by Susan Renee
“So, what are we dining on tonight, oh grand master chef?” I tease.
Finn grins as he turns his head to look at me. “Tonight, Madame nous allons régaler sur une délicieuse galette de boeuf grillé garni de votre choix de mon meilleur ketchup, la moutarde , la mayonnaise ou , laitue, cornichons , oignons, et bien sûr que le fromage cheddar vieilli mieux.”
Whoa! He can speak French?
I can’t hold back my laugh any longer. Finn’s attempt at describing a food, that isn’t at all French, in French makes me giggle uncontrollably. “Okay, first of all, I didn’t know you knew French, and secondly, I think I heard ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and onions, which means we must be having cheeseburgers?”
Finn lets out a laugh of his own and nods his head. “Yeah, we’re having cheeseburgers, Beautiful. I hope you’re okay with that.”
“Well, who can turn down a Finn burger that is topped with only your finest ingredients, Mr. Chef, Sir?”
“Damn straight.” Finn smirks. “They’re almost done. Want to pour us a beer?”
“Sure.”
Dinner on the patio is magnificent, and to my surprise, Finn’s burgers are excellent. He can cook!
“Where did you learn to cook so well?”
Finn takes his last bite and wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Well, after Sydney died, my dad sort of buried himself in his work to stay busy, and Mom checked out for a while. She was too depressed to do anything, and that left me. I needed something to do so that I wouldn’t go crazy, and I knew Mom needed me to help take care of her because my dad wasn’t helping. I guess it was their own ways of coping, ya know? Anyway, I came home from school more often to be with Mom and Dad, so Mandy would come over sometimes, and we would cook together. She taught me a lot because Karen had taught her. She at least taught me the basics: how to cook rice, spaghetti, chicken, steak. That sort of thing.”
“Sounds like you really leaned on each other then, huh?”
“Umm, yeah.” Finn swallows looking at me and then immediately looking down at his plate. “Yeah we did. It was, umm...a weird time for all of us, Mandy included, but it’s in the past now. We’re all moving forward the best way we can.”
I tilt my head and smile lovingly at Finn, who looks like he had just gone through the hardest conversation of his life.
“Well, you’re right. You do make a mean burger. Thanks for dinner.”
“My pleasure, Liv.”
The doorbell rings just then. I recognize the sound from all the times we’ve had food delivered to the apartment. Finn and I both stand up from the table, holding our plates in our hands. Finn takes my plate from me and stacks it on top of his own.
“I’ll take care of this if you don’t mind getting the door? That’ll be Toby; I’m sure.” Finn’s eyes are wide with excitement. I can tell he can’t wait for me to meet him, which excites me in return.
“Absolutely.”
I step into the apartment from the patio and make my way down the hall to the front door. Anxious to meet Finn’s friend, I unlock the deadbolt and swing the door open with a smile on my face. A smile that quickly fades.
My hand is on my mouth as I gasp in surprise and confusion. My stomach tightens and threatens to give me back my dinner. I can feel myself breaking out in a sweat all over my body. I feel sick and dizzy, but I cannot keep my eyes off of the figure standing at Finn’s door.
Max?
Darkness consumes me. I can feel my breath slipping away. My body feels weightless. My eyes close, and I hear a lady scream and then the bark and whimper of a dog, as my body hits the floor.
15
Screaming. I’m screaming. I hurt so badly all over my body, and as I open my swollen and puffy eyes, all I can see is blood. My blood. I can feel my skin burning from the pebbles and dirt and debris that has embedded into my thigh, leg, and stomach. My clothes are ripped all over the place. I’m barely even still wearing a shirt.
Where am I?
Max? Where’s Max?
I can still feel my hands wrapped up in Max’s leash. I’m lying on my back, but my arms are bent to the left side of my stomach. The searing pain coming from my right arm tells me that it is, undoubtedly, fractured. I feel the weight of something or someone laying next to me, so I roll my head to the left. It’s Max. He’s curled up next to me with his head on my stomach. He’s whimpering.
