a hard time…”
“Boo-hoo. Pepper cried her eyes out every day for three months. You think I give a shit that he’s going through a hard time?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Bitch, please.” She strutted back to the couches in the living room where Zach was watching the game.
I felt bad for my brother… He had a tough crowd.
He knocked on the door a moment later.
I answered it then spoke at a low level so only he would hear. “Just a warning…everyone hates you.”
He held a case of beer in his hand, and a slow smile crept onto his lips. “Trust me, I already know.” He clapped me on the back. “But thanks for the heads-up.” He carried his case of beer to the fridge. “Hey, guys.”
All he heard were crickets.
Pepper was the only one who acknowledged his existence. “Hey, Finn. I’ll take one.”
He grabbed her a bottle, twisted off the cap, and then handed it to her. In the small interaction, he looked at her like she belonged to him, like she lit up the room and he was a moth attracted to her flame.
She turned away and pretended not to notice. She was in the mood for wine but drank his beer to be polite, to make him feel less ostracized from the group.
Stella’s eyes smoldered with fire. “So how rich is Brutus, again? Isn’t he worth like two hundred billion dollars?” She spoke loudly and obnoxiously, doing her best to make Finn feel like shit.
Pepper looked mortified. “Stella.”
“And how big is his dick again?” Stella asked. “Anaconda, right?”
Pepper narrowed her eyes. “Stella.”
Stella didn’t look the least bit remorseful as she drank from her wineglass. “Let’s just say I wish he were sitting here playing games with us instead of you.” She gave Finn a dark look before she turned to ignoring him.
I was pissed at Finn too, but even I thought that was a little cold.
Pepper clearly didn’t appreciate it either. “Stella, don’t—”
“It’s fine.” Finn took a seat on the couch with his beer in hand. “She’s right.”
“Damn right, I’m right,” Stella snapped. “You can’t just dump her, take back her ring, and then chill with us like we’re all friends. Bitch, we’ll never be friends. That charming smile and those tattoos won’t work on anyone anymore. We know what you really are—a piece of shit.”
“Jesus, knock it off.” Pepper slammed down her beer. “Enough is enough. Take the high road and be classy. I know you just want to have my back, but I don’t need it. Finn is Colton’s brother, and we need to include him. I don’t care if he’s here or if he’s not here. If I can deal with him, so can you. That goes for all of you.” She pointed to everyone in the circle. “Now let’s have some fun.”
When game night was over and everyone left, Finn helped me clean up and do the dishes.
Pepper stuck around too, preserving all of the leftovers and rolling up the bags of chips.
Finn looked up every few minutes to stare at her.
She was oblivious to it, concentrating on her hands. When her phone rang, she looked at the screen. “It’s Brutus. I’ll see you guys later.” She walked to the door as she answered. “Hey, how was your day?” She walked out and shut the door behind her.
Like a dog that was devastated when its owner left, Finn stood at the sink and stared at the spot where she’d been a moment before. The water continued to run as he abandoned the dishes at the bottom of the sink.
I couldn’t unsee the devastation in his eyes. I actually felt bad for him.
He finally
lowered his gaze and kept washing the dishes. “What do you think of him?”
“I told you I liked him.”
“But what do you think of him? Why do you like him?”
“Do you really want to have this conversation?” I asked in surprise.
“Yes.”
“He adores Pepper. I guess that’s my biggest reason. The second he saw her, he was smitten. She kept trying to brush him off, but he wouldn’t give up.”
“She didn’t want him at first?” He stacked the washed dishes on the counter so I could put them in the dishwasher.
“No. She blew him off twice, actually.”
“How did he change her mind?”
“He told her he was divorced. He’d been hurt just the way she had.”
He kept scrubbing, listening to our conversation while he focused on his work. “What’s their relationship like?”
“I feel weird giving you this information…”
“But I’m your brother, and you’re going to tell me.”
“Finn, I haven’t changed my mind about anything. You may be my brother, but I still prefer him for Pepper.”
He stopped his actions, looking at me like that wounded his soul. “I know I fucked up, but don’t be cruel.”
“I’m just being honest. Before you got here, I told Pepper you were coming. She didn’t care. But she did say you would be gone in a few months…because you’re never in one spot too long. You’ll lose interest and move on. And I agree with her.”
He turned his gaze to the sink, visibly crushed by his reputation. “I don’t blame her for thinking that…but it’s not true. At least, not anymore.” He started to do the dishes again. “Now, answer my question.”