by Susan Renee
Run away, Olivia.
Just run.
Don’t look back.
I look at Dr. Sparks, who is seething with anger, but shake my head in defeated confusion.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I’m so sorry; I….excuse me.” I push past him and make my way off the stage as fast as my feet will carry me. I can’t breathe. I need to catch my breath.
“Olivia, what the hell is going on? What have you done?” I turn around and see Karen coming after me.
“I haven’t!! How dare you, you sick evil bitch!? YOU did this! How could you do this to me? To FINN?”
Karen gasps in disgust at my accusation as Finn approaches me. He glares at Karen and says, “Fix it! NOW!” and watches for a moment as she makes her way to the stage.
“Finn, I’m so sorry! I don’t…”
“Stop, Olivia. I…” He exhales. “I don’t understand what the fuck just happened. You need to explain this to me, but I can’t even begin to listen right now because I have to do damage control before the company loses a future multi-million dollar contract!”
“What? Finn, you don’t …”
“I said not right now! Walk out of this room, and compose yourself. I’ll catch up to you when I’m done here.”
Is he serious right now?
He thinks I did this?
How could he even begin to think that of me?
I don’t…
I don’t understand.
I can’t breathe.
“I’m not the only one who has some explaining to do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Finn asks befuddled.
I’m pissed that there are tears streaming down my face. I don’t want to be crying. I want to scream at Finn for even remotely considering that I had anything to do with this. If that’s what he thinks, then I’m better off without him. I can’t even look at him anymore.
I wipe my tears and turn to walk out the door and down the hall back to the hotel lobby. My Rubik’s Cube has been twisted, turned, and fucked up all over again. I’m Cinderella running from her ball...only this time, the prince isn’t following.
32
I’m alone for the first time today, taking a brief moment to breathe in and breathe out without feeling everyone’s eyes on me, watching me like I’m some sort of alien creature. I hear the door creak open and the click-clack of heels on the tile floor. The uneven rhythm of the footsteps nearing the sinks and mirrors tells me that several girls have just entered the bathroom. My sound of silence is gone. I hold my breath and sit as still as I can, praying they will leave soon.
“Did you see her neck?”
“Hell yeah, I did. What the hell happened to her? She looks like she got in a cat-fight and lost.”
“I heard it was her dog or something. Who knows? I mean, it’s too bad really. I used to think she was sort of pretty and obviously Archer drools all over her all the time.”
One of the girls clears her throat. “That’s not what he was doing last night.”
Huh?
What’s that supposed to mean?
Wait a minute; I know that voice!
“Oooh do tell, Roselyn! What was Archer Michaels doing last night?”
Roselyn chuckles quietly. “It’s not a question of what he was doing last night, Christina, but who he was doing last night, and the answer to that question is me.”
I can feel my eyes practically bulge out of my head in shock. Bile rises up from my throat. My gag reflex is about to kick in, so I swiftly cover my mouth and hold in my breath. I vow to myself that I will remain as still as I possibly can, even though my body is now trembling in shock and anger.
My best friend and my boyfriend?
“Shut the fuck up! You and Archer? Damn girl, you have balls. Olivia would die if she knew! How does she not know?” I hear Christina exclaim. Someone just unzipped a purse. I can hear the knocking around of cosmetics as they are placed on the counter by one of the sinks.
“I was there for Archer when Liv was in the hospital. We just got closer spending so much time together, and now that Olivia looks like…that, you know, I guess the attraction for Archer is just not as strong, ya know? I mean, it’s one thing to be a couple, and I do love Olivia like crazy, but seriously girls, can you blame Archer for being afraid to touch those nasty looking scars? He doesn’t have the heart to tell her yet, but it’s okay. We’ll see how things play out. I mean, school is ending soon anyway. I’m sure he’ll break up with her after graduation.”