“Oh God, Max! Max!” I try to scream, but my voice just isn’t there. I’ve screamed so much that my voice has completely given out on me. This has to be one of those nightmares where you try and try to scream, but you can’t. I’ll wake up any minute and, this God-awful nightmare will be over.
I’m not waking up.
This isn’t a dream
This is really happening to me.
My throat is aching for a drink, anything to take away the razor sharp pain anytime I try to speak or swallow. I move my hands as much as I can and lay them on top of Max’s head, petting him slowly. I can see blood coming from him - or is it me? I can’t tell, but either way, there is nothing I can do. My body defies me as I try to move it. All I can do is roll over towards Max and cry.
“I’m so sorry, Max,” I sniffle. “I’m so damn sorry.” Tears are burning my eyes as they mix with the dirt and pebbles around my face, but I just can’t keep them from coming.
“Max, I’m sorry, buddy. I never meant for you to get hurt. Please forgive me, Max.”
I cry so hard that I have to keep from vomiting. How the hell am I going to get out of this mess? What the hell happened? Was it another dog? The claw marks on Max are much bigger than I expect them to be. There’s a huge gash on his back running down to his hip. It looks like it could’ve easily been from a bear. He’s bleeding so much.
Max saved me from a freaking bear?
“Max,” I whisper realizing that Max has most likely just saved my life. Well, if I ever get out of here alive he will have saved my life.
“Max, you’re my hero. You stay with me here, buddy. I’ll be your hero, too. I promise I will. Don’t leave me, Max,” I sob.
I roll my head and scoot my body so that I can kiss Max. He saved my life, protected me from another animal. The least I can do is love him until I figure out what to do next. I don’t know how long I’ve been gone from the house. Eventually, if I’m gone long enough someone will come looking for us, right?
“Please let us make it. Please let us be okay,” I pray.
Max whimpers next to me, and I cry. I cry so hard I cry myself to sleep right there on the pavement lying next to my hero.
“Liv?”
“Oh my God! Olivia?”
I can hear someone saying my name, and I can feel my body being checked quickly before I’m lifted, but I can’t get my brain to tell my eyes to open.
Someone found us, thank God.
I can hear voices talking, but it sounds like mumbles to me. A man’s voice? A woman’s?
“What could’ve possibly caused this?” the female voice asks.
“I have no idea. She has to be okay. Oh, God, please let her be okay,” the male voice says.
Dad?
“Olivia, Beautiful, open your eyes. Please baby, open your eyes.”
That voice doesn’t belong to my dad, but it is one I recognize. The fog in my brain starts to lift, and I open my eyes slightly, tears rolling down my face. I stare at the face looking back at me and allow myself a minute to let my brain catch up.
Finn?
What happened?
I look around the room. I’m lying on a couch in Finn’s living room. Finn’s on his knees, in front of me on the floor. The concerned look on his face is terrifying.
“Olivia?” Finn brushes my hair away from my face and kisses my forehead.
“Baby, you fainted; are you okay? What’s wrong? What can I do? Tell me, please!”
My left arm and shoulder hurts, and I have a headache. I look around the room, frowning slowly in confusion. I remember having dinner with Finn and then hearing
the doorbell ring. Finn asked me to get the door for him. It was Toby. No, it was some woman with a dog.
Toby.
Toby?
Toby is a dog?
Toby looks like Max…
Dog?
Toby is a dog?
Finn’s best friend is a dog?
I gasp and sit up on the couch, immediately hugging my legs and resting my head on top. I sit there trying to breathe. I feel the wet nose on my leg before I hear the whimper of the dog sitting next to Finn. I can’t hold my stomach back this time. I can feel the bile rising in my throat. I throw my hands over my mouth and dart off the couch for the bathroom where I slam the door just before I violently throw up.
Is this a sick joke?
How the hell does Finn know about Max?
Why would he do this to me?
He said he loved me…
The email…
Is Finn sending me those emails?
I’m sobbing into a towel when I hear Finn knock on the door.
“Olivia please, are you okay? What can I do? Please let me help you.”
“Go away, Finn.” I whisper unable to talk.
