by E. L. Todd
“I think I have to be…”
“He’s not gonna change. People don’t change.”
For some reason, I believed that he had.
“Don’t let him get inside your head. Don’t let his injuries twist your mind. You were fine before all of this happened—”
“That’s exactly why I feel this way. Because if I’d lost him…I wouldn’t have survived. Seeing him like that made me realize how much I still love him, how much my heart beats for him. I’m sorry, Brutus. You’re a great guy. I wouldn’t change anything about you. But…I just don’t feel that way about you. With Finn…I feel things I can’t even explain.”
“That’s not necessarily a good thing. Relationships based on emotion always burn out like rockets into space.”
“I know…but I think we’re different.”
He bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I think he’s changed. And even if he hasn’t, I’m willing to take that risk. Because the idea of losing him someday terrifies me. I want to spend every day with him as long as I can…before something really serious happens. You just never know when your time is up. What if his time was up last week? I would have regretted so much…”
“Fuck, this is a nightmare.” He dragged his hand across his jaw, his eyes steaming like boiling water.
I excused his outburst because I knew he was hurt. “I’m sorry, Brutus. I am.”
He wouldn’t look at me. “I think this could go somewhere, Pepper. I’m looking for an easy relationship like this. I’m looking for a good woman to give me a family, someone who doesn’t care about my money.”
“And you will. But you should also fall in love. I know you’re scared… I was too. But relationships are meant to have love…otherwise, they just don’t work. You deserve to keep looking until you find the right woman, the woman who will love you the way you want. Don’t give up on that.”
“I’m sorry, Pepper. I just don’t think that exists.”
“I think it does. And I think you’ll find her.”
He sighed as he looked at the ground.
“I’m sorry…I wish I could make this easier.”
He raised his head to look at me. “I think you’re making a mistake.”
“Maybe…but I have to make it anyway.” I didn’t know what it was about Finn that kept making me come back, that made me believe. But we had something special I couldn’t replicate with another man. “Good luck.” I wanted to move into his chest and hug him, but he seemed too upset for that.
He refused to look at me.
“I know you’ll find someone you deserve…someday.”
23
Colton
I was dead asleep when my phone rang on my nightstand.
“Ugh…” I squinted my eyes and stared at the clock on my nightstand, barely making out the time. It looked like it was midnight—and I had a big meeting in the morning. But since it might be Finn asking for help, I answered. “Everything alright?”
“I’m at your front door. Can you let me in?” It was Pepper.
“Can we talk in the morning?”
“We could…but I want to talk now.”
“Ugh…alright.” I hung up the phone and walked to the front door. I opened the door, my eyes still half closed, and then walked back to bed. I dove back into my sheets and got comfortable.
Pepper joined me, dressed in her pajama shorts and a tank top without a bra. She stuck to her side of the queen mattress.
“So, what’s up?” I faced her with my head on the pillow, seeing her clean face without makeup. It was late in the evening and she was usually in bed hours before now, but she seemed wide awake. “Finn alright?”
“Yeah, he’s fine,” she said quickly. “It’s not about him.”
“Something happen with Brutus?”
“Yeah…I broke up with him.”
I was so tired just seconds ago, but now I was wide awake. “Why?”
She was quiet as she tried to find the right words to express herself. “So many reasons…but I guess Finn is the only reason I care about.”
My brother’s dream had just come true. “You’re going to take him back?”
“No…I just couldn’t keep seeing Brutus. Every time I’m around Finn, I just feel so much…and it makes me realize I’ll never feel that way about Brutus. It makes me realize I want to feel that way…that I want to believe Finn is here to stay this time.”
“I think he is.”
“It’s just getting harder and harder to be around him, to not tell him I love him whenever it pops into my head. And almost losing him made me realize how much I love him…and how much I would regret not being together.”
“He’s gonna be so happy, Pepper. The guy has been so miserable without you.”
“I know…but he can’t know.”
I stared at her blankly. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want him to know just yet. I want to be by myself for a little while. If he knows, he’s gonna be all over me, and I don’t want to rush anything. I’d rather him think I’m still with Brutus so he’ll respect my space.”
I didn’t know if I could keep such a big secret to myself, especially when my brother needed good news right now.
“You’ll keep it to yourself?”
I didn’t know how I would look my brother in the eye and not tell him. “You’re putting me in a tough spot.”
“Colton.”
“How long are you going to keep this a secret?”
“I don’t know…for a while.”
I was loyal to Pepper, so I would do as she asked…but I wouldn’t be happy about it. “Alright…”
“Thank you.” She pulled the sheets to her shoulder and closed her eyes. “I’m too tired to go back to my apartment. Can I sleep here?”
“I figured you would—and then raid my fridge in the morning.”
She gave a guilty smile. “You caught me.”
One of the girls called in sick, and Pepper had to manage the store.