I can’t hold back anymore. My body needs to purge the secrets I just heard. I twist my body around just in time to be sick. I pull my hair to the side and hold it out of the way and lean up against the stall door in time to hear the girls retreat.
“Ew, gross. Someone just threw up in there; let’s get out of here.”
“So disgusting. She’s probably bulimic, whoever she is.”
I slump to the floor of the girls’ high school bathroom. I can feel whatever energy I had this morning drain from my body as I close my eyes and cry.
“Olivia?”
“Olivia! Wake up!”
I’m shivering when I open my eyes just enough to see what time of day it is. It’s dark around me, which means it’s late at night, or very early in the morning. I’m so cold...and sticky. My clothes are clinging to parts of my body. The cold air nips at the skin on my arms, legs, and stomach.
Am I missing a shoe?
Am I wearing pants?
I honestly can’t tell. I’m so damn cold, though, and my body is shaking. I can’t control the shivering no matter how hard I focus on it.
“Olivia, honey, you’re okay. I need you to look into my eyes. Can you look into my eyes?”
I drag my eyes over to the beaming ray of a flashlight on my face, causing me to squint at the brightness of it. “That’s it, Olivia. Good job.”
“Vision is responsive,” I hear the woman standing above me say.
“You’re name is Olivia, right? Olivia McGuire? Honey, do you know what day it is?”
I try to open my mouth to answer her, but words won’t come out. I feel like I’m in one of those bad dreams where you try to tell yourself to wake the hell up, but words just fail you. I try to scream, but no noise is coming from my mouth. None at all.
What’s wrong with me?
This is a bad dream, right?
Why am I not waking up?
“Patient is uncommunicative but alert,” the woman says.
“Olivia, it’s okay. You’ve been in an accident, and I’m here to help you. My name is Elizabeth, and I’m a friend of your parents. You’re in good hands, Olivia. It’s okay if you can’t talk; we’re going to get you onto a stretcher and get you out of here. We’ve been looking for you, Sweetheart, and thank God we found you. Don’t try to move, okay? It’s better if you don’t move.”
My breathing picks up as I think back to what happened to me. I really have no idea what day it is or where I am exactly, but the blanket that Elizabeth is putting over me is warm and helps calm my body down. I can feel a slight tug at my wrist and hear the cutting sound of sharp scissors.
“Okay, I’ve detached her wrists from the leash. Let’s get her on the stretcher.”
Leash?
Max?
The bear….
Max!!!
“Max!!! Max, come on, boy! Where are you? Max, are you okay?” Finally sounds are coming from my mouth in a hasty panic. Somewhere deep inside I find the energy to make sure my best furry friend is okay, even though screaming like this is like swallowing a hundred razor blades. I have obviously been without a drink for a long time.
“Max!! Where’s Max?” I cry. “Someone please get my dog! He’s hurt! He needs help!”
My body is being turned and placed on the back board and lifted onto the stretcher. I can feel the wind hit my face as I’m being rolled over to the nearest ambulance. I try my hardest to grab the wrist of the woman who is next to me helping to roll my stretcher.
“Plea
se, Ma’am...my dog. His name is Max. He’s a chocolate lab, and he was laying with me when I fell asleep. Help him! He’s injured, and I couldn’t help him. I’m so sorry, but please. Please get him, too! I’m sure my dad will take care of any expenses! Please!”
I’m lifted into the ambulance. Elizabeth, the woman who is helping me, leans over my stretcher brushing some of my hair off my newly tear-stricken face. “Olivia,” she says with a saddened empathetic voice. “I’m so sorry, Honey. He was here. He stayed with you. Max stayed with you the entire time. We found the two of you laying together, but Olivia...he just didn’t make it, Sweetheart.”
My body convulses, and I break into uncontrollable sobs. My best friend is gone, gave his life for mine. We’ve been ripped apart, and now I’m alone.
“Oh shit! Austin, she’s in here! Get a cab!”
