by Susan Renee
From: Finn Kellan
Subject: Toby
Date: July 7, 2014 9:17
To: Olivia McGuire
I’m supposed to meet up with Toby for a bit tomorrow evening, but why don’t you plan on being with me for that? I would love for you to meet him, and I know he’ll be happy to meet you. We’ll just hang out at my place; I’ll grill something, we can relax a little before your trip. (ps. don’t remind me...I’m already missing you).
Now sad and lonely,
Finn Kellan
CEO, The Kellan Agency
From: Olivia McGuire
Subject: Toby
Date: July 7, 2014 9:23
To: Finn Kellan
Any friend of yours is a friend of mine! I would love to meet him. It’s a date! (ps. and don’t worry, I’ll only be gone a few days! Absence makes the heart grow fonder...right?...right?)
Feeling guilty but not really because it’s my job, and you’re paying me to go sip wine.
Olivia McGuire
Commercial Marketing, The Kellan Agency
From: Finn Kellan
Subject: You
Date: July 7, 2014 9:30
To: Olivia McGuire
Are beautiful. I love you. See ya tonight.
XO,
Finn Kellan
CEO, The Kellan Agency
Finn’s emails always make me smile. He knows how to start off my day with a quick dose of happy to keep me going. With the incessant talking and line of questions coming from Mandy this morning, I needed something to boost my energy. I’m thrilled that she’s happy about Finn and me, though, so I really don’t mind it all that much. It really is nice to be able to speak freely about him at work to someone who understands. I haven’t even gotten to ask Mandy how her date with Kym went. I guess that’s going to have to wait until lunch. My email pings one more time. Knowing it will be from Finn, I smile and quickly click it open:
From:
Subject: The truth
Date: July 7, 2014 9:38
To: Olivia McGuire, The Kellan Agency
IF HE TELLS YOU HE LOVES YOU HE’S LYING.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONE HE WANTS.
I sit at my desk, staring at the screen. Another one? My stomach drops out, and I feel nauseous all of a sudden. Why is this happening? From what Finn says, he’s never been in a serious relationship and hasn’t been on a real date for three years before he met me, so why is this happening to me?
He did tell me he loves me.
Was he not being honest?
With a shaking hand, I quickly click delete, so I won’t have to look at the email anymore.
I take a deep breath and look around the work room to make sure I haven’t attracted attention to myself. I need to clear my head and think for a minute. I stand up and walk down the hall so that I can get a drink and splash some water on my face. As I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, I can feel the tension building in my body. I swallow back the tears, so I won’t have to explain my puffy red eyes to anyone in the office, and I certainly don’t want word getting back to Finn that something has upset me. I know his overprotectiveness will set in and he’ll be at my desk in minutes. I don’t want that kind of attention. I need to figure this out on my own. I just don’t know how to do it.
Because there is no return address on the email, I have no idea how to figure out where it came from. I’m assuming it must have come from inside this building somewhere, has to be on our server, but I could be totally wrong. I’m not tech savvy enough to know how to go about sending an anonymous email, and now I’m not sure if I can trust anyone in the tech department to ask them for help. What if it’s one of them? Until I find out, I need to keep a file of these emails in my computer. Once I get back to my desk I click back through my trash inbox and move the email into a private folder. I also move the first email I received a few days ago into the same file to keep everything together. At some point, when I’m feeling brave enough, I can try to piece this puzzle together. Maybe Abby can help me.
After lunch, I spend my afternoon finalizing my itinerary for Wednesday’s trip to California. I print off my boarding passes for my flights, directions to the Seal Lake Winery from my hotel, and contact numbers I will need while there. I also pack up my camera and product information, so I can plan my shoot while I’m traveling. By the end of the day, I’m feeling a little more relaxed, ready, and excited to take my first big business trip. I wish Abby could travel to California with me. We could get into a lot of fun together out there; I’m sure. I’m sort of glad Finn’s schedule is filled with meetings here, so he can’t accompany me either. I know if he did, the subject of sex would come up, and I’m just not sure how I want to handle that part of our relationship.