“Liv, I’m coming in. It’s okay; you just fainted. I need to make sure you’re okay, that you didn’t hurt yourself.”
I muster up the energy to shout a little louder. “I’m fine, Finn! Go away!”
“I’m not leaving you, Liv. I’ll give you your privacy if you want it, but I’m not leaving this spot. I’m worried about you, Beautiful.”
I am so sad, hurt, and confused. I don’t know which way is up or down, in or out. I clean myself up, rinse my mouth out, and wash my face. I can’t keep the tears from streaming down my face, so I give up and let them fall. I can feel a storm brewing in my soul and have no idea how to tame it. Quite frankly, I’m not sure I want to this time. I open the door and immediately come face to face with Finn, whose eyes are as big as the moon. I don’t even give him time to speak before I lay into him.
“What is this, Finn? What kind of sick joke is this?”
“Olivia?” Finn asks confused.
“How did you know? Tell me? How did you know about Max? Just how much of my life do you know about that you’re not telling me?" I realize I’m beginning to shout, but I’m not in the mindset to try and control my emotions.
Finn’s eyes shoot up in shock. “Whoa! Olivia, slow down. What are you talking about?” He reaches out and cups my cheek with one hand, but I immediately slap him away.
“Don’t touch me, Finn!” I sniffle. “And don’t play games with me. Why did you bring that dog here? Why did you make up some fucked up story about your friend Toby…who is a DOG...a dog JUST like my Max? Why? Why would you want to hurt me like that?”
“Max?” Finn is shaking his head frowning. He looks totally confused, which I don’t understand. “I don’t… Olivia, who is Max?”
“Stop it. I’m not playing your games, Finn. You said you loved me,” I cry. “They all say they love me, and then...damnit!” I let out my breath in a huff. “You're just like them. I can’t. I just can’t."
I make my way quickly to the foyer, grab my purse and bag from work, and open the front door. I take a deep breath and turn around to look at Finn, tears streaming down my face. "Just when I thought my heart was healing, when I thought I was falling in love again..." I shake my head. "I really thought you were different."
I walk out the door and into the elevator, slamming the button for the bottom floor. The last thing I hear before the elevator door closes is Finn shouting, “Toby, stay! Olivia, wait! I love you. Wait please let me…”
I’m done. I’ve just endured a full-fledged panic attack brought on by the one person who promised to protect me. I can’t handle this. I want to run; I want to scream. I want to cry. How can he hurt me like this? Why not just tell me he doesn’t love me anymore? Why throw my past in my face like this? How did I wrong him to make him want to do this to me? I run off the elevator when the door opens and hurriedly get into the first cab the doorman can find for me.
“I need to stop at home for just a second, and then could you drop me at Boston Logan Airport please?” I am going to run. I’m going to fly to California tonight. I’ll just change my ticket and take the last flight out. That way, Finn can’t follow me and try to explain himself. He won’t even know where I am tonight, and that is just fine with me. I won’t have to put up with anymore tonight. I just need to calm myself down enough to text Abby and get home to get my stuff before leaving. I need to do it quickly before Finn drives himself to my place and waits for me.
The cab pulls up in front of my apartment building. I shoot out of the car and up to my apartment as fast as I can. My cell phone has already rung three or four times in the cab ride over here, and I can hear it ringing again, the chorus of “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction now etched in my brain. Finn set my ringtone a few weeks ago to that song as a reminder to me that he thinks I’m beautiful, regardless of my own personal insecurities.
For right now though, I’m intentionally ignoring it. I don’t even want to see Finn’s face on the caller ID. I grab my suitcase that I had packed, along with my bag from work that has my files and camera inside. I packed light enough that I shouldn’t have to check any of my luggage, which should make traveling easier. Before I leave, I scribble a note quickly to Abby telling her that I had been here and am leaving early for California. I need someone trustworthy to know where I am just in case. My parents don’t know what’s going on in relationship world because I didn’t want to give them all the details just yet, so there is no sense in calling and confusing them. I make my way downstairs and outside, back into the cab that was waiting for me. I’m grateful for my cab driver. He seems like a nice enough man who can see that I’m distressed. I’m sure he knows I’m running. He just doesn’t know what I’m running from.