So I took Finn to his doctor’s appointment. Over the last two weeks, he’d made significant improvement. He could move up and down the stairs without cringing, and he was able to lift heavier objects again. He cut back on the Vicodin and now only used it sparingly.
We sat in the waiting room for a while before he was taken back for his X-rays. Twenty minutes later, we ended up in the doctor’s office to review them.
It was hard to be in the same room with him when I knew Pepper had been single for the last two weeks—and he had no idea. But I didn’t feel too guilty about it because I knew she would take him back when she was ready. It wasn’t like she was going to run off and date someone else.
Soon, everything would be back to the way it was.
Everyone would be happy.
The doctor came in and reviewed the X-rays with us. The ribs had healed nicely, so now he would do physical therapy a few times a week until he was back to normal. He had some scars that would be on his body forever, but the cuts and bruises on his face had nearly disappeared.
He was in great shape.
I drove his truck back to the house. “I’m glad I finally got a driver’s license. This is a nice ride.”
“You’re lucky I’m letting you drive it.” He sat in the passenger seat.
“Hey, you’re lucky I got the day off to take you to the doctor.”
He looked out the window and grinned. “Yeah…you’re a pretty good brother.” He patted me on the arm. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me these last three weeks. I know it wasn’t easy, but you didn’t complain.”
“I didn’t mind, Finn. One day if something happens to me, I know you’ll be there.”
“Yes. And I’ll let you borrow Soldier.”
We arrived at the house then walked inside.
“So…how’s everything with Pepper and Brutus?” His tone dropped the second he mentioned their relationship.
He’d never asked about Brutus so I ne
ver had to lie about the relationship, but now I was put on the spot. “Uh…I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Finn pulled out a protein shake and drank it at the counter. “She tells you everything.”
I shrugged. “Lately, she’s only been talking about you.”
“Good things?”
“Uh…I guess.”
Finn was observant and intuitive, so he noticed the discrepancy between my usual demeanor and my current tone and body language. “Why are you being weird?”
“I’m not being weird.”
“There’s obviously something you aren’t telling me.”
“And you’re obviously being paranoid.”
“Fine.” Finn backed off. “Keep your secrets…but I thought you were on my side.”
“I am on your side.”
“Then why won’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s none of your business, alright? You told me not to tell Pepper about Brutus writing you that check. Would you want me to blab that to her?”
Finn drank from his container.
“Then leave it alone.” I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and took a drink.
Finn didn’t press it any further.
“Wanna watch the game?” I wasn’t ever off this early on a weekday, so I had time to kill before Tom got off work.
Finn was always in a bad mood when he didn’t get his way, but he tried to cover it up as much as possible. “Alright.”
24
Pepper
After I took Soldier to the vet for a checkup, I ordered dinner and headed to Finn’s house. There was this Mediterranean place he liked near my apartment, so I picked up some kebabs and hummus before I pulled into his driveway.
Soldier and I walked into the house and found Finn on the couch.
Soldier barked and ran up to him like he hadn’t seen him in days rather than hours.
Finn gave him a good rubdown before he stood up. “How’d it go at the vet? Everything good?”
“Yes, he’s perfectly healthy. I picked up some treats for him to celebrate.” I pulled the food out of the plastic bags and set everything on plates.
“If you keep feeding him that stuff, he won’t be healthy for long.” He walked into the kitchen, his posture straight and his core strong. He still had the gauze around his waist, but he wasn’t wincing with his movements anymore. He was the strong man I remembered, making a full recovery in a relatively short amount of time.
I stared at him and felt my eyes water.
He stopped when he noticed my emotion that sprung out of nowhere. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I’m just happy to see that you’re feeling better.” I released a heavy gasp of air from my lungs, feeling the relief flood through my veins. I didn’t have to watch him swallow painkillers anymore. Now he would return to the life he had before, one where he was happy.
His hand moved to the middle of my back, and he came close to me. His head tilted toward mine, like he was about to kiss me.
Good thing he still thought Brutus was in the picture—otherwise, he would kiss me.
His eyes locked on to mine. “Because of you.” His hand snaked up my neck and moved into my hair. “You’re the one who took care of me. You’re the one who put me back together. You did this.” He pressed his forehead to mine and held it there for a moment before he pulled away.
Once his possession was gone, I felt lonely. I missed those embraces. It was like being swallowed up by warm honey, getting lost in a good bath. It was the most comfortable I’d ever been in my life. I didn’t want him to pull away. I wanted him to lift me onto the counter and make love to me for the first time in almost a year.
“This looks good.” He eyed the food. “Thanks.”
My mind was nowhere near food. “Yeah…”
He took our plates to the dining table and sat down.
I took the seat across from him, my mind still thinking about a passionate night with this man on top of me. He probably wasn’t well enough for sex, but I could always be on top. I cut into my food and tried not to let the dirty thoughts explode into fantasies.