Of course, I want him. More than anything, I want to be in his arms and more than just in the dark. I want to kiss him and touch him and be held by him, and I know he wants those things, too, but I always allow my insecurities to get the best of me. I’m easily falling for Finn, and we both want more for sure; I’m just not ready for him to quietly walk out of my life once he sees the real me. I fear the inevitable heartache. And with heartache, will also come the inevitable loss of my job.
I finish making a few copies of my itinerary in the work room and head back to my desk. Usually seeing Karen in our office isn’t an anomaly, but today something feels off kilter. When I step into the room, Karen’s head shoots up from Mandy’s cubicle. She sighs heavily before I see her look back down at Mandy and hear her say, “Nevermind, we’ll do it later.”
I look at both Mandy and Karen curiously but only because something about Karen’s demeanor feels oddly suspicious. Nevertheless, she looks up from Mandy’s cubicle excitedly smiling at me.
“Olivia, how are your trip plans shaping up? Do you need anything, or do you have any questions you want to go over before you leave? I’ll be in meetings most of the day tomorrow, so I wanted to be sure to touch base today.”
“Uh,” I blink my eyes and shake my head, willing myself to focus on her words. “Yeah, I think I have everything I need. I was just printing off my boarding passes and copying my itinerary. I’m excited to do this!”
Karen smiles and looks at me like a proud mom. “Great. I’m sure you’ll be just fine. Be sure to keep my phone number or email handy just in case you run into any issues or have last minute questions. I’m happy to help.”
“Thank you, very much. I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
“Absolutely. Have a nice glass of wine for me, will ya?”
I smirk and chuckle as Karen walks away. “Sure thing!”
I watch Karen walk out of the office and turn back to Mandy’s desk. “What was that all about?”
“What was what all about?” she asks.
“She just seemed . . .I don’t know, a little put-off that I walked into the office just now. I’m sorry, was I interrupting something?”
“No not at all; well, I suppose to her maybe you were,” Mandy scoffs quietly. “I don’t know why she thinks it’s a big deal, or that nobody should know about it, but she’s taking classes to earn her photography degree since her degree is in Graphic Design. I think she wants to do more for the company one day; I assume something more creative like we do. So, anyway yeah, she was asking me for help on one of her class projects. It’s basically an ad campaign so she wants me to go over things with her.”
“Oh. Well, I think it’s great that she’s getting another degree. Seize the day as they say, right? Good for her!” I nod smiling.
“Yeah absolutely. I’m proud of her, but I’m not sure she’s really interested in announcing it to the entire agency; so… ”
“No worries! My lips are sealed.” I wink at Mandy and get back to work.
14
I wake up Tuesday morning with a smile on my face. I’m getting excited for my first real business trip. I know in my heart I’m made for a job like this, one where I can use my talent, my passion, to help create something awesome. I’m
excited to meet my clients in person and spend a few days taking in the Seal Lake Winery so that I can do my best work for them. I’ve never been to California before, so I’m hoping I might also have time to take a few hours at some point to just be a tourist. I’m not sure how much of that I will really want to do alone, though; and being in wine country, I know I’ll be several hours away from Los Angeles or San Francisco. I’ll just have to be flexible and be ready to take full advantage of any down time.
I step back into the apartment from my morning run and see Abby washing her breakfast dishes at the kitchen sink.
“Hey, Abs!”
“Hey, girl! You ready for your trip tomorrow? I’m so jealous! I want to go with you!” she whines.
“Yeah I’m as ready as I can be. I’m anxious to get out there and do my thing. Is it normal to be so excited? I feel like a kid about to go to Disney World.” Abby has traveled for work before, so she understands my feelings. Several of her clients are in New York City, Chicago, and even Seattle.
