by Susan Renee
“Thank you for this, Finn! I’m so excited! Oh my GOSH I can’t wait! Come on!” My eyes are beaming with elation. I tug on Finn’s arm, this time to get him to continue on with me to the catamaran. I definitely shocked him with that little kiss, but I’m pretty sure he is completely fine with it. He puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me up the dock. My confidence is boosting, and I cannot wait to show Finn what I can do with a camera.
We spend the first hour of the trip just walking around the boat discussing our hobbies and our friends. I tell him a little more about Abby, and though he doesn’t have a roommate, Finn mentions that he has a very good friend named Toby who he gets to see on the weekends when he’s free. About ninety minutes into the ride, the catamaran slows down, and we venture up to the top viewing deck. There are several people up here with us, but we have a great spot right next to the railing to see out into the ocean.
I take a minute to get my camera out and put my new lens on so that I can take a few test shots. I just get my lens snapped on when I hear a loud gasp behind me. I don’t even have time to lift my head to see what is going on when Finn suddenly grabs me by the shoulders and turns me around in front of him to look out to the water. A gigantic humpback whale shoots up from the surface of the water about one hundred yards in front of me! It shoots up and leans over to the left splashing back down into the water. It is magnificent to see! I can’t believe how close we are!
I turn my head back at Finn, who is standing behind me somewhat, caging me in between him and the railing. “OH MY GOD did you SEE that?” I shout. I laugh out loud in astonishment. This is completely surreal.
“I sure did,” Finn says from behind me. “Sorry if I startled you. I just didn’t want you to miss it!” He’s laughing, too.
We watch the water for the next hour as more whales, one after another, shoot out of the water, lean to the side, and smack back down under the surface. Many times we can hear the whales come to the surface to breathe and turn just in time to see a fluke dipping back down in the water. Dolphins swim parallel to the boat every once in a while, jumping out of the water with each other like they are playing leapfrog. I must snap a thousand pictures while we are standing there. I am amazed at some of the shots I am getting, and in all honesty, as guilty as I had felt at first, I am extremely grateful for my new lens. A few times I feel Finn watching me and look up just in time to see him look away, not wanting to get caught staring at me. It makes me smile every time I catch him. I really can’t help feeling like I’m at SeaWorld, and this whole date is a prepared show! How is it possible that I am simply watching nature happen around me? Incredible.
I lower my camera from my face, still gazing out at the water, as the catamaran heads back to the wharf. I feel Finn’s arms come up on each side of me, literally caging me in next to the side of the boat. I let out a comfortable sigh of contentment. I feel safe with Finn, and I know he is testing his limits, so I let him know I am okay with the closeness by leaning back into his chest. For a minute he doesn’t move, but then he slowly wraps his arms around my chest at my collarbone. He is definitely trying to be careful not to cop a feel accidentally on purpose. I lay my head back on his chest and smile. He smells so good, woodsy like mahogany, but with splashes of apple and citrus. I wonder what cologne he is wearing. I could become addicted to that smell. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. What a freaking amazing day this has been! Finn places a light kiss in my hair while he is holding me.
“Well? What did you think?” he whispers in my ear.
“Finn, this was without a doubt the most amazing thing I’ve laid eyes on in a very long time! Thank you so much for bringing me here! If I had a trophy to give you, I would definitely proclaim you the winner of the Best First Date Award.” I raise my eyebrows and shake my head in astonishment. “Seriously, this was an amazing afternoon.” I can’t stop smiling.
I don’t want our time together to end.
Get a grip Olivia; it’s the first date.
“Good. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. I had a feeling you would.” He kisses my hair again. “And it was incredible to see you in your element with your camera. I couldn’t stop watching you. You really have an eye for what’s around you.”
