When I Wake Up

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When I Wake Up Page 31

by Jessica Jarlvi


  “So what have you told the police?”

  “I haven’t been able to tell them much.”

  “That’s terrifying,” Iris says, at once feeling both outraged and alarmed. “That means the attacker is still out there?”

  Anna nods and Iris can feel the heat in her veins. Whoever he or she is, she wants to grab that person by the neck.

  “What if you’re not safe here?” she says. “What if that person comes back for you?”

  “The police check in on me regularly. Anyway, it might just have been a random act, Iris. There is no apparent threat. Also, Erik is here,” Anna adds, and Iris feels more than jealous in that moment. She wants to be the one protecting Anna.

  Gerda brings them coffee and Iris lets go of Anna’s hands.

  “I will leave you to it,” Gerda says. “I need to pack anyway.” She heads upstairs and Iris is thankful that she doesn’t stay to make trite conversation. It’s Anna’s mother and she should make an effort. But not today.

  “So how much do you remember?” Iris asks.

  If you can’t recall who attacked you, do you remember that you were going to leave your husband?

  Anna doesn’t seem to like the question. She sips her water and Iris picks up a coffee cup to give her time.

  “I remember a lot,” she says eventually, avoiding eye contact.

  Has she forgotten about their weekend away? Their intense lovemaking, the laughs, the intimate conversations. The love.

  “Do you remember how we met?” Iris asks tentatively.

  Anna lies back on her pillow. She looks frail. Maybe she shouldn’t probe her with questions?

  “You wore a black outfit and silver jewellery,” Anna says. “Red reading glasses and matching lipstick. I didn’t think you would be approachable at first, but then we became friends…” She pauses, before adding: “More than friends.”

  Iris’s heart beats hard, swelling with emotion for this woman, and when Anna looks up at her, all she wants to do is plant a kiss on her soft lips. Yet she’s afraid to.

  “I fell in love with you,” Anna says and Iris sighs. This is what she had hoped to hear.

  “I love you very much,” she says to Anna.

  Anna closes her eyes and after a while, Iris worries that she might have fallen asleep. Is she okay? She gently strokes her cheek.

  “Things are different now,” Anna says. She opens her eyes but avoids looking at Iris.

  Iris feels herself grow cold. She fears asking but she has to know.

  “Different how?”

  Anna’s breathing is laboured as she tries to talk, and it takes her a while to get the words out: “I need my husband and my children.”

  Iris wants to scream. Anna is finally awake and talking to her, and this is what she wants?

  “So what are you saying?” When Anna doesn’t respond, Iris eventually forces the words out: “It’s over?”

  Anna pats her hand and Iris can’t decide if she’s being caring, because it feels patronising.

  “It has to be,” Anna says.

  Chapter 74 – Daniel

  Dan is happy. Anna is at home and he was included in her first family dinner. It’s a miracle that she has woken up. It’s a sign. He is where he is meant to be. What’s even better, is that Erik went to sleep on the first floor, Anna on the ground floor and Dan in the basement. He’s one step closer…

  This morning, he woke up in a house with two parents, two younger siblings and a grumpy grandmother. It felt like something out of a storybook. If people woke up like this every morning, they would definitely want to go into the world, making it a better place.

  After breakfast, Erik gets ready to drive the children to day care. Then he will do some errands before coming back to pick Gerda up. He’s going to drop her at the bus stop, he says. Dan listens carefully to keep track of Erik’s schedule. He needs to be alone with Anna. If he can hide away in the basement until Gerda leaves, then he figures he will have the opportunity he’s been looking for.

  “Erik, can’t you drive me to the train station instead?” Gerda asks. “I don’t feel comfortable taking first a bus, then a train.”

  She’s an odd lady; spaced out most of the time and when she does talk, she complains a lot. Dan is happy that she’s leaving. He does try to be nice to her though, for Anna’s sake.

  “I wish I could drive you,” he tells her ingratiatingly. “But I don’t have a licence yet.”

  “Thanks, young man,” she says. She almost smiles and that’s great.

