by E. L. Todd
He halted on the doorstep, staring at me like my request was ridiculous. “I can call you whatever I want.”
“I’m not your baby.”
“Doesn’t matter. I called you that even when you weren’t my baby…and I’ll keep calling you that until you are again.” He closed the door, and his loud footsteps echoed as he disappeared. When it turned silent, I knew he was really gone.
I sat on the couch and thought about my afternoon. I’d spent most of it with Finn, running into him at the gym when I least expected him.
My phone started to ring.
It was Brutus, so I answered. “Hey, having a New York minute?”
“Clever,” he said sarcastically. “More like a New York eternity.”
“If you hate it so much, why don’t you come home?”
“Because I love money.”
The sentence was a bit of a turn-off, but I knew he had to run a company, and that took sacrifice. He would only do that if he were being compensated for it…and jetting off to Fiji.
Soldier jumped on the couch and barked.
“What was that?” Brutus asked.
“Oh…Soldier.”
“Am I supposed to know who that is?”
“It’s Finn’s dog.”
He was quiet for a while. “Are you at Finn’s house?”
“No. He let me borrow him for a few days.”
He turned quiet again, his unhappiness obvious. “Why would you want to borrow his dog?”
“We used to be really close. He feels like my dog. I don’t know…Finn offered and I accepted.” I petted Soldier beside me and felt the tension grow over the line.
“So, are you hanging out with Finn a lot now?”
I could sense his jealousy, which was surprising because he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to get jealous. “No. I ran into him at the gym.”
“Then went to his house?”
“Yeah…that’s where the dog was.”
He didn’t seem to appreciate my sarcasm. “You said you didn’t want to get back together with him, but you seem to be spending a lot of time with him.”
“But I’m not. Colton had game night a few days ago and he was there, but we didn’t hang out one-on-one. There’s no way I can avoid him. It’s just not possible. And then I happened to run into him at the gym. You’re overthinking it.”
“Maybe…I just think it’s weird you have an attachment to his dog.”
“I was living with Finn at one time, so I was with his dog all the time… I developed an attachment.”
Brutus finally backed off when he realized this conversation was going nowhere. “How was work?”
“Weird.”
“Why was it weird?”
“Because I was gone by noon.”
He chuckled. “It’s nice, right?”
“I’m used to working long hours without pay. But now I get paid when I don’t work…it’s crazy.”
“You’re just being more efficient. Running a business is difficult, so it’s nice to have someone with experience to give you advice. I’m glad I could help.”
“And I’m still repaying you for that help…”
When sex was mentioned, he lightened up even more. “Just another week and I’ll be home. Better stock up on that lingerie.”
“Now that I have some extra money, I can actually afford to buy a few things from my shop.”
“Good. Then I’m really glad I helped you.”
I chuckled. “That’s all you care about…sex.”
“I distinctly remember when that was all you cared about.”
I had rejected him constantly, doing my best to stay away from him after I got my fix. But he eventually wore me down…because he didn’t give up. “I know it’s late there, so I’ll let you go.”
“Alright.” He sighed into the phone. “I miss you.”
Brutus and I weren’t serious, but we’d started to speak to each other like we were. He was the perfect guy, and I’d finally found someone who really understood all of my fears. But Finn popped into my mind, the deep pain in his eyes as he looked at me. I shook off the thought. “I miss you too…”
13
Colton
I walked across the hall and let myself inside her apartment. Now I never knew when she was home since she was working fewer hours. Taking her toilet paper and salt became a lot more difficult.
Soldier hopped off the couch and ran toward me, his tongue hanging out as he pawed at my legs.
“Soldier? What are you doing here?”
Pepper stepped out of her bedroom. “He lives here. What’s your excuse?”
After I gave him a good rubdown, I rose to my full height. “Finn gave him to you.”
“He let me borrow him. We kinda share custody now.”
“Divorce is always the hardest on the kids.” I patted him on the head. “At least I can run into my buddy once in a while.”
“So, what brings you here?” Her hair was slightly damp, so she’d probably come home after the gym and showered. She worked out hard—and now her body was even hotter than it used to be.
“Do I need a reason?”
She gave me a look full of attitude. “What are you here to take now?”
“What?” I asked innocently. “I’m not here to take anything.”
With that glare, she clearly didn’t believe me. “There’s extra toilet paper under the sink.”
“Actually…” I tiptoed into the kitchen and approached the cabinet. “Tom is coming over, and I need a bottle of wine.”
She rolled her eyes. “Knew it. I just went to the store, so you’re in luck.”
I opened the door and grabbed a bottle of white wine, seeing all the bottles she’d stocked up on. “You know what? Think about all the free food and toilet paper you’ve gotten from me throughout the years. This is payback.”
“If it is, I’ll make sure to get you back double.” She grabbed Soldier’s toy off the ground and tossed it to him. “Have fun with Tom. You really should grow a pair and ask him to move in. You’ve been together for a year now.”
