Colleen had called several days earlier, wanting to meet Julianne for lunch. With Julianne’s new work schedule and Colleen’s busy days as a social worker, they finally arranged to meet Thursday evening for dinner at a restaurant located halfway between their two homes.
“Oh, Julianne, it just breaks my heart to hear you say that,” Colleen said as she stabbed her fork into a cucumber from her salad. “You and Sam belong together. I can’t imagine either one of you without the other.”
“I was without my ‘other’ for four months,” Julianne reminded Colleen.
“Yes, but through no fault of his own,” Colleen said pointedly.
“I know that.” Julianne eyed her sister-in-law curiously. “My feelings for Sam really don’t have anything to do with the four months he was gone. I was feeling this same way before he disappeared. The only thing his disappearance did was make me realize I can live without him.”
“But do you really want to?” Colleen asked.
“I don’t know,” Julianne answered in frustration. She placed a chunk of fresh tomato into her mouth then chewed thoughtfully. Even though Sam had cautioned her about telling anyone that he was in the house, she had told Colleen. The tears of relief that had shone in Colleen’s eyes had justified Julianne’s decision to tell. “If Sam finally manages to straighten out his legal mess, I just don’t know if I can go back to the life we had together. I’m afraid of waking up one morning to discover I’m old and my life is behind me and I’ve sacrificed too much time with the wrong man.”
“But how do you know he’s the wrong man?” Colleen leaned across the table. “He’s been the right man for a long time. Can you just let it all go? Eight years of marriage just thrown away?”
Julianne flushed. “You don’t understand. You can’t understand. You’re a newlywed, still in the honeymoon phase of your marriage.”
Colleen reached over and took Julianne’s hand. “But I understand unhappiness, and it breaks my heart to see you so unhappy.” She released Julianne’s hand and instead fumbled with her napkin. “And I also know it will break Sam’s heart if you leave him.”
“That’s not fair,” Julianne protested.
Colleen grinned. “Sam is my brother. I don’t have to play fair.” Her smile faded. “Seriously, Julianne. What has made you unhappy? What is so bad about your marriage that makes you consider throwing it all away?”
Julianne twirled her fork in her salad, trying to gather her thoughts. When had it started going wrong? “I always knew how important the family business was to Sam and his father. Sam’s drive and ambition was part of what attracted me to him in the first place.” She frowned in frustration. “But the last couple of years I’ve begun to feel like I’m Sam’s mistress and his work is his wife.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
“About a million times. A couple of months before he disappeared I told him. He promised to change things, but nothing changed. If anything he spent more time at work. I don’t want to be a whiner or a nag, but I’m tired of empty promises and an empty marriage.” She put down her fork and pushed the remainder of her salad aside. “What scares me most of all is that sometimes I think Sam works so many hours because subconsciously he doesn’t want to be at home with me.” Tears burned at her eyes with the confession of her fear.
“Oh, Julianne.” Again Colleen’s hand reached for hers, squeezing her fingers in sympathy. Colleen sighed, her blue eyes, so like Sam’s, troubled. She released Julianne’s hand and leaned back in her chair, her gaze thoughtful. “Has Sam ever talked to you about our childhood?”
Julianne shrugged. “Bits and pieces, although nothing real specific. Why?”
“Just curious.” She smiled ruefully. “It’s funny, most people think we must have had an idyllic childhood. Although our mother died when we were all young, our father was wealthy, the respected owner of a large corporation. We went to the best schools, wore the latest fashions, traveled extensively. But the children of Camelot weren’t always happy.” She hesitated a moment, then continued. “I have a feeling when Sam is spending so many hours at work it isn’t that he’s running away from you. It’s what he thinks he’s running toward, not away from.”
Julianne frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Colleen smiled and waved her hands in a dismissive gesture. “Forget it. I have no right trying to analyze my big brother. Besides, if you really want to know about Sam’s childhood and his possible motivations for being a workaholic, you need to ask Sam.” Colleen took a sip of her water. “Now, let’s talk of something more pleasant. How’s the new job?”
