by E. L. Todd
“I don’t know…it started off casual, but now they’re a couple. They’re together a lot. She usually sleeps at his place. They have a really open relationship. They aren’t afraid to tell each other the truth… They’re really honest with each other.”
“Did she tell him about me?”
I nodded.
“Why hasn’t he shown his face? Why isn’t he coming to game night with her friends?”
“He’s in New York.”
He set the dishes on the counter and turned off the faucet. “Why?”
“For work.”
“How long will he be gone?”
I shrugged. “A few weeks.”
He stared at me as he considered the information. Then he looked at the sink again. “The timing couldn’t be more perfect.”
“You aren’t going to get her to change her mind in a few weeks.”
“No. But I’m definitely going to try.”
12
Pepper
Since I had employees at the store, I didn’t work as much. I took long lunches, worked on paperwork, and went home early. On top of that, my store was open longer hours, and I was doing bridal parties every weekend. I was working a few hours a week but making twenty times what I made before.
Brutus had the Midas touch.
Since there was nothing to do at the shop, I changed at my apartment and headed to the gym. I’d been working out with Stella in the mornings, but now that I actually enjoyed exercising, I hit the gym on my own in the afternoons. Plus, I had a lot of extra time now.
I walked inside the gym and spotted a familiar face.
Finn.
He was lying on one of the benches and pumping enormous weight. Weights were on either side of the bar, making the total weight over two hundred pounds. He did his presses, his chest thick and tight, and sweat accumulated all over his body. He was shirtless just like he was at home—and he was attracting a lot of attention.
Almost every woman in there was staring at him.
When he finished his set, he sat up and patted his forehead with his towel. He didn’t notice me because he wasn’t looking into the mirror in front of him. His eyes were on the ground, his features forlorn.
A perfect ten walked over to him, her blond hair slick in a ponytail. She wore only a sports bra and leggings, showing off her incredible definition and killer ass. She was the kind of woman that didn’t get rejected often…if ever. Even without makeup, she was still flawless.
Music was loud overhead so I couldn’t hear their conversation, but it seemed like Finn wasn’t interested in anything she had to say. He hardly looked at her as she talked his ear off for nearly five minutes. When he finally spoke, he must have said something offensive because she immediately looked pissed.
Finn placed his earbuds in his ears and tuned her out completely.
She stomped off, all the guys checking out her ass as she went.
Finn looked just as miserable as he had before she approached him, like he’d lost everything.
I shouldn’t feel anything for him, but I somehow felt terrible for him. I knew exactly how he felt…because I’d cried for three months straight.
I went to the free weights and grabbed a few ten-pounders. There was a mirror on the opposite side of the room, so I did my workout. I worked on my arms and shoulders, sculpting them even though Stella had kicked my ass in her early morning classes.
A few minutes later, I noticed him approach me from behind, his expression visible in the mirror. I kept working out even though his stare was focused with laser-like intensity. I glanced at him from time to time, but I eventually stopped what I was doing when he was directly behind me, his smell registering in my nose.
I pulled out my earbuds and turned to look at him. Instead of wearing a sexy outfit like most of the girls, I just wore an old t-shirt and leggings. I was making more now, but the last thing I was going to spend it on was workout clothes.
He continued to stare at me like he could hardly believe I was there. Then he pulled his buds out of his ears. “Pepper?”
“Yes…it’s really me.”
“I noticed your arms looked tighter, but I didn’t think it was from hitting weights.”
“Stella got me working out. I’ve been addicted ever since. It’s a great way to release all that bad energy…”
He gave a curt nod in acknowledgment. “Colton told me your store is doing well. I guess that’s why you’re here in the middle of the day.”
“Yeah, I work fewer hours now. It’s been nice.” Even when we discussed friendly topics, it never felt like we were really friends. There was always this tension between us. “What happened with that girl?”
“What girl?” he asked, seeming sincere about his confusion.
“The blonde. I saw you two talking.”
“Oh…” He shrugged. “Just chitchat.”
“Because it looked like you said something that pissed her off.”
He shrugged again. “She asked me out, and I said no. Nothing more to it.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have said that. She’s beautiful.”
His eyes narrowed like my comment offended him. “I’m taken.”
His devotion was sweet, but also pointless. “Finn—”
“My mom told me you didn’t see Soldier much while he was living with her. I know he’d really like to see you. He’s at my house if you want to stop by. I’m free now if you aren’t doing anything.”
Was this just a scheme to get me to come over? “I don’t think that’s a good idea…”
“I don’t have a trick up my sleeve. I just think he’d like to see you. That’s all.” He faced me, ignoring all the people grunting as they did their reps and set their weights on the floor. Upbeat pop music played overhead, obnoxiously loud and pointless since everyone wore headphones. Shirtless and sweaty, he kept staring at me.
“I would like to see him…” That dog felt like my own at one point in time. Losing him was almost as hard as losing Finn. It was like losing our child, the person we spent all our evenings with. He kept me company while Finn was away for a month, sticking by my side because he knew how heartbroken I was.