  They will obviously have to spend time together in the future. Although, if he’s going to cut his mother out of his life, perhaps Anna can cut hers out too. That would be better.

  “Do you want me to drop you at school?” Erik asks.

  “No, that’s okay. I’ve got my bike.”

  When they are out of the house, the children in the car and Erik about to get in, Dan pretends to have forgotten something inside.

  “See you later,” Erik says and Dan waves goodbye to the boys as they leave.

  He does plan to go to school later because it isn’t worth getting into trouble. The principal might call Frida and that’s to be avoided. But he plans to be late. He will say that he had an emergency appointment at the doctors, or that he simply overslept.

  Dan can hear Gerda talking to Anna, so he takes the opportunity to slip down to the basement unnoticed. He’s lying on his bed, waiting for Gerda to leave, when he hears the doorbell ring. Who the hell is that? More visitors? A nurse? He really doesn’t need that today.

  A woman is being greeted by Gerda, she says she’s a friend of Anna’s, and then there is muffled conversation. He strains his ears to hear what is going on but it’s impossible now. They must be in the living room. He has to be patient and wait this one out. Sooner or later Erik will be back for Gerda anyway.

  While he’s waiting, Dan gets off the bed and checks himself out in the floor-length mirror. He’s wearing a new T-shirt and jeans and has washed his hair. He checks his breath as well and it isn’t bad.

  It seems to take forever before he finally hears the door close. First, the friend leaves, then Gerda is picked up by Erik.

  Dan counts to a hundred before he tentatively makes his way upstairs. He needs to make sure Gerda won’t rush back for something she’s forgotten.

  The house is quiet when he reaches the top of the stairs. Leaving the dark basement with its wood-clad walls behind, it’s like stepping into the sun, being up here. It’s warm, light and airy. He heads towards the living room, his moves now quick and alert. Dan doesn’t know how much time he has before Erik comes back. Hopefully Gerda manages to convince Erik to drive her all the way into the city to the train station.

  The parquet floor creaks under Dan’s sock-clad feet. He looks down, trying to soften his steps. The fishbone pattern on the floor is beautiful. The whole house is. Erik claims it’s small but it’s a mansion compared to what he’s used to. He hopes they can stay living here.

  Anna looks like she’s sleeping, the duvet only half covering her body. She’s wearing a thigh-high nightie with a Mickey Mouse print on the front. Gerda brought it for her. Erik thought it was ridiculous. “She’s thirty-four!” he said. “Not fucking five.” But Dan likes it. It makes her look youthful.

  He carefully sits down next to her, which causes her to stir, but she doesn’t wake up. Maybe she’s just taken her medication? Her face looks relaxed. He places a hand on hers and squeezes it gently. This feels so right. He looks at her heaving chest as she inhales. Transfixed, he feels a deep desire to touch her upper body. He’s sure she won’t mind. Letting go of her hand, he excitedly places his hands on Anna’s round breasts. They’re heavy and warm. He strokes them and watches the nipples harden. They actually stiffen under his touch! He feels himself grow hard. She’s responding to him. Excited, he leans down and tugs at a nipple with his mouth, the cotton fabric growing damp in his mouth. His heart beats fast, the thrill of being this close to her overshadowi
ng anything he has ever experienced. This is what he’s wanted. He’s fooled around with girls before but this is different. His whole body wants Anna. It’s like he’s on fire, his cock is throbbing. He needs to be even closer, this isn’t enough; he lies down next to her. She smells of hospital but he doesn’t mind, her flowery perfume is still detectable underneath. He snuggles closely, burrowing his nose into her neck, his hands stroking her stomach, sliding down between her legs. She’s warm there and he wants to undress her so badly, to feel her skin against his, but first, he opens his fly and lets the hard-on out. It springs into position, leaning against Anna’s leg. He looks at it almost in awe: his cock on Anna’s leg. If only he had a camera to document this.