Abby laughs. “This is your first big business trip; of course it’s normal to be excited. Just keep your head on so you can stay focused on your task, and you’ll be great! Oh, and bring me back a nice expensive bottle of wine, or three.”
“You got it, girl. I promise to bring you something good, sweet not dry, white not red.” I remember how Abby likes her wine because I have the same tastes. Sweet Moscatos or Rieslings are our favorite.
“So I’m meeting one of Finn’s best friends tonight, Toby? I’ve mentioned him to you before.”
Abby frowns for a minute trying to recall what I’ve told her about Finn and Toby. “Oh yeah right, this is the friend he made after his sister died? I’m a little surprised it’s taken this long to introduce you to him if they’re such good friends.”
“Well, I get the impression that he’s not from here in town. They don’t see each other all the time. I think every couple weeks or so.”
“Ah, gotcha. So,” she changes the subject. “Is tonight the night? You know...you’re going on a trip…you’ll miss each other. Are we finally going to give in to our desires this evening, hmm?” It’s no secret with Abby that Finn and I haven’t slept together yet. I mean, yes we have slept together, meaning we’ve fallen asleep in the same bed and woken up together the next morning, but sex hasn’t happened, yet; and I know that’s all because of me and my insecurities. Finn has definitely tried a few times to get me to loosen up. He says all the right things and touches me in all the right ways; but when push comes to shove, the scars on the lower half of my body make me feel too unattractive for him. He never gives me any indication that my scars bother him; I know it’s all in my head. I’m my own worst enemy.
I sigh and look up at Abby while I move my cereal around in the bowl. “I don’t know, Abs.”
Abby sits next to me. She places her hand over mine getting me to stop playing with my food. “What are you waiting for, Liv? You want it, you know he wants it. So, what’s stopping you?”
“What’s stopping me? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I know as soon as he sees me naked, he’ll bail just like all the rest of them. Why bother putting myself through that again?”
“Liv, after all this time you can’t still be feeling insecure. Are you?”
I close my eyes briefly taking a deep breath. “Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t have a reason to not feel insecure. Abby what if…what if when he runs his hand up my thigh, or when he touches my…”
“Stop. Just stop right there.” Abby interrupts putting both her hands up in front of her. “Olivia McGuire you listen to me. Finn Kellan loves you. He fucking LOVES YOU. He took you to his house. He introduced you to his mother; he told you all about his sister. Olivia, guys aren’t just open books for any girl to read. Sure, some guys are players and, they’ll sleep with anything that moves; and some guys, like Archer, are immature high school dicks who don’t know what they have when they have it. But, most good guys aren’t that way, and at some point you have to take risks when you find a great guy. And Finn Kellan is a great guy! This one has chosen you to be his person, and I know in that big heart of yours, you have chosen him as well. You’re just too afraid to say it. Look, I know guys have walked away from you in the past, and that’s their loss. Any guy who says ‘no’ to you simply isn’t worth it. But this guy. Liv, this guy is saying yes. It’s you this time. You have to say yes back before he thinks you don’t want him.”
A tear slips down my cheek at Abby’s words. She’s right, and I know she’s right. Finn is my strength and my weakness. I love him but haven’t told him yet. Somehow, I know I have to face my fears and tell him how I feel. The outcome will either go one way or the other, and then I’ll finally know.
“I do love him, Abs. I’m so scared to tell him, but I do love him,” I cry softly.
“I know you do, Babe. So, stop beating around your own damn bush, yes pun intended, and tell him how you feel. Love is happy this time, Olivia. You have the opportunity to be happy! Don’t walk away from that without taking the leap and having a little faith first. Otherwise, you’ll always wonder what could’ve been.”
“Now, I have to get to work, and you need to shower! So, let’s hug it out, and then I expect to hear good things later. In fact, I take that back. I don’t expect to hear good things because I don’t expect to see you tonight, if you know what I mean, okay?”