“Good. I’ll give you a lift.”
Being in his truck made me feel like we were back in time.
I sat in the passenger seat near the window and did everything I could to avoid his stare. I watched the cars go by, watched the businesses fade in the background as we headed to his home in the suburbs. The music wasn’t on, so we only had silence for comfort.
The tension was suffocating because the silence was filled with memories. I remembered when we had sex in the back seat of his truck because we couldn’t wait until we got home. I remembered the nights he would give me a lift to my apartment and the air would be charged between us. It was impossible not to think about it. “So, how was it over there?” He hadn’t given me any details of his trip.
He drove with one hand on the wheel. “Exactly what you’d expect. Hot. Dusty. Dirty.”
“I’ve never been to Uganda, so I don’t have expectations.”
“There’s a lot of beauty to it. The people are interesting, the culture is fascinating. But it’s an entirely different world from the one we’re used to. Crime is rampant, and the government is corrupt. Unfortunately, that is the only way of life those people know. They don’t have access to healthcare and die prematurely from illnesses that are easily treatable.” He kept his eyes on the road as the passion escaped his voice. Even though he’d left his position, it was obvious he still cared about the region. “Personally, I think healthcare should be a right, not a privilege, and that should apply to every being in the world, humans and animals.”
It was one of the reasons I’d fallen for him so hard. He was selfless, caring about others more than himself. He was a cold man showing little emotion, but he had a big heart in that hard chest. “Do you regret leaving?” We were never getting back together, so his actions seemed in vain.
�
��No. Remember what I told you about the military?”
“That it was time for you to leave.”
He nodded. “Same thing. It was time for me to leave. I’ve entered a new phase in my life…and that’s where I belong.” He didn’t look at me as he confessed his deep commitment to me, that he wanted to be there with me rather than anywhere else.
It was a kind gesture, but it fell on deaf ears.
We arrived at the house moments later, and he parked his truck in the garage.
I was taken back in time, back to the old lives we used to have. The garage was cleaner than it’d been before he left, probably because he’d organized everything before he’d let the renters move in.
We entered the house, and instantly, a huge dog charged right at me.
Soldier jumped on me, knocked me to the ground in the kitchen, and licked my face until saliva dripped down my cheeks. His tail wagged so hard, it seemed like it would fling off his butt and across the kitchen.
I laughed as I felt him smother me with love. “Aww, I missed you too.”
Finn kneeled down beside me. “You okay?”
I kept laughing, feeling Soldier cover me with his heavy body as he continued to kiss me. “Yes…but I might die from his kisses.”
Soldier whined as his entire body shook, so happy I was in the house again.
“Aww, you’re so sweet.” I rubbed his fur then wrapped my arms around him for a hug. I missed this dog so much, it brought tears to my eyes. I finally got some air and sat up, looking into those coffee-colored eyes that were full of innocence. “I missed you too, honey.” I cupped his cheeks and rubbed the backs of his ears. “You know I love you.”
He pressed his head to my chest and tried to sit in my lap, like he was a puppy rather than a full-grown dog.
“Oh wow…” I felt his heavy weight on my legs, like he was a fat kid and I was Santa Claus. “Grandma really has been fattening you up, huh?”
Finn continued to kneel down and watch us, a slight smile on his lips with affection in his eyes. He moved down to the tile and leaned against the doors of the pantry as he watched the two of us together. “He was happy to see me too…but not that happy.”
“Because I bought him toys,” I teased. “Unlike you.”
“Yeah…” He watched me play with Soldier, his large chest rising and falling slowly as he breathed.
I hugged Soldier and petted him as he got comfortable on top of me.
Finn watched him for a long time before his eyes lifted to meet mine. Even when he didn’t say a word, his eyes were full of remorse. He carried the weight of his regret, the pain of his mistake. He used to be difficult to read, but now his expression was like a book. “When I was in Kenya, there was a British doctor there. We kinda had a fling. But it didn’t mean anything. I told her I loved you, and when I left, she said she hoped I would get you back.”
I stopped petting Soldier because his words took me by surprise. I knew he’d slept with other people because six months was too long to be celibate. Just when I thought I didn’t care, I realized I did. It did bother me. Picturing him with someone else still made me sick to my stomach. But I refused to show that pain. “Your personal life is none of my business.”
“I just wanted you to know. She was the only woman I was with during that time.”
I should have been the only woman he was with. But he’d chosen to leave me. “Again, it doesn’t matter.”
“I didn’t want you to think I was chasing tail the way I used to. I was with Jane because I was depressed. And anytime I was with her, I thought about you. Sex used to feel good, but then it turned painful.” He rested his head back against the wood. “When it didn’t get better, I realized it never would. The weight of my mistake started to hit me, started to suffocate me. Then it became intolerable…”
I knew these kinds of conversations would happen any time we were alone together. They seemed inevitable. “Finn, our relationship is in the past. I’d appreciate it if we could just be friends, talk about Soldier or the weather.”
