“A witness saw you, Rolf,” she says. “It was in the paper.”
“I know, but he didn’t see me in the parking lot, Iris. He only saw me in the courtyard. Then he left.”
“That doesn’t really mean anything, Rolf. Why were you even there?”
She tries to supress her anger, has promised herself to keep it amicable.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Iris.”
If he doesn’t want to talk, he won’t. She can imagine how frustrating it must be for the police to question him. At least she will no longer be married to him. It’s amazing how accepting you become when you spend over twenty years with someone. She obviously needed to meet Anna to break free. Anna has a big heart, she’s considerate of other people; she’s someone who doesn’t need to be the centre of attention. She’s also generous with her time and her affections. Iris has never met anyone like her. She wants to wrap her arms around her at night, share her inner thoughts and just be with her.
“I’m going to see her,” she says.
“I thought you might say that.”
He sounds more tired than worried and she decides to hang up. She never tells him what she’s really worried about. That Anna might be suffering from memory loss. What if she doesn’t remember her?
Chapter 71 – Rolf
Rolf is having the best day. Well, it would be better if Iris was sharing it with him but he’s spending it with Karin, which is just as good. Despite her sometimes cynical views on life, he respects and admires his daughter. She is her own person, which is exactly how they raised her.
“We’re celebrating,” he says. “I’m a free man.”
Karin has taken him to a trendy café in the heart of Gothenburg, where they’re drinking café lattes in large white mugs and sharing a giant chocolate ball.
“Did you even know that teacher?” she asks him.
“Not really,” he says. “She provided some hair for one of my paintings but that’s all. Anyway, I’m off the hook. Not enough evidence!”
Karin crosses her arms and views him quizzically.
“Why aren’t you more upset about this?”
She’s got that ‘I’m deep and serious at university’ look. Black hair and clothes, red lipstick like her mother but no tattoos or piercings. Apparently that’s for ‘losers’.
“I don’t know,” he says. He wants to move on, they should focus on happy subjects, and he vigorously stirs sugar into his coffee. “I can never be…”
“… sweet enough,” she finishes his sentence.
“I guess I’ve said that before.”
She nods and he feels ancient.
“I just don’t understand,” she says. “My dad hates any kind of injustice. And you were treated very unfairly, wouldn’t you say? I mean, you were arrested and almost charged!”
“That’s the point though. Almost.”
Karin shakes her head. He knows that she has never understood his desire to experience life to the fullest, whether for better or worse. She once accused him of being ‘attention-seeking’. That hurt.
“Another thing I find odd,” Karin says and he braces himself. Why isn’t he scared of critics but terrified of his daughter? “That teacher wasn’t the type of woman you normally include in your art.”
“Oh, so I have a type now, do I?” He laughs. “How do you even know about the women in my art?”
“They’ve been pretty forthcoming in the press.”
Oh, yes. That’s right. The accusations have been great for publicity.
“It just doesn’t add up for me,” Karin says.
“Well, as long as it adds up for the police, that’s all that matters.”
Karin sips her coffee but her phone rings and she gets up to answer it. The whispered talking suggests it’s an intimate conversation, so Rolf leans back and enjoys his freedom, which is now so much more enjoyable than just a few days ago.
It went too far. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to get so emotional. Iris will never come back to him, even without Anna, he realises that now. He has decided that if that means they will only be friends, then he will take Iris’s friendship over nothing at all.
He told Iris about his run-in with Anna. There was no longer a reason to hold back. He explained that he did go to the teacher’s school the night of her attack, filled with anger after Iris had packed her bags and left.
“I just wanted to talk to her,” he said.
He stressed that he was there before her attack and that he in no way was responsible. It was just a coincidence that he was there that particular night. She didn’t sound convinced.
“Tell me exactly what happened,” she demanded.
“I parked at the school because her Volvo was still there,” he told her. “Then I walked up to the school building just as she was leaving.”
He left out that Anna recognised him from that night she was jogging.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“I’m Iris’s husband.”
“Oh.”
“She let down her guard when she realised I was connected to you.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I said you were mine and that she better not mess with our marriage. She apologised and said she hadn’t intended for anything to happen but apparently she’s dumb enough to love you.”
“Did you leave her alone after that or did you…?”
“Iris! You can’t possibly think I would do anything stupid.”
“Let me think, my husband, Rolf Sören, doing something stupid? No, not at all.”
“Okay, there’s no need for that.”
He had known it would be a tough conversation but now he needed to get it over and done with.
“Iris, I love you. I was simply trying to scare her off.”
“And how exactly did you ‘scare’ her?”
“I might have reached out and grabbed a handful of her hair, but then I left,” he said. “That’s the truth.”
“Sorry, Dad.”
Karin is back at the table, her cheeks flushed.
“Good talk?” he asks, winking at her.
“Don’t,” she says. “Let’s focus on you. So, you were arrested. I guess it was just a matter of time before you got into trouble.”
“But they let me go, remember.”
Karin nods and finishes off the chocolate ball.
