Black Beans & Vice

by J. B. Stanley

  “Was his chest burned too?” James asked.

  Lucy shook her head. “The coroner said it wasn’t, and the folks at the funeral home didn’t remember seeing any marks on his chest either. Still, the M.E.’s report on Ned’s is identical to Tia’s. Without the bruises on the neck, that is. But we’ve got a pair of healthy adults dropping dead of heart failure and now we know how. We just don’t know why.” She took another hasty sip of coffee. “I need to get back to the station and print out a list of all the Wellness Village employees. Maybe one of them used to work around defibrillators.”

  “Thanks for coming over and …” Jane pushed out the words, “please tell Murphy that we’re grateful for her help.”

  The sheriff’s deputy pushed back her chair and rose while eying the fresh smear of chocolate on her uniform shirt with annoyance. “You two need to have a baby. That way I can borrow its bib. Look at me! I’m a mess.”

  She didn’t notice the tinge of pink flushing Jane’s cheeks, or that James suddenly reached across the table for his ex-wife’s hand, but even if she had, it wouldn’t have bothered Lucy. She had found her soul mate and he was waiting for her at the station, poring over the case file for the millionth time in hopes of picking out an essential detail—something they’d missed that could turn the tide in their favor.

  “I’ve got what you need, Sullie.” Lucy whistled as she hustled outside to her brown sheriff’s department cruiser. “We are going to have a hell of a night.”

  James was just shutting down his computer when Fern floated into his office. At least that’s how it appeared, since she danced into the room on nimble feet, completely hidden beneath a long, gauzy skirt made of crinkled white cotton.

  “Guess what, Professor?” she asked, her eyes shimmering with excitement. “Some guy from the Wellness Village just paid me for ten of my prints! He emailed me over the weekend and asked me to bring them to work today. Look!” She waved a fan of twenty-dollar bills in front of her.

  “That’s great,” he answered, noting that Fern had begun to call him “Professor’” in lieu of “Mr. Henry” in imitation of the Fitzgerald brothers. James snapped his briefcase closed and wiped a fingerprint smear from the brass lock. “A guy, huh? I’ve seen very few men around the Village. The workforce and clientele seem to be predominantly female.”

  “His name is Lennon, like the Beatles’ singer,” Fern went on. “He was so complimentary about my photographs and wants to give them to his girlfriend as a surprise birthday gift. Isn’t that sweet?”

  James nodded. “I know his girlfriend a little. Her name is Skye and I think she will absolutely love your work.” He picked up his briefcase and walked around the desk to where Fern stood, illuminating the doorway with happiness over her big sale. “I’ve chatted with Lennon a time or two as well. A nice young man. He and Skye are well suited.”

  “I have to tell you something else!” Fern’s smile grew even wider. “Do you remember how I mentioned that I needed to give another guy a gentle brush-off before I could get involved with Scott?”

  Wondering why Fern suddenly felt the need to discuss this now, when he was clearly anxious to be on his way, James kept his impatience in check. She didn’t know that he needed to leave in order to make it to the Wellness Village before his appointment with Harmony and besides, it was difficult not to fall under the spell of his winsome employee. However, just as Fern opened her mouth to continue, her attention was caught by someone at the circulation desk.

  “Oh, there’s Mrs. Honeycutt and her daughter. I promised to tell them all about my favorite Newbery Medal winners. I’ll let Scott tell you the rest of my story.” And with that, she skipped out of his office.

  Scott intercepted him in the lobby. “You can’t go yet! I’ve been dying to tell you this story all day, but I promised to wait for Fern’s shift to start. Now she’s going to be too busy to act as my co-narrator. The Honeycutt girl might only be in the sixth grade, but she reads five books a week. Mrs. Honeycutt wants books that are sophisticated and deep, but without too many adult themes. Fern told me she used to be the same kind of reader in middle school and she typed up a whole list to show mother and daughter.”

  “We do aim to please here at the Shenandoah County Library,” James said, proud of the excellent service Fern was providing. Scott was gazing at Fern as though he’d never tire of looking at her. “Scott, if you’re going to weave me a tale, you’d better get started. I need to be at the Wellness Village in fifteen minutes.”