“I love it,” Julianne answered without hesitation. “I never realized how much joy there’d be in getting up and getting dressed in the mornings to do work that helps others.” She smiled ruefully at Colleen’s grin. “I know, I know. You’re thinking why is it okay for me and not okay for Sam, but I work eight hours five days a week and still have a family life. Sam works twelve hours seven days a week and doesn’t have a family life.”
“Point taken,” Colleen replied.
“So tell me about that handsome husband of yours. Marriage definitely agrees with you. You’re positively glowing.” A wistful stir of envy bubbled inside Julianne as she recognized the utter happiness that shone on Colleen’s face.
“Gideon is wonderful. He’s all that I dreamed of and more.”
“I can’t thank you and Gideon enough for what you did for Sam. He told me he came to see you, about Gideon thinking he was a burglar and wrestling him to the ground. Gideon could have turned him in to the police, made quite a name for himself in nabbing the elusive fugitive.”
Colleen nodded. “Yes, he could have. But he trusted me, and I trust Sam.” She reached for Julianne’s hand across the table. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about seeing Sam. He made me promise not to. It was the most difficult promise I’ve ever had to keep and I hope you aren’t angry with me.”
“Oh, Colleen, I’m too confused about this whole mess to be angry about anything.”
“Sam hasn’t had any luck in breaking into the computer program?” Colleen asked, lowering her voice so their conversation wouldn’t be overheard by the other diners in the restaurant.
“No. It seems an impossible task without the other two charms. But he’s spending hours at the computer, systematically trying combinations of numbers and letters.”
Colleen shook her head. “There’s got to be another way. It could take him years to finally hit upon the right combination.”
“If only somebody else hadn’t stolen Carolyn’s and Bonnie’s charms,” Julianne said. “Sam is certain it was somebody from the corporation who stole them, somebody who wants into that computer program as badly as he does.”
“Does he have any idea who it might be?”
“No, although it would have to be someone in a position of power.”
Colleen frowned. “That could be a dozen or more people.”
Julianne rubbed her forehead wearily. “I know. If we knew who we could trust we’d get someone within the company to help us, but…” She spread her hands out in a gesture of helplessness. “Sam has never been very good at trusting others to do what he can do.”
“Just make sure the two of you remember that Gideon and I will do anything we can to help.”
“I know.” Julianne smiled appreciatively, knowing Colleen was as good as her word.
“And thank you for telling me he’s safe. I’ve been so worried since the night he left my house.”
Julianne nodded. “It’s not over yet. The night of the smoke bomb somebody saw Sam carry Emily out of the house and they went to the police. An officer came to the house the other day asking questions. I’m afraid one of these days they’ll show up with a search warrant and Sam will be arrested.”
“He’s got to get into that file,” Colleen exclaimed. “It’s the only thing that will vindicate Sam.” Colleen looked at Julianne, her expression somber. “And if Sam d
oesn’t manage to clear his name, you won’t have to worry about making a decision about a separation from him. He’ll go to prison for the rest of his life.”
As Julianne drove home, Colleen’s words replayed in her head. If her marriage didn’t work she wanted it to be her decision to let it go. She didn’t want a choice made by default because he was imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit.
It took her only a few minutes to drive by Susan’s and pick up Emily, then the two of them drove the short distance home. Julianne’s stomach clenched into a tight knot as she recognized Barry’s car in the driveway.
He got out of his car as they pulled in. “I was just about to give up and go home,” he said as they got out of the car and approached him.
“Just getting off work?” Julianne asked.
He nodded. “But I promised Miranda no matter how late I got off that I’d stop by and invite you and Emily to dinner on Saturday. How’s my favorite little brat?” he asked, swinging Emily up on his hip.
“I’m not a brat,” Emily protested as she playfully pulled on his nose.