Finn took a few bites before he looked at me. “When Colton was here a few days ago, I asked about you and Brutus. He was a little weird about it. When I pressed him on it, he wouldn’t answer.”
Good thing Colton was loyal to me over his brother.
“Something going on?” He still held his fork, but his eyes were focused on me, like he didn’t want to miss even a slight reaction.
I didn’t know what to say. He’d confronted me, and I could spit out a lie, but I didn’t see much point in that. I’d had two weeks to think about my feelings, to think about what I wanted. I was still afraid that Finn would hurt me…hurt me worse than he did last time. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do or say to persuade me that nothing would ever happen again…because there wasn’t that kind of proof in existence. “Uh…yeah.”
He watched me closer.
I didn’t want to meet his gaze because it was too hard. But I forced myself to look up and be unafraid. “I broke up with him a few weeks ago.”
Finn didn’t have an overt reaction, but there was a tiny explosion in his eyes. His entire body tightened with the information, his fingers curling around his fork like it was a weapon. He’d clearly been anticipating different news because he definitely hadn’t expected that answer.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew exactly what would happen…and I wanted some time to think.”
He was still rigid as a statue, as if he didn’t know how to process this information. “Think about what?”
“You know…” I hadn’t expected to have this conversation now over dinner, but it was happening…and we had to roll with the punches.
“I want you to tell me, baby. I want to know exactly what you’re thinking, exactly what you want. If you don’t tell me, I’m gonna knock all this shit on the floor and take you on this table.” He dropped his fork and pushed his plate aside as if he wanted to make good on his threat.
A part of me wanted that, to be devoured by him once again. But I had to focus on the reality of our situation, of what I really wanted from him. “I…I guess I’m still thinking about what I want. After what happened to you, it made me realize I could lose you at any moment, and if I did, I would regret all this time we’ve lost. I know I want to be with you. I know I want us to be what we were.”
He closed his eyes like those words were too good to hear.
“But I’m still scared. So, I’m stuck at a crossroads. I want to be with you, but I don’t…”
“Then why did you break it off with Brutus?”
“It just didn’t feel right anymore. It didn’t feel like we were in a relationship…because I’m in a relationship with you.”
He folded his hands together and rested them against his mouth, like he was withholding his excitement. “When did you end it?”
“About two weeks ago.”
He laughed to himself, as if he couldn’t believe I had been available that entire time and he’d done nothing about it.
“I’m taking it slow…trying to figure out if I can really do this.” My heart wanted to be with Finn. My body wanted to be tangled around his all night long. “I’m so scared…it’s hard to trust you again.”
He lowered his hands back to the table. “How about this?” Our food was abandoned now that the conversation had begun. “I’m yours whenever you want me. Keep taking your time until you’re ready. And when you are…we’ll be together. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to figure that out.”
So basically what we were already doing—but now he knew about it.
He rose from the table. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room and ventured up the stairs.
I stayed at the table and considered the conversation we just had, the way my heart beat so frantically in my chest. I thought Finn would rush me and force me to be his, but he continued to be patient, to give me
whatever I wanted to make this relationship work.
He returned to the table with something clenched in his hand. He stood beside me and placed an item on the surface, a white gold ring with a single diamond in the band. It wobbled for a moment, and the diamond flashed with a brilliant prism.
The second I looked at it, I recognized it. “You didn’t sell it…”
“No.” He dropped into his chair again. “I couldn’t. I guess I thought I might need it someday. I guess I knew I was making the wrong decision as I made it. I guess…I knew I wanted you to have it whether you married me or not.”
I stared at the ring without touching it, remembering how happy I had been when he’d originally given it to me. It had slid onto my finger so effortlessly, like it was made just for me. It brought me so much joy…but so much heartache when I had to take it off.
“I meant it when I said I would marry you if you would have me.”
I pulled my gaze away from the ring and looked at him.
“So, when you’re ready to have me, ready to forgive me, ready to trust me…put that on. Keep in mind, when I see that ring on your finger, I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to assume that means you’re mine, so I’m going to take you like you’re mine, move all your shit over here like you’re mine, and marry you like you’re mine.”
Colton sat across from me in the café, splitting a turkey sandwich with me. He was dressed in his slacks and collared shirt because he had to look like a million bucks every day at work.
Since I worked fewer hours, I kinda dressed however I wanted. Today, I was in jeans and a t-shirt, my hair in a slick ponytail because I didn’t feel like styling it.
“How was work?” he asked, phrasing the question in a bored voice like he was already bored with my answer.
“It was fine. I just do bookkeeping now, which is nice. But I do still book appointments with my major clients because they like working with me. That’s always fine.”
“Dressing up women in lingerie is fine?”
“You know, if you were straight, you would understand how sexy that is.”