In about an hour, I’m registered, checked in, and boarded on an evening flight to Chicago, which at this time of night is the closest I could get to California, but I don’t care. Chicago will put me halfway to my destination for tomorrow’s trip. I pay the extra money for a first class ticket, since those are the only seats they have left. I just need to get out of Boston. I sit back in my seat, open my bottle of water and take a long healthy drink. I close my eyes and try my best to relax until the plane lands. Easier said than done.
16
My flight to Chicago is under three hours, so I’m on the ground by eleven, Eastern Time. I turn my phone on quickly to see if I’ve received a text from Abby and also to call a hotel to find a room for the night. As soon as my phone is on, it practically explodes in my hand with text messages and voicemails. Most are from Finn, begging me to tell him I’m okay and that he loves me. I knew he would be beside himself with worry over me, but as far as I’m concerned he deserves it. I also have a text from Mandy asking where I am, which I choose not to return. I’m sure she’s only asking on Finn’s behalf, and I don’t want him to know where I am just yet. He’ll know where I am in the morning.
I’m just about to turn my phone off and return it to my purse when it rings in my hand. Seeing Abby’s picture come up on my caller ID, I decide to go ahead and answer it.
“Abby, hey.”
“JESUS CHRIST, Olivia! Where the fuck are you, and what the hell happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What the fuck, Liv?”
“I’m okay. I’m in Chicago, on a layover to California. I’m staying here tonight. I just had to get out of town, so I decided to leave early.”
“What the ever-loving fuck? Oh my God, Liv, I...I’m so sorry. This is absolutely not the way I saw your night going, Babe. What the hell happened?”
“Did Finn call you?” I ask curiously.
“Only about fifty fucking times, yeah! He’s worried sick about you. Even more so given I didn’t know what he was talking about, or where you were, when he stopped by here looking for you. He’s confused and doesn’t understand what happened either. He just said you k
ept talking about Max, but he doesn’t know who Max is.”
“Bullshit,” I mumble. “Abby, you know Finn’s so-called friend, Toby? The friend I was supposed to meet tonight?”
“Yeah?”
“Well Toby is Max. No, wait. Toby is a dog! A fucking chocolate lab who looks somehow, ironically just like Max did, except Max is DEAD, Abby! Max saved my life and died for me, and he’s never coming back, so what the fuck was Finn trying to do to me?” I yell into the phone. Realizing I’m in an airport terminal, and that people are staring at me, I try to quickly find the nearest private corner.
I hear nothing but silence coming from the other line for what feels like long minutes. “Oh, Olivia, are you...wow...I don’t even...Liv, are you okay?” Abby asks, flabbergasted.
“I’m better now, but when I opened the door, I saw Max and I - I fainted. I had a killer flashback and woke up on Finn’s couch with this dog whimpering and wiping his wet nose all over me. I panicked, threw up in Finn’s bathroom, screamed and cried at him, and left immediately. I mean, what kind of sick twisted game is that? How does he KNOW all of this stuff about me, Abby? And why would he even consider doing this to me?” I can feel my tears racing down my face. I’m sure I’m great entertainment for anyone sitting around me or passing by.
“Wow…” Abby whispers. “I don’t know, Liv. I really don’t know. I’m speechless. I mean...is it even remotely possible that this is a huge misunderstanding? I mean, please Liv, I’m not trying to make excuses for him. This just all seems so...weird, ya know?”
“I don’t know, Abs. Maybe he thought I would get over my fears if he brought me face to face with a dog, but how did he even know about Max or that my fears stem from anything dog related at all? We’ve never talked about it! Ever!”
“Olivia, honey, I don’t have any answers for you this time. All I can do is try to talk to him if, and most likely when, he calls me again to check on you. What do you want me to say to him?”
“Fuck off would be nice,” I huff.
Abby chuckles. “I can do that. I can definitely do that, but since you won’t be here, can I hear him out on your behalf? I promise you, if I find out he’s being a douche on purpose, I’ll kick him in the nads for you myself.”