I feel her before I see her. Abby is on the floor of the hotel bathroom with a wet paper towel, wiping my face of the sweat and tears and most certainly smeared mascara. My head is throbbing, and my heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my body and crushed into pieces.
“Abby?”
“Shh. Olivia, it looks like you passed out, Sweetheart. I need to get you out of here.”
“Okay. Where’s Max?”
Abby stops wiping my face and stares at me. She tilts her head and studies my face for a moment before replying, “Olivia, Max isn’t here. He died many years ago. You passed out and...oh, you must’ve had a flashback dream or something.” She shakes her head. “Max isn’t here, Olivia. Did you hit your head? Are you okay?” She moves her hands around the back of my head to check for blood but doesn’t seem to find any sign of injury.
“My head is throbbing, but I think I’m okay.” I don’t recognize my own voice as I speak. My nose is so stuffy from crying I feel like I have a cold. I sound like it, too.
“Let’s get you out of here, Liv. You need to get home.”
“He thinks I did it, Abs. He thinks this is all my fault.”
“Who? Finn? No, he doesn’t, Liv. He’s just playing damage control. This will all work itself out. Don’t worry.”
“But he yelled at me, Abby…” I start to whine until I remember the other revelation I learned tonight. “And did you know Finn and Mandy slept together?”
Abby stops in her tracks and looks at me in shock. “Wait, what? When? Just recently?”
“No, no. It was years ago when his father died. But, they never told me. Why wouldn’t they just tell me?”
“Oh good Lord, this night is just like the high school prom you never experienced. Filled with drama and ending in tears. Come on, let’s get you home, and then we can talk.”
Abby helps me out into the lobby of the hotel where Austin is waiting with a cab to take us home. He helps us both into our coats.
“The snow is really starting to come down out there. Let’s get you ladies home before the roads get bad,” Austin tells us.
“Thanks, Riv.”
“We all know this was Karen’s work, Olivia. We’ve all seen it, the way she is with you. I don’t know where it comes from, or what’s going on, but don’t let her defeat you. Finn will get it all figured out.”
“She just humiliated me in front of hundreds of people and embarrassed the Kellan Agency tonight. I feel defeated already. Finn thinks I had something to do with it, Riv. How can he even begin to think that?” I feel the tears reemerge and slide down my cheeks.
“Olivia, Finn is a very smart man. Just trust him. I’m sure he’ll have it all figured out before the clock strikes midnight. You won’t be turning into a pumpkin any time soon. We won’t let that happen.”
“Mandy,” I whisper.
“Don’t know, Liv. We’re not sure which way she swings, so let’s get out of here before someone overhears us talking. If we don’t know who is at fault for sure, then don’t trust anyone. Not even Mandy.”
I look to Abby quickly, and she nods in confirmation. We all exit the hotel together where a cab is waiting to take us home. It’s definitely not the beautiful limo that we arrived in. I nervously turn my ring around and around on my finger while staring out the window watching the snow flutter around in front of the city street lights. My mind replays tonight’s events over and over. My stomach turns as I hear Finn yelling at me again to leave the room and calm myself down. I hear Karen ask me what I’ve done, as if she doesn’t already know every detail of tonight’s happenings. I think back to those bitches I called friends back in high school talking about my scars and Archer as if I was dead to all of them. I was alone then, and I feel alone now. I would love nothing more than for Finn to show up and apologize for believing I had anything to do with tonight’s presentation, but I don’t see that happening. Not tonight. At this point, I just want to get home so this night can end. I want out of these shoes, out of this dress, and I want this makeup off my face. I want to curl into a ball under my covers and cry myself to sleep. It’s what’s bound to happen anyway.
Since I’ve been home, I don’t hear a word from Finn. Not a text, not a phone call. I take that as a sign not to bother him, so I don’t reach out to him either. I’m hurt that he hasn’t checked on me at all, and I’m pissed off that he and Mandy slept together and hid that from me. Why wouldn’t they just tell me?