  Scott rubbed his hands together, clearly eager to be able to share a piece of significant news with his boss. “Before Fern was hired, I told you how I really liked this person I met playing this fantasy game on the computer, but had never met her in person. So I tried to make that happen but our meetings kept getting postponed.”

  “I remember,” James waved him on.

  “Right. Well, her gamer ID was CAPTRDMMT. Here. It’s easier to understand if I write it down.” He scribbled the capital letters on the back of a bookmark announcing Harlequin’s new releases. “What do you think this stands for? Just take a wild guess.”

  James loved word riddles of all kinds, so he was happy to oblige. “Capture the moment?”

  Scott’s mouth fell open. “Whoa! You are totally correct! Guess I’m not as sharp as you are, Professor, because I was so caught up in gamer mode that I figured it was an acronym for ‘Capture Dragons, Mages, Men, & Trolls.’ I assumed she was an evil sorceress.”

  “What happened? She turned out to be a fairy godmother instead?” James couldn’t help teasing Scott a little. The young man took his computer games a bit too seriously.

  “Magical, yes! Evil, no. And she turned out to be a professional photographer. Our photographer! Someone who captures the moment.” He beamed. “This person, this cyber goddess, was Fern all along! She and I have had this online connection for the past six months! And then, she ends up working here. With me!”

  James was stunned by the coincidence. Forgetting about his time constraints, he leaned against the circulation desk and stared at Scott. “Fern was the woman you kept trying to meet face-to-face?”

  “Yessir!” He whispered exuberantly. “She got cold feet the first time. The second time I canceled because Jane asked Francis and me to swing by the courthouse and watch you sign some seriously important paperwork.” He looked around wildly, as though the closest library patrons might be listening in on their conversation. “But then, last night, when Francis went over to Willow’s place and I tagged along because …” He blushed.

  “Because you like Fern,” James finished for him.

  Scott pushed on his glasses and grinned again. “Yes, she’s awesome! But anyway, I saw a screensaver shot from the game on her computer and as soon as I asked her about it and she started talking about her character, I knew! There, right in front of me, was my own beautiful druid priestess. A fantasy made flesh! How cool it that?”

  James smiled and clapped Scott on the back. “It is very cool. Am I to assume that you two are dating now?”

  “That would be correct.” Scott’s eyes grew dreamy. “As of ten thirteen Sunday night. That’s the exact moment when I kissed my Druid slash photographer slash librarian. I’ve had a crush on her online for over six months and then I thought I had a new crush on the girl who walked through that door two weeks ago.” He pointed toward the lobby. “I had no idea I had fallen for the same girl twice over.”

  “Scott, that is the best story I’ve heard in a long time. Congratulations, son.” He pumped the younger man’s hand affectionately and then darted outside into the afternoon sunshine.

  Weightier knots of air, hinting at summer’s impending humidity, had snuffed out the spring breeze. Still, as James drove through town, he detected an atmosphere of anticipation. From the teenagers driving by with arms hanging out of car windows and radios pumping out bass-heavy hip hop music to the appearance of sun-loving petunias in the sidewalk planters on Main Street, the seasons were gearing
up for a change.

  To the teens, summer meant freedom but to James, the imminent shift created a feeling of urgency. He put aside thoughts of Scott’s newfound happiness and the details of his own imminent vows and concentrated on a plan to coax information from the Wellness Village’s business owners. However, by the time he stood in front of the Village’s map, he realized it would be impossible to canvass each and every cottage and still make it to his appointment on time.

  “What’s with the glum look?” Lindy asked, appearing on the sidewalk beside him.

  James was thrilled to see her. He needed help. “What are you doing here?”

  “Did you really think Lucy was going to sit around twiddling her thumbs while you traipsed in and out of all these Health Houses?” Lindy rolled her eyes. “She’s given each of us an assignment. I’m in charge of investigating The Soothing Touch. I even booked a hot stone massage so I’ll have plenty of time to grill the masseuse. Lord, I hope she’s some kind of miracle worker. My back is so tight you could bounce a quarter off it!”

