“Don’t,” I said, cutting her off.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t ever call yourself that.”
She shrugged.
I grabbed hold of her hand and brought it to my lips. “No. I won’t let you refer to yourself that way. You are the woman who’s held my heart captive for years, even if I was a fuckwit and didn’t see it.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shake her head as her tears fell. “I haven’t though. I wasn’t enough for you.”
I checked my blind spot, ensuring no one was in the lane next to me, then swerved into the emergency stopping lane and pulled the car to a hard stop. Before she could resist, I turned her and gently cupped my hands around her face. “You can’t think that. This—all of this shit—it’s about me. It’s my fault and has nothing to do with you. You were always too good for me. Too pure and wonderful. You held my heart in your hands from the first moment I saw you, and that scared the fuck out of me.”
She closed her eyes, and the tears fell in earnest. “You left. So easily. And you never once called me or asked anyone about me. I didn’t hear from you for four years . . . except the email.”
Her pain was etched onto every line of her face and clear in the timbre of her voice. I needed to explain the one thing that I had only just recently understood myself. “I left . . . and I couldn’t ask about you. Don’t you see? If I’d asked about you, if I’d allowed myself to believe for even one second that I still cared about you, I would have been back in Brisbane in a heartbeat.”
I gently brushed the tears off her cheeks before leaning forward to kiss the salt trails left on her face. My eyes closed as I tasted her sorrow on my lips. It was a palpable presence around her, and I knew the path to us would only be accessed by confronting it.
Her fear and mistrust were born of that sorrow. They were the walls and gatekeeper, protecting the entrance to her heart and soul. I saw it clearly in that moment. I couldn’t say exactly when I had grown the fuck up and understood that fact, but I knew that it could only be a good thing. A positive thing for myself, for Alyssa, and, most importantly, for Phoebe.
I gave Alyssa one final chaste kiss on the mouth before pulling back and taking in her beauty. My thumb grazed along her right cheek and she leaned in to the touch. “You may not believe in me, but believe in that. Believe in my touch and our love. I know you feel it too . . . that thing that happens when we come together. I’ve never found that with anyone else.”
She opened her mouth to talk, her eyes filled with self-doubt, but I pressed my finger lightly to her lips to silence her.
“And I don’t want to try. Not ever again. I’m not my father, Alyssa. I am committed to you . . . to us. Until the day you send me away.”
“Declan, I . . .” She trailed off with a sigh and put on a smile, which was obviously forced. “I’m sorry I brought it up. Let’s just go to Willowbank.”
“Okay, that’s—” I stopped when I realised what she said. “Wait, why do you think that’s where we’re going?”
She laughed, and it almost rang true. “You think I don’t know the way to Willowbank? I mean, honestly, what else is out here? Not to mention you look like a schoolboy who’s just been told his school is closed for the day.”
I held up my hands in protest. “Fine. You caught me,” I said jokingly. “Do you still want to go?”
“I’m still willing to see what you’re going to subject me to,” she said with a smirk. Her smile turned more genuine, and I made a silent oath to keep it there all day. Grinning, I winked at her, put the car in gear, and then pulled back out onto the highway.
Once the car was back up to speed, I reached across and grabbed Alyssa’s hand. With a smile on my face, I rested our joined hands on my lap. She didn’t attempt to pull away or shake off my grasp, which made my smile wider. After a few minutes she did break away, but only for long enough to turn on the radio before placing her palm back where it had rested on my thigh.
The radio proved to be the perfect distraction, and soon we were both singing along at the top of our lungs. The radio station was doing an “All Naughties” music special, playing all the songs we’d fallen in love to. I took it as an omen that it was going to be a fuck-awesome day.
I pulled into the car park and stopped in front of the sign that read, V8 Experience. Alyssa turned to me with a dazed look on her face.
“Is this . . . is that what we’re doing? Are you driving us around the track? In one of those?”
“No,” I said, with an innocent smile on my lips.
She breathed out in relief.
“You are.”
Her jaw dropped, and her eyes widened. “Really?”
I jumped out of the car and ran around to her door before she had a chance to open it. “Really.”
“So then . . . what’s in the box?” she asked, with a little bit of fear—or possibly anticipation—in her voice.
“Your suit and helmet. And mine.”
When she looked at me she had a wide grin on her face.
“Really?” her voice was high-pitched, almost a squeal. The doubt I’d felt over my choice in date evaporated.
“You want to check it out?” I asked, and offered her my hand.
As she nodded, her excitement was evident and rippled through her. Her fingers clutched tightly around mine. I led her to the back of the car and pulled open the boot. Resting just inside was the box that Danny had sent up—complete with two Sinclair Racing race suits and two matching helmets.
“Can I?” Alyssa asked, her hands already extended halfway to the box.
I shrugged. “The small one is yours to do with what you will. Although, I do hope you’ll put it on and go for a spin.” I ran my eyes over her body, just imagining her curves squeezed into the suit. My dick sprang to immediate attention. I turned toward the bumper so that my situation wouldn’t be obvious to Alyssa. Then I reached for the box and positioned it to provide coverage.
“C’mon,” I said, nodding toward the office.