“I don’t know… He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with.”
“So?” she asked. “If you love him, you love him.”
I’d thought about marriage a couple of times, the two of us getting a house together where we could have our two kids. “We wouldn’t be neighbors anymore.”
“Good. You won’t steal my stuff.”
I chuckled then headed to the door. “You got plans tonight?”
“Just with Soldier.”
“You wanna join us?”
“No, it’s okay.” She moved to the couch and took a seat. “You guys enjoy your time together.”
I felt bad leaving her alone when Brutus was away and Finn was sniffing around. “Brutus will be home next week.”
“Yep. Hopefully, he doesn’t leave for another trip soon. I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships.”
“I’m sure it’ll be a while before that happens. Has Finn bothered you?”
She shrugged. “He keeps saying the same stuff over and over…that he’s not giving up on me.” Her gaze faded away like her thoughts drifted somewhere else. Instead of being indifferent like she used to be, she was blanketed in melancholy. “It’s weird to think he was gone for so long and now he’s here…on my doorstep. I still can’t believe he’s in Seattle. I wonder how long he’ll stay.”
I used to think he would take off because he hadn’t changed, but being around now Finn made me question my assumption. That man had never been more determined in his life. It was the first time he was completely devoted to a person rather than a job. It was a big change for someone like him. “I don’t know…”
I said goodbye then returned to my apartment so I could chill the bottle of wine. Just when I shut the door to the freezer, my phone rang.
It was Brutus.
In the limited time he’d been dating Pepper, we hadn’t spoken on the phone once. We texted occasionally, ma
inly if we were doing something as a group. I liked the guy and considered him to be a friend, but we weren’t that close. Whatever he wanted must be important. “Hey, man.” I stood at the kitchen counter and stared into the living room of my apartment.
“Hey, Colt. Is Pepper around?”
“She’s in her apartment. Are you having a hard time getting a hold of her?”
“No. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t around…”
Ooh…this just got interesting. “You should know, when it comes to Pepper, I’m not good at keeping secrets.”
“That’s fine. I just want some answers, and I know you’ll be straight with me.”
Answers about what? “Alright…”
“You told me you think I’m good for Pepper.”
“I did…”
“I know this may be awkward for you, but I want to know the details about your brother. Pepper told me his dog is staying at her place… She’s seeing him a lot. She told me he wanted her back, but she said no. What I want to know is…should I be worried about him?”
“If Pepper turned him down, that’s a pretty clear answer—”
“I mean, is he chasing her? Is he trying to get her back while I’m not around?”
He was right. This was an awkward conversation.
“Colton.”
I always seemed to be in the middle of Pepper’s relationships. Somehow, someway, it always happened.
“You there?”
“Yeah…I’m here.”
“Your silence doesn’t bode well.”
“I guess I don’t want to get in the middle of it.”
“I just want to know if he’s trying to take my girl away. He has access to you, and if we’re friends, then I should have access to you too. Unless I’m wrong?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what’s your answer?”
I didn’t want to betray my brother, but I didn’t want to lie to Brutus either. He was a great guy and a perfect match for Pepper. If they stayed together, she would be happy for a long time. If she went back to Finn…I wasn’t sure what would happen. “The whole reason he’s in Seattle is because he loves her and wants to be with her…”
He was so quiet, it seemed like he hung up.
“There’s your answer…”
Pepper walked inside my apartment. “What do you think I should wear tonight?” She was carrying two dresses, both black. “This one or this one?” She held up each to her body.
“Depends. Where are you going?”
“Dinner at a steakhouse.”
“Are you going with Finn?”
“Uh, no.” She weighed the two dresses from side to side. “Brutus.”
“Brutus? I thought he was gone for a few more days.”
She shrugged. “He came home early. So, which one?”
I wondered if he’d come home early because of our conversation. “The second one.”
“Excellent. Thank you.” She headed to the door. “Finn is coming by to pick up Soldier, so just let him in.”
“Alright.”
She blew me a kiss and walked out.
A few hours later, a knock sounded on my door.
“It’s open.”
Finn stepped inside, in black jeans and a gray V-neck. In the short time he’d been here, he’d managed to increase his muscle size dramatically. He was obviously hitting the weights pretty hard and eating more calories. My brother used to enter a room with distinguished purpose. Now he just looked like a shattered piece of glass. “I’m here to get Soldier. Pepper isn’t answering.”
“She’s out with Brutus.”
“I thought he was in New York?”
“He came home early.”
Finn closed his eyes for a second, like this was a major blow to his plan. “I guess he’s not as stupid as I thought.”
“You weren’t going to make something happen in a week. Even if Brutus didn’t exist, you would still struggle to get her back.”
“But it would be easier because she’d be home right now. I’m not worried about Brutus. I’m worried about getting enough time with her. I can’t just knock on her door whenever I feel like it.”