It’s almost midnight. I lay in my bed with my earphones in, listening to all the “I’m-hurting-sad-depressed-angry-confused” songs on my iPhone playlist. I punish myself with songs of self-loathing because that’s just how I roll. When girls are hurting, they either eat a lot or they listen to sad songs; and since my stomach doesn’t feel like it can handle a bowl of Hershey kisses right now, sad songs it is. I’m weeping alone in my room listening to Coldplay, Gwen Stefani, Rascal Flatts, and Little Big Town. Damn it, why is it that country music always seems to say exactly how I feel? Why do girls do this to themselves? Is Finn at home wallowing in misery to non-stop sad songs?
No, he’s cleaning up my mess.
Somewhere in the last few minutes, I must’ve fallen asleep but the ding of my cell phone awakens me. Finally, I see a text from Finn:
Riv told me you got home okay. Hope you got some sleep.
Take a few days off, so I can work everything out here.
I’ll be in touch soon.
Take a few days off? Why does he make it sound like he’s putting me on administrative leave? Is that what this is? A time out? Am I honestly in trouble? He has to know I had nothing to do with this.
He has to know.
Please know, Finn.
I don’t even bother texting him back. I don’t even know what to say. I put my earbuds back in and turn my music up so that I can’t hear anything else but the shattering of my heart and cry myself to sleep.
33
I wake up with a headache from hell. Not an alcohol hangover but definitely an “I-spent-the-whole-night-crying-my-eyes-out” hangover. My eyes feel like tiny puffs of air are forcing them to stay closed. I can’t breathe through my nose. It’s like I cried myself to sleep and then continued to cry the entire time I slept. Maybe I did for all I know. I’m facing away from my bedroom door when I hear a light knock at the door.
“Liv? You awake?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“Are you okay?” Abby asks, stepping into the room.
“That’s yet to be determined, Abs. Did you need something?”
“No, not really. I just wanted to check on you. Riv and I are going to go get us some coffee and bagels for breakfast, okay? You should try and eat something. Maybe take a shower. You’ll feel better.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I will.”
“Did he text you last night?”
“Once. He told me to take a few days off while he worked things out…whatever that means.”
“Oh, Liv.” The sound of pity in Abby’s voice hits me like fingernails on a chalkboard. “I’m so sorry. This whole thing is just bullshit, but I’m sure Finn knows it. Everything will work out. Try not to worry about it. In the meant
ime, we’ll hang out here and eat crappy food and watch chick flicks all day okay? Maybe some Princess Bride? The snowstorm is supposed to roll in later today, so there won’t be much to do anyway. How about if Riv and I stop by the Star Market, too, and get some Hershey Kisses and more milk. God knows we’ll need it.”
“Yeah sure, Abs.” I’ll say anything to appease her at this point. There’s no sense in arguing with her. I’m stuck here anyway.
“Liv, I know it’s been a shitty twelve hours or so, but have faith in Finn. He’ll figure it all out and will call you soon. You know he will. He loves you, Liv.”
“If he loves me then why did he treat me like shit last night? Why hasn’t he called me since? Why did he tell me to take a few days off from work? Is that how you act when you love someone?” I lean across the bed to grab another Kleenex as fresh tears cascade down my cheeks.
Abby sighs and looks at me sadly. “I don’t know, Liv. I don’t want to defend him, but something just seems weird about this whole thing. He has to know Karen is doing this to you; and if he doesn’t know it’s her, he has to know it’s not you. He would be stupid to not see it.”
“Abby, I told you before, she’s like another mother to him. He could be blind when it comes to her for all I know; and even if he does know, will he really do anything about it? I mean, honestly, do you think he’s going to fire someone who is like a family member to him?”
“I can’t answer that, Liv. We’ll have to wait and see.”
I nod and blow my nose.
“In the meantime, Riv and I will be back shortly with breakfast, okay?”
“Okay. See you soon. Be careful.”