“I’m not going to have to drive with someone else am I?” she asked, glancing around anxiously.
“Alyssa, look who you’re with!” I said, pretending to be offended. “Danny’s organised the lot. I’m going to take you round and show you how to do it. Then it’ll be your turn. You’ll just have to trust that I’ll keep you safe and listen to my instructions carefully.”
“So are we really going on the track?”
I put the box down on a bench. “This track and the car are ours exclusively for the next four hours. Obviously the safety people have to be around, but other than that, we’ll be left completely alone.”
“Wow.”
I smiled. I knew this date would either bring us closer or drive a bigger wedge between us. Judging by the wide-eyed expression on her face, the day was going exactly as I’d dared to hope.
“Through there to get changed,” I said as I threw her suit at her. “Just make sure you leave your t-shirt on underneath, otherwise it’ll chafe like a bitch.”
She giggled a little as she caught the suit and disappeared into the ladies’ room less than a second later.
Yep, she was fucking excited. My heart skipped a beat or two at the thought.
After she’d disappeared, I grabbed my own suit and headed to the men’s room. I dressed as quickly as I could because I didn’t want to leave Alyssa alone for long with the number of wolves that were no doubt hanging around the track. I’d seen the draw of female drivers often enough. There was something about a sexy girl in a tight-arse driving suit in control of a fuck-hot V8 that just did things to men.
When I left the men’s room, I stopped short. Alyssa was waiting for me and walking was no longer an option. She was red-hot; so hot she was on fucking fire. I’d seen plenty of women wearing a race suit, and none of them even came close to looking as sexy as she did.
She’d taken her hair out and was shaking it loose, sending the curls flowing down over her shoulders. Th
e black of the suit contrasted deliciously with her milky skin. I swallowed as hard as I could to remove the lump in my throat, but nothing was going to shift the one in my pants.
She must have heard my steps, because she started talking to me.
“What’s the matter?” she asked as she turned toward me. “Cat got your—”
She stopped short as her eyes raked over my body. For the first time ever, I felt self-conscious in my race suit. I’d done promotional shoots with at least a dozen grid girls, but no one had ever made me feel so attractive, and at the same time attracted me so much, as she did in that instant. I felt the need to run over to her and mark her as mine in any way possible. Particularly in any way that including rubbing up and down against her lemur style. Instead, I gave her an unsteady smile and released the breath that was stuck in my throat. “You ready?”
She nodded, but her lip quivered and her hands shook.
God, she’s going to be the death of me. Reaching for her helmet, I slid it under my arm and closed the distance between us. When I was close enough, I kissed her forehead then whispered, “Trust me.”
I didn’t know if she understood that I meant in general, and not just on the track, but either way, she nodded as I slipped her helmet on.
Reaching for the box again, I grabbed my own helmet before linking arms with Alyssa and leading her out to the V8 we’d be driving. It wasn’t quite as powerful as my own ProV8, but it was a Tickford XR8 that had been modified with high-performance ECU and was race prepared with roll cages, safety harnesses, race seats, and slick tyres. It was going to be a decent enough ride and would definitely give Alyssa the closest possible experience she could have to my life. At least until I could convince Danny to let me take her out in one of our cars.
“Just remember, I’ll run through everything first, take you on a couple of laps, and then I’ll hand it over to you,” I said to her as I opened the passenger door. The most important thing for me was to keep her relaxed and excited. If the experience wasn’t a good one for her, I might never be able to truly make her understand why I loved racing so much,
With wide eyes and a nervous smile, she looked around the relatively bare interior. Once she’d settled into the race seat, I leaned into the car to strap her into the racing harness. As I did, I took extra care to ensure all the straps were tight enough to be protective, but loose enough that they wouldn’t cut off her circulation. To check, I ran my finger down the lines of each strap, first following the length from shoulder to waist across the front of Alyssa’s chest. Both of our breaths grew shakier with each extra inch of her body my finger travelled along.
When I moved to check each of the straps that rested across her hips and the ones along her inner thighs, my gaze met hers and I lost my mind. Her eyes stared at me, practically unblinking but filled with lust that scorched straight through any sense of self-control I had. All I wanted to do was kiss her and then maybe use the restraints for something a little more fun . . .
My mouth went dry at the thought, but before I made a suggestion which might get me into trouble considering Alyssa’s whole wait-until-I’m-ready rule, I reined in my desire and continued with my safety checks.
I gave the buckle one final pull to ensure it was secure before reluctantly withdrawing and moving to the driver’s side.
For the next half hour, I ran through some of the key aspects of driving a race car. I showed her how to keep to the racing line, how to approach the corners, and where to hit the apex for maximum exit speed. I ran through braking techniques and general car control.
During the first two laps, she clung tightly to her harness. Because of her nerves, I didn’t push the car as hard as I knew it could go. Instead, I concentrated on training her and trying to show my natural passion for the sport. Watching her carefully, I saw the moment when her nerves broke and she allowed the excitement to creep back in.
That was the moment I knew she was ready to take control. I pulled the car up and helped release her harness. When I guided her out of the car, she clutched at my arm. It was as if her nerves were back in force now that she knew she was going to be in control.