“Never stopped you before…”
“But this is different.”
I walked across the hall and unlocked the door so Finn could put Soldier on a leash. Finn gave him a good pat on the back then left his food and water behind.
“What about his bowls?”
“I’m gonna take a gamble and assume Pepper will want him again.” As Finn walked him out of the apartment, Soldier whined.
I shut the door and locked it. “That dog loves her…”
“She’s easy to love.” He patted Soldier on the head and sighed. It was only seven in the evening, but he looked tired. Extremely tired.
“I’m sorry, Finn.” I knew this was entirely his fault, but I felt bad for him anyway. I could tell he truly regretted what he did, and he would do anything to erase the past.
“I know, man.” He stared down at his dog, his eyes lifeless. “You think I have a chance?”
“Uh…I don’t know.”
He lifted his chin to look me in the eye. “Has she said anything about me to you?”
Again, stuck in the middle. “Nothing different, at least.”
He released a loud sigh, his frustration spilling out.
“You have slim odds of getting her back. Very slim. Maybe you should just—”
“I’m not giving up. I was just hoping to make some progress with her.”
“Finn, even if you were successful…it’s gonna take months.”
“It could take a lifetime, and I still wouldn’t give up.” He rolled up the leash in his hand then headed down the hallway. “I’ll see you later…”
I watched my brother go, feeling terrible for him. This new Finn was much better than the old one, but Brutus was still the better man. At the end of the day, I wanted Pepper to be happy. I just wasn’t entirely sure who she would be the happiest with.
14
Finn
I was not an idiot.
I didn’t expect to return to Seattle and get her back overnight. I didn’t expect to make her forget about her billionaire boyfriend just by confessing my profound feelings. After what I did, I deserved to work my ass off to prove myself to her.
But fuck, I missed her.
I wanted a reprieve, just a moment to treasure her. I wanted to hold her in my arms, rest my head against hers so I could smell her hair. My hands ached to feel that deep curve of her lower back, the way it arched before leading to that beautiful ass. I used to love her figure because of the curves, but now I loved those curves more because they would get more pronounced when she was pregnant.
In this fantasy, I was the father of her baby.
Never thought I would have a fantasy like that.
When I looked back on my life, I realized I’d been going a million miles an hour constantly. Always eager to get to the next destination, I didn’t stop and appreciate what I had. I came to Seattle because I didn’t know what my next move would be. I met Pepper, but my old instincts didn’t die. I took off again.
But that should have been my last stop.
I could apologize forever, but it wouldn’t change anything.
I hurt her…so fucking much.
When she told me she felt abandoned…I wanted to die. I left her just the way her parents did. I left her the way Colton did. I was supposed to be her family, her happily ever after at the end of the road.
But I hurt her more than everyone else combined.
She shouldn’t forgive me.
But fuck…I wanted her anyway.
I wanted to prove to her I could give her the life she wanted, that I would be by her side every single day for the rest of my life. Another woman couldn’t tempt me. A job couldn’t entice me. I’d become a married man without a wife, a father without a family. She rooted me so hard into the ground that I was ready to sprout branches.
<
br /> But she couldn’t see that.
I sat on the couch while my beer rested on the coaster. It was easy to get hooked on liquor after not having it for so long, but I needed to stay sober. Light beer was the only alternative I would allow myself. One mishap and I’d be using booze the way I used to use women. Now I had to suffer my way through this.
Soldier sat on the couch beside me, and as if he could hear my thoughts in his head, he watched me with those compassionate eyes. He was a smart dog, a loyal companion, but he could read minds…I swear. He always knew when I was done, always knew when something was wrong.
He moved his paw on my thigh, giving a quiet whine.
“I’m sorry, boy.” I stared into those brown eyes and felt like a disappointment. “I’m trying to get her back… I know you miss her.”
He whined again.
“But I think I miss her more.” I grabbed my beer and took a drink, cringing because the light stuff tasted like shit.
Now I sat alone in my house and reflected on the last six months. I had to question my sanity because all of my decisions seemed so stupid. “What the fuck were you thinking…?” How could I walk away from that woman? How could I not listen to my brother’s advice? I was so afraid to be the man I didn’t want to become, I’d failed to realize I was already that man. I was already settled down. I was already committed. I was already in love. There was no going back.
But I’d tried to run anyway.
“You think I’ll get her back?” I whispered.
Soldier didn’t respond, but he kept his paw on my leg.
“I’ve got to, right? We’re supposed to be together… I know it.”
He pulled his paw back and laid down again.
“God, I’m so fucked up. I’m talking to a dog.” I dragged my palms down my face and wished Pepper could see all the women I was rejecting. When I returned to the hospital, the offers came in. Other doctors asked me out. Patients asked me out. When the blonde had approached me at the gym, she’d bluntly invited me over to fuck. I didn’t just turn her down to show my commitment to Pepper. There was only one woman I wanted to be with.