I smile at Abby and wrap my arms around her neck. “Okay, Abs. And thank you, for listening and for not putting up with my shit.”
“HA! My pleasure girl! Talk to ya later.”
The rest of my day goes pretty quickly. I spend my time at work making contacts with my clients in California, planning part of my photo shoot, and working a little more on the Boston Cruise Line account, editing pictures and layouts. I’ll be meeting with them when I return from California to finalize their plans. Thanks to my date with Finn, I already have all the pictures I’ll need for that layout. It’s just a matter of editing and coming up with a clever new campaign to move the company brand forward.
The end of the day comes quicker than I’m ready for, and before I know it, Finn is walking in to my office laughing with Karen about who knows what.
“Hey, Beautiful. You ready to go?” Finn’s eyes light up when he sees me, and he acts as if there is nobody else in the room. In three strides, he’s at my side, slipping his arm around my waist, and kissing me.
“Ew gross! I can hear that kiss from over here. Get a room, guys!” Mandy laughs. I open my eyes and smile at her. She winks at me in response, so I know she’s only kidding.
“Hmm. Not a bad idea…” Finn jokes. “There’s a dark room around here, isn’t there?” Finn’s eyebrows shoot up in excitement. I’m pretty sure if I said yes, he wouldn’t hesitate to pull me in that direction. Instead, his suggestive comment shocks me. I playfully smack his arm and push him away.
“No. No dark room and no more kissing me at work. Do you see what I have to put up with when stuff like that happens?” I gesture to Mandy who is giggling and to the guys in the office who are also smirking at Finn and me.
“S’alright, Liv.” Austin laughs. “We’ll take our entertainment wherever we can get it,”
Finn nods at Austin and grabs my bag for me. “Okay, okay, I’ll settle down, but let’s get out of here, so I can kiss you somewhere else.”
I shake my head at Finn but can only giggle at the cuteness of him. He certainly knows how to make me blush, and right in front of my boss, too. I know she’s a friend of the family but still. Luckily for me, she’s laughing right along with everyone else.
“Have a safe trip, Olivia.” Karen says on my way out. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Thank you. See you all on Monday!” I wave to my colleagues, who I’m happy to say are also my friends, and then step into the elevator with Finn.
Finn wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my hair breathing me in. “Mmm you smell good, and have I ever told y
ou how beautiful you are when you blush?”
“Every time you get the chance,” I respond, grinning at him.
“Good.” He kisses the top of my head and rubs my back. “Let’s go home. I’m excited for you to meet Toby. I know he’s going to love you.”
“Oh really? And what make you so sure?”
Finn shrugs dismissively. “Because I love you.”
He melts my heart.
I lean my face up towards Finn’s and kiss him. I kiss him with all the love and passion I can muster in this elevator to show him that I love him, even though I haven’t said it yet. Maybe tonight will be the night. The elevator dings, and the door opens, signaling an end to our kiss. Finn takes my hand and leads me to his car.
I’ve been to Finn’s penthouse apartment many times before. It’s beginning to feel like a second home for me. Not that he needs it right now, but his apartment boasts three bedrooms and three bathrooms, a bar and lounge area, a small gym, and even a wrap-around patio, complete with a hot tub and a small garden. The walls in the apartment are all a warm beige color with black molding and doorways. Wherever possible, there are floor-to-ceiling windows that provide a breathtaking view of the entire city. It’s really hard to imagine just one person living in this space.
Finn changes out of his suit into casual shorts and a vintage t-shirt. He looks delicious in his flip flops out on the patio grilling our dinner. There’s something about a man cooking that turns me on. It must be the domesticated look. It’s sexy...just like a guy who does dishes...or folds laundry. I decided to stay in my yellow shift dress, rather than bring clothes to change into. It’s dressy enough to wear to work but comfortable enough for me to wear all evening. I love that my dress has pockets. They come in handy at work, and honestly, I love that Finn likes to sneak his hand inside them when he hugs me.