“It’s odd though, isn’t it?” she says, swallowing. “A woman you took hair from was attacked the very same night you saw her?”
Chapter 72 – Erik
Erik looks for signs of recognition on Anna’s face.
“David?” Erik says. “Do you remember him?”
“Da…” she says before stopping.
Erik can tell she’s working her brain muscles hard. She badly wants to remember, her expression pained.
“You’re my favourite teacher,” David says, his face lit up.
“What is he doing here?” Gerda whispers to Erik.
“He’s been very concerned about Anna,” Erik whispers back. “And he’s been a great support for the boys.”
It’s a slight exaggeration but he wants to shut her up. Who he invites into this house is not her business.
“David?” Anna says, studying the boy.
He nods. “That’s right.”
It’s painful to see his wife, Teacher of the Year, not recollect a student.
“Let’s eat,” Erik says, to avoid any further awkwardness.
He wheels Anna up to the table which has been laid out with blue Höganäs Keramik plates and blue-and-yellow napkins, portraying the Swedish flag. He places one on Anna’s lap, and Gerda sits down next to her as if she’s Anna’s carer. She doesn’t offer to help but expectantly waits for her glass to be filled, holding it up to no one in particular. Erik is pleased to see David take charge: he pours Fanta and Coke to everyone while Erik dishes up the lasagne. He can’t say it’s his best work but at least it’s not burnt and no one complains, not even Gerda.
>
They mainly eat in silence. Sebastian and Lukas chime in every now and then, telling their mum about day care, Sophie, Lego and pirate ships. She nods and says ‘a-ha’ and ‘wow’ which spurs them on. Erik wonders how much she actually understands. Is her brain intact? Can she comprehend what’s being said and turn words into something meaningful, something that relates to her old life?
She’s different. Milder and more contemplative. Obviously she has no work to stress about, but still. She simply exists. There’s grumpiness, which is probably due to her not remembering everything, but she doesn’t ask as many questions as he had expected. It’s as if she observes them all, which at times can be unnerving. She’s also not able to get around by herself just yet. She can walk but her body is slow and quickly gets tired.
Will he need to hire someone to care for her full time? Mum has promised to come down for a few days but not for another week at least. He doesn’t want Gerda there and quite honestly he can tell she would rather get back to her heartless husband than stay with her daughter in need. She’s constantly on the phone to him, listening rather than talking.
Will the government provide a full-time carer? He probably should have asked. If he needs to hire someone himself, he needs more cash. Maybe he can do more evening and weekend shifts when the pay is better? Would David be able to watch the boys and Anna? Is it even fair to expect that of a seventeen-year-old? Having said that, if he was Sebastian and Lukas’s brother, he would have to do his bit. Except he isn’t, of course. Living far away from family is difficult when you have young children. That was one of his objections when Anna wanted to move here.
“We have to share the responsibility,” she said back then, but her job obviously became more important than his.
Anyway, he can’t dwell on that now.
“David says school isn’t the same without you,” Erik says.
Anna doesn’t respond, she just stares at him for a few seconds as if she can’t understand what he’s saying, before looking down on her food. Erik notices that she avoids looking at David throughout dinner. There is something unsettling about it. Even though David tries his best to make polite conversation, Anna doesn’t seem to register his existence. Perhaps he should have kept this meal to family only? Maybe she doesn’t want to be reminded of her work life, especially since she has to recover fully before she can return. He should have thought of that.
At one point, David puts his knife and fork down, sighs and says with a dejected look on his face to Anna: “Do you not remember me at all?”
Erik feels his muscles tense. You shouldn’t have said that. Lay low please. But it’s too late. Anna is stirring in her seat. Everyone looks at her, even Sebastian and Lukas. What will she say? Will she be annoyed?
She nods and briefly meets David’s eyes. “I do,” she says. “At least, I think I do.”
“That’s great,” Erik says, trying to sound positive. “I thought that perhaps you didn’t—”
“No,” she interrupts. “I remember something about him.” She looks down on her plate again where she’s moving pieces of lasagne around. “I just can’t… I’m not sure.”
“That’s good, though,” David says. “A toast to that.”
He raises his glass.
“Yes, a toast to that,” Erik says, ignoring the fact that Anna is rejecting his food, and they all say ‘cheers’, clink their glasses and sing a spontaneous happy birthday to the children.
Despite drinking only water, Anna seems drunk. It’s probably the medication. She’s distant, except for when she looks at Sebastian and Lukas. Then a new energy surges through her. Apart from fighting about who gets to sit next to her – if only Gerda would move and let them sit on either side of their mother – they seem to be having an okay birthday.
“Do you want me to read to you tonight?” Anna asks.
“YES!”
“Are you sure?” Erik says. “You don’t want to overexert yourself.”
What if she finds she can no longer read?
“Of course I will,” she says and hugs them tightly.
He should be fully content. His wife is back and his children are happy. He needs to chill.