I turn around so I can see his face, but he doesn’t let go of me. Instead, he moves his arms to hold me in a light embrace while I lean back against the railing enough to speak to him. “Well I hope you stopped watching me enough to see some of those whales because that was an amazing view!” I tease him
The look in Finn’s eyes says everything he doesn’t have to say but does anyway. “Yeah…I did have an amazing view.” He is staring at me. His eyes move between my eyes and my lips; he wants to kiss me. I can feel it. I can feel his body lean slightly into mine. My breath hitches, and my lips separate as I feel that spike of warmth shoot through me all the way down my legs.
Kiss me, Finn.
From behind me, Finn’s right hand comes up to my hair, and he gently runs his hand down the left side of my face to my chin. I see his Adam’s apple move as he swallows. He seems almost nervous. With his fingers, he slightly raises my chin and then tilts his head slightly to press his lips against mine.
I close my eyes and allow myself to give in to the taste of him. He brushes his tongue lightly against my lips asking for permission to enter, and I grant him access immediately. Finn is an exceptional kisser.
I wonder how much practice he’s had?
He is smooth and gentle, never overstepping any boundaries, and always making sure I’m comfortable. I feel protected by him. As my tongue meets his, I hear the slightest groan from the back of his throat. He moves my camera out of the way so he can pull me closer to him. Since his left hand is holding me to him at my back, I grab on to his bicep, moving my thumb back and forth slowly feeling the firm muscle beneath my hand. My left hand lies gently on his chest.
Bystanders be damned, this kiss is turning me on. I don’t want to stop kissing him. As we stand here brushing our lips against one another in a mutually passionate moment, I begin focusing on my body and how it feels to be in a man’s arms this way again. My body temperature is rising with each stroke of his tongue against mine, and soon all I can think about is how wet I’m getting…
Wet.
I’m wet.
No, I’m really wet.
Why am I wet?
What the hell?
I’m wet….and people are laughing.
I open my eyes and look up at Finn, who also has no idea what is going on, but he is wet, too, and looks startled. We take a second to survey our surroundings just in time to see a huge whale fluke sink back into the water. That whale shot up out of the water close enough to our boat that it splashed all of us standing on the upper deck when it re-entered the water! Everyone is laughing and shouting! I look up at Finn, feeling the drips of water from my now wet hair, and he looks at me trying to hide his smile like he doesn’t want to ruin our semi-private moment, but in this situation it can’t be helped. We both break down into a fit of giggles over the fact that we missed the whole thing.
I guess now I don’t have to worry about that awkward moment after a first kiss when nobody knows what to say.
We are all laughs for the rest of the ride to the wharf. By the time we dock, we are mostly dried out from our surprise whale attack, but Finn notices the goose bumps on my arms and pulls me into the cruise gift shop. He quickly finds and purchases a long-sleeved t-shirt for me to put on before we leave.
He’s so compassionate.
With the breeze coming off the water it is slightly cool, and the warm shirt is indeed comfortable. I love how thoughtful Finn is.
Finn takes me to one of the local pubs on the way home so we can get a bite to eat and talk some more. I have a feeling he could skip dinner and come right to my place, and I could be okay with that decision as well; but this is the first date, and I know he is trying to be a gentleman. I respect that very much. Quite frankly, I’m not
ready to end my day in tears if Finn were to get my shirt off and see how unattractive I really am. I’m content to just share my day with Finn, getting to know him as much as I can. We are seated in a booth towards the back of the pub. It’s quiet enough that we can talk and still take in the social atmosphere around us. The televisions around the pub are playing the Red Sox game, and patrons are cheering the team on after a few home runs.
“So, Olivia,” Finn says before taking a sip of his Yuengling. “You obviously love what you do behind a camera. There’s no way anyone can deny that after watching you today, so what’s stopping you from finding your dream job? Not sure where to start? Don’t know what you’re looking for?”
I munch on a French fry while I consider Finn’s question. “Well, yes to both in a way, I guess. I spent almost two years working for a newspaper already, and that had its moments, but I want to be able to get paid to experience moments like I did today, or work on a team where I feel like I have a hand in the end result, ya know? I don’t want to be out snapping pictures of the local town parade or local sports team all the time...not that I’m belittling that or anything. I loved it while I did it back home.”