Julianne’s mind raced as Barry walked with them to the front door. She knew Barry would think it odd if she didn’t invite him in. She just hoped Sam was hidden away in his attic retreat. “Come on in, Barry,” she said as she opened the door, hoping her voice wasn’t so loud Barry would think her strange and hoping Sam heard her and did a disappearing act.
Barry followed her into the kitchen, Emily riding his hip like a baby koala bear. “Where have you been? It’s not like you to be out in the evenings?” he asked.
“I had dinner with Colleen,” Julianne explained. “I’m working now, so we decided to meet for a fast supper and catch up on things.”
“So, you got a job.” Barry sat down at the table, Emily on his lap.
Julianne quickly filled him in on her new position. “Want me to make some coffee?” she asked.
“No, it’s late. I’ve got to get home. So, what do you say about Saturday? You two want to come over for the day?”
“Mommy, what about our tea parties with Daddy?” Emily asked.
“Honey, why don’t you run on upstairs and get ready for bed? It’s getting late.” Julianne waited until Emily had left the room, then she faced Barry, whose features wore the expression of suspicious curiosity.
“Tea parties with Daddy?”
Julianne nodded. “It’s a way to keep her close to Sam. We have tea. parties and Sam is the official guest of honor.”
Barry frowned. “Do you really think it’s wise to indulge Emily in her fantasies?”
Julianne sighed. “Barry, I really don’t know what’s wise and what isn’t anymore. Look, with my new job, things have been kind of frantic around here. I was looking forward to having Saturday to catch up on things around here. Can I have a raincheck?”
“Sure,” he agreed, although Julianne could still see a whisper of suspicion in his eyes. She breathed a sigh of relief as he stood and headed for the front door. She walked with him, her heart thudding as he paused and turned back to her. “You’d tell me if Sam was here, wouldn’t you?” he asked.
“Of course,” she answered, the words feeling wooden as they fell from her lips.
His gaze seemed to see right through her, right to the lies. “You know I’m your friend, Julianne. I’m Sam’s friend, and he’s in a whole lot of trouble. He’s accustomed to being a solitary kind of man, but this is bigger than he can handle alone. When you’re ready for help you know where to find me.”
Julianne watched him go, sick at heart, knowing that time was running out.
Chapter Eight
“I’m sure he didn’t believe me,” Julianne told Sam later that night. She sat next to him on a blanket spread on the floor of his attic hideaway.
He’d made himself a fairly comfortable niche by moving some of the boxes and crates to give himself more room, then spreading a quilt and blanket down for a bed.
“Are you sure?” Sam’s features were barely visible in the moonlight seeping in the attic vents. They didn’t dare turn on any lights, afraid the illumination would be seen by somebody outside the otherwise darkened house.
“Positive. I could tell just by the way he looked. He suspects you’re here.”
He covered his face with his hands, his shoulders slumping forward in defeat. Julianne’s heart ached for him. Sam had always been so dynamic, so strong and in control. She wasn’t accustomed to seeing him so vulnerable, so hopeless. “Sam, maybe we should just tell Barry the truth, that you’re here and trying to break into the computer file. He’s your friend. Maybe he can help.”
Sam removed his hands from his face. “And maybe he’s the one who made the anonymous call to the police.”
Julianne sucked in a breath. “Surely you don’t believe that. Not Barry?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know what to believe, who to trust. All I know is somebody my father trusted killed him, and, as head of security, my father would have trusted Barry. Barry also has lots of friends on the police force. It would be easy for him to set me up.”
“But, Sam, he’s been our friend for a long time,” Julianne protested softly, finding this kind of betrayal difficult to believe.
He nodded, the lines of his face deep with weariness. “Juli, the corporation was laundering large amounts of money, and money often makes friendships worthless.”