  “Alma’s still giving you grief?”

  Lindy sighed. “No, not really. She spends most of her time with Luigi. It’s Luis I’m worried about right now. I’ve hardly seen him these past few days. I’m really worried that he’s viewing me with his mama’s eyes—that I’m just not measuring up.”

  “Don’t think that way, Lindy. Isn’t this a crazy time of year for those in the educational field? Grading final papers and projects, having those last-minute conferences, and seeing who’s going to have to go to summer school while you’re lazing about on a beach somewhere?” James gave his friend a sideways glance, hoping his words would prod her out of her depression.

  Her dark eyes flashed. “You know I teach over the summer! We don’t get paid enough to spend twelve weeks working on our tans!” She swatted him on the arm. “A-ha! You’re just messing with me. And yes, the teachers are super busy, but what can be taking up so much of Luis’ time?”

  “The Star ran an article about a county-wide plan to prevent the spread of the latest flu strain in our schools. It sounded like all the area principals have been attending scores of meetings in order to figure out a way to implement the new system come autumn.” James knew he was grasping, but he proceeded anyway. “I bet half his life is comprised of those kind of bureaucratic headaches. Miserable.”

  “Hey, our faculty meetings aren’t exactly Mardi Gras,” Lindy scoffed, but her mood had brightened significantly. “Here come the rest of our troops.”

  James swiveled to see Bennett and Gillian making their way over from the parking lot.

  “I never thought I’d see the day,” Bennett grumbled. “I gotta go talk to some twisty pretzel yoga lady. Pretend to be all kinds of interested in bending my body in ways an animal made of two hundred and six bones is not meant to bend.”

  Gillian was unfazed by Bennett’s sour mood. “I have the honor of speaking to the acupuncturist. I’d love to explore the idea of setting up services for some of my Yuppie Puppy clients.”

  Seeing that James and Lindy looked perplexed, she elaborated. “Acupuncture can be a wonderful alternative to traditional medicine. Instead of taking drugs to relieve joint pain, a person can turn to acupuncture for relief. Avoiding prescription medicine can also mean avoiding harmful side effects.” She took a quick breath and then continued. “There are a select number of progressive veterinarians who believe that animals can also be treated using holistic methods.”

  “So a dog with an arthritic hip is gonna sit still while some fool human sticks a hot needle in his side?” Bennett shook his head in disbelief. “I’d like to see that!”

  The friends laughed and decided to move ahead with their search. James now only had to interview the natural healer, Roslyn Rhodes, before asking Skye and Harmony if they happened to own a defibrillator. Of course he felt it was ridiculous to even go through the motions of questioning any of the even-tempered ladies. It wasn’t as though they exhibited the slightest inclination toward violence or villainy, but he had to be thorough.

  Roslyn was in the middle of a consultation when he dropped by her office. James noted that she had no assistant but simply hung a plaque on her door entreating visitors to make themselves comfortable and that most consultations lasted between fifteen and thirty minutes.

  Hoping she’d be finished before his own appointment with Harmony, James sat down to wait. After ten minutes of trying to concentrate on a magazine entirely about herb gardens, James grew restless. He decided to take a risk and peek behind some of Roslyn’s closed doors.

  The first place he checked was the bathroom where he and Eliot had found Ned Woodman’s body. He hadn’t really taken a close look at the room at the time, but his secondary inspection revealed nothing. The room had two stalls, two sinks, a garbage pail, and a paper towel dispenser.

  James darted a glance at Roslyn’s closed door and then tried the handle of the door next to the bathroom. The handle refused to budge up or down. The door was locked.

  There was one more door at the far end of the hall on the same side as Roslyn’s office, so James treaded as lightly as he could on the carpet and was gratified that the handle moved easily in his hand. After hitting the light switch, he looked into a large, walk-in supply closet filled with dozens of boxes, glass jars, and tiny vials containing herbs and holistic medicine. He had time to read label names like Licorice Root, Milk Thistle, Bilberry, Grape Seed Extract, Fenugreek, and Thunder God Vine before he heard movement from inside Roslyn’s office.

