When I Wake Up

by Jessica Jarlvi

  “What about the others?”

  “They’re in as well.”

  But. “Shit. I don’t have a babysitter. Mum just left.”

  “Oh.” Rob is obviously disappointed.

  “Do you have any girlfriends who can babysit?” Erik asks. Joking about Tina makes it less painful. He called Rob as soon as he found out that Tina was a cleaner, not a police officer. Why would Tina even do that? To get back with Rob? Or to stir up someone’s life? Rob, however, seemed more worried about Tina being exposed than about Erik.

  “I’m sorry about Tina,” he says.

  “I know. You were just trying to help,” Erik says sarcastically.

  “That’s right, and now Anna is awake so it’s all good, right?”

  Erik ignores him. He still feels bruised about Tina.

  “Can’t you find someone else?” Rob says. “A neighbour’s kid or something?”

  Erik does want to play, so he racks his brain. Who could he reach out to? Just then, the boys – all three of them – come rushing into the kitchen, cars on the floor, racing. That could work.

  “Hey, David? Are you free tonight?”

  *

  Erik isn’t planning to get drunk, it just happens. No one can blame him though; he’s been through a lot. He enjoys the pumping music, the smell of beer, the feeling of being ‘one of the gang’, swigging the beers back mixed with a few shots. Not too many. He keeps saying ‘no more’ but drinks anyway, reality breaking away at the seams.

  The women crowd around him and the band as they dance, sprinkling compliments about the set they played. He notices that the average age of the audience is older than it used to be. When did he become old?

  Someone grabs his arms and he turns around.

  “Hej, Erik.”

  Pernilla? She seems like a drunken vision.

  “I’ve never heard you play before,” she says. “You were great!”

  “Thanks.” He reminds himself that she’s carrying his baby. This is awkward. He should say something. “What are you doing here?”

  “I heard you were playing so I thought I would check it out.”

  “But I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

  “Right.” She studies the floor briefly before fixing him with her blue, blue eyes again. “I wanted to see if you would chase me if I played hard to get.”

  “Oh.” They should talk. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Sure.”

  They make their way to the bar and he notices that she has slipped her hand into his. He will let that one slide for now.

  “What can I get you?” he says. “Coke, water, juice?”

  “Vodka tonic, please.”

  “Vodka?” He attempts to shake the fuzzy drunken feeling. “Shouldn’t you drink soft drinks only?”

  She laughs. “I’m not an alcoholic.”

  “But… you’re pregnant.”

  “What?” She’s not laughing anymore. “Are you saying I look fat?”

  “No, of course not, but you told the police you’re carrying my baby…”

  Her face distorts. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m not pregnant.”

  “You’re not?”

  “No!”

  Wow. He looks at her stomach and it doesn’t look swollen at all. Why did he think she was pregnant? He needs to sober up.

  “A vodka tonic for the lady and a coke for me, please.”

  “Party pooper.” Her palms are on his chest, stroking his shirt. “So, you thought we were having a baby together.” She snuggles up to him. “Were you excited?”

  The drinks arrive and he pays before downing his Coke.

  “Shit,” he says, ignoring her question. “You’re definitely not pregnant?”

  She shakes her head. “No, but we could make a baby if that’s what you want?”

  It’s not what he wants. Not at all.

  “I’m mad,” he says.

  He really is mad as hell. It was Tina who told him Pernilla was pregnant. This whole time, he’s felt like shit because of it. He should leave and go home to calm down, but instead he heads back to the dance floor.

  Pernilla runs after him. “Hey, wait up.”

  But he’s heading for Rob. He grabs his mate’s shoulder and turns him around. “Remember how your girlfriend said Pernilla was pregnant?” he says loudly, talking over the music. “Look, she’s right here and guess what? NOT pregnant.” He gestures to Pernilla who’s clearly not sure how to react.