“I get that. You’re a passionate artist who isn’t afraid to think outside the box, but you don’t always have to hold the reins, right?”
“Yeah...yeah that’s pretty much me exactly,” I smile approvingly. As I’m sipping my drink, I watch Finn’s eyes. He’s looking at me again like he really gets me. He seems to understand my personality, even just from the short time he’s known me, and I like that about him. I like that I don’t have to pretend around him. Well...not entirely anyway. I move the hair hanging down my back around to the right side of my neck instinctively, trying to hide my scars from Finn. I don’t mind that he sees me; I’m just not ready for him to see all of me. Finn is watching my every move though and is perceptive enough to pick up on my sudden insecurity. He clears his throat quietly and nods his chin in the direction of my neck.
“So, what happened?” he asks. I look up at him panicking because I know what he’s referring to and he knows I know.
“Sorry. I noticed them the other day,” Finns explains quietly referring to the scars on my neck. “I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I can see it bothers you at least a little, and I don’t like that you feel uncomfortable. I don’t like that whatever went through your mind just a moment ago took your smile away.”
My head bows, and I focus on the ring on my finger. My thumb and pointer finger instinctively start rotating the ring around and around my finger. It’s my nervous tick.
“You don’t have to tell me; I know it’s none of my business. I just…like seeing you happy.”
“Oh, um, it’s no big deal really, just an accident from high school,” I lie. It is a big deal to me. It was a life-altering accident and one that I’m scared I’ll never fully come back from, but there is no way Finn needs to know that now. Not today. He either doesn’t want to push the issue, or gets the message that I’m not ready to talk about it, because he purses his lips and shakes his head like he understands.
“I’m sorry. I’m sure it was a frightening experience for you,” he replies. I can tell he’s trying to decide what to say next. “Look I know this is our first date but...I just - I mean, I want you to know, as I’ve told you already, that I think you’re beautiful, Olivia, stunning even! You’re such a breath of fresh air, and a few scars aren’t going to change that for me.”
Be still my melting heart, I might have to love him soon!
I wonder if his view of me will change when he learns my scars are more than a few.
I am flattered, though, so I smile at Finn and then take another sip of my beer, wishing for a moment that it were straight vodka.
“So, about your epic job search,” Finn changes the subject, for which I am grateful. “Why don’t you consider a job with The Kellan Agency? The photographers at the agency have opportunities for world travel to work with international clients, and they’re always an imperative asset to our marketing teams.”
“Hmm, spoken like a true advocate for the company, Sir,’ I tease him. “So if I had to guess, I would say you’ve either worked for the Kellan Agency before, or you know Mr. Kellan? You never did tell me what your family business is.”
Finn looks down immediately searching for words. He frowns for a moment, and I don’t quite understand why that question catches him off guard. What’s the big deal if he works there or not, other than the fact that I would see him every day if I worked there, too. “I don’t just work there, Olivia,” he says with quiet breath. Finn looks up at me with a slightly pained expression.
“I own it.”
“Oh.”
Wait…what?
The crowd around the restaurant starts whistling and cheering as the Red Sox score another double.
The smile on my face dissipates and immediately turns into a confused frown.
“You?” I ask loudly enough for Finn to hear me. “You’re the Mr. Kellan of The Kellan Agency?”
“Yes. Well, no. Mr. Kellan was my father.” Finn begins to explain. “When I graduated college, my dad was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and passed away two years later. I inherited the company from him; regardless, I would’ve ended up here anyway. I love the people in this company and have great respect for how my father ran his business. It’s my pleasure to do it now.”