  Just then he hears Erik’s car pulling into the driveway. Fucking hell! Why couldn’t he stay in the town centre a bit longer? It makes him angry, he’s not ready to leave yet. Dan quickly thinks of possible options. Beat the crap out of Erik and go back to Anna? That’s what his body wants but his mind is smarter than that. He can’t be caught, then he’ll be sent packing, and he’s not done here yet.

  Panicked, he sits up but Anna starts to move and he quickly stands up and forces his fly shut, which isn’t an easy task. He should run but he needs to gaze at her for just another second. That’s when she opens her eyes, and looks straight at him. Fuck!

  “Eh, hi,” he says, his voice trembling. “How are you feeling?”

  Her eyes look alarmed and she scrambles into a sitting position, hiding her body.

  “Get away from me!”

  He stalls but he hears a key in the door and grabs his bag. Using the patio door, he runs outside. He doesn’t stop until he’s far away from the house. The anger subsides and is replaced by excitement. He was just lying next to her! He can’t believe how close he got, and how incredible that he now lives in the same house as Anna. He’s achieved a lot in a short space of time.

  *

  Several times during the day, Dan locks himself in a bathroom to think about Anna’s body and how it reacted. Over and over, he fantasises about what could have happened if Erik hadn’t arrived.

  He slips his hand inside her knickers and touches her.

  She wakes up and looks at him, grateful that someone is making her feel good. She smiles and lets out a contented sigh. “Please don’t stop, Dan. That feels amazing.”

  And with his limited experience he does the best that he can because that’s what she deserves, the best. At least until he’s so hard he’s worried he might come. He mounts her and with her encouragement, he thrusts himself inside of her. It feels so bloody good!

  After school, he wants to rush home to Anna but a nasty surprise is waiting for him in the courtyard. Frida.

  “I’m not some fucking toddler you need to pick up,” he says.

  He walks off but she runs after him. “Dan, where have you been? I need to talk to you.”

  He keeps walking but slows down. It’s not worth causing a scene. He finally has people’s respect; he doesn’t need them to see this.

  “Okay,” he says and turns to her. “Not here though. Over there.”

  He shows her to a quiet area, a meadow with trees and a pond. This is by far the nicest school he has ever gone to. He wants to do his final year here before… before what? Anna will expect him to go to university, she already mentioned that, but he also needs to work to take care of her. Once she recovers fully, they will have to discuss it and plan their future together. A mental flash of her body again, warm and willing.

  “I’m not coming back home,” he says.

  Frida studies her feet: sparkly sandals and chipped nail polish.

  “Where are you staying?” she asks after a while.

  “None of your business.”

  “Dan!” Her eyes stare at him in disbelief. How can she not understand that he’s fed up with her being such a mess? Her arms hang by her sides like a ragdoll, her hair is uncombed and her make-up smeared. “I’m your mum. I… need you.”

  “You need the bottle,” he says.

  He revels in her hurt eyes. That’s right, I fucking hate you.

  “Is this to do with your teacher, Anna?” she says quietly. “Do you miss her or…did…” She takes a visibly deep breath. “Did you hurt her?”

  “We’ve already been over this,” he says. “You obviously think I’m capable of such violence.”

  Maybe she finally realises he’s not a little baby anymore.

  “Maybe it was you,” he says. “Maybe you were sick of being compared to her and you attacked her?”

  “I didn’t like her, Dan,” she admits. “She was trying to take my son away from me, but I’m not a monster!”

  “Maybe your boyfriend did it to impress you? It said in the papers that an artist was suspected of her attack.”

  “He w-wouldn’t harm a fly,” she stutters.

  “Really? Remember how he had your head in a headlock or all the times when he fucked you hard, tying you up and shit?”

  He’s enjoying this. Her world falling apart, like she has destroyed his over and over.

  “That’s different, that was harmless fun…”

  “You think that’s appropriate, especially with your son in the house? It’s fucked up, that’s what it is.”

  She starts to cry. “Dan, please! You’re my son.”

  “But I’m never your number-one priority.”