*
That evening, when the children are in bed and Gerda is in the bathroom, Anna calls Erik. He sits on her bed, not sure whether to touch her or not.
“Are you okay?” he asks. “Was dinner a bit too much?”
“It was a lovely birthday dinner,” she says. “Thank you for organising it. But why was he here? Da… David?”
She’s already struggling to remember his name. Maybe she won’t fully recover her memory?
“I understand that you feel uncomfortable,” Erik says, because the doctor has told him to validate Anna’s feelings to make her feel heard. “It probably reminds you that you can’t teach for a while, but he’s staying here, only temporarily, of course.” He pauses as he watches her reaction. Will she be happy that he’s housing a student of hers, or not? It’s hard to tell. She looks puzzled. “He needed somewhere to stay,” he explains. “So I offered him a bed for a night or two. I thought you would be happy, that I was helping one of your students?” She doesn’t react. Maybe she doesn’t remember the countless arguments they have had about her work?
She turns on her side and a strand of hair falls over her face. He leans in, brushes it away. “He’ll be out of here soon,” he says.
Anna puts a finger in her mouth, biting her nail. He’s never seen her do that before.
“How many days has he been here now?” she asks, not looking at him, making him feel like a failure. He’s just never good enough.
“A week,” he admits.
She scrunches up her face. “I may not remember him, Erik,” she says. “But there is something about him… I don’t want him here.”
“Well, I have asked him to leave several times,” Erik defends himself. “But he always has a new excuse and, well, I feel bad. I was trying to think what you would do, and I thought you would let him stay.”
The latter is a lie but a hugely satisfying one.
“For God’s sake, Erik,” she says then and in that explosive moment she is his old Anna, the fiery woman he fell in love with. “Talk to Kent if you need help.”
“Kent? You remember Kent?”
“Yes,” she says. “We work together.”
Chapter 73 – Iris
The next morning, Iris knocks on the door of Anna’s house. It’s a relatively small home, which now has a rather neglected garden. Still, it’s cute. The straight panel curtains have a marine look about them; she can picture Anna choosing them. Anna has decorated this home for her family. Iris quickly flicks the thought away and knocks on the door one more time.
Finally, an older woman with grey hair weaved into a plait, answers it.
“Hi,” Iris says, not sure who the woman is. “I’m Iris, a friend of Anna’s.”
“Come on in. I’m Gerda, Anna’s mum.”
They shake hands. “Nice to meet you.” It’s a relief that it’s not the husband opening the door. He might not know about their relationship but it would still feel awkward. She would be torn between being polite for Anna’s sake while also demonstrating to him that she plays an important role in Anna’s life. A very important one.
Gerda shows Iris into a living room with wooden floors and tasteful navy and white furniture. Anna is lying in a bed next to a sofa and Iris walks over to her, full of nerves. She has no idea what to expect.
“Anna?” she says.
At first Anna looks as if she doesn’t know who Iris is but then her expression changes. Her body softens, her lips part. She smoothens her hair out and gestures for Iris to sit down next to her.
“You came to see me?” she says.
Iris takes Anna’s hands in hers. “Of course. I’ve been so worried about you. I visited you in the hospital but… well, you were asleep but… still so beautiful.”
She can’t take her eyes of Anna. She remembers me.
“Would you like some coffee, Iris?” Gerda asks.
“Yes, please,” Iris says, only so that Anna’s mum will leave them alone.
“That’s my mother,” Anna says when Gerda goes into the kitchen. “I can tell that Erik doesn’t like her.”
“She’s not his mother,” Iris says.
Even though she has no right to, Iris doesn’t like Erik. From the few stories Anna has told her he seems childish with a chip on his shoulder. But he also seems like a good father and, no matter what happens in the future, he will always be a part of Anna’s children’s lives. They need to get on.
“My husband was accused of your attack,” Iris says. She has debated whether to tell Anna but has decided that it’s better that the news comes from her.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
She can’t tell from Anna’s expression if she knew about this already.
“Don’t be,” Iris says. “They don’t seem interested in him anymore.”
“The police showed me some pictures of a man with a dark moustache and a ponytail.”
Iris nods. “That would be him.”
Does Anna remember meeting him at the school? Does she recall how he pulled at her hair? Iris feels a knot in her stomach at the thought. Should she remind Anna, to help her with her memory?
“I told them I didn’t recognise him,” Anna says. “But I also said I wasn’t one hundred per cent sure, that maybe I had seen him, I just didn’t know when.”
Iris feels torn.
“You might have seen him,” she says. “I think the two of you met at some point.”
“Oh,” Anna says. “When was that?”
“He wanted to tell you to stay away from me but you said you loved me and he backed off.”
That’s his version of the event. Maybe Anna’s will be different, should she ever remember, but Iris wants to remind her: you said you loved me.
Anna doesn’t respond and Iris quickly says: “Anyway, the police interviewing him was a reality check. He needed it.”
She kisses Anna’s hand. She smells the same.
“It’s just that I don’t remember what happened that night,” Anna says.
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