  “Maybe she’s lying?” Rob shouts. “Maybe she did tell the police and now she’s getting cold feet?” He throws a non-impressed look at Pernilla.

  Erik looks at her. “Did you?”

  “Of course not.”

  She seems genuine and considering that Tina has lied before that seems the best bet. It’s all Rob’s fault. He’s responsible for bringing Tina into Erik’s life. At that moment, Erik shuts down his friendly feelings for Rob and activates his fists.

  “What the fuck!”

  Rob ducks but is quickly back up, throwing him a punch of his own. Erik’s face hurts. He will not stand for this. He gathers all his strength and rams into Rob, flooring him. But Rob is quick; he wraps his legs around Erik and they end up wrestling, rolling around on the sticky floor, sweat dripping, strong arms pulling and punching. Erik isn’t sure how long they fight. He’s just so angry, his hands hungry for blood.

  Someone breaks them apart. Erik is accused of being the instigator and he’s thrown out, but Pernilla is immediately on hand with a napkin, wiping the blood off.

  “You did that for me?” she asks, her body too close, her lips almost on his. He pushes her off.

  “Get off of me,” he says. “I don’t know if you lied or not. I was angry about something else.”

  She stares at him with hurt eyes.

  “You will regret that,” she says, and storms off.

  Chapter 60 – Daniel

  March 2016

  What a douche bag.

  Rolf was pinning Frida against the wall, making threats.

  “There is no deal,” Dan muttered as he grabbed his brother’s hockey stick and swung it into the Nissan dude’s back. Both he and Frida fell to the floor like an old set of dominos, Frida clutching her neck, breathing hard, and the dude holding his hands to his back.

  “Getting a bit old for fighting, grandpa,” Dan said and swung it again.

  “Stop it!” Frida begged. “Don’t kill him.”

  “Just teaching him a lesson.”

  When Dan was satisfied that the dude no longer posed a threat, he let the hockey stick slide out of his hand. It landed on the floor with a bang. The dude was groaning and Frida crying.

  Dan quickly filled up the Fjällräven backpack and threw his toiletries into an ICA supermarket bag. He was out of there.

  Out in the hallway, Frida was trying to comfort her lover but he didn’t seem into it. Dan stepped over the sad twosome and bent down to the dude’s level: “Nice try you dumb fuck, but I fucking hate my whore mother.”

  He avoided looking at Frida’s face; the tears rapidly turning her into a hopeless mess of a victim. I’m doing this to protect you, Mother. He was confident the dude wouldn’t be back after this. But it was a worry that he had it in for Anna. Dan needed to protect her now.

  “When you’re with me, no one will hurt you.”

  “Oh, Dan. You make me feel so safe.”

  She leaned into him and he held her in a firm grip.

  “I will never let you go.”

  Outside the air was cool. He put his jacket on and unlocked his bike. Frida hadn’t asked him where he was going. She hadn’t even asked if he was okay. Instead she had been huddled over that loser. The choices she made. He spat on the ground. He was over it.

  Getting on his bike, he headed over to Anna’s.

  Chapter 61 – Rolf

  March 2016

  Despite his best violent efforts, the kid didn’t scare Rolf. He was messing with the wrong artist. If he didn’t
watch it, his life would be portrayed in a series of paintings: ‘A sad little shit’s life’ – an epic, dark story told by the world-renowned artist, Rolf Sören. He would happily let everyone see how pathetic the kid’s life was: drunken mum, jailbird brother, a childish crush on a teacher. It was depressing as hell.

  Rolf decided to end it with Frida. Apart from being beaten up by her son, the final straw was the downward spiral that had become their sexlife. He had been on top, deep inside of her, when her body had become unnaturally still, almost lifeless. His concern had barely had time to register. She had been snoring! Asleep in the middle of his winning, circular cock-movement.

  He no longer had a use for her, anyway. He had all the information he needed. But Frida had no one, her son’s affections elsewhere, and so she incessantly texted and called him.