  Shutting the door, James sprinted back to the waiting room and picked up a random magazine. He then felt a stab of panic. Had he remembered to turn off the lights? However, he quickly relaxed again, recalling how, on the day they’d met, Roslyn had confessed to being chronically absentminded.

  “Thank you. I have as much energy as a teenager these days,” a woman said with a laugh as she and Roslyn walked toward the waiting room. “After twenty-two years of marriage things can get mighty dull in the bed—” she stopped short upon seeing James. “Oh!” Her cheeks flamed red and she shouldered her purse and hurried toward the exit. “See you soon!” She called back over her shoulder and left.

  “Enjoy!” Roslyn shouted cheerfully and then smiled at James. “How nice to see you. How is your son doing?”

  “Fine, thanks,” James answered. “Eliot’s adjusted to vegetarianism with relative ease. As a matter of fact, the whole family has been following his lead. I still eat meat, but I usually have it for lunch when he’s not around.”

  Roslyn nodded. “It took me awhile to lose those cravings too, but I wanted to commit to veganism for a lifetime, so I knew I had to be absolutely sure about my decision. At first, I gave in to a few cravings, but eventually, I got over the taste of meat and have felt much healthier and happier ever since.”

  “Eliot’s conversion to vegetarianism prompted me to seek you out.” James indicated the framed posters showing the human digestive, circulatory, and nervous systems. “Now that the three of us are eating natural foods, I’m aware of how good they make us feel. So when Eliot started getting a little cold, probably because we wore him out at the Apple Blossom Festival, I wanted to find a natural remedy for him. Any suggestions?”

  “Absolutely!” Roslyn waved him into her office. “I’d definitely recommend echinacea. It will decrease his symptoms and the length of his cold. I also have some wonderful dissolvable vitamins that include Ester-C and elderberry. They’re a wonderful source of vitamins. Would you care for a sample?”

  “Yes, please.” James followed her into the hall. “Do you mind if I check out your stores? I’ve never really laid eyes on these types of medicines and I’m pretty interested in how they’re packaged.”

  Roslyn led him into the hall and pointed at the door James had unsuccessfully tried to open earlier. “Some have to be kept cold, so I’ve got a small fridge in that closet, but most of my products are in here.” She opened the supply room door and frowned. “Di
d I leave this light on?”

  James did his best not to fidget and to maintain a blank expression. “Wow, look at all of this stuff! I haven’t heard of half of these plants. These products are all natural?”

  “Plants in their purest forms,” Roslyn replied proudly.

  “Were you always a holistic healer or did you start off learning about traditional medicine first?” He asked even though he knew Sullie and Lucy had spent the day running background checks on everyone in the village. James was certain that not everything made it onto a person’s official profile and it wouldn’t hurt to dig a little deeper.

  Roslyn pulled her long, graying braid over her shoulder and twirled the end around her index finger. “Of course. In fact, I graduated from pharmacy school. It was there that I began to see that the major drug companies were really complicating plant qualities in order to make cheaper products. I began to do some research on my own and realized that the more concentrated the plant part is, the more effective it is. For those giant pharmaceutical companies, it all comes down to dollars and cents. For me, it was always about the purest product, so I started practicing holistic medicine.”

  “That means you have twice the knowledge of most pharmacists. You know the traditional drugs and the natural ones. Look out, Mr. Goodbee!” James referred to the town’s senior pharmacist. “But there are hundreds of plants and I’d guess that most have more than one use.” He pointed at a box of thunder god vine tea. “What does that one do, for example?”

  The question was meant to distract Roslyn from focusing on the lights. It worked. “Extracts from the thunder god vine root can be used to treat inflammatory conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis. A study is currently being conducted to see whether it can be used on Lupus patients.” She handed James a brown box covered with a print of green stalks from which dozens of tiny white flowers burst. In the center of each delicate bloom was a canary-yellow center. “Like many herbs, this one can be harmful. In ancient China, farmers used it as an insecticide and it was believed to be quite an effective murder weapon as well.”