“Friends don’t tell friends about their suffering?” he asked.
“Not when it’s about our old relationship.”
He tilted his head to the ground and sighed.
“I really don’t want you to waste your time, Finn. You should leave.”
“No.” He held my gaze. “Never.” The determination was so bright, his eyes were vibrant like the sun.
“I still care about you, and I don’t—”
“You still love me.”
I didn’t break eye contact because that would make me seem weak, make his statement true. There was no doubt I would always love this man, even if I never wanted to be with him again. But that also meant nothing. “Love isn’t enough this time, Finn. There’s too much heartbreak, distrust, and pain. Even if I were still madly in love with you, it wouldn’t change anything. Everything else overrides it.” I looked down at Soldier, who had his eyes closed. He wasn’t asleep, but he seemed so comfortable in my lap. “I like Brutus, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to come between us.”
“I’m not trying to come between you. You’re the only person I care about.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his.
“I know you’re a loyal person, so I would never try to get you to cheat on him. That’s not how I’d want our relationship to start anyway. My goal is to make you realize you can trust me again, to make you realize you should be with me. You can stay with Brutus because he’s safe, because he won’t hurt you. But when you finally trust me again, you’ll want love. You’ll want that fiery, passionate, deep love we used to have. You’re still hurt by my betrayal…and I can wait until whenever you’re ready to feel that way again. You gave yourself to me completely, and I threw you away when I shouldn’t have. I understand why you’re broken. I understand why Brutus is appealing to you. But you’ll change your mind eventually…and I’ll be here when you do.” Finn had never been passionate about anything besides his work, but he seemed focused now. He cared about me more than anything else, even his job.
But the damage had been done. I petted Soldier on my lap and tried to ignore the tension between us. He ’d just given a speech that would make any other woman fall to her knees. But that wasn’t going to happen with me. “Were your parents happy to see you?”
He didn’t answer for a long time, as if he were disappointed that I changed the subject. “Yes. But my mom is still disappointed in me.”
“Because you left her again?”
He shook his head slightly. “Because I left you.”
And just like that…we were back to where we started. “Well, I’m sure she’s happy you’re home…” When we were together, I always kept my feelings in check because I didn’t want to scare him off. I wasn’t used to getting this kind of attention from him.
“Yeah…”
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Soldier’s forehead, so happy this wonderful dog was in my life again. If only I could keep him. “Saying goodbye to Soldier was so hard…I lost it.”
He studied me for a while, watching me interact with his dog.
“When you were gone that one month, he was always there for me. He knew when I was sad and tried to cheer me up. He was always there to lick my tears away…like he could feel what I was feeling.” I’d never had a pet before in my life, and now it made me want to have a dog of my own…but nobody would compare to Soldier.
“How about you borrow him for a few days?”
I looked up, shocked by the offer. “What?”
“Take him. He’s housebroken, so he’ll let you know when he needs to go outside. And he would love to crash at your place for a bit.”
“You’re going to let me borrow your dog?” I asked incredulously.
He shrugged. “Why not? He’d love it.”
“I don’t know…I feel weird taking him from you.”
“You’re just borrowing him. Think of it as babysitting.”
Like So
ldier understood what we were saying, he lifted his head and looked at me, showing me those literal puppy-dog eyes.
“Dammit…I can’t say no to that face.” I patted his head.
“I need to learn to make that face, then,” Finn said, teasing me.
I heard his words but refused to react. “Does he still snore?”
“Like a freight train,” he said with a chuckle. “But it’s got a nice ring to it.” He rose to his feet and grabbed the dog food. “I’ll pack up a couple of things for you.”
“Are you sure about this? I feel bad taking your baby.”
He dumped the food into a plastic bag and grabbed one of the toys I’d bought for Soldier. “He’s our baby. We can share.”
We entered my apartment, and Soldier immediately felt comfortable, as if he could smell my scent on every piece of furniture. He took a look around and smelled the couches then ventured into my bedroom, helping himself like he already lived there.
Finn put the bowls on the ground and filled them with food and water. “I’ll pick him up in a few days. Let me know if you want to keep him longer.” He rose to his feet and moved to the door as if he was going to stay goodbye and not look for an excuse to linger.
“Thanks.”
“I just hope he’ll agree to come home with me.” The door was still open so he stepped into the hallway. When he turned his back on me, his broad shoulders stretched out his t-shirt. He started off wider then became narrower around the hips, making the perfect triangle that every woman fantasized about.
“He’ll get sick of me eventually.”
“I doubt it.” He turned around and gave me a soft smile.
“You did.”
He dropped his smile immediately.
It was a low blow, but it sprung to my mind instantly. I didn’t want to hurt him even though no one would blame me, but that popped out on its own. “I’m sorry…”
“No, I deserved it.” He started to close the door. “Good night, baby.”
Baby. He used to call me that every day. Used to whisper it when he made love to me. “Finn, you can’t call me that anymore.”