  When he arrived home, he planned to tell Iris about Frida. It would feel good to share, cleansing, and a good way to start over. But before he got the chance, she said: “I’m leaving you.”

  Iris sat in the kitchen, a cup of tea and an open book in front of her. It was as if she had been waiting for him. Next to her were two suitcases. She had already packed.

  “Where are you going?” he asked. “Moving in with your teacher friend?”

  “How do you know she’s a teacher?”

  Ah. She got him. How was he supposed to know that?

  “She was Teacher of the Year. I read about her somewhere.”

  “Right, and you just happened to know that’s the same person I’m seeing because there aren’t many teachers around?”

  “I know what she looks like, Iris, and it matched the photo in the article.”

  Iris stopped fiddling with her tea cup.

  “You know what she looks like?”

  “I fucking saw you, Iris. In our own home!” God, that felt good. Like he was justified in his anger. Her face was priceless too. “That’s right, Iris, I came home early because I was having a boring evening, because other women just can’t give me what you can, Iris.”

  She stood up but instead of picking her bags up, she gently touched the cut on his face.

  “What happened to you, Rolf?”

  “Oh.” He touched her hand. “Nothing, just a mindless fight.”

  “Since when do you fight?”

  He shrugged, not in the mood to share.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. She composed herself, kissed his cheek and made to leave. “I’ll tell Karin we’re taking a break.”

  “Is that all it is?” he asked. “A break? Because I don’t want to die alone.”

  “You still have plenty of years in you,” Iris said, looking amused. “And there’s always Frida. She called. She’s hot for you, but you should tell her to stop beating you up. You’re more of a ‘make love, not war’ kind of man.”

  “Frida called you?”

  “I’ve had enough of the drama, Rolf. I’m out. I have rented an apartment and … well, I will always love you. We have Karin and we will behave in a civilised way.”

  It was as if she spoke for the both of them, and when he heard her car roll out of the courtyard and onto the asphalted single lane road, he didn’t think. He just acted, got into his car and drove to that teacher’s school for a heart to heart.

  *

  Frida had been useful to some extent. She had read the kid’s journal and had found Anna’s routine written down. That’s how he knew she often stayed late at work. He had also found out that her husband was a house painter named Erik. Rolf had seen a photo of him on the painting company’s website and he was an attractive man, in a rugged kind of way: blonde with a slight stubble. Anna’s life seemed perfect. What could she possibly be thinking, wanting to give that up for an adventure with Iris? Even if they thought it was the real deal – love – it wouldn’t last. Iris was a free spirit, she wouldn’t want to become a stepmother to two young boys. The very thought was ridiculous. Had Iris made any promises to Anna? He needed to know if she really was the reason his marriage was over.

  He had printed off a photo of Anna from a school event, thanks to Google Images, just in case. He had obviously seen her but the first time it had been, well… without clothes and the second time she had been sweaty while jogging. She had brown, glossy hair that reached her shoulders, she was larger than Iris’s women used to be, and although she dressed like a teacher in rather ordinary clothes, there was an element of pretty to her. He had to admit that. She was shaggable.

  When Rolf arrived at the school he wasn’t sure whether to barge into the teacher’s area or whether to wait for her in the parking lot. Her black Volvo V70 was there, poking him in the eye: hello-I-have-been-to-your-house-before.

  Being back at a school was strangely intimidating. Memories of bullies teasing him about his hippie clothes and his cheating, lowlife father and his mother who tried to cover for her husband’s mistakes. He found he couldn’t go into the school building. He would wait for her here, in the school courtyard.

  Chapter 62 – Anna

  March 2016

  The day after Daniel threatened Anna, she bumped into Kent several times during the day, and every time she was about to say ‘I have an issue with Daniel’. But then what? ‘He wants to move into my house. I know it’s crazy. Well, he wants me to be his mother but he also kissed me, so I’m not sure what his intentions are. Why haven’t I reported it? Well, he’s seen me kiss, and perhaps even make love to, another woman even though I am married. Yes, I have decided to leave my husband, so who cares about that? It would tarnish my reputation but I could possibly, possibly live with that. But Daniel also stopped me in the corridor today, whispering that he will kill himself if I report him or stop him from moving in. So I’m kind of stuck.’