“Oh. Wow.” I take a deep breath and swallow the drink I just took. God this was awkward. “Um, I’m sorry to hear about your father, really I am,” I say anxiously. “But Finn, I…” I could feel my heart beating a little harder, a sign of my nerves and anxiety. I’m now anything but blissfully calm as I was an hour ago. Is he offering me some sort of opportunity without knowing anything about me?
“You haven’t even seen my portfolio…or my resume…”
“I don’t need your portfolio, Liv,” he interrupts while taking another drink. “I’ve seen your work.”
I frown at him. “How?” I shake my head in confusion. “I never even told you where I was published…or that I was published for that matter.”
What the hell?
Why does this feel all sorts of weird?
Finn looks as if he doesn’t want to reveal his secrets, so, hopefully, whatever he is about to say will be the truth. “Dr. Tursly at the Rhode Island School of Design was a friend of my father’s. He used to send my dad info on all of his top students so that we knew who we might want to extend internships to each summer. Obviously, being at the top of your class, I heard about you over a year ago…but you didn’t apply for an internship.”
My eyes are wide with surprise. Obviously, I get that things like this happen; schools share info on top students all the time to help them get ahead, but never in a million years did I think about people talking about me. I’m just a normal person who lives behind a camera, nothing special. It dawns on me right then that perhaps his running by me yesterday morning, and our conversation at Starbucks, may not have been just chance encounters.
Was this a set up?
He knew who I was?
“Did you seek me out yesterday morning because you already knew who I was?” I ask.
“No!” He looks confused as to why I would even ask that question. “I had no idea who you were when I saw you yesterday other than…” Finn looks at the bottle in his hands, not wanting to look at me. I can see the blush on his face again. “Other than I thought you were beautiful lying on the ground taking pictures of something I couldn’t see. You were in your element, and I could tell you were doing something you loved doing. It just so happens that something you’re passionate about, and very good at, is photography; and I have a job opening in my company for a marketing photographer that I think you might be perfect for. Why wouldn’t I want someone with that much passion working for me?”
I don’t know what to think. I’m blown away. Why didn’t he tell me this afternoon…or yesterday morning? About a hundred thoughts rac
e through my mind as I look at him, and then it hits me.
Oh God! Was this all some sort of hoax?
Was he wooing me like he probably wines and dines a client so that I would work for him?
He’s the freaking CEO?
He kissed me!
“Why did you take me out today?” I ask suspiciously. “I mean I feel like I must have crossed some sort of imaginary line because I really thought you were interested in me….in me and not just my photography skills. I don’t have any marketing experience, and I’ve never really done anything in advertising. I’m just a girl who takes pictures.”
Finn looks up at me with sheer confusion on his face. “Olivia, you’re much more than just a girl who takes pictures. Please, stop selling yourself short.”
I tilt my head as I look at him sadly. “Was this all one of those wine and dine experiences you told me about this morning?” I ask him. “You know, just take the girl out and show her a good time so she’ll come work for you? Extra points if you can get her into your bed as well?” The heaviness in my chest is confining. It’s taking my breath away, and it’s all I can do to keep the tears at bay.
Don’t go crazy, Olivia.
This could all be a huge misunderstanding.
Breathe!
“What?” Finn gasps. “Olivia, no, please that’s not what I meant at all. I just know you’re looking for a job, and I think you would be great at The Kellan Agency. I could give you great career opportunities, and I really enjoyed this day with you so much. I thought I made that very clear. I like you! You’re a beautiful girl and…”
“I’m NOT a beautiful girl, Finn. Please stop saying that,” I interrupt emphatically. I’m looking down at my lap now, fidgeting with the ring on my finger. The ring I never take off. I slump in my seat in utter disappointment.
“Olivia…”
“You saw the scars, Finn. They’re not beautiful, and what you’ve seen isn’t even the worst of them. I look like a shark has attacked me for Christ’s sake. I’m flawed. I’m sure you’ve been with many girls who far surpass my plain girl looks. If you’re anything like the other guys I’ve dated, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s okay. Every other guy has had the same reaction, and I get it.”