“Are you sure I can do this?” she asked with a shaky voice.
“Lys, baby, you can do any fucking thing you want.” I didn’t even think about the endearment until it had slipped past my lips. Her eyes widened slightly, but she said nothing about it as she slid into the driver’s seat.
Once again, I helped her do up her harness, taking extra care while checking the straps this time. Not because she hadn’t been safe the first time, but because it gave me a chance to touch her without complaint. As I slid my hand between the strap and her breast, I watched her face. When I ran my fingers beneath the straps on her hips, I bit my lip and held my breath. The breath released in a slow, steady exhale as I checked the strap between her legs. I might, or might not, have imagined the small, low moan that she issued in response to the caress of my fingers.
Fuck, I wanted her.
I had never wanted anyone more in my entire life.
Before I could completely lose control and do something she would make me regret—like kiss her—I pulled myself out of the car.
On the way back to the passenger side, I adjusted the hard-on growing in my pants. Once I slid into the seat, I did up my own harness. “You ready?” I asked.
She nodded, but I could see how tightly she was gripping the steering wheel. I placed my hand over hers and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze until I felt her relax under my hold. Then I drew my fingers down her arm and placed my hand on her shoulder.
“You’ll do great,” I assured her. “Just remember what I told you.”
“What? All of it? What if I forget something?” she asked, concerned and perhaps a little frightened. “What if I crash?”
I laughed. “I’m here, Lys, I’ll help you through it.”
During the first lap, she almost killed the car by going too slow. I tried my hardest to bite my tongue so that I didn’t snap at her to just put her fucking foot down already.
The second lap was a little better.
By the fifth lap she was starting to relax into it and was averaging 120 down the straight. I wanted her to push it even harder. With encouraging words, I coaxed her faster each time until finally, on her tenth lap, she hit 200 klicks an hour down the straight.
She pulled over shortly after, her whole body shaking with adrenaline. I unbuckled myself and practically fucking ran to her door. The combination of her speed and killer looks was enough to do me in, but I had to let her know how fucking proud of her I was.
Before I had a chance to help her out she’d already undone her straps and virtually leapt out of the car into my arms. Our helmets met with a clash, so I quickly pulled mine off and placed it on the bonnet. Alyssa followed suit before throwing her arms around my neck again, squealing like a little girl. Even though my ribs weren’t healed, and still ached like fuck, the pain was totally worth it.
She was so close to me and smelled so fucking good. Her body rubbed against me as she did her celebratory dance, and I couldn’t resist her anymore. I wrapped her body tightly in my arms, pulling her against me with all my strength.
Without hesitation, I claimed her lips, walking her backwards until I’d pinned her between my body and the car. The instant I made the move, I expected her to slap me or to pull away, so I was fucking shocked when the tip of her tongue traced my lips. With a groan, I ground my hips against her.
If she’d had any doubts about exactly what she did to me that action alone had to have erased them. I was so fucking hard it was painful. I needed her. My fingers traced gently through her hair as she tilted her head upward to allow for better access.
My other hand ran along her back and cupped her arse. I hitched her leg onto my hip and she moaned against my mouth. It was like my own private cheer squad, spurring me on to greater heights—or in this case toward greater depths. I pulled away from Alyssa for half a second, to ensur
e she was willing to partake. Her eyes were dark with lust and her lips plump and red from our hard kisses.
The sight called me to her, and I was so ready to take her then and there over the bonnet of the car. Clenching my fists, I resisted with every part of me but the one that stretched forward as if to reach for her.
“Oh, fucking hell,” I whispered, as I took another step back. “This wasn’t what I planned. I just wanted to show you my life—my passion. I don’t want you to think . . .”
She cut me off by throwing herself into my arms and kissing me with a passion so fierce it was impossible to resist.
Before I even understood what she was doing, she slid down the zipper on my race suit, and pushed it open and off my shoulders. She planted small kisses across my chin and down my neck. Her fingers played along the bottom edge of my t-shirt, teasing my stomach maddeningly with her warm skin.
“Do you know what these suits do to me?” she asked, her voice husky and seductive.
“Oh, fuck, Alyssa,” I moaned. “Tell me.”
She pushed me away, and not wanting her to be uncomfortable, I took a few steps back. With a sexy smirk, she peeled the zipper open on her own suit. It was evident pretty fast that she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it except a bra. The suit formed a V of nearly bare skin from her shoulders to her waist. I wanted to run my tongue along that patch of skin.
Or fall down on my knees and worship at the temple that was Alyssa.
Instead, I stood, wide-mouthed and powerless as she stalked toward me like a predator.
Her body called out to me, and I finally gathered my senses enough to run my hands into her suit, trailing my fingers along her bare skin. Kissing her again, I ran my fingertips along the patch of skin at the base of her spine. I pressed my t-shirt-covered torso against her bare chest.
The warmth of her body radiated though the thin material, and I knew without a doubt I had to have her—often and repeatedly. It was the only thing that could help save my sanity. I wondered if I could get a script from the good doctor for that: Alyssa Dawson, sunny-side up, repeated at least three times a day until cured.
Declan Reede: The Untold Story (Complete Series) Page 56