  Daniel had slowed down as he approached her, smirking. She refused to turn around, choosing to show no fear. But the moment he leaned in with his threat, she couldn’t help it, she let out an involuntary gasp. This couldn’t go on. She immediately went to see the principal but Johan was at a conference and could only fit her in the following day.

  She felt trapped. Daniel had played her well. It was a classic case of manipulation and she kicked herself for allowing it to become so personal. But then again, that’s who she was. Her Teacher of the Year accolade had been a result of her ‘creativity, pedagogical approach and going that extra mile for her students’.

  Anna called Erik to ask if he could please pick the children up from day care, blaming lessons she needed to plan. He was off work that day anyway but he was jamming with Rob and got annoyed. Still, he begrudgingly agreed. In the meantime, Anna headed to the counsellor but she was off sick. She felt let down, even though she blamed herself. Her idealistic views had allowed this to go on for too long. She decided to leave and instead deal with her situation at home first. Erik had rushed to his gig the night before and not given her a chance to speak.

  *

  By the time she got home, she felt ready to discuss their marriage but Erik had his jacket on.

  “We’re out of milk,” he said. “I’ll just go and pick up some groceries. The boys are watching a movie.”

  “Okay…” She was so focused on the conversation she was finally going to have with Erik that she couldn’t really think of anything else to say.

  She went into the living room where Sebastian and Lukas were slumped into their beanbags.

  “How was your day?”

  She kissed their heads but they were non-responsive, the Lion King clearly more captivating. Her heart felt heavy watching the two of them, but it didn’t change anything. She loved them.

  She returned to the kitchen to start dinner. Twenty minutes later, when the sausages were fried and the potatoes were boiling, she laid the table and finally sat down to wait for Erik. He should be home soon. She checked her emails to make the time go by faster. Thankfully there were no emails from Daniel but there was a new one from Xeroxwed. Excitement quickly turned to shock as she read it.

  After this weekend, the s
ex… well, I’m not sure you’re up for this. I don’t want to see you again.

  Her stomach started cramping and her heart was squeezed so hard that she thought she might be having a heart attack. Had it meant nothing to Iris? Had it really only been about sex and due to Anna’s inexperience, she was now going to end it? She hadn’t mentioned anything the night before so why this sudden realisation? Anna picked up the phone to call Iris when there was a knock on the door.

  Daniel. She had almost forgotten about him. Thankfully the children were still watching TV.

  “Is my room ready?” he asked, his backpack slung over one shoulder and a plastic bag in one hand.

  He was about to step over the threshold when she physically had to stop him.

  “Daniel,” she said. “You can’t live here.”

  “Sure I can.”

  He was in a spirited mood.

  “Daniel, I have a family.”

  “I know,” he said. “I want that too and I’m here to protect both you and your family.”

  He took another step towards her and once again, she had to put her hands up to keep him out.

  “I don’t want to call the police,” she said. “But I will if I have to.”

  “So? I couldn’t care less. By the time they arrive, I will already have established myself in the basement.”

  That didn’t even make sense. “Then they will remove you,” she said.

  “I have a knife and if they come anywhere near me, I will kill myself.”

  It was too much. Was he even serious? She wasn’t sure how she had ended up in this situation. All she had tried to do was show compassion.

  “This is not appropriate,” she said. “You need to leave and we will have to talk tomorrow at school.” And at that point, I will have talked to Kent, the principal and social services. There was no other way.

  Just then, she heard the Volvo pulling into the carport. That would be Erik returning from the supermarket. Daniel wouldn’t be able to push past her husband.