Julianne leaned against his side, wishing she could remove the stress that darkened his eyes and puckered the skin across his forehead. He put his arm around her, pulling her more comfortably against him. His white T-shirt smelled of fresh-scented detergent and bleach and the subtle spicy scent of his cologne. “Time is running out, Juli, and I’m no closer to cracking that file than I was a week ago…two weeks ago.”
She shivered, scared because she didn’t know who they could trust, and afraid they wouldn’t clear Sam’s name without help. “What are you going to do?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know.” He wiped a hand across his jaw, then rubbed the point of his forehead directly between his eyes.
“Headache?” she asked.
He let his hand fall back to his side and smiled at her. “I’ve had a headache for the last four months. If it ever finally goes away I’ll feel like something’s missing.” His smile slowly faded and he heaved a deep sigh. “Maybe I should just give up, turn myself in and face the consequences.”
“No, Sam. That’s not a viable option if you’re sure they’ll put you in prison and the real killer will remain free.”
He raised a dark eyebrow and looked down at her in wry amusement. “Ah, Juli, I wasn’t sure you cared.” Despite his light tone, she heard the serious undertone he attempted to hide.
“Sam.” She laid a hand on his chest, turning slightly so she could see into his eyes. “You know better than that. No matter what happens between the two of us, I’d never want to see you in jail for a crime you didn’t commit.” She took his hand in hers and for the first time noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. An unexpected twang of pain tweaked her heart. “Why aren’t you wearing your ring?” she asked, surprised by how the sight of his naked finger bothered her.
“It was stolen from me while I was in Casey’s Corners.” His voice was soft, but filled with emotional trauma.
“Oh, Sam.” Once again she leaned into his side, wondering what horrors he’d endured while he’d been on the run and unsure if she wanted to know.
“I fell asleep in an alley behind a cafe. I was awakened with a knife to my throat. The man was apparently a vagrant, but there was a madness in his eyes that made me instantly realize he’d use the knife if I gave him reason. He took my wallet and my ring, then disappeared back into the night. Needless to say, I didn’t go back to sleep.”
“A man was found dead in Casey’s Corners. He had your identification on him.”
“How do you know that?”
“Bonnie told me a month or so after the fact. She went in to identify the bod
y. She was afraid it was you.” Julianne shivered, still able to remember the fear that had coursed through her when Sam’s sister had relayed that particular information. She had also heard a strength in Bonnie’s voice she’d never heard before.
He shook his head. “Poor Bonnie. I’m sure she would have rather been in Europe, sipping champagne and dancing until dawn.”
“Not anymore,” Julianne explained. “When Bonnie went out to Casey’s Corners and met Russ, she changed.”
“Changed how?” he asked.
“She changed from a flighty party brat to a warm, giving woman. It sounds so trite, but she seemed to find herself and has learned to like who she is. I suspect it has a lot to do with Russ and Russ’s son, Daniel. From what I’ve heard, Russ is a wonderful man and Bonnie has been on cloud nine since their wedding. She told me she never dreamed she’d ever be a mother, and couldn’t believe how much she loved mothering Daniel.”
“I’m just glad she’s happy.”
They fell silent. Julianne closed her eyes, allowing Sam’s scent to wash over her, his body heat to warm her. If only they could remain here forever, safe from the world in their attic cocoon.
She opened her eyes, knowing it was an unrealistic wish. In her heart she knew even if they could remain here forever, she would never be enough to make Sam happy.
Sam needed the outside world, thrived on the daily stress of high finance and pressure deals: And in truth, she didn’t want a life of Sam exclusively devoted to her. She just wanted a life of balance, and Sam seemed incapable of that. She suddenly remembered her conversation with Colleen. “Sam, tell me about your childhood.”
She felt his surprise at the question in the way his body tensed then relaxed once again. “My childhood? What do you want to know?” She heard the perplexity in his voice.
“I don’t know…was it a happy childhood?”
“As good as most, better than some. Why?”
“I don’t know. Just curious.” Julianne wondered what Colleen had been talking about. “You rarely ever talked about it.”
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