  “And for her you are? She’s only a teacher, Dan. She has loads of other students. You’re not fucking special!” She’s raising her voice and he can tell where this is going. He needs to exit now, to get away. Back home.

  “I’ll call you later,” he says even though he has no credit on his phone.

  “I spoke to the police,” she says as he walks off.

  He stops and turns to her. “You did what?”

  “They had questions about Rolf, about his alibi.”

  “And what did you say, I mean, about me? Did you mention me at all?”

  She bites her lip, delaying, as if she wants to get back at him. He won’t take the bait; he will wait a hundred years for her to respond if he has to.

  “Rolf didn’t do it, Dan,” she says. “They let him go.”

  Fuck, they did?

  “That means nothing,” he says.

  “You need to give him a break.”

  “What about me?” he says. “Don’t I fucking get a break?”

  “I told them that Anna was your favourite teacher. They remembered me. Dan, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You’re all I’ve got!”

  He scoffs. Sure. But the dude is off the hook? That’s a bummer. He will have to fix this, and he will, because he deserves Anna. He closes his eyes, thinking of her hard nipple on his tongue. No one can take that away from him. No one.

  He walks off, leaving Frida behind, and in that moment he decides that when he gets home, he will get rid of Erik. No more games. Forget the guitar lessons. There’s no time to scheme and act out a whole plan. He needs to take him out the old-fashioned way.

  Chapter 75 – Erik

  Erik feels a strong desire for his wife. He likes this calm version of Anna. It reminds him of their younger days. She’s not rushing around, trying to do a million things; she doesn’t care about colleagues or students or tests. She’s also lost weight, which means that, physically, she resembles the old Anna. Now, for the first time since she arrived home from the hospital, they’re going to be alone together, and he’s looking forward to that.

  This morning, he was a dutiful husband; he dropped the children off at day care, picked up a parcel with gear for an amplifier that he probably won’t get to use, did the grocery shopping and dropped the mother-in-law-from-hell off. The self-righteous Gerda is finally gone, but only after first declaring herself indispensable.

  “How will you cope without me? Who will open the door? Anna had a visitor earlier.” She said it as if the queen herself had called on her daughter.

  “Who was it?” Another supposedly concerned t
eacher or parent?

  “Her name was Iris,” she said.

  He had no idea who that was.

  “She was a bit older than Anna,” Gerda said. “Very sophisticated.”

  “Must have been a colleague. She has many,” he said dryly.

  He doesn’t know half the people who want to see her. All he is there to do is serve them coffee and cake. Ahead of him stretches months of Anna recovering. He is expected to focus on nothing else.

  “When is the bus leaving? Do I have to wait?” she asked, at which point Erik had enough.

  “Would you ever speak to your husband that way?” She looked baffled. “What I mean,” he continued, “is that you let your husband walk all over you but when he’s not around, you speak to people like they’re shit.”

  “Not to my Anna!” she exclaimed.

  “Well, you used to. Her coma has obviously made you nicer, but only to her. You still look at me like I’m dirt on your shoe.”

  “Not at all!”

  “What was it you said on our wedding day? ‘He might be a looker but how will he provide for you?’ Like we’re living in the Stone Age.”

  “Well, she wouldn’t be working so hard if it wasn’t for you and if she hadn’t been working late she wouldn’t have been attacked!”

  She started to cry and it was the first time he had witnessed that. Normally, her husband’s boot in her arse wouldn’t even make her flinch.

  Erik still doesn’t feel bad. He can’t hide that he doesn’t like the woman and it bothers him a great deal that she pretends to now care about her daughter’s welfare.

  Gerda is gone, however, and there are no unexpected visitors, which means they’re alone. He takes a moment to deliberate his next move. Should he be ashamed about his feelings of desire?

  He wonders how Anna feels right now. She just about remembers who he is, will she want to get undressed and receive him with open arms? He’s not sure. Yet he wants her. Badly. A part of him feels an animalistic need to repossess her after she cheated, even though he pretends not to know. Another part wants to keep the peace until she fully recovers. If she recovers. There is still a